The woman shouted to the little girl in a green shirt and blue shorts. The girl had a familiar look that the woman could recall instantly, even from afar. They had met a year earlier in a park by the museum in her neighborhood. They chatted and kept in touch from time to time, until she mysteriously disappeared from her life 6 months ago. During that time, she spent more time at work and hanging out with others; as time flew by, she slowly forgot about her.
Today is different. She walks home at night with pretty much fewer people in the area. The woman is exhausted by the pressure in her chest, with a wound in her heart. Light rain starts falling as the air gets colder. She catches a glimpse of a small figure in a nearby, empty parking garage.
The woman approaches the girl she hasn’t seen in a while, but the girl runs into the garage. The chase started then, with the woman running aimlessly between floors. Her heart pounded faster as she thought she had almost caught her, but it was only the shadow of a similar figure. Something about this kid couldn’t be put into a proper sentence. Sweat ran down her face as she crouched to catch her breath. Fear crept into her mind as she noticed her hand starting to shake. Her eyes darted in every direction, searching for the slightest shadow.
Finally, she reached the rooftop. It was pretty dark out, with several dim lampposts. The little girl sat on the car stopper a couple of parking spots away from the emergency ladder. The woman walked over and stood in front of her.
“Why?”
“Hm, what do you mean? This is fun, isn’t it? And I am the winner this time.”
“It was not about that!”
A loud, hoarse voice echoed throughout the entire floor. The little girl’s bright smile shrank completely.
“Then what is it about?”
“Why did you disappear all of a sudden?”
“Because you are busy, I had to find someone to play with.”
“Really? You already have others now, then why come back again?”
“Because I want to check how you’ve been doing. Was that not allowed?”
“Well, you could have called or left a message so that I could text back.”
“Oh, but I don’t have a phone with me, so I have to sneak around to get your attention. Now, I get your attention.”
“Well, so far it has been great with all the work stuff and social life.”
The girl gets up from the stopper and climbs the lamppost.
“What on earth are you doing? Are you a monkey now?”
“Nope, I just want to look straight into your eyes. I heard from some magician that the eyes are a window to one’s soul, and you’re not telling me the truth.”
The woman is shocked by the little girl’s words. She tries to pull the girl away from the lamppost, but she holds on tightly, like sticky putty.
“Okay, okay, I will tell you everything. Please just get down from that dirty post.”
“Pinky promise?”
“Yeah, yeah, pinky promise.”
The girl holds out her pinky finger to the lady. The woman takes a chance to grab the girl from the lamppost and starts hitting her on the arm. The little girl starts crying and yells.
“This is what you get for being naughty!”
“Liar! You’re an old, ugly woman! You betrayed the promise. A coward. A fool. Let me go!”
The girl repeatedly yells at the woman. She cries a million-dollar tear on her face. Even mucus blows out of her nose. At the end, the woman cannot hold back her emotions. She let go of the girl arm.
“Yes! I am a liar. You get that right? Every flipping soul hear that right? I AM AN OLD UGLY HUMAN. I don’t deserve to be loved or appreciated by anyone. Yeah, you’re right, girl.”
The woman lashed out as she stepped back. Tears flooded both her eyes. She stood still before the girl, who froze at the sight of her. Her hysterical laugh grew slightly off-key and louder as she tried to form a sentence. The woman knelt, both hands on her thigh, facing the concrete floor.
“I didn’t accomplish the work as I expected. I was at high risk of being replaced because I didn’t have the skills to do the task or the courage to speak up. I was pretty much behind in class. And lastly, I messed up the relationship I had been dreaming of for a decade. Well yeah. I’m fine, am I not?”
“Yeah, I guess that’s why I come back”
The little girl speaks up, forcing herself to stay calm. She walks closer to the woman and hugs her.
“It was tough out there, right? You did your best, now. I know that you might make intrusive decisions and show selfish behavior, but you tried everything to your knowledge; why are you still crying?”
“Because…. I felt like I just lost another part of me again, and you are the last of them”
“We always lose part of ourselves to something big in life, so we get to enjoy another day in the sun, with a bright smile of growth and a better version of ourselves.”
The woman pushes the girl out to face the image of a kid with sorrowful eyes and a cheeky face.
“I am sorry that it didn’t work out. Maybe next time you will get to meet again; in another life would be an option as well.”
“I guess so.”
“And stop looking down on yourselves, please. If you can cheer everybody up, then you can cheer yourself up as well.”
“I thought the logic should be the other way around, isn’t it?”
“Maybe. Would you like to watch the ocean star tonight?”
“Sure, here?”
“Yeah, where else would be available with a clear rooftop and plenty of small, long pillows here?”
“I think that is a car stopper, but never mind.”
The woman takes out her coat and lays it down for herself and the little girl. They lie down to watch the stars together. The woman felt a bit relieved, the build-up inside her slowly fading as she drifted off to sleep.
She suddenly woke up again in the parking lot, but the girl was gone, leaving no trace behind. The woman no longer had any concern about where the girl might have gone. She got up, shook the dirt off her coat, and looked back at the sky as the sunlight dimmed in the distance.
Maybe talking to her younger self might bring back something meaningful that she overlooks in who she is now.
