Trying

There comes a time in your life where you try, you try so hard, but nothing seems to work.

For Some people there are many times they've tried. You start off as a child trying to please your parents by being the good child, the one that gets good grades. You try being a good friend to someone in school. You may even try being that popular kid that some people like and others just cannot stand to be around.

Then you get to your teen years where you reach 13 and you think you can take on the world, nothing will stand in your way because you are a teenager now. You think you can do everything a 21-year-old can do. So, you try things in life, thinking you are all grown up, but you are just 13. Then you turn 16. Now you are calling the 13- and 14-year-old kid's youngsters. You are still thinking you can take on the world, with just a few years' experience. But you can, because there was no one there for you throughout your years growing up. No matter how you tried, your parents and siblings did not agree to your lifestyle. So now while you are being forced to do things at home that you do not like, but you keep trying. You are now planning things, because remember now you are turning the big 18 in two years' time. and you tell yourself that is the year you will leave and make your own life. In the meantime, you are living a dangerous challenging life, planning your future.

Then your 18th birthday is here. Then you realize oh it doesn't mean anything to anyone, but what the heck because your other birthdays meant nothing as well. So now you start making plans, phoning places, getting the ball rolling to get out, get your life started, getting a job, having a family, nice house nice car. Next thing you look you are heading towards 50 years of age. What Happened? Where has my life gone, where has my dream house, dream car and awesome job gone? Reality hits you!

You have debts that you are trying to pay, a family who you love with all your heart, that you are trying to support. You are working for many years at the same company, because you are a loyal person, hard worker, team player, you love people, and you enjoy your job. You even put in the extra hours just to please your boss and show them that you are the one they can rely on to get the job done. But then life throws something your way that you never expected.

At this point in life, you feel like you have been hit by the world's biggest truck, it feels as if the last bit of air has been taken out your lungs. You had to go on chronic medication because your cholesterol is off the charts, your blood pressure is extremely high, you constantly walk around feeling dizzy, weak, your brain is foggy, you have anxiety constantly. You feel like you are losing yourself day by day. But you TRY! You try and push through; you get up even when you feel you cannot carry on anymore. You even start losing hope in everything.

And then that wheel turns, but it turns hard, and you are dropped right at the bottom. All your hard work, Late hours, early mornings. Everything you worked hard for and tried your best at, all gone. Gone like a breeze that blew past you on a windy day. Everything was swept out from under your nose, taken, stolen is more like it.

All this was done by someone that was mentally unstable, yes, your boss hired a woman that was in a mental hospital, done abnormal sexual behavior outside of the workplace, then bragged about it at work, and had multiple boyfriends calling and she would play the manipulating game with them just so they could fight over her, she loved the attention, you could hear everything from your office. She then started abusing you mentally and emotionally every day for the past two years. You trained this person on all the work. Everything you knew, you showed her, she took everything you knew, even ideas that you came up with, she took it as her own, and let's guess who got all the credit? Yes, she did. She became the bosses little favorite.

Nothing and no one could stop her. She walked with her head held high, smiled at you and said she cares and wants to help you and work with you as a team. But little did you know she was playing the victim. She was the one that was allowed to be stressed, the one that was allowed to take off, to work at home, to attend her child's functions. She was allowed to take long lunches, stand and have long tea breaks with the other ladies. She could talk and laugh when she wanted to, even leave the office for a while. But not you! No No! You were not allowed to do anything that she didn't like.

Your teatime as per the company policy is 15 minute long. But you get moaned at because you took 10 minutes to make tea while chatting (during tea break) with another colleague. One day, you stood outside for a breather, during your 30-minute lunch break with your colleague, as you don't really take those breaks because you are monitored to be at your desk all the time. But you just thought, let's get some fresh air, because you were put in an office with windows you could not open and only one door that led into the other side of the office building. Oh, and the reason you were put there is because they didn't want to hear you.

So, there you are standing outside, feeling the sun and breeze of the wind. And what do you know, who is coming to look for you? Yes, you got it! The bosses little favorite.

Not only is she looking for you and your colleague, but storms outside screaming at the top of her lungs; WHAT ARE YOUS DOING!! WHAT ARE YOUS DOING!!

Your colleague and you look at each other in shock. Looked at the time, of what it was only 16 minutes into your lunch break, and said we are on lunch.

NO! she shouts. You must come in as you have been too long away from your desks. Now trust me, I know what you are thinking. why do we not report this behavior to higher management. The answer to that is, we have. Everyone that we spoke to, laughed at us and said she is just crazy. But trust me, this is some other kind of crazy.

So, you carry on trying, because now it's getting to a point where you are scared for your life and your job is on the line. You start looking for other work, but nothing is coming your way. Times are tough for everyone, and companies are not really hiring. But you try and push though day by day.

Now she is verbally telling you to do things, and then tells you no she never told you that, then goes and reports you to the boss because she said you are doing your own thing. You ask her all the time to put instructions in emails, so you have proof, but she still refuses to do that. The only emails you when she has told you to do something verbally, you do it and then she emails saying she told you how she wants it done and you didn't do it that way. But she is putting the boss in, so he starts thinking you cannot do the work. She Micromanages you every day, wants to know when you go to get coffee, when you want to go to the toilet, then if you are taking a bit long (in her mind it's long) she will then go and sit in the toilet and wait for you.

It got so bad that she worked you and your colleague out of the company. With all her lies, threats, manipulations, mental and emotional abuse towards you both. You sit and think, how does one sleep at night? After planning and scheming evil on a person. Taking the bread from under your feet, because they are sick and have a hard heart.

But you trying, you miss the people you worked with, you miss your job, you miss providing for your family and seeing the smiles on their faces when it's birthdays. You are now left to stress, panic, feel overwhelmed and sit days crying because you are depressed. But who listens? Who cares? Who helps?

I will tell you who.

I sat praying this morning, something I couldn't find myself doing for a while now. Because when all this trauma happens to a person, you feel alone, scared, embarrassed, ashamed, unloved, like you cannot go on anymore. You just don't know how to.

So, while I started to pray, I thought of the very few people that assisted me.

Those that helped with electricity.

Those that got me food.

Those that called and messaged me to see how I was doing.

Those that made me smile.

Those that watched me cry and gave me words of hope.

Those are the very few people I am grateful for. And I prayed that they would be blessed for their good dead's. I also prayed for myself, that I would go to my creator and ask for help before I go to man. I said I will come to you, and you can tell your children what to do, because you have always provided. Within a few minutes after that prayer, I felt the urge to write this. And while I was writing, I received a call from one of my very good friends I have known for 15 years. She said she was sending me some money for bread and things I needed.

A word of advice, don't stop. Keep trying, keep pushing through. Keep having faith and don't let man be the writer of your life.