(I)
My son was the light of my life. He was so witty, energized, and so innocent. He loved listening to his favorite songs, and he couldn’t sleep without his favorite stuffed animal. He was so excited to be starting kindergarten. But I am sad to say, he will never get to see the day.
My wife and I struggled to have kids for five years before we found out that she was pregnant with Noah. We both were so anxious and nervous because that moment was finally happening, but we both were extremely thrilled.
“IM PREGNANT!”, screamed my wife as she ran into the bedroom.
“Wait. Really!”, I screamed as my face lit up.
“Yes! But let's get me past my first trimester before we go around telling everyone. I do not want to get their hopes up yet again”, she said.
Finally, after a few miscarriages, nine months later, we had a beautiful, healthy six-pound baby boy. This was the happiest day of my life.
(II)
When Noah was two years old, he was a handful. He was a growing boy, and his “terrible two’s” phase was no joke. One night, my wife wanted to go out with her friends, and I agreed that she should go. We hadn't really been out since Noah was born and I could see how overwhelmed she had become. She deserved a night out with her friends; therefore, I stayed home with Noah. I knew where she was going and who she was going to be with. But I didn’t know that she was going to be smoking crystal meth while she was out. I'm sure she didn’t even know. She had never done drugs before, so, it could have been impulse or peer pressure behind her smoking the crystal meth. She did get hooked, and I tried helping her, but she just kept relapsing, and I did get frustrated and annoyed.
A year later, I filed for divorce and four months after that, the divorced was finalized. I was granted full custody, and I moved across town. I wanted to be there for my wife, but she became so manipulative, and she constantly took advantage of me. She clearly did not want to be helped, so I needed to let her come to clarity on her own terms. I also had a son to think about. I couldn’t have him see that. I did what I thought was best for him.
However, two months before my divorce was finalized, I did meet Kayla. She felt like an angel and brought so much joy into my life. She helped me get back to being myself, which made me a better man to be able to take care of my son. Another year had passed, and my son and I lives were back on track and we both were thriving in our new environments. I hadn't heard from my ex-wife at all and my new life with Kayla was going so well.
(III)
One day, my ex-wife shows up at my door. I don’t know how she knew where we lived but there she was. And I must say, she did look really beautiful. She looked healthy.
“Hello, Charlie”, she said to me.
“Hi. What are you doing here?”, I asked her.
“Well, I have been clean for three months now and I am taking my sobriety extremely serious. I want to be a mother to my son. I’ve missed him so much,” she explained.
She seemed genuinely sincere, and I truly believed her. Therefore, I allowed supervised visitation for her to see Noah.
The first visitation was not what she was expecting. Noah didn’t want to go near her. He didn’t want to talk or engage with her at all. But that’s because she was no longer someone he knew. She was a stranger to him. So, it did take a few visits for him to warm up to her. She was sad, but she did understand.
During one of the visits, Noah told my ex-wife that he was hungry. She went into the kitchen and made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She used a knife to cut the sandwich in half and gave it to Noah.
But then, Noah said, “Mama always cut the long way.”
By “long way”, she knew he meant diagonally and by “mama” she knew he wasn’t referring to her. That really upset her. She looked at Noah, and then she starred at me. The look she gave me could tell it all. And then she just stormed out of the house.
Now, she was my wife for eight years. I could still tell how she was feeling without her even having to say a word. Hearing her son call another woman “mama” must have destroyed her. She probably felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest and that she was being replaced. She had put in so much effort into becoming Noah’s mother again and she thought that she was making so much progress. But Noah couldn’t see that. His eyes were being clouded by Kayla and me. That’s exactly how she perceived Noah’s comment. I'm sure this was the moment she felt like she was losing control.
(IV)
Two weeks later, she returns to my home.
“I’m sorry. I just needed some time to think. I was really hurt, and it almost made me want to give up. But I will never stop fighting for my son,” she explained.
After having a deep conversation with my ex-wife and Kayla, my ex-wife convinced us to let her stay a few nights throughout the week because she wanted to be closer to Noah, and also, Noah would feel closer to her. Kayla was skeptical, but again, I know my ex-wife.
“My ex-wife is the kind of person who just wants to be heard. If we implement her idea, and she sees for herself that it doesn’t work, I’m not the bad guy because at least I gave her idea a try. Then we can try our ideas. We just have to let her go first”, I explained to Kayla.
In the beginning, everything was going smooth. My ex-wife would wake up and made sure Noah had breakfast, she made sure he was entertained throughout the day, and she tucked him into bed at night. It seemed like Noah enjoyed having her around; however, there were some things he still wanted from Kayla. There were a couple nights where he wanted Kayla to read him a bed night story and if he had to settle for my ex-wife, he wanted her to make the voices and sounds just like Kayla. It infuriated my ex-wife. The fact that Noah thought it was so cool to have two “mamas’”, it literally killed her. She wanted to erase Kayla from his mind, not be an added factor.
One night, when Kayla wasn’t home, I was in bed, laying down. My ex-wife had put Noah to bed and then came into my room with no clothes on. She was completely naked. All I can say is, I am so grateful that I am a man who knows how to control himself. Because if I couldn’t control myself, I would have ruined my relationship with Kayla that night. And I really didn’t want to do that.
“What are you doing?”, I asked her.
“I want us to be a family again. I think Noah likes having me around and you could like having me around too. We don’t need Kayla anymore. I can be everything you want me to be baby,” she said to me.
“Our time is over, Liz. We could never go back to what we had. You messed that up. Kayla and I are happy,” I explained to her.
After that night, I told her she couldn’t stay over anymore. I never told Kayla about it though. I didn’t want to cause any unnecessary problems. I knew my ex-wife would still want to be around to see Noah so why make that any harder than it already was.
A few months went by, and everything was back to running smooth. One night, I was awakened by the smell of smoke. I could feel it so much in my chest. I started coughing really bad. It felt really hard to breathe. I looked over and saw Kayla laying there in the bed. I tried to wake her, but I didn’t have the energy. When she wouldn’t wake up, I thought about Noah. I had to get Noah. I went for the door, but it was locked, which was weird because it never had a lock on it before. I was tugging at it, but it wouldn’t open. I tried banging on it, running into it, but I was so weak. That door was not opening. I looked for my phone, but I couldn’t find it, again, which was weird because I’m almost certain I sat my phone on the nightstand, right before I had turned over to cuddle with Kayla. I know I did. This whole situation was literally blowing my mind. I began coughing more and more, and eventually I gave in. I literally felt like I was dying.
That fire put me in a four-day coma. I barely survived. When I came to, the first thing I saw was the nurse. She was updating my charts. She seen that I was awake, so she notified the doctor. About twenty minutes later, a man and a woman came into my room, but they were not doctors.
“Hi. I’m Detective Ingram and this is Detective Finnegan. We want to ask you a few questions about the night of the fire. Anything you can remember would be helpful,” said the detective.
“Where’s Noah and Kayla?”, I asked.
“Mr. Walder, I’m sorry to inform you that your wife, Kayla, did not survive the fire and your son, Noah, is missing,” is what he said to me.
I swear I almost died again. My heart started racing uncontrollably and I felt like my world ‘was crashing down on me. What have I done to ever deserve this? But once I realized he said Noah was missing, I knew it was only one person he could be with.
He asked if I knew who would want to harm my family. I told him I had no idea. The detective went further on to say that this person really wanted to make sure that I had no way of escaping the bedroom. He said that the windows were screwed down, and the door was locked from the outside. Someone trapped us in that room, and he wanted to be pointed in the right direction. I told him if I thought of anyone who came to mind, I would let him know. Then I asked them to leave because I wanted to think.
Why didn’t I want to talk to the police? Because I was thinking about my son. I knew exactly who had him. She literally just tried to kill me, she successfully killed Kayla, and, thankfully, Noah wasn’t in the fire. That showed me she didn’t want to hurt Noah. Now, I’m thinking about her endgame. How did she think that she would get away with arson, murder, and kidnapping? There has to be an escape plan in place.
I knew my ex-wife wouldn’t hurt him, not if she didn’t feel cornered. I needed to get to her before the police did. At least I could try to talk to her and convince her to hand over Noah. If she felt like Noah was going to be taken away from her again, she probably would hurt herself, maybe even Noah. I was just hoping her love for Noah would be enough for her to want him to survive all of this.
(V)
Two weeks later, I was released from the hospital. The only thing I had on my mind was getting to Noah.
I thought and thought and thought, “She has been on the run for a few weeks now. Where would my ex-wife take him? Where would she feel safe enough to go?”
The only property we had when we were married was a vacation home up north. We would go up there every time we got a negative pregnancy test. So that’s where I went. An hour later, I arrived. There were no signs of them. The doors and windows were not broken in to. It looked like no one had been there since we were there last.
Now, I’m thinking even harder. Where is my son? Then, I remembered that when my ex-wife's uncle died, he left her his houseboat. But I couldn’t remember exactly where it was located so I had to go back to what was left of my home and find anything that had the houseboat’s location. It took me a minute, but I found it, and I went there immediately.
I located the houseboat, and I saw her on the deck. She was on the phone. I didn’t want her to see me, so I hid behind a tree. When she wasn’t looking, I snuck onto the houseboat. We didn’t really use the houseboat when we were married so I didn’t exactly know the layout, but I did know that I had to find my son.
I came across the room all the way in the back of the houseboat. Noah was laying in the bed, asleep. I was so relieved to see him. I knew she wouldn’t hurt him, but I wasn’t sure how desperate she had become. I picked up Noah because I had to get him to safety. I tried being really careful. I even thought I could go back out, the same way I came in. We were going through the kitchen when I heard my ex-wife screaming, telling me to stop moving. I slowly turned around and there my ex-wife was, pointing a .45 caliber at me and my son.
“I can’t let you take him, Charles. He’s my son and I am his mother,” she said.
“Where’d you get that?”, I asked her.
All I saw was that gun pointing at my son and me. By this time, Noah is awake. I slowly brought him to his feet and then stood in front of him. I didn’t need him at eye level with that gun in the air.
“I went out and bought it from this guy once I seen that you were in a coma on the news,” she replied, “I should have known that you would survive. You were always a fighter. The escape plan was never murder-suicide,” she continued, “but once I seen that you had survived, I knew you would come to take him away from me and I cannot let that happen again.”
“We can talk about this. No one else has to get hurt. You are scaring Noah,” I said to her. “He’s fine! He just needs his mother. Come here sweet pea. Come here,” she spoke.
Literally, seconds later, Detective Finnegan comes through the kitchen door that faces my ex-wife, aiming his gun at my ex-wife. Detective Ingram comes through the kitchen door that faces me, also, aiming her gun at my ex-wife. They had been tailing me ever since I left the hospital and I had no idea. But this is exactly what I did not want. If she felt closed in, I didn’t know what she would do. She seen that she was outnumbered so she did slowly lower her weapon.
As Detective Ingram was trying to handcuff her, my ex-wife throws her head backwards, into Detective Ingram head. She headbutts her so hard, she loses control of her feet and falls to the floor. She then takes the handcuffs and launches them directly at me. She threw those handcuffs at me so hard, it left a permeant scar on my back. Detective Ingram wasn’t able to fully close that first cuff before my ex-wife headbutted her. I had turned to shield Noah and when I turned back around, my ex-wife came at me so fast. Next thing I know, I’m lying on the floor. Detective Finnegan did take two shots at her, but he missed.
My ex-wife was real clever. She threw those handcuffs at me and shoved me at the right angle to where when I fell, she was able to grab Noah. Boy was she fast. How was she so fast? The second I saw Noah in her arms, I was on my feet. I chased her all around that houseboat. When she made it to the bow and was getting ready to jump, I screamed “STOP!”. Her eyes locked with mines. Then she turns and jump with Noah in her arms. I’m only six seconds behind her. I jumped in the water too. When I was underwater, I saw her going deeper and deeper into the water. She knew how to hold her breath underwater. Noah did not. She was drowning him, and I couldn’t stop it. I tried so hard to catch up to her, but I was too late. I watched her sink herself. She released Noah and his lifeless body just floated up to me. I grabbed him and got him back on the houseboat. He was so pale-like. When I got back to the surface, more police officers and some paramedics were on the scene. They took Noah immediately and performed CPR. The tears wouldn’t stop coming from my eyes.
(VI)
A mother’s love for her child is unmatched. Its meaningful, unconditional, accepting, and unwavering. A mother’s love protects and supports. I know my ex-wife loved our son. I won't ever take that away from her. However, she loved him in a very dangerous way. When you love someone, you naturally want them to be happy and free.
How am I feeling right now? It's been six months, and nothing feels the same. I can barely eat or sleep. I’ve lost track of my days. I felt like I was losing my mind. I would still hear his laughter coming from his room or hear his feet, running up and down my hallway. My ex-wife took everything away from me: my son, Kayla, and parts of my home. This was so unreal. I am so sorry that this happened to him. He did not deserve this. I never thought his mother would do any of the things she did. He was an incredible and brilliant little boy, and I am so sorry that the world may never know his name.
