After growing up in a church, and experiencing all types of abuse from a person who claimed to love the Lord yet at home was far, from that reality. My heart was confused since the age of seven of God's goodness and care. Throughout my struggles and my pain in many occasions, I exclaimed to God, "Where is your goodness? Why do you hate me? What have I ever done to you?" All while trying to understand where I belonged and who i was suppose to grow up to be. I can remember the many times I was angry with God, and my tears would stream down my face, recalling my traumatizing past and my difficult childhood years. In the chaos I grew up in, the same question ringed many times, where was God during all my difficult situations, it felt as if God had done all this abuse himself. To be Honest in my small mentality God was guilty of every hardship I endured and in my eyes it was definetly his fault., it did not feel like he cared, it did not feel like he was the God of Love, Mercy, and Grace that the bible described him to be.
Have you ever went through something like this? Have you ever wanted to understand mysteries of life and things that hurt so much, that it took you to blame God? Well let me share something I learned in this journey called life so far. The moments of chaos where one feels one has the right to question everything one stands for, everything one was taught in bible school, or in youth, or in adult sermons as one grew up, are the best OPPORTUNITES to experience God's goodness. Yeap, you heard right experience God's goodness. Although hard to swallow, forgive, and understand, life goes on, and one can not continue to dwell in the past! When one decides to dwell in unforgiveness, we have entered a victim stage mentality, and a ugly attitude towards our Creator. We are not called to become crying victims of the enemies bondages we are actually called to be a overcomers and a warriors that dress up in the armor of the Holy Spirit and confront all of the past with the weapons and warfare the Lord has placed in our life. God's son himself took to the Cross all of our pain so we may overcome all the darts of hell, not so we can sour and ruin this beautiful life of opportunities.
In hard situations, we tend to blame God because we struggle to understand he gives everyone without exception free will. Studying free will, and diving deeper into free will, we may be able to finally understand that all humans in one point or another know the difference between good and wrong. Wether they hurt others or bless others, never becomes God's fault but their own sinful nature. Criminals at one point were educated in good and wrong, that is why they receive judgements in courts, because they had their chance to take the good decisions in life. We always are taught that every decision that we take in life has a outcome. The outcome is reflected on the decision on how we direct ourselves in society, family, and in our relationship with God. I finally understood that the person who hurt me so much, took the decision to ignore God's holiness and he decided to dwell in hypocrisy of a double life and sin and try to destroy an innocent life. In my heart I believe that even though in this life he had no consequences, everything he planted eventually he will sow. Obviously as a kid I can not be too hard on myself, but in my youth and in my early adulthood, I should have said something, but my heart was so hurt and scared, that I never seeked help. If I am being honest, I missed several chances to get help, it was partially my fear that never allowed me. I am not excusing this man that deeply hurt me, but I thank God for his protection that I am still alive, therefor his goodness was there with me all along. Now I see purpose in my life, the secret to that feeling was forgiveness. After I made a compromise with myself to become free of the bondages of my past, I became so strong and so wise, and God took me to understand the verse where it says that for those of us who love the Lord all things help for our good. I learned that forgiving is a gift that we give ourselves, we forgive for us and because God forgave us. When we learn the definition of forgiveness we encounter the freedom and filling of God's peace, love, mercy, grace and his amazing presence that simply cures the most broken hearts. WHAT ARE YOU GOING THROUGH THAT YOU BLAME GOD FOR? WHAT IS TAKING YOU TO DOUBT HIS GOODNESS?
Whatever you are encountering today there is hope, whatever you question today, you will understand toomorrow. Know you are not alone, Know that God is good all the time, know that not every one is the same, wether unethical people hurt you from the least unexpected places, God saw it all. God is good and his goodness will follow you for the rest of your lifetime, and those people that hurt you will sow whatever wickedness they planted in your life.