My heart felt like it had stopped, I dropped my head in so much emotion, the loudest one was fear. I sat there in tears I looked out the window I could feel my face was filled with pain, the word "why" fell from my lips in a whisper in between the sniffles. Finally, I pulled myself together to give Randy a call. His phone rang and finally went to voicemail, I hung up. I shot Randy a text letting him know we needed to talk and that it was urgent. In the meantime, while waiting for him to respond I really needed to get in the shower. I pulled a sundress from the closet and laid it across the bed along with one of my favorite pairs of thongs, I love the material I stay sweat free all day between the legs when I wear these, let's be real who wants their meow hot while trying to look and feel good! I was headed to the bathroom when I heard my text tone go off, I practically tripped over my house shoe trying to make it to my phone and like always it's never the person you truly need to talk to instead it was my coworker informing me of Monday's meeting time change. I rolled my eyes and threw the phone on the bed. Stepping into the shower I felt so out of body knowing there was a little person preparing for us to meet one day. My heart fluttered and the tension on my shoulders loosened. That "why" suddenly turned into "wow." My shower was so full of prayer, tears, fear and amazement, I was at a disbelief knowing that Randy and I had created life. I got out the shower and went straight to my phone, the screen of course was blank. That feeling arose in my stomach that Randy was not going to respond. Adamant about distracting my mind I called who I know would always make things better, my girls! An hour hadn't even passed, and they were here, all three knocking on my door. I opened the door, and they all fell in, hugging me and cheering for becoming aunts. How could I ever do it without the gang! We sat around and talked for hours, of course the question came up that I prayed didn't. "So, what did Randy say, Luxury asked?" The room grew quiet leaving me no choice but to answer, "I haven't heard back from him yet." I can tell they all three had a lot to say but I appreciate that no one said anything. Instead, Lovie suggested we go sit on the porch especially since the weather was perfect and we all looked good. I was sitting on my porch swing listening to my girls chattering away, my mind slipped away in its own direction. Am I really ready for a baby, I thought repeatedly? I blurted out "guys I am going to get an abortion, I can't do this, I'm not ready." Everybody grew quiet. I started talking again and before I knew it, I was irate and in tears. They knew it had a lot to do with Randy not reaching back out to me, they knew very well that I probably was not going to hear from him. This was what he did, making me fall back deeply in love with him and with no warning he would be out of sight out of mind. Lovie told me not to ever make such a drastic decision based on a man. I heard her loud and clear but just couldn't shake the feeling of sadness that developed within all the hours of not getting a response from him. My text tone went off and all of our attention was directed to my phone; it was my mom telling me to come by for dinner tonight. All I could do was cry and just what I needed, a group hug from the gang. We gravitated to the kitchen to make some lunch, nobody wanted to spend money especially with a freezer full of food in the kitchen. We made our famous tacos, and I pulled out a bottle of DeLeon for the ladies. We had a really good time laughing, talking and eating. Of course, Randy was heavy on the brain, but I promised myself last time he pulled this stunt, that I would not get in my feelings if he ever tried something like this again, however it was different this time I was carrying his child. Me and the gang kicked it for a little while longer before we all parted ways. I was alone again and of course my mind started going haywire, which led me to tears. In the middle of me packing my bag to go to my mom's, I sat on the bed and gazed out the window, why now Randy I said out loud shaking my head? I felt like my body had become a part of the bed. I felt stuck and helpless. A sudden strength came from nowhere, helping me stand to my feet and finish getting my bag ready. I grabbed Berry and locked the house down. My mother house is a 45-minute drive from me, so I made myself comfortable setting my music to match my mood and opened the sunroof. In moments like this Berry always had my back. He sat in the back seat and rested his head on my right shoulder almost like he could sense my hurt. The sun was setting, and the city was in full motion. Subconsciously I looked for Randy in traffic and for his call or text but there was nothing. Once I approached a red light I took that opportunity to send Randy one last message on how I needed to see him, most people would say I should mention the baby, I feel like why should I have to say all of that why can't he just be real with me and pick up the damn phone off of the strength of us. He was always a coward to me if not with nothing else, definitely with telling me why he does this shit to me. I pulled up to my mom's place and checked my phone before getting out of the car, nothing, my feelings are so crushed. I sat there, me and Berry until I saw my mom's front door fly open and her step out on the porch with that big, beautiful smile waving for me to come in. I shut the car off and grabbed my things and Berry. My mother was no fool when she saw the suitcase she stepped off the porch to help me. "You alright baby," she asked grabbing my suitcase? She could always tell when something was going on when I showed up with my suitcase and Berry. I just dropped my head and told her I was fine, I knew she would get the truth out of me before the night was over. There were a few of her friends over, I loved them all. They were all so educated and successful and most importantly I love the way they rock with my mom. I hung out with them for a while, the entire time I consistently checked my phone hoping Randy would prove my female intuition wrong, of course he didn't. I went upstairs to unpack and right when I started to cry my mom walked in. I tried to pull myself together, but she had already caught my tears. "It's no need to try and hide your tears Humble, what's wrong, talk to me?" That question made me fall apart. She held me close and assured me that we got this and that whatever I decided, we would be good. I knew she was right but that didn't make it hurt any less. Giving me some space she gave me one last hug and closed the door behind her. I didn't want to do anything else; I lay back on the bed and pulled myself close and held me tightly.