It has almost been one year since I received the call that you were no longer here. I am not stuck in grief or anything, I am just feeling funny....because I had always took for granted that you would always be around. On that humid July morning I had to face my worst fears and come to term that you were only going to be a memory and as the days go by, I still hear your laughter linger in the air. It hurst that I cannot see your eyes light up when I entered a room. I hate to admit it but I loved when you did it, I just did not want to get you in trouble! But now sometimes I just close my eyes and I can see your tall and handsome silhouette that housed a bright sweet smile. Your height commanded the attention of the room, you enjoyed it when people looked up to you, literally. But I knew deep down that you were a gentle giant that use to make the butterflies quake in my belly, when we were young. You were the cuddliest teddy bear I every held in my arms and in my heart. I often check on my 18-19 year old self, since you have been gone. She is managing and holding on to the memories that made those days gone by wonderful. She loved you deeply and she holds you close to our heart. Even though we chose not to fight for us, I somehow wonder what life would have looked like for us as a couple, a family, a unit. But the 50 plus year old me understands that time has its reasons for the choices that we make in our lives. I am just grateful that you were able to move on and find a love almost as precious as ours! And yeah I know that catchphrase is shady but, I can hear your laughter and it would follow with, "you know what you are something and you my baby will never change." Nah, I will never change, I have to keep it real, just like in this moment right now that I have to realize that you are not physically here. Yeah, I miss our friendship that we developed once I got over myself. Not only do I miss seeing you but your gang of brothers and friends seem empty without your presence, but we are just living day by day just waiting for the day that we will see you again. But listen up, I am not in hurry, I have so much left to do, but I just wanted to let you know while its just me and you in this time and space that I have always loved you and that I miss seeing you. As I scribe this note in closing to you, I seal it with a smile and a few tears of joy and love that have been reserved just for you......again I miss you, I mean it! I miss seeing you.... Continue to rest well.......until the appointed time comes I will see you again.
