Red hair that falls to her shoulders, green eyes, and fair skin. I’ve never seen her face to face but I’ve survived the biology class by studying her profile. What made me feel relieved at this point is that this woman didn’t seem to catch the attention of any guy in this classroom except mine. I don’t know why did I feel relieved by this fact. I was not planning on befriending her or even to love her. I don’t know if what I have towards her is simple curiosity or a deep romantic connection, regardless, one thing is absolute, which is that I enjoy being her spectator. Despite her physical appearance that seems to constitute an image of wholeness, I can feel a void that is formed inside her. Her green eyes that had no sparkle were a window to her tormented soul. Her eyes were leaking feelings that could never be expressed through words. I understood a lot about this woman just from watching her gaze, or so I’d like to believe. Every day the aura that surrounds her grows colder and more soulless. It looked as if someone sucked the life out of her and ran away. Every day she was burning, then turning into ash. She was a beautiful mess. I was never engulfed by the urge to ease her pain while looking at her. It’s not that I wanted her to suffer but the pain that she carries was the only way that exposed her vulnerability to me, only to me. Without taking a step to form any kind of contact with her, I depended on her pain as a tool to connect with her. I believed that I could see in her what nobody else could see. This belief that is engraved in my mind made me form a special connection with her, even if I’ve never talked or approached this woman before.
As I was entering my biology class to reach for my seat my eyes were roaming all over the classroom trying to find her but I couldn’t. “It’s impossible”, I thought to myself because she always comes to class before anyone and leaves the class before everyone. I sat on my chair while staring at the door anticipating her arrival. Fifteen minutes have passed and still no sign of her at all. At that moment, I started becoming anxious and a horrible feeling overwhelmed my chest. I wanted to get out of the class but I couldn’t. My legs were glued to the chair and my body was shaking. I fought this urge for about twenty minutes and I finally was able to storm out of the class. I ran like a crazy person searching for her all over the campus, even in the girl’s bathroom but I didn’t find her anywhere. I didn’t have any power left in me. I was panting, sweating and my shaking legs could no longer hold me up. But I refused to fall. I wasn’t sure why was I feeling this way. Why was I scared? Why was I anxious? And why was I overwhelmed with the urge to scream her name all over the campus? I knew her name from the attendance sheet that the professor uses. Her name was Candice. At this moment of despair, I decided to go to the rooftop of the campus. I didn’t know how could that be helpful but I did go anyway. And there I found her standing near the edge of the rooftop. I could only see her back and her reddish hair that fell on her shoulders. She didn’t seem to notice my presence. I was scared to call her name out. A lot of ideas were roaming in my head. “is she trying to commit suicide?”, “How can I stop her?”, “Do I need to call for help?”. She suddenly raised her left foot in a way as if she was attempting to step on the sky. As if the sky had stairs that only she was able to see. While she was doing that I ran from the door to the edge of the rooftop and stretched my hand to grab her wrist in order to prevent her from falling. Suddenly huge white wings emerged from her back. She was flapping those wings in an attempt to get ready to fly. She was looking at the sky without giving any attention to who was gripping her wrist from behind. “Why don't you look back at me?” is what I kept thinking. And out of nowhere, she pulled me. She actually pulled me towards the sky! My body crumbled and I was shaking in fear but her enormous white wings that were raining feathers took all the fear away from me. She was leading me with her hand but my body was obeying her willingly. She started flying higher and higher and I was attached to her like a small baby that refused to let go of his mother’s hand. Despite the magical scenery, I was still eager to look at her face. I was wondering what kind of expression was painted on her face this time. “Will I be able, to see her smiling for the first time?” “How could she not smile in this situation?” And this time again, I was still debating whether to call out her name or not. I wanted to call her, I wanted to say “Candice” in an attempt to grab her attention, and I did. I called her name with the loudest voice that you can ever think of, I screamed “Candice”. I didn’t know why I did that. She was near me, she was holding me, but I felt that I needed to scream so that maybe, maybe this time she will finally see who I am. As soon as I called out her name, I felt that her tightened grip became loose, my hand was slipping from hers. And suddenly, she let go of me. I was falling from the sky, and even while I was falling, my eyes were focused solely on her. I wanted to see if she would ever turn back. Few screams from the people that were circling my body rang through my ears. My body was aching and I felt that my bones were crashing. Blood was dripping down my eyes blurring my vision, but I was still looking at Candice waiting for her to turn her head. And she finally did. I saw Candice’s face and she was smiling. But I couldn’t understand her smile. Her smile creeped me out. It struck me with fear. Her smile whipped all the delicacy that I used to see in her face. She seemed like a different person. She was no longer Candice, the Candice that I used to know. The blood kept pouring down my eyes preventing me from seeing anything. My vision of her slowly began to fade and then everything turned blank and quiet. I could no longer see anything. I could no longer hear anything. Silence prevailed.
