Two Many Wrongs
The moment my husband walked in the house; I knew he knew. It was something about how he let the door slam behind him and called my name from the other side of the living room. Immediately I begged him to let me explain. Giving me the time to explain myself, he stared me down in silence. After a long minute of my words being stuck in my throat he walked into our bedroom, grabbed a suitcase, and started to pack. Still, nothing would come out of my mouth as I watched him throw his clothes in. I wanted to say "I'm sorry. Please don't go". If I had said that though, I wouldn't have meant it.
It would have been another lie added to the list. At least, I think it would've been. I questioned whether I was sorry for doing what I had done. My vision became blurry as I zoned out. For some reason, I began to think about how I had just cried to an officer to get out of a ticket I could not afford. I mean my husband hadn't been employed in over 5 months and things were becoming tight with just my income. The officer at first advised he could not let me go for running the red light. He then gave me a bunch of scenarios on what could have happened. When he went to his car and returned, he handed me a piece of paper I was sure was a ticket. Instead, it was a warning. I was grateful and relieved.
My husband snapped me out of my flashback asking if I had anything to say before he left. I had plenty to say but it wasn't anything positive. I wanted to ask where he was going to go exactly. His mother's? The lady's a bitch. Every time she should came over, she would get him to sleep on the pull-out by telling him how he didn't come over like he used to before he married me. What kind of grown man sleeps with his mother? What kind of man leaves his wife to sleep alone? I remembered one thanksgiving she told me I look like I was pregnant and when I informed I was not she said "Thank God". His weak ass didn't say anything because he is so in love with mother Dearest.
I still couldn't speak. Crazy right? I still follow him to our bathroom and watch him collect all of his hygiene products. There was a lot. The man had like 20 more than me and trust they were all used faithfully. When I noticed that since he had been out all day the seat was down , I looked back at the sink in the kitchen and seen no mess. I couldn't help but smile. Of course, he noticed and wanted to know what it was for. All I could do was chuckle. I guess this made him mad. He stormed out of the bathroom forgetting to turn the light off of course. I mean he didn't have a light bill to pay.
This is when the yelling started. He went on about how he was trying his best to find a job. How I was his wife and I should have been more patient. Rambled on about how he paid all the bills before he lost his job. He was right about that but I had one name to shut it all that shit down. Talking about loyalty and blah blah. I wonder what he would have done or said if I had mentioned the affair he had with Kaitlyn. I mean she was part of the reason he lost his job. I'll never find out because it just wasn't worth it to me.
I could tell that my silence was killing him but he didn't notice that I had been silent for the past two months now. He had nothing to say to me about missing my life in couples therapy. When I said my life, I meant him. How he was my friend and did things he did before we got married 3 years ago. I missed how he touched me with passion and helped me around the house. How he noticed the little things and all that yam yam. I couldn't help but to think about how even we had become and he didn't even notice. When he asked me one more time if I had anything to say he was standing in the door way with the door open. “Bye”