MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT

OKAY, so what? Sure my life would have been different. Would have been better. And there is a whole page of things that woulda, shoulda, coulda, but didn't.

Again, OKAY, so what? So the correct answer would be to move on. For me, that means looking at the list, putting where it belongs-on paper, and filing it away. Then the next step would be to look around. And try to be objective.

Sure I have food to eat, a roof over my head, I am able to care for myself, but at 80 years old that could change at any time. However, still looking around, I see many people who are much worse off than myself.

In case you miss it, what I am saying is to count my blessings and not whine about the things going wrong with me. Because if I choose to whine, and dwell on the negative, which is so easy to do sometimes, I would be digging a pit so deep and so slippery that I would never climb out of. The end would not be a pretty one and certainly not the one I want.

The way I want to pursue it is to try to deal with what is wrong, both physically and mentally. Acknowledge the parts I have control over and the ones I don't. Do something about both. Something productive.

One thing that always works for me is to reach out to a friend. Either a call, or a text message, or seeing them in person.

If I am going to see them in person I know I have to put my best foot forward and that means, for me anyway, is my appearance. Even though I don't feel like it. Even though I want to wallow in neglect. Even though it's going to take work. And even though I don't feel like it, I am going to do it.

The saying “f you look your best you will do your best” comes into play here. It matters to me how I look because I know it will matter how I feel and how I want to be seen matters also. Call it what you will. I know what works for me.

I'm meeting a dear friend because I need some support and I know she is the type of person who will give it gladly. That matters. And it matters to me how she sees me. Do I want to look like I just crawled out of bed and went to our meeting? No. Do I want to look like a mess in order to get sympathy? NO. That is now who I am, no matter how rotten I feel that day.

In a way it is disrespectful to go to my friend with the appearance of someone who doesn't feel it matters. And I want to be respectful of her, of our time together, of our friendship, and all things that matter. And so what do I do?

I get cleaned up, I put on a bra, I get dressed in an outfit that looks good on me, no wrinkles, colors that match or coordinate, add some jewelry, a bracelet or a ring that sparkles, glue in my teeth, put on a little makeup, some blush and lipstick, and now I look put together. Now I can go meet with my friend in person. And when I see her I can smile at her and thank her for being my friend. For being there when I needed her. And be sure to thank her for being her because that is what means so much.

Then after you have done all that, or I should say, after I have done all that, I ask the question “how do I feel?” And in all honesty, the answer is better, I feel better.

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