UNSAFE
Thought we were different,
Definitely thought, felt and knew we will be different.
When did it start?
The suffocation, the separation, then the hatred.
Bet, it was mutual.
The loyalty I had to keep slowly had filters.
That’s not only what was factual,
The comfort I had in my imperfections slowly started dripping.
Oh! My worst Nightmare.
How the heck did we get here?
I couldn’t recognize the one in front of me anymore.
My inner visions should be this clear but I feigned that
It was blurry to keep up with your pace.
I yelled like crazy, made you feel my grudge.
I learnt new kind of emotions through your attempt to
Break free from my hold than I was bold.
Maybe, I was choking you.
Trust me, it was totally intentional.
You needed to feel me, feel you
Feel me, feel your painful arrow of actions.
I felt dire need for attention to survive,
To survive the absence of your truest intentions.
Towards the lifeline we created from almost a decade.
Just why didn’t you open up?
Why didn’t you tell me you felt unsafe?
Why did you throw me a smile when I bullied my way to get you back to me?
Said, “you will always be mine”
You hated it and put me on a clear hold.
“Never ever say that to me in your entirety”
I lost trail of my words to your actions.
“I own you” to me was a way to say “remember what we were” but to you it felt like “a wake up call that you might fall Into my unintended trap and you sure will like somewhere else.”
Just why didn’t you say no?, no matter what
And yes, all the time we spent,
Did you ever love me or trust me not to be fickle?
I could understand if you were frustrated,
Not those who defend their shyness after making others feel the need to leave when they can now fend for their insecurities.
Was it ever love? Or was it for some time?
I now can not differentiate.
I might have chosen to become unsafe to others
Just so I could feel much more better that I have not gone wrong.
Maybe, I just couldn’t stand knowing that I hurt you but I could withstand how long you had kept the drag
And you never stopped hurting me, never really acknowledged it either
I chose to understand to keep you safe now
Now, that it is over.
I chose to be unsafe to myself and others.