Part 1:
It was the tail end of 2016 when fate brought us together. I was lounging with my friend when his message popped up on Facebook - not the first time he'd reached out, but something about that day felt different. Our previous conversations had been brief and sporadic, but this time, I was intrigued. My friend vouched for him, having known him from varsity, so I decided to take a chance. We arranged a spontaneous date for later that day, and I got ready, dressing in all black - coincidentally, he was wearing all black too.When he arrived, his calm demeanor and striking features - dark skin, spectacles, and piercing eyes - left me smitten. We strolled through the mall, searching for the perfect dinner spot, and settled on Debonairs, where we devoured pizza and each other's stories. Our connection was instantaneous, and as we parted ways, I knew this was just the beginning.
As I walked through the front door, a thrill coursed through my veins. Butterflies danced in my stomach, and in that instant, I knew I was smitten. I played it cool, though, not wanting to reveal my excitement just yet. But as the hours ticked by, and my phone remained silent, I couldn't shake off the feeling of anticipation. He hadn't texted me since our dinner date, but I wasn't worried - I was convinced that our connection was mutual, and he was just as enamoured with me as I was with him.
The next day, he called and asked to come over and hang out. I agreed, and couldn't wait! Later that afternoon, he arrived, and we chilled in his car. I noticed his license plate had "BJ" on it, and he joked that it stood for "Boyfriend Jenamo" - his surname. I thought it was hilarious and adorable. We had amazing conversations and lost track of time. Before we knew it, it was midnight! His innocent smile, big cute ears, and charming face captured my heart. He left around 2 am, since we both had early lectures. We shared a sweet hug and kiss goodbye. I ran inside, and he waited until I was safe before driving away.
The next day, he called and said he was near my neighborhood. He asked if he could visit me after he finished his tasks. I agreed without hesitation. I got ready and dressed comfortably, waiting eagerly for him. An hour later, he called to say he was outside my house. I rushed out, excited to see the man who had captured my heart. He hugged me tightly and we shared a kiss. We got in the car, looked into each other's eyes, and blushed. We were in love. We had snacks and deep conversations, getting to know each other better. Time flew by, and it was 1 am. He wanted to leave, but I asked him to stay a bit longer. I felt safe and happy with him. Although we had only known each other for a few days, it felt like a lifetime. At 3 am, he asked to leave, and I reluctantly agreed. We shared a patient kiss and a tight hug before he drove off.
It became a routine. He called the next day, as usual, and asked to hang out again. I agreed. He said he'd be in my neighborhood and would come over after finishing his tasks. I didn't think much of it until a few months into our relationship when he revealed that he was always in my neighborhood because he was seeing another girl who lived nearby. He would visit her and then come to see me afterwards. This was the first red flag, but I ignored it because he had broken up with her and chosen me. Anyway, we hung out in the car like usual and enjoyed each other's company. Around midnight, we shared a kiss and hug, and I went back home while he drove away. I was deeply in love, a feeling I had never experienced before.
Part 2:
Our love grew stronger every day, and everything felt perfect. I knew he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. On Friday morning, I called him before my lectures, and hearing his voice was calming and charming. I felt lucky to have him in my life. I invited him to my place for the first time, and he agreed to come after his lectures. That afternoon, he called to confirm I was home, and I was excited to see him. I got ready, and when he arrived, my heart raced. We hugged, lay down on the bed, and talked about our day. We had snacks and spent hours talking, laughing, and smiling. We shared a romantic kiss, and it felt like heaven. Our lips touched softly, and the kiss intensified. We were ready to take our relationship to the next level, despite knowing each other for only a few days. We made love, and it was the best moment of my life. Afterward, we took a nap, feeling safe in each other's arms. When we woke up, it was time for him to leave, but we couldn't stop smiling at each other.
We kept enjoying each other's company. One evening, he called and said he was moving to a new place, and I offered to help him. It was an exciting moment for us. He picked me up, and we went to his new place to arrange things. The next day, we went back to his house with his two friends from college, who were also couples. We hung out, had food and drinks, and took pictures. I wasn't feeling well and thought I might be pregnant, which scared me. We were only a few months into our relationship, and getting pregnant wasn't part of the plan, at least not yet. But it turned out I just had my period. I was so relieved! We showered together and went to bed, and it was my first sleepover at his new place.
I spent more time at his place, and we went to events, dinners, and parties together. Our relationship was going great, and we were happy. We exchanged gifts, and he spoiled me rotten. We were both 21 and deeply in love. I could choose him anytime, with no regrets. He became my boyfriend, brother, and best friend. He cared for me and provided for my needs. He was the only guy I saw. We had funny nicknames for each other - "mabunuza," "bunbun," and "mabunza." I don't know how we came up with them, but we found them adorable. He was sweet and calm (Bunbun), while I was talkative (Mabunuza). He listened to my stories without complaining, which I loved. I remember he gifted me a new phone just two weeks into our relationship. He was thoughtful, considerate, and observant, always providing for my needs without me asking.
Part 3:
Couple of months into the relationship, we decided to move in together. It was a huge step in our lives. We were both excited about our decision. We had reached a point where we couldn't imagine living without each other. It was young love - real and not too hot to handle. I remember the day the truck came to my place to collect my stuff; he came and helped out. He didn't want to miss the moment. The truck drove off to his house, and we both unpacked my belongings, making the place our little home. We cooked a nice dinner to celebrate moving in together. It was such an amazing day, but the start of a disaster waiting to happen.
Things weren't going well for me; I was facing life-changing situations. I dropped out of college, and it was easy for me to feel lost, but he was there for me. It was his last year of university, and he was working very hard - I was proud of him. I remember looking up to him, though I never told him that. He taught me to be resilient and never lose hope. During those difficult times when I was fighting for my citizenship, he was the only one I could count on. He would even miss his lectures to accompany me to the immigration office. With my family far away, he was the only family I had, and he never disappointed me. He stood by me throughout my citizenship journey from day one and never gave up on me. I will forever appreciate that.
Even though I lost everything, I was happy because I still had him, and he was my everything. As the year went by, his behavior started changing. He didn't want me to see my friends or go out without him. It was okay for me because I believed I had a friend in him, and maybe he was right - I didn't need friends. It was just the two of us living in our small world. We did everything together - I mean, everything: showering, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and going out. It felt like love, but it was more like we were obsessed with each other. We even had access to each other's social media accounts.
Three years down the line, we were inseparable. We had nothing, but at least we had each other - that's what mattered, or so I thought. We went out on dates every now and then, bought each other gifts often, just trying to make our relationship work despite having nothing. We would always say to each other that once we became financially stable, we would gift each other more, move into a nice bigger apartment, travel the world, and just be happy together. Little did I know, there would be changes of heart one day. They say nothing lasts forever, but I thought Bunus and I would be together till death do us part. Oh, poor naive princess.
When I say I honestly thought this man was made by God for me, I meant it. I wasn't well health-wise, and every time I was unwell, he would go above and beyond to help and make me feel better. There were many events where he took me to the hospital, and he would stay all day or night in the queue so that I could get help. He was present at every check-up. Mabunuza was an angel sent from heaven by God for me.
Part 4:
We watched each other grow and helped each other through life's challenges. But then, insecurities kicked in, and it was the toughest time we ever faced in our relationship. We became jealous of each other and didn't want either of us to do anything without the other. This marked the start of our toxic relationship. We thought it was healthy, but clearly, it wasn't. When we weren't together, we would call or text each other all day. I believe we were anxiously attached to each other. I remember we didn't allow each other to talk to or like posts from the opposite gender on social media. We fought a lot about it. I felt like people would take him away from me, and I couldn't stand losing him, let alone sharing him. I could see he felt the same way about me. It was like we lived for each other.
At some point, I noticed that we both suffocated in the relationship. We couldn't resolve our issues in a civil manner anymore. I became loud every time we had an altercation, and it was because I didn't feel heard by him. He was different, and so was I. I guess we were growing apart. I would try by all means to communicate with him if he had any concerns in the relationship, but he would give me the silent treatment. I hated it so much when we were fighting. It got to a point where we would go for a day or two without talking. It broke me slowly.
I still loved him to death, no matter what. They say relationships have ups and downs, and it was okay - we were in our down season, and I believed it was going to pass. We were still not financially stable, so the pressure was too much for us, and maybe that's why things weren't well between us. It was mostly frustration for me because I lost my citizenship, and that meant my life literally stopped. He was working, but he wasn't earning enough. I tell you, if love were enough, I would still be with Bunbun now, but I guess it was never meant to be.
Part 5:
It was three years and a few months of staying together, and it was quite a thrilling experience. No matter the fights we had, I appreciate every moment of the good times we shared. I had to say goodbye as I was moving to a new country. We were both scared about how we would survive without each other. But anyway, it was God's plan, and there was nothing we could do about it but hope for the best. As much as I didn't want to leave, I felt like we both needed space from each other. We needed to find ourselves again.
The first few months away from him felt like I was in hell. I couldn't cope at all. I missed him so much every day. Our conversations made me feel like he missed me too, but he was doing fine without me. He started finding himself, making friends, and looking much happier without me. On my side, it was very hard for me to find myself again. On the bright side, I went back to school and made friends. It wasn't easy because I felt like I had betrayed him. Again, moving to another country did us good. Our relationship became better. There were fewer fights and less insecurity. The relationship felt like it did when it first started.
We became accustomed to the long-distance relationship, and what made it easy for me was that I trusted and loved him so much. Things were a lot better between us. He would help me with my schoolwork, and he did that from my first day of college until the last. I will forever appreciate that. We kept our communication consistent, never going a day without reminding each other how much we loved each other. We reminded ourselves of our goals, and he would tell me that as soon as everything fell into place financially, he would marry me. The excitement in me every time I was told I was going to be Mrs. Future Jay overflowed in my heart.
I visited him more often, and every time, I would get him a gift, and he would do the same. However, I noticed that he was changing. He didn't like spending time with me like before, and this was hurting me. I would try to address the issue, but he wouldn't say anything and would change the subject. I started getting anxious because I was afraid he would leave me. I became more clingy, and he became more distant and emotionally unavailable to me. I could see our 5-year relationship going down the drain. My mental health was getting affected slowly. I remember having social anxiety at some point when we were at the shops, and I was anxious to ask the shop assistant for donuts over the counter, so I asked him. He looked me straight in the eyes and said no, then walked away. I broke down in tears in the shop. He didn't even look bothered. He was a different person, and he didn't care about me like he used to. I had many emotional breakdowns when I was with him, but he always gave me a cold shoulder.
Part 6:
It was during the COVID-19 lockdown when I visited him. The relationship was getting bitter day by day. We were drifting away from each other. Although the fighting was less, the tension was palpable in our silence. I was losing him and myself. The love I had for him wasn't enough to save our relationship. I felt like I wasn't enough for him. I was mentally exhausted, but I still had hope for us. I mean, he was my soulmate; I couldn't leave him. At some point, we acknowledged how toxic our relationship had become. Everything wasn't going well for us, including our individual lives. He lost his mother, and I feel like I wasn't there for him as I should have been. I'm sorry; I was going through issues too, and I wasn't mentally okay. Please find it in your heart to forgive me.
I graduated from college, and he found a job. It was the best time of our lives; finally, we had something to celebrate. I was very relieved that his financial frustrations would no longer affect our relationship. I was so happy for him. He didn't stop telling me how much he was going to spoil me rotten and even promised to take me on a vacation. Finally, God had heard our prayers and saved our relationship. Little did I know that it was about to go downhill. They say, 'more money, more problems'.
Ditsebe wame, that's how I also liked calling him. His big ears were adorable. Not to mention how my cousins and aunt really liked him. He was like a little brother to them. I remember my aunt used to invite us to church, and we would not go. One Sunday, she invited us again. We woke up early and prepared for church, but just as we were about to enter the church, we turned and walked to the mall instead. We laughed about it all the way. We went to a new restaurant that everyone was talking about, and we also wanted to try it. Imagine ditching church just to go to the mall - silly us! Despite our downs, our ups were fun and amazing.
Part 7:
If I could turn back the hand of time, I would do it without hesitating. I wouldn't want to relive the moment I saw myself losing him for good. He was now doing better financially, and that caused him to change his lifestyle. I couldn't recognize him anymore. Many times, I would complain that he changed until I stopped. The change wasn't for the best; it was to break us up, but I've got to the point where I have to accept it. The distance was making it worse for us. Our issues couldn't get resolved through the phone. He started having a lot of friends, drinking alcohol, and going out a lot. It was unusual, but like I said, more money, more problems. He was just enjoying his success. He became more and more distant, and I became lonely. I met this other guy, and he was interesting. I started spending more time with him. It wasn't the same as being around Ditsebe. Being around Ditsebe was my comfort place of peace; it was my small heaven. But the new guy at least gave me attention, unlike him.
Finally, it was towards the end of the year 2022. I was so excited that I would be visiting him for the holidays. I was counting down the days. I just couldn't wait to hug him tight and kiss him. I wanted to go to him and fight for our relationship. I knew I couldn't live without him, so I was going to do whatever it takes for our relationship to work. I suggested that we go to couple therapy, and he agreed. It was only a few weeks until I would be with him. One morning, he called me and told me that he got me gifts. I was so excited. I prepared myself for the journey, got a bus ticket, and everything was looking good.
That one night, he went to sleep early and wasn't himself when we talked over the phone. He didn't even say goodnight to me like usual. The next morning, I found his text saying he received a call from his uncle, so he needs to talk to me. That was the beginning of the nightmare I couldn't wake up from. I was panicking; my heart was racing, and my anxiety was very high. I knew something wasn't right, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I had lost him for good this time. I sent him a text asking him to tell me what he wanted to talk about, but he kept delaying, saying he would tell me after work. I was shaking the whole day, couldn't eat, and was struggling to breathe. To be honest, I wanted to die.
I begged him to tell me what he wanted to talk about, but he said he was at a work party and would tell me the next day. I couldn't sleep the whole night, tossing and turning. Funnily, I knew what he might say to me. It was like déjà vu. I was losing my mind. I couldn't wait for morning to come so that he would tell me that what I thought wasn't true.
Part 8:
The nightmare began. He texted me on Saturday morning. I remember sitting at the park, trying to get some fresh air. In the text message, he told me that he had gotten another girl pregnant and that he knew I would leave him, but he understood. After reading this text, my heart shattered. I could see my life flashing before my eyes. I thought, 'How could the love of my life do this to me?' How could he cheat on me and get another woman pregnant? I was in disbelief. I wished someone could wake me up from this nightmare. I started shaking, and a tear rolled down my cheek. How could he betray me like this after so many years of me loving him unconditionally? I couldn't believe it. I knew this was more than I could handle.
Fast forward, I was supposed to visit in a few days. My bus ticket was ready, and everything was prepared. I was excited until I received the heart-shattering text from him. We had agreed that I should come so we could talk things through. I wish I never agreed. I wish I broke up with him the day I received his text saying he got another woman pregnant and never looked back. I was in denial, confused, and hurt. I thought that if I went to see him, maybe everything would be okay. Little did I know that was the beginning of my journey of trauma, where I lost everything, including myself.
It was Saturday morning, the day I was supposed to visit my favorite person in the whole world. But this day was different from all the others when I went to see him. I wasn't excited; I was hurt and anxious. I woke up, got ready, and requested an Uber to take me to Park Station, where I would catch a bus to Gaborone, Botswana. After a few minutes, my ride arrived, and we left for Park Station. I arrived an hour early before my bus departed. I went to Wimpy to grab breakfast but couldn't eat; I had no appetite. An hour later, we boarded the bus. I texted him to let him know we were leaving Johannesburg. My mind was racing throughout the trip as I tried to make sense of the situation, but I wasn't winning. I kept updating him on our progress since he had to pick me up at the border.
A few hours later, we arrived at the border. He called and said his car had a problem, so he couldn't drive long distances, but he would wait for me at the bus rank. I cleared customs at the border, and about 30 minutes later, we arrived at the bus rank. As I exited the bus, I saw him waiting for me through the window. Despite the hurt, I felt the unconditional love I had for him. My bun bun, I missed him. As I got off the bus, he was there, but something didn't feel right. I realized we didn't even hug, and he just said 'hey' instead of his usual 'hey baby.' He didn't even offer to carry my bag until I asked him to. The atmosphere was awkward.
We went to get pizza before heading home. The car ride was filled with awkward silence. We barely spoke to each other until we arrived home. Even now, I can still feel the chill in the atmosphere. At home, I had two slices of pizza while he sat next to me, watching me eat. A few minutes later, he handed me a plastic bag containing clothes he had bought for me. I felt overwhelmed but pretended everything was fine. As I tried on the clothes, they fit perfectly, and I liked them. He said, 'I knew they would look good on you,' his usual phrase when he got me something that suited me well. I forced a smile, went close to him, and hugged him. I could feel his heart racing fast; he was scared and unsure what to say to me. I was hurt and scared too, knowing I was losing him. After showering, we went straight to bed. I was exhausted from the trip.
Part 9:
It was Friday morning, the day we were supposed to go on vacation. We woke up early, and he said he was going to see a mechanic to fix his car before we left. I asked him if we could sit down and address the elephant in the room. I tried to understand what had really gone wrong, but he couldn't open up to me as I had expected. I felt like the bedroom walls were caving in on me. He got up and said goodbye as he walked out. I was left feeling numb. I tried distracting myself by cleaning the house and freshening up, had breakfast, and lay on the bed scrolling through my phone. Around lunchtime, he called and told me to get ready; we were leaving as soon as he got home. I wasn't as excited as I should have been, but I hoped the trip would do us good, be fun, and just be a time for the two of us. Too bad it was going to be a disaster.
I packed some of my belongings and got ready. Thirty minutes later, he returned, all excited. He asked if I was ready, and I was done with everything. I asked him where we were going, and he said we were no longer going on vacation but instead attending a popular event in another town. He explained that he had spent a lot of money fixing the car, which affected his budget. We agreed to go to the event. He packed his bags, and we left. We could smile a little and hold conversations as usual until the baby mama called - the woman he cheated on me with and got pregnant. I remember how my chest hurt, and I could barely breathe when he answered her call in my presence, and they had a long chat. I recall her telling him to drive safely. I believe he didn't tell her he was going on a trip with me. Everything changed after the phone call; I felt disrespected and hurt. I started shouting at him, asking why he was treating me like this, after all we'd been through, why he hated me so much. All he said was, 'That's not true; I love and care about you. I'm sorry.' I was losing it; my anxiety was getting worse. Why was I going through so much pain at such a young age? All I did was love him, and I wanted us to love each other forever.
We continued with the trip. I tried to calm down, forget everything I was going through, and enjoy the moment. We jammed together to our favorite songs while having drinks. We arrived at the town and made a turn into the mall parking lot. We parked there for a short time and got out of the car. I felt overwhelmed and burst into tears. He came close to me and hugged me tightly, saying he was sorry for everything. It was exactly what I needed. I felt better after that, and we got back into the car to continue our journey to the stadium where the event was held. In the traffic jam near the stadium gate, we teased each other about the affairs that were ruining our relationship. To be honest, that day I could see in his eyes that he didn't feel the same way about it. I saw it the moment I walked out of the bus. I knew that he had fallen out of love with me, but I didn't want to accept it. I thought I could fight for us and win. I just loved that man with every fiber of my being, regardless of what he put me through.
We packed the car, took out our cooler box, and made our way to the stadium entrance. It was packed, and the queue was extremely long, so we ended up agreeing to find a guest house instead, as it wasn't safe and was already late. We found a guest house, booked a room, showered together, and went to bed. We cuddled, and the smell of his body made me feel weak. I missed him and our intimacy. We gazed into each other's eyes, and I got lost in them. Fast forward, we made love. It was amazing. We had a short conversation and then went to sleep. At least this time, we went to bed without fighting each other.
Part: 10
As I write, I feel like I'm reliving the moment. Did I mention that Bunny Bear was a great cook and loved cooking for us? He even taught me how to cook. Our favorite meal was chicken chow mein. He enjoyed trying new recipes and wanted me to rate his food. Bun Bun and I were best friends before all this happened between us. We would play FIFA together, and he would let me win because he didn't want me to get sad from losing. We would gossip and have deep conversations that I never had with anyone else. I don't know how life works, but it's crazy how close friends can turn into strangers. To think that all I'm left with now are memories is just crazy.
Back to the event trip, we woke up early because we had to go to the car wash and run a few errands. He told me that I had to go back to Gaborone because he had a friends' reunion to attend, and afterwards, he would be heading to his village for a few days. He said he would return to Gaborone on December 29th to spend time with me. I was sad that he was leaving when we were supposed to spend time together, but I didn't have a choice. We chilled and ate while waiting for the car to get washed. As soon as they were done, he dropped me off at the bus rank so I could take a bus back to the city. The bus departed, and he also left to meet up with his friends.
I slept in the bus all the way back; I was very tired. I arrived in Gaborone, got home, and called Ditsebe to let him know I arrived safely. He said he was driving with his friend to another place and would call me later that night. I showered, had some food we bought at lunch, and went straight to bed. I was woken up by my phone ringing around 11 pm; it was Bun Bun checking up on me. In that moment, everything seemed okay. I felt like he still had some little love left for me. We had a short chat, and I went back to sleep while he continued having fun with his friends.
Fast forward to December 31st, the day he was coming back to the city. During the few days he was away, he would call and ask me what I was doing and who I was with. He sounded more insecure than caring. Honestly, I didn't understand him anymore. He was a completely different person. One minute he was caring, the next minute he was cold towards me. It was getting worse for me mentally every day. He arrived home late in the evening with food and fireworks I had asked for. I wanted us to light them at midnight, as usual, to celebrate the new year. We lay in bed and chatted a bit, then he left to shower. We slept afterwards so that we could wake up at midnight to celebrate the start of a new year.
We were woken up by the alarm; it was three minutes to midnight. We went outside and started lighting fireworks. Something didn't feel right. I felt like I was with a stranger. He barely said anything to me. We usually get happy that we've survived another year together and celebrate stepping into the new one together, but it seemed like he had already checked out of our relationship in his mind. Poor Princess had hoped that no matter the storms we faced, we would face and conquer them together. We didn't even hug, kiss, or tell each other 'I love you.' I wanted to, but the feeling wasn't mutual from my point of view. We went back to sleep a few minutes later.
Part 11:
If the person you love stops loving you, what do you do? We had grown together, supported each other's growth, and relied on each other for everything. But now, my best friend is slipping away. I was lost and didn't know how to cope. I felt trapped in a dark place, unable to escape or call for help. I was consumed by fear and loneliness. After seven years, it seemed like a waste. But what's the value of a relationship without peace and love? It felt pointless.
It was the first day of a new year, and we still hadn't had a real conversation about what happened with the woman he cheated on me with and what the future held. It was time to address the situation and determine the way forward. However, he didn't seem to want to have a genuine discussion about it. I remember him saying that he and his family had discussed it, and he wanted to be there for the child and the baby's mother. He wasn't sure if we would work out, but if I was willing to understand that his priorities had shifted and the child and baby's mother were now his top priority, we could try to make it work. I couldn't believe those words were coming from the man I had committed to for years. He spoke them proudly, without shame or guilt. I hated that I agreed to give us another chance when I knew I no longer meant anything to him. I guess it's true what they say - love can make you blind. I still loved him too much to let him go.
It's amusing how I trusted a man who cheated on his girlfriend with me and left her for me, only to have him repeat the same pattern with me - leaving me for someone else. I suppose it was karma. The man I knew as Bun Bun was unrecognizable now. He began prioritizing his baby mama, making secret calls, and lost interest in spending time with me. I couldn't recall the last time he expressed love or care for me. Each day was filled with more drama and pain.
I remember one time I went to visit my cousin, and Ditsebe was still at work. I asked him to come pick me up later in the afternoon, and he agreed, saying I should let him know when I was done so he could come get me. He offered to buy me something, and I asked him to pick up a bottle of strawberry lip. Being with my cousins brings me peace; they help alleviate my anxiety, pain, and stress. We spent hours talking and laughing, and around 7 pm, I called Ditsebe to come pick me up. A few minutes later, he arrived, and we headed home. When we got home, he said he had to go back to his cousin's place, saying he'd see me later. I lost my temper and told him I was coming with him. He refused, which made me suspicious, and my intuition was correct - he wanted to go there because the baby's mother was there. I started shouting at him, asking why he kept hurting me. He just looked at me like I was crazy and showed no remorse. He ended up not going, but he was mad at me.
That night, I was at my breaking point. I took his phone, locked eyes with him, and stormed out. I scrolled through his messages and discovered he was professing his care to the baby's mother, claiming we were done. My heart raced; I felt like I was suffocating. How could he be so cruel when I had given him my unwavering love? I wasn't flawless, but I had always prioritized and loved him unconditionally, above all else.
I asked him to explain the texts, but he claimed it wasn't what it seemed. He assured me he loves and cares about me, and that he's not in love with the baby's mother or in a romantic relationship with her; he's only involved with her for the sake of their child. I suggested he call the baby's mother so we could clear the air, but he refused, saying we should go to her place and discuss it in person. I believed him. We got in the car and drove, but after a distance from the house, the car broke down. At that moment, I wondered if the universe was working for or against me. We sat silently in the car, not speaking to each other. He tried calling a mechanic, but his phone went straight to voicemail. We waited another 30 minutes, both staring out our respective windows, still not speaking. He tried starting the car again, and this time it worked. He drove us back home, and we went to sleep without a word to each other.
Part 12:
Have you ever felt like your heart would shut down at any moment because of the pain you're experiencing? That was me that morning. We woke up, did our household chores, and everything seemed better, or so I thought. We finished everything, and he suggested we go to the shops to get a few things. We got ready and left. Just halfway to the mall, he said, 'You can see things aren't working out between us. We've tried, and it's not working. It's better we call it quits. We'll get a bag at the shops so you can pack your stuff.' Did my heart not skip a beat in that moment? I wasn't sure I heard him right. I stayed quiet for a moment and said, 'Okay, if that's what you want.' And he was like, 'It's for the best.' I knew in that moment that I was facing a battle I could never win.
We came back from the shops with a large bag, and he lay in bed, engrossed in his phone, as I packed my stuff. I expected him to stop me and say it was all a joke, but he didn't. I packed in silence, trying to appear okay. He seemed unusually cheerful and relieved, talking more than usual. It was as if he had been waiting for this moment, eager to end our 7-year relationship. His happiness was a stark contrast to my pain, making me wonder if he had always wanted out but didn't know how to do it.
The next morning, he woke up early and said he was going to see a mechanic. As soon as he left, my mind started racing. I began recalling what he said to me yesterday, and it all started sinking in - Mabunuza and I were really done. I couldn't believe it. I sat down on the side of the bed and burst into tears. I was overwhelmed with anxiety and hurt. I couldn't stop crying. In a moment of desperation, I took a razor blade and cut myself on my left arm, seeking physical pain to match my emotional turmoil. I became weak from crying and texted my cousins and aunt for help, fearing I might hurt myself further or worse. I saw no point in living without Bun Bun; it seemed impossible to ever be okay again. My cousin texted him, telling him to return home and check on me because I wasn't okay, but he replied that he was at the mechanic. The truth, however, was that he was with the baby's mother, traveling to visit his dad and introduce her to him, while I was struggling to survive the pain he caused me. Why did he hate me this much? What had I done to deserve such treatment?
I sobbed for hours, and my eyes were puffy and swollen. My cousin repeatedly asked him to send someone to check on me if he couldn't come himself. Meanwhile, my two cousins were en route to visit me, but they were delayed since they were not in the city. My aunt suggested I come to her place when my ex-boyfriend arrived, so we could gather and explore ways to address the situation together.
It was after lunch, but I still couldn't stop crying. I felt utterly alone, with no one to turn to. It was undoubtedly the worst day of my life. After an hour, I heard a knock on the door and immediately opened it. I was lying on the floor, numb and weak. Two people rushed in, grabbed me, and lifted me into the car. It was his friend, rushing me to the clinic. When I arrived, I was whisked away to the emergency room. The doctor asked what happened, but they didn't know. The doctors tried to ask me, but all I could do was cry and repeat my ex-boyfriend's name. I felt like I was losing my mind. The doctor called him to inform him of my situation, but he said he was busy. I could hear the doctor and his friends saying, 'This guy doesn't really care about her.' It made me cry even harder. I couldn't believe he would do this to me. If I had done something to make him hate me this much, I was sorry. Please forgive me.
The doctors and the lady who works at the clinic tried comforting & advising me.I couldn’t even hear a word. All I wanted was him to hug me tight & tell me everything is going to be ok. Too bad that was never going to happen. It was my first heartbreak experience & the worst. He left me after 7years of being together.
The doctor gave me antidepressant pills, and I went back to his place, which didn't feel like home anymore. I was still crying and couldn't recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. A few minutes after I arrived, my cousins also arrived. We sat there for a while, waiting for my ex-boyfriend to come back from wherever he had been the whole day while I was at the clinic. Apparently, he was with the girl he had been cheating on me with. After a while, he arrived, but he didn't even show remorse for what happened to me. He didn't even ask how I was feeling or what had happened to me.
We had a meeting at my aunt's place regarding our relationship, where she tried advising us in the best possible ways. She suggested that we take a break from our relationship. Too bad my ex-boyfriend didn't agree; he just wanted us to break up, which was all he wanted from me. With no choice I agreed with us breaking up. He even said “no we tried laitiaka. Go padile”.
AFTER THE BREAKUP
Part 13:
Fast forward, I asked him if I could stay at his place for a few days before I left the country because I needed to take care of something before my departure, and he agreed. I could see how happy and free he was, which made me feel like I had been making his life miserable. The few days I spent at his place were the worst days of my life. He was now open about his relationship with the baby's mother, coming home late from work and going out without even saying anything to me. I felt like the jealous ex-girlfriend. He was moving on with his life so quickly. What I couldn't understand was that he still wanted us to do things that couples do and wanted us to be intimate, even though he clearly didn't love me anymore.
After leaving the country, we went three weeks without speaking. He didn't even reach out to see if I had arrived safely, which further exacerbated my struggles. I was taking antidepressants but still not coping. Sleepless nights and depression took a toll on me, causing weight loss. I felt lost and hopeless. While my cousins and aunt offered support, it wasn't enough to fill the void. Deep down, I longed for my ex-boyfriend to return to me.
One weekend, I was in Botswana visiting my granny. He texted me out of the blue and asked if we could go out during the weekend. He wanted to apologize and said he missed me. I agreed because I missed him too. He came to pick me up, and I didn't know how to feel. It was the first time seeing him after our breakup, and I was nervous. We had a really fun weekend together. However, I still had that pain and hadn't forgiven him yet. Although we were no longer together, it seemed like he wanted us to act like a couple without actually saying it.
The mini vacation ended, and we returned to the city, where I was scheduled to catch a bus back to Johannesburg the next morning. We went to his cousin's place when we arrived, and he was acting strangely. After an hour or so, I asked if we weren't going to his place because I was tired and needed to rest, but he insisted we stay a bit longer. There was something going on with him. We eventually went to his place, and it was already late. We arrived and went to sleep. A few minutes later, we heard a knock; it was his baby mama looking for him. He asked his housemate to give her the car keys and told him to say he wasn't around. The car we were traveling in belonged to her. Apparently, he had lied and told her he was going to his home village when, in fact, he was coming to see me. I could hear the baby mama and her cousin shouting outside. I started shaking, and my trauma came flooding back. He hugged me and told me not to worry. After about 15 minutes, it was silent; they had left, and we went back to sleep. The next morning, I got ready and left for Johannesburg.
Two months down the line, One morning, he texted me, asking how I was doing. I lied, saying I was fine, when in truth, I was struggling to cope. I was relying on antidepressants and sleeping pills just to get by. Despite my efforts to move on, I couldn't shake off thoughts of him. My life was in disarray. I lacked the motivation to search for a job or even find the strength to try. I was lost in grief, mourning the loss of our love.
I became obsessed with trying to protect him, even though he was my ex-boyfriend. I still cared deeply about him and felt a strong need to shield him from harm. I recall telling my friend that he needed me, and I believed it. Perhaps it was because I had spent so many years protecting him that I thought he was struggling without me. I started investigating his baby mama, sensing something wasn't quite right about her. I uncovered the truth about her and shared it with him. This led to a fight between them, causing even more drama. The baby mama would text me, saying hurtful things, and it seemed my ex-boyfriend had shared my confidences with her, using them against me. This hurt even more because I had trusted him with my life. The situation escalated into endless fights between me, my ex-boyfriend, the baby mama, and her fiancé - whom my ex-boyfriend didn't know existed because the baby mama had lied about being single.
Part 14:
He blocked me everywhere, and we ceased communicating. I was attempting to move on and heal. Then, one morning, his message popped up on my phone. He wanted us to get back together, claiming he was no longer with the baby mama. How insane was I to agree to reunite with a man who had broken my heart not once, but multiple times? He was already in a new relationship with another young girl, so I asked him how this would work. He assured me he would break up with her. I believed him, astonishingly, after all the lies I had fallen for before. He said he would come to Johannesburg during the weekend, and we could discuss our potential reunion. I was excited, thinking that finally, my love and I could fix things. Little did I know, it was another trap.
Later that day, I was scrolling through TikTok and saw new videos posted of him and his new girlfriend on his account. I started shaking and felt the urge to cry. I immediately went to WhatsApp to text him, only to find that he had blocked me again. I couldn't believe it. Why would he do this to me? Just hours before, he had expressed a desire to reunite and work on our relationship, and now he was openly showcasing his new girlfriend and had blocked me. I was consumed by confusion and hurt. I tried calling him, but he declined my calls. What a bust. I couldn't help but feel hatred towards him for causing me so much pain.
I gave up and let him be. A few days later, I saw him posting pictures of him and his girlfriend from their trip to Johannesburg. This was the same trip he had told me he was taking to visit me, showing me once again that he had lied. I couldn't believe I had loved someone who treated me like a piece of garbage. I had let him play me again and again, despite the pain he caused me. All I wanted was him, and I had loved him unconditionally.
I met someone, and he was incredibly kind to me. He embodied everything a girl could ask for in a partner. He was handsome, 6 feet tall, with dark skin, beautiful brown eyes, and a fit physique. He treated me with respect and care. However, I was too quick to move on from my previous relationship. I was still hurting, and I ended up transferring my emotional baggage to my new boyfriend. I struggled with insecurity, trust issues, and clinginess. Unfortunately, we broke up just a month into our relationship. I've learned that healing first before jumping into another relationship is crucial. If I had waited until I was fully healed, I believe I would still be with him. Nevertheless, I'm grateful to have met him and learned valuable lessons from our time together. He was amazing.
It was April 20th, my birthday. I woke up to a morning call from an unsaved number. It was him, my ex-boyfriend, Bun Bun. He was calling to wish me a happy birthday and asked if we could meet to celebrate together. I agreed, knowing it was probably stupid of me, but the heart wants what it wants. We agreed to meet at Zerust over the weekend. I never said no to him. I'm not sure why, because I knew he didn't love me. He just wanted to do nice things for me because he felt guilty for hurting me, and I agreed because it made me feel better to see him and be in denial about the situation. I pretended to myself that he still loved me. I also thought it was a way to buy time for myself to heal, because I didn't want to get back with him anymore. I knew we could never go back to how things were after everything he put me through. I loved and hated him so much.
We met at Zerust, went clubbing, and he bought me a gift. It would have been amazing if it was when we were still together. I remember he told me how amazing his new girlfriend was, and I also told him about the guy I met, lying that we were still together. I lied a lot to him about my love life because I thought he would stop contacting me, but it never worked. He also shared the painful news that he had lost his baby. Despite everything he put me through, I still felt for him. The weekend was over, and we parted ways, stopping communication as usual.
Months later i went to Gaborone for a month and told him. We met, and honestly, I could see that he wasn't himself. I could tell he was going through a lot, but I couldn't ask. He would strangely ask me to come see him at night. Sometimes I would agree, and sometimes I wouldn't. I remember he tricked me again, saying he wanted me back and that this time he meant it. I guess by that time, his relationship with his girlfriend wasn't going well, or he just wanted to sleep with me. He said he would take her stuff back to her and call it quits. I believed him again, and he played me as usual. He didn't break up with the girl. I remember finding her stuff at his place, and I took them, threatening him that I would throw them away. I was in pain, wondering why I always fell for his traps. This time, I gave up for good on getting back with him. I went back to Joburg, and I would see him posting about his girlfriend on social media, looking happy. That was my cue to let go of him for good and heal.
He would reach out to me now and then, buying me gifts and giving me money. It was his way of keeping me close to him, so we could still get intimate whenever he felt like it. He used me for a very long time because I thought he would eventually see my worth. However, the more I let him, the more he disrespected me. He was very happy in his relationship, while I was struggling to be in a relationship due to the trauma and depression he caused me.
Early this year, I came to terms with the fact that enough is enough; I couldn't let myself be used by this guy forever. I blocked him everywhere, and ever since then, I've been better and have healed. I still have memories of him, but I don't want him in my life anymore. Thanks to him for the life lessons. The pain he caused me taught me how to be strong, wise, independent, and resilient. He shaped me into a better person for my next partner. Wherever you are, Bun bun, I thank you for everything and forgive you for everything you put me through. I wish you well in life.
