SHOOK & FORCED OUT - SURVIVING BOSTON

SHOOK & FORCED OUT - SURVIVING BOSTON

THE DEMARCUS WHITE STORY

INTRO - CHAPTER ONE:

My name is DeMarcus Treddford-White aka DeMarco J on the radio. My talent is artwork and media involving online radio & TV. Throughout all my life born in Roxbury, MA now at 49-year-old, I haven't succeeded anywhere with my accomplishments anywhere; and I plan to break down every details on why I haven't yet made it nowhere in this world. What I say is based on a true story. The City of Boston and the Black community's goal was to break me into depression. They did it to me for the past 40+ years of trying to get my talent skills out there for the public to see, they halfway succeeded in destroying me.

Based on what I have witnessed throughout my lifetime as a young Black man, the Black communities in Boston are very toxic and hypocritical; no matter how much you think they are doing good positive things for the communities. That maybe good and dandy, but knowing the communities of Roxbury, Dorchester and Mattapan like I do all my life, they are not who they say they are.

Here in the communities of Boston, there is a thing called 'PICKING & CHOOSING', along with 'NEPOTISM & FAVORITISM'. I have seen that divided and conquering all my life which explains to reason who the Black communities are so divided today. Here are several examples on why I have not succeed that lead to several attempted suicides, mental health and ongoing depression..

1.) The Black communities of Boston has a long toxic history of 'PICKING & CHOOSING' on who should be accepted into the community, and who should not be accepted.

2.) Who should be our community leaders or activists, and who should not.

3.) Who are privileged to have their talent be seen, and who should not.

4.) Who should be real and accurate for the City of Boston and Black communities, and who should be fake and inaccurate based on their false narratives and perceptions.

5.) Who should be "BLACK ENOUGH" within the Black communities in Boston, and who should "NOT BE BLACK ENOUGH" within the Black communities.

The Black communities 'PICKS & CHOOSES' who they think belongs in Boston representing the city, and who they think is weak making them (like myself) the enemy of Boston who doesn't belong here.

When so-called leaders and activists within Black & Brown communities of Boston say, "ALL ARE WELCOME TO OUR CITY!" and "THIS IS YOUR CITY!" That's really not the case. THAT IS A LIE! That's nothing but a 'Dog & Pony Show' to make you think that the City of Boston and the Black communities are there for you and others; only to prove my point that they are there for who they 'Pick & Choose' to work with, and who they should throw under the bus.

No matter how much you worked hard to try to get your name out there based on your talent, you are still rejected based out of people's jealously. Meaning, people in the city or in the Black communities can make up a false narrative stories and perceptions about you to tarnish your reputation; lie on you and lie to you; assassinate your character to make you a bad influence within the Black community by manipulating the people from the community who can't think for themselves turning on you based out of preconceive notion.

As harsh as this may sound, the city and the Black community's main goals in Boston are to get rid the people who they themselves do not like secretly and won't say it public on how they really feel about an individual, put those like myself onto a downward spiral of missed opportunities that were purposely blocked, throwing you under the bus and never to be seen regarding your talent you've done fin Boston for decades completely ignore intentionally.

If you're not chosen for great higher success in cities like Boston, they will break you into depression. Trust me.. They did it to me! They want to see that you are depressed, suicidal, and hopefully kill yourself so they wouldn't have to deal with individuals like myself who have been completely ignored for years.

There's no doubt in my mind that this was all built by design by the City of Boston and the Black Communities to make sure that you will never be seen nor heard regarding your talent, and helpfully that I would self-destructed into hurting myself or commit suicide, is something that the City of Boston and the Black communities want secretly.

The City and the Black communities of Boston has a long history on how to break people into depression hoping that we would seek revenge by hurting people mentally that hurt other people like myself in the process, and hopefully that I go to prison for manslaughter, is something the Boston and Black communities want so they wouldn't have to deal with you and others that are trying to be accepted for their good work..

EXAMPLE: "You're in the Black community of Boston and you're in the City of Boston.

If somebody like DeMarcus White or a DeMarco J. for some reason comes to us asking to look at his talent in artwork, online radio or TV, let's break him by denying him those chances of opportunities to be heard or seen here in the City of Boston. Let's make up a false narrative story that would make him be 'The Bad Guy' as "Inaccurate who delivers Fake News." Let's have some of our Black community leaders, politicians and activists (that we've chosen) to turn on DeMarcus by gas-lighting and manipulating our friends, community residents and constituents about DeMarcus bad behavior by lying to them that "DeMarcus hates Boston, he hate Black people, he hate the Black communities, etc."

YES, we know how Boston is dealing with racism and ignorance from our Black communities. The reason why some Black folks - from the City of Boston in the Black communities call me inaccurate, does NOT have anything to do with what is being said by my callers on this radio show, claiming that the voices are fake and we using A.I. and all this BS to boost ratings online getting more listening audience. Nothing can be further from the truth.

And YES-- I'm going on the defense. They, back in Boston, knew all my callers were accurate based on factual truth about this country, on systemic racism and the self-hatred of our-selves as Black people. Most of them don't wanna talk about that. So, what do they do? They cross-examine to put out false claims about me, my colleagues and this radio station. But that's not to real reason why they call me accurate. Let me give you the real reason why that they will never admit to this type of Black Excellence on the radio.

The real reason why some Negros from Boston call me inaccurate, is based on fear. Not the kinda fear you and

I know like, "Oh, I'm afraid of them taking an ass whuppin." NO NO NO! Not that kinda fear! It is the ENVY and JEALOUSY that brings in the FEAR of one man's TALENT that will make that individual so self-hatred of you, that they will try and make you IRRELEVANT to the city and in the Black communities, that results into INACCURACY! Meaning, if your talent in art or media is a total threat to those in the city and in the Black communities based on envy, jealousy and self-hate, that their job is to keep you INACCURATE base on fear.

So, all that BS about, "Oh, he's not in the Black communities, he's not Black enough, he don't rep our city!" is nothing but a 'Dog & Pony show..' Despite that they don't listen to our radio show, which they admitted BTW through perception of what they really think of me here in Boston. That's why I don't have a relationship with Boston nor their Black communities. That's why I cut all ties with Boston because of the toxic energy they use to tear down their own Black folks based on EMOTIONAL PERCEPTION for succeeding their goals. That's what it's really all about. Remember..

Not all BLACK FOLKS are your KIN FOLKS; and not all cities like Boston are for you and your talent. And they wonder why we are in New York City for better success trying to make it.

PERCEPTION vs. REALITY! This is what reality is in the City of Boston dealing with Black folks. That reality is called 'SELF-HATE', and when a certain race of a human-being (Black/African-American) is being destroyed with lies and perceptions from the same race of people perpetrated by those individuals.

Boston and the Black communities creates people of their choosing; and also creating enemies of their choosing based on a person's true feelings about you despite if they known you for years or not. That's another form of hidden 'SELF-HATRED.' This is why I'm in the situation that I'm in and why my mental health and depression has played a huge role in my life for over 40 years.

Another reason why some people move out of Boston cause it will lead to a downward spiral because people like myself was personally was never accepted, but only rejected and we know why. It's designed built by the society of Boston to destroy and break people into depression on who they do not want intentionally. This is one of the reasons why I lost respect for a city I once loved, and now it's nothing but a huge disappointment for me.

That's why I don't attend local community events in Boston nor participate in Black or Brown community events. That's is why I don't participate in local politics nor watch local TV or listen to radio here in Boston. Why, so you can break me some more by inviting people they have chosen to be the face of Boston from their TV or radio programs to make me ashamed of myself that "THEY ARE SOMETHING and I AM NOTHING?" I turn that crap right off cause I refuse to deal with more of that pain of not seeing myself on those same local TV stations with my own talent.

Local TV and Radio media here in Boston are hypocrites, claiming that they for the people of the city.. That's a lie! That is a mental health trigger because I'm nowhere on any list being the face of Boston to represent my so-called city ever.. This is such bullshit and they know it.

This is why I travel to New York, New Jersey and Connecticut as much as possible to get the hell away from Boston to stimulate my mental health. Take me for my word as a Black man who has dealt with this crap for over 40 years. There's no hope for many Black & Brown people here in Boston because it was all build be design making sure that there is no hope for people like me here in Boston in order to succeed and accomplish a successful career in life.

Boston is a small city and not enough opportunities to go around for every African-American in this city who has been turned away multiple times throughout decades intentionally. I have witnessed Black people move out of Boston to other cities like New York, Atlanta, Houston, Miami or Los Angeles where plenty of resources and opportunities are available, where there is hope, and where you can finally succeed in life.

Unfortunately, it is not here in the City of Boston nor in the Black communities, and those kind of opportunities will never be here in this city. Once again, it is all built be design to destroy certain individuals like myself who has the talent and who has no hope at all, because 'HOPE' was never given to me, nor I being a thought of who was born and raised in the City of Boston. This is real!

This is where I'm at today with no hope, no real opportunities, no chances and no life in this city. 49 years of my life and talent wasted in this toxic city. Once again, this was built by design to break me into depression.

LIST OF PLACES - CHAPTER TWO

I've started drawing MBTA Subway Lines of the Orange and Green Line part of the City of Boston. Here's my list of places throughout decades since 1984 when I was 11-years-old where I tried to expose my artwork but never go any positive results that leading to any real opportunities in Boston.

James J. Chittick Elementary School 1984

Boston City Hall 1985

Washington Irving Middle School 1987

WEEI News Radio at Prudential Tower 1987

Transportation Library at Park Plaza 1987

New England Medical Center (Tufts) 1987

Hyde Park High School 1989

Museum of Fine Arts 1990

McKinley Vocational High School 1990

Boston University 1991

Boston Children's Hospital 1992

WHDH-TV Channel 7 / Urban Update 1994

Boston Globe and Herald 1997

WBZ-TV Channel 4 News 1998

Northeastern University 2003

Vinfen Corporation 2007

Bay State Banner 2014

Boston Artists for Humanity 2023

Mass College Of Art 2023

All of the above has rejected my work talent, been overlooked and ignored my artwork leading to disappointments, discouragements, depressions and mental health triggers. With all the bad luck I have received throughout decades explains why I hate the City of Boston cause they have failed me on purpose repeatedly time and time again. This was all.. again.. built by design.

I feel that Boston has made me out the enemy by overlooking my talent; that I've overstayed my welcome in this city that has brought nothing but failure after failure after failure. I was never wanted in Black communities nor in the City of Boston since day one. My history throughout years and decades speaks for itself!

RADIO FINANCIAL SUPPORT - CHAPTER THREE

During my 15 years of doing online radio for iPower One / iPower 98.9 FM that originally started in Boston back in January 2007, I have not received not one financial support, no marketing support, no advertising support, no sponsor-ship support from neither the Black communities, the City of Boston nor in the State of Massachusetts itself.

The reason? There was no support from the Black communities nor the city on how to start a real business nor create a business plan. Once again, the Black communities of Boston 'PICKS & CHOOSES' on who in communities of color should be financially be funded, be successful and be the face and voice of the communities and the city.

Sadly and unfortunately, I was not chosen nor was given ZERO chance to be accepted for my talent and creation. But again, no volunteer these days from the city nor the Black communities of Boston does not want to volunteer nor work for free. I had major fallouts with Black and Brown people becoming jealous, all because I was teaching them about the radio business; but sadly they were about themselves, who most of them didn't want to know about the business coming from me, all because I studied the radio business on how it works and how to create revenue.

Some of the volunteers that I have known knew I was only one producer doing everything with no hand-to-hand assistance and no help while doing online radio, knowing that I would collapse mentally for overworked because and those who refuses to help me. That's why I do these online radio shows whenever I can because I don't have the support that I should've had during those last 15 years on the airways.

But once again, this is the history of Black people in based on my decades of experience within the Black communities. We don't support each other financially nor mentally. The majority of Black people don't talk to each other for business financial support, all because of jealousy, envy, self-hatred and backstabbers who always prey for your downfall, and not pray for your up-lifting. That's why so many talents from Boston and the Black communities are not financially successful because of the enemies we have in our own backyard who are cutthroats waiting to strike, tear down and destroy you.

Now, let's look at those who became financially successful coming from Black & Brown communities working for major corporations or for themselves. When you look at today's individuals Black & Brown folks who did made it, they got that help through radio marketing who have a major degree in media radio broadcasting working for iHeart Radio / Media or Urban One, Inc, where you will definitely see experienced radio/media personalities finding that perfect match, work together and create a talented radio show in other cities like New York, Atlanta, Miami, Chicago or Los Angeles.

Here are the media personalities that did made it because they thought outside the box and got financial assistance working with a financial team to produce and host radio shows throughout the country with the financial backing of media corporations like iHeart Radio or Urban One Inc.

TOM JOYNER

STEVE HARVEY

RICKEY SMILEY

DL HUGHLEY

DJ ENVY

ANGELA YEE

CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD

Just to name a few.. And you ask yourself, "How come DeMarcus' name is not on that list as one of great media personalities on syndicated radio, online radio nor behind the scenes creating talented radio shows being financially creative in a major city?"

The answer is very simple!!!! I was NEVER given a chance to be accepted nor show off my working talent to cities like Boston nor in the Black communities because they were too afraid of brand new talent, and was considered a total threat to the city and they refuse to help. That's why I'm stuck in the position that I've currently been all my life; and people wonder why I suffer from depression and having these mental health triggers. All built by design!!!!

BECOMING SUCCESSFUL IN ANOTHER CITY - CHAPTER FOUR

History has been proven that if you have a talent and a dream to further your goals and your career, you can make that dream come true. They say, You can be what you want to be. That maybe true.. However, that all depends on the city and location you are currently in. Boston has proven to me that I will never be the face of the city nor community because I was rejected before I was even considered accepted. Once again, That's called 'PICK AND CHOOSE!'

Here's the difference between other major cities where some people have become successful, compare to the City of Boston who the majority of some Black and Brown people who were unsuccessful.

1.) NEW YORK

2.) ATLANTA

3.) PHILADELPHIA

4.) BALTIMORE

5.) MIAMI

6.) CHICAGO,

7.) HOUSTON

8.) LOS ANGELES

IHEART MEDIA & CBS VIACOM POSITIONS

In these major cities that are mentioned, there are over thousands of job opportunities available based on your skills in media / radio, television or arts. Many lives of Black & Brown people were changed once applicants are accepted for these major positions in radio or TV corporations.

These individuals who work in cities like New York has easy closes access to transportation commuting to cities like in NYC. Dreams for some has definitely came true; and I still have a chance to be part of the dream for a successful career opportunity in another city that will not fail Black people or people of color for those opportunities. Plus, job programs that would train you for these job opportunities matching your skills.

Sadly, Boston has failed me multiple times; and I ask myself, "How much more rejections I have to take from Boston before my talent is finally accepted?"

Again, BOSTON is nowhere near the thousands of positions available for people of color when it comes to iHeart Media, Urban One nor CBS Viacom unfortunately, where the job market has very limited access to job opportunities based on your skills. Boston is a small city compare to other big cities like New York or Los Angeles where a person of color like myself does not have no chance whatsoever. There are no job programs based on my media skills which explains why I keep failing repeatedly throughout decades in order to achieve any goals which leads to what??! Mental health triggers!

The more discouragements and the more disappointments within decades in Boston leads to depression, leads to mental health triggers due to lack of job opportunities that matches your skills.

TALENT GOING TO WASTE

There are thousands of Black talent in Boston, MA that are currently going to waste. I am one of those thousands out there. Why are talent going to waste? Because local talent is being overlooked by not just the powers that be, but by the Black communities themselves. So, no matter how much hard work you put into your project, sadly the Black communities these days have no interest. I should know.. I was turned about multiple times because my talent is a threat to Black Boston based on fear, jealousy & self-hatred. And that's what leads to discouragements, leads to mental health triggers and leads to division.

And here's the 1000% factual truth on why talent is being ignored intentionally based on my experience living in Boston. This is not coming for any local newspapers, TV or any tabloid garbage. This is based on the THIRD EYE & the THIRD EAR of what I've witnessed in Boston throughout decades.

Did you know that most of the talent by Black and Brown people in the City of Boston will go undiscovered? Most Black and Brown people in Boston could unexpectedly pass away before their talent is even discovered. Do you know who's stopping these talents from being discovered? Not just the city of Boston itself or some racist White folks; but the Black communities of Boston will not give that opportunity to those in order to be discovered based on selfishness reasons. Let me break it all down for you so you can understand.

EXAMPLES:

1.) Your magnificent talent can leads to envy, jealously and self-hatred, that your talent would be considered a threat to not only the City of Boston, but a total threat to the Black communities of Boston. Black folks in Boston is considered a total threat more than any other race when your talent becomes a threat based on their self-hate for you who want to see you fail, period.

2.) The City of Boston is a small city.. Meaning, the smaller the city, the lesser the resources. The lesser the resources, the lesser of opportunities to go around. The lesser of opportunities, the lesser of any hopes and dreams coming your way for your talent to ever be discovered.

3.) New York City, Atlanta, Chicago and Los Angeles are big major cities, meaning more marketing and resources. Black and Brown talent is being discovered everyday in those big major cities cause those cities are financed for talented people based on their skills. Not all of them will be discovered, but at least Black talent will have a chance to try and get their foots into the door compared to Boston where the doors are automatically shut on them, purposely and intentionally.

4.) Boston has no interest for Black talent when it comes to music, radio or TV media.. despite the diversity in that city which really means nothing when you live a known racist city like Boston. I'm not talking about the Black communities of Boston. I'm talking about the City of Boston itself. Knowing that Boston is still and forever be a racist and toxic city, Boston has no interest for local Black music because the White power structure does not benefit from it financially.

New York City on the other hand has an interest for Black and Brown talent when it comes to music, radio or TV media because New York want something that's beneficial out of the deal; meaning a percentage of your hard working talent making a huge revenue going into the pockets of some of these record companies, to the City of New York, despite that your talent has now been discovered accepting a 60/40 or 70/30 financial deal.

So therefore.. Knowing that Boston shuts out Black and Brown talent.. New York City, Atlanta or Los Angeles welcomes Black and Brown talent anywhere across the country; even if it does cost them to get in in order to make it finally getting that opportunity, meaning I finally got my foot in the door for success.

A city like Boston CAN.. and WILL fail you on purpose if you tried to make yourself public with your talent IF YOU ARE BLACK. Cause remember.. Being BLACK IN BOSTON, you have no chance in hell of NEVER making it EVER in a racist / self-hate city where you will never be considered a thought of. Why? Because it was all built by design. Being Black in Boston is not for you!

USED AND ABUSED - CHAPTER FIVE

Throughout my 15 years participating in on online radio, TV and media.. I have been used, abused and taken advantage of by the people I thought I could trust went and used my own creation by robbing from me, stealing my ideas from me, and profiting off my work, not seeing one dime of that money that the online radio station financially needs. .

These so-called volunteers I thought I trusted didn't want volunteer when it's time to go to work; and when I confronted them about their irresponsibility's, they get so defensive, get mad and then called me a liar; and then the next thing I know they started blocking me from social media such as 'Facebook and Instagram,' and then lied to people in the community they knew not to associate with myself, my colleagues or this online radio station (iPower 98.9)..

Meaning they were willing to cut their own throats to try and put me out of business, put me against the Black & Brown communities of Boston to make sure that I was irrelevant and inaccurate in those communities and the city of Boston.. Making sure that I was voiceless and powerless to get my talent and my voice out there towards communities of color; but it was all true colors of the people who I thought were my brothers and sisters trying to make a difference for their communities. That was not the case! It was all about guilt trips against me; blaming me for everything that is not their fault; that I was the only devil in the room that was dividing the Black communities of Boston with my selfishness; and the ones that hurt me the most can do no wrong.

This is why I don't associate with Black or Brown communities today or Boston itself, all because of the poor decisions and false perceptions that were made against me. I have so many enemies within the city of Boston today because they were out to destroy me, my goals, my media creation based on what??! Based on JEALOUSY, ENVY AND SELF-HATE! THAT IS BOSTON!!!!

My relationship with the Black & Brown communities and the City of Boston has been destroyed mentally with toxic negative vibes, hateful thoughts, evil mindsets of people who think this way judging another human being before learning the facts and giving that person a chance to know my work.

"IF I CAN'T MAKE IT, I'M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU DON'T MAKE IT!" That is the mindset of a person filled with hatred because my talent to them became a total threat to the communities and the City of Boston where that city showed their true colors. Sadly, those who wanted my voice silenced and never to be seen nor heard because of my 40+ years of talent, has been accomplished by the doubters and haters of this city. THEY WON!!! HATE HAS WON AGAINST ME IN BOSTON!!! HATE may have won against me from the City of Boston that I once loved. They may have won the battle, but definitely did not win the war.

They are other major cities out there that will give you a second chance like New York City, like Los Angeles that will welcome you with opened arms. The doors in Boston were shut on me ON PURPOSE. And I thank God the City of Boston does not think like the rest of the cities across the country who will still give me those opportunities to me that I was silenced for back in my so-called hometown that I no longer have respect for. BOSTON FAILED ME ON PURPOSE!

Again.. That was built by design!!!

Q.) HOW DO I FEEL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF HELL IN BOSTON?

1.) LESS THAN

2.) LIFE WASTED

3.) SWEPT UNDER THE RUG

4.) OVERLOOKED

5.) NOT WANTED

6.) NOT ACCEPTED

7.) NEVER WAS EMBRACED

This is not towards what White people think of me.. But how BLACK PEOPLE think of me. THEIR OWN PEOPLE! The Black community especially in Boston are not your biggest supporters and are NOT your kinfolks. Based on my years of physical abused and self-hatred mentally against me, not all Black people are the same. I WITNESSED THAT? I FELT THAT? AND I WAS HURT BY THAT!

White Supremacists are not the only people that hate Black people. We got Black people who hate BLACK PEOPLE.. IN THE BLACK COMMUNITIES? IN OUR OWN BACKYARDS WHERE WE LIVE. TO ME BOSTON IS WORSE CAUSE I WITNESSED IT WITH MY 20/20 VISION. I'M NOT ALL FOR BLACK PEOPLE CAUSE THEY WAY I WAS TAUGHT NOT TO LOVE CERTAIN BLACK FOLKS WHO HATE THEIR OWN PEOPLE BASED ON JEALOUSY AND SELF-HATE.

Cutthroats are willing to put their freedom and their lives on the line in order to destroy your chances for success in life; even if they have to manipulate the Black community and lie on you, making sure you never reach your goals.

This has been happening to me for the past 40+ years during my childhood, adolescent and my adulthood years right to this day knowing I have this talent, but are willing die or go to prison just to make sure I don't make it. This is what Envy, Jealousy, Self-Hatred and Betrayal will do to a person like myself who just wanted an opportunity. Once again.. This is built by design!!!!

ENEMIES WITHIN - CHAPTER SIX:

They say, "Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer!" I never thought I had enemies within my so-called beloved family. My father, Winston Trench, who came here from the West Indian Island of Jamaica, along with my mother Ernell Hudson. My father is now deceased, and I never had any love for so-called father because he never had any for love for me.

I didn't know if this was a West Indian tradition where some fathers from the Caribbean Islands never says, "I LOVE YOU!" to their child. Before he passed away and went straight to hell where he belongs, I never in my life on this earth ever hear him utter the words "I LOVE YOU!" With all the physical and verbal abuse I took as a child from this him, I was taught to hate this man for what he did to me. I was never taught LOVE by this man. My mother was doing all the loving and taking care of me cause he was never a father in my book.

A man bringing a child into this world does not make him a true father.

We (my father and I) were never taught to love each other as FATHER & SON.. We never had a true father/son relationship; we never ever went to baseball or football games together as father & son; we never had happy times together. I've always hated the last name 'TRENCH' cause I felt uncomfortable around my father, that I would lie to my classmates in school that I had no father in my life, or my father was dead and I was adopted. With his child abuse and hate towards me, he taught me how to hate him. My father taught me to hate him because he put the hate on me first.

My so-called father play a huge role in dividing my relationship with the brother (on my mother's side) that I never barley knew named Paul who is now deceased. He also did a great job by destroying my relationship with my so-called siblings (on his side of the family). That relationship is way beyond repair. I can't get those years back, and I don't want those years back.

I choose not to have no future family reunions because his side of the family and I have nothing in common. What's done is done.. I really don't care about these siblings. I don't care if they LIVE or DIE.. They will forever be dead to me. This Trench Family means nothing to me, and they can go to hell for all I care.

Call me cruel for saying this? Since my father's family knew about my child abuse throughout all these years, I wouldn't care if they were victims of a car crash, a robbery or struck by lighting.. KARMA IS A BITCH, AND SHE HAS NO EXPIRATION DATE. I'd rather die alone than to have a toxic family around me.

Now, people will say, "DeMarcus, you have REVENGE on your mind!" I had my REVENGE on my mind when I took the opportunity back in the summer of 1995 to beat the holy hell out of my abusive father making him suffer. I was once in fear of him when I was a child.. But when I planned to murder him that year, I was in a temporary insane mode that made me seek revenge after my father that put the fear in me. Now, he was afraid of me when I felt good beating his ass out of REVENGE. I had no regrets for what I did to him. I couldn't murdered him that night. My mind told me to murder this son of a bitch for what he did to me, but heart told me not to. That's was the last time I spoke to my father.

Before he died in 2019, I never forgave him.. I didn't even went to the funeral because I didn't want to listen to the lies and the garbage at his eulogy on how he was a good man, a good father and grandfather, which is a crock of bullshit. My so-called siblings never lived with him. They lived with their own mother.

My birth mother (Ernell Trench) was not related to the so-called siblings. I was living somewhere in New Jersey back in 2019 when he died; and never shed a tear for him because I was taught from the best when it came to my abusive father; which is called 'LEARNED BEHAVIOR!' My revenge was NEVER on the public.. They didn't nothing to me, meaning THEY'RE INNOCENT! But my REVENGE has always been on the my abusive father and his family.

I've always considered the Trench Family 'MY ENEMIES' because they were GUILTY by association with their father Winston, which I never in my life called him 'DAD or POP' ever. I called him by his first name because he was no father of mine. If you live in a toxic home with a beloved mother and an abusive father, you are being taught both LOVE by your mother, and HATE by your father.

Thank God for my mother who's still on this earth, cause I wasn't taught hate all the way, but regret for attacking her physically back in 1991 cause I saw my father do that to her as well. So, when I went temporary insane at 17, I thought it was okay to call my mother a bitch and smack her around too.. After being taught what my abusive father did to her.

I've attempted suicide three time throughout my life. I've been in out hospitals for psychiatric evaluation throughout the 1990s diagnose with mental illness due to physical and mental abuse by my father; I've been in different group homes for last 15 years till I finally have an apartment of my own back in 2007. I've survived on my own since I was 22-years-old. No so-called family, no so-called friends, or no so-called communities helped me when I was down. My enemies started with my father, then it spread throughout his family hating me. That's when I went on Facebook back in 2022 and cuss all they asses out. I will forever hate The Trench Family. I DON'T KNOW THEM! And they can thank their father for that he did which to me he's not in heaven. The Lord still working with me.. Right now today, my enemies exist within the City of Boston. Only in Boston!

When I think of enemies, I don't think just the Powers-That-Be or the White Power Structure. Cause right here within the Black communities of Boston, we got enemies in our own backyards. And what is their mission? Seek whoever has talent or the education and then destroy them in anyway shape or form.

I ain't telling you what I think.. I'm telling you what I know. Half the people of more in Boston and in the Black communities nearly destroyed my talent creations because to them, I wasn't doing it Boston's way when I did it Boston's way during the first 10 years of my online radio program (iPower 98.9). And what do I get in return? Again.. They used my brand to empower and benefit from off my hard working talent, and haven't put one dime into the radio station.

They out there said, "They wanna be a volunteer; They would plan to set up future meetings to make this online radio station work; we need to come together and do business together." and guess what? They were in no show, even though they set up the meeting themselves.

The reason why I don't have a successful financial business, is because I wasn't properly introduced on how to have a financial business to create wealth. This is why some people don't have any hope because hope was never introduced to individuals like myself in order to be discovered for my work in art or radio.

This was all about DIVIDED, TAKEOUT & CONQUER based out of jealousy and self-hatred. This is why I'm financially unsuccessful; This is why I have failed repeatedly; This is why I have history of verbal revenge against the people who hurt me in the process. This is what leads to mental health triggers because of the negative toxic backlash by those who want to see you fail so miserably that hopefully it will lead to suicide powers that be, the Black community, and the city of Boston. Why is that??

Well, Their mission is to keep the poor POOR.. Making sure you remain on government assistance; making sure you are completely ignored, overlooked, thrown under the bus, irrelevant, unknown and non-existent. Again.. This was again built by design to punish the poor, dehumanize mentally, verbally and physically. This is where I'm at today. Boston is TOXIC for Black people.. It is hope for some.. and imprisonment to others. I'm in prison mentally of a failed racist city to most Black and Brown folks! Where's the lie in that?? It's nowhere because I'm living Boston's lies of so-called HOPES and DREAMS in this city.

MENTAL HEALTH AND WELLNESS - FINAL CHAPTER:

In reality, you can't make a city like Boston accept you, and can't make Black and Brown communities in that city embrace you. Some people will say, "How come you never went out there and make a difference in the community instead complaining?" That's already been done, I tried that throughout the years. They made up their minds and made decision about me a long time ago, long before I introduced myself to Boston with my talent. It's a pick and choose game out there in this city. Made up false negative stories and perceptions about me without doing no full research about my background.. MEANING.. I was REJECTED before I was ACCEPTED! Boston for years has been known for that.

Here's how it works in Boston by design. If you have no power, you can't lead!

If you have no voice, you can't complain nor protest! If the community feels you're inaccurate, you don't belong here.. If you're not Black enough, you don't belong here! If they feel like you are not qualified to be part of the Black community or the city of Boston itself, then your presence is irrelevant.. Meaning, your life does not exist anywhere around Boston or in Massachusetts.

Unlike New York, New Jersey or Connecticut, I will never consider donating to any Black organization or fundraising in Boston. Turnabout is fair play! If I don't exist to Boston, then Boston does not exist to me. YOUR RULES! NOT MINE!

And you wonder why some Black people move out of Boston for better improvement and opportunities.. You wonder some Black people will never come back to Boston where they were born and raised once they leave going forward.. You wonder why some Black people do not give back to the Black community because they have felt disrespected all their lives and haven't achieved any real opportunities in Boston, all because they were purposely overlooked.. I been have fell victim to Boston for too long to suffer like this.

This is why I don't involve myself nor associate with a racist and toxic city that only sees me as a THING than as a PERSON. It always has, and it always will be the way with everything in that city set up by design and has so for decades. It took a long time for that to sink in knowing that I was cancelled decades ago without no facts brought to the table about who I truly am.

I have been BROKEN, SHOOK and FORCED OUT of many opportunities, that not only it would've brought huge revenue to me, but that also would have brought revenue to Black and White Communities of Boston. Unfortunately as always, I was overlooked based on jealousy. These things are what leads to depression causing mental Health triggers in a toxic city like Boston, that never wanted you since day one because you were never a thought of for the city.

Unlike other victims of Boston who didn't make it to success with any type of talent they had that went to waste, were sadly sent to their graves without their talent even being discovered. I REFUSE TO ROLLOVER & DIE FOR BOSTON! I know that's what they want but I can't and I will not give it to them. I refuse to say I GIVE UP because Boston will not accept me or my talent. HELL NO!

Now that cat and everything is out that bag, the city of Boston along with Black communities of Boston and I have nothing in common. I have no true friends, no real family here, no socialization except for those on my online radio show and callers who call in and that's it. I don't want to be heard from in the Boston public; I don't want to be seen in the Boston public; I don't even want to be mentioned in the same category with Boston. I don't make the rules who belongs in Boston or who should be the face of Boston from these urban communities, but I damn sure know how to play the game.

I'm avoiding long life term discouragements with Boston that leads to depression and mental health triggers. I would never recommend anybody especially Black people from out of state to move here to a racist and toxic city like Boston, because they will definitely break you mentally, ignored your talent mentally and destroy your life mentally and sometimes physically; all because you want to be discovered, seen and heard publicly, not letting your talent go to waste unless if you are White, and fit the narrative and the face of Boston.

And people wonder why I reject this city today beyond who first witness rejections against me since day one. Been rejected by Boston for 40 damn years. The only two things I'll accept from Boston.. Those are the Boston Celtics and New England Patriots teams, and that's it. Other than that, I could care less about Boston Red Sox because I'm a long life New York Yankees fan; and I do not follow hockey, period. Boston means nothing to me at this point.

WHAT IS THE TREATMENT FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH & WELLNESS?

Simple... Traveling to the Tri-state area is my mental health treatment.. Riding on the Amtrak is my mental wellness to stimulate my mind as meditation.. Visiting major cities like New York City; Newark, New Jersey; and New Haven, Connecticut is my medication. When I'm in these cities, I don't feel anger; my demons don't follow me when I travel to the Tri-State Area because all the demons I dealt with are in Boston, of course.. I don't feel depressed, I'm not discouraged. I feel that my mind is finally set free when I feel no signs of depression, anger, pain or mental health triggers.

To me this is not A 100% RACE THING when it comes to Boston and New York! This is A 100% CITY THING knowing where my mind and my mental health status is at when it comes to Boston and the Tri-State Area. For an example?

1.) NEW YORK CITY = HAPPINESS - BOSTON = SADNESS

2.) NEW JERSEY = EXCITING - BOSTON = PAIN & ANGER

3.) CONNECTICUT = BIG RELIEF - BOSTON = BIG DEPRESSION

4.) TRI-STATE AREA = JOYFUL - MASSACHUSETTS = LIVING IN HELL

Let me break down how New York City works for me when it comes to my mental health, despite the craziness and the madness that's occurring when it comes to crime in those 5 boroughs. I'm very cautious! I'm very aware! I'm very careful around my surroundings when I visit NYC! We know there's problems, but there's more job opportunities where dreams do come true. That's where my mind is at, even when I'm in Boston. When I'm in NYC, I think New York! When I'm in Newark, I think New Jersey! When I'm in New Haven or Stamford or Hartford, I think Connecticut! But when I'm in Boston, I think New York!

When I'm in Boston, I have local NYC channel on my Amazon Firestick watching their local news instead of watching Boston local news that only tells stories of what White folks are doing. When it comes to Black local news stories in Boston, they just zoom those stories out the way to make more room for White important news stories. Black & Brown stories always get heard & seen in NYC.

That is what puts a huge smile on my face because NYC is special for me!

I smile when I see the Empire State Building up close and in person. I smile when I ride the Metro-North from New Haven, CT to Grand Central Station in NYC.. I smile when I visit Time Square.. I smile when I ride the NJ Transit or the PATH subway train to Newark, New Jersey... I smile when I ride elevated subway lines through Manhattan, Bronx, Brooklyn and Queens... I smile when I listen to NY radio stations like Power 105.1 or WBLS for Rev. Al Shaprton on Sunday Mornings.. I smile when I step foot into New York, New Jersey and Connecticut via Amtrak.

I feel joyful, happy and free when I leave Boston, Massachusetts because that's where the negative toxic is that never wanted me in the first place. So, I finally accepted their decision. My goal is dead-set focus to finally get out of Boston once and for all so I can start a brand new life over for myself, live free and finally do what I want to do to better myself, and do what is best for me.

And when that time finally comes to leave Boston by doing it the right way, and not what somebody who tells you to leave on their time. NO! You leave on your own valuable time, cause it's coming sooner than you think. I'll be ready to move out sooner rather than later, and I don't want to be missed.. but I will leave Boston a happy proud human being on the first plane smoking. I just want to be finally gone from Boston, to never ever see this racist and toxic city ever again saying.. FREE AT LAST? FREE AT LAST! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, I AM FREE AT LAST! That is my final cure and treatment for my mental health.

That is my final chapter of SHOOK and FORCED OUT!