I felt like I was stuck in one of those terrifying nightmares where you have to run until your lungs explode but your body won’t let you. Time seemed to stand still for me as I pushed my way through the inhuman crowd, but the hands of the towering clock showed no sign of slowing. They marched relentlessly toward the end, the end of everything, and their force was ruthless and heartless the whole way.
But this isn’t a bad dream; it’s the kind of reality that makes me want to run away if it means saving my own life. Why? Because this is the truth in my world, and that this is my life.
Celestine, my sister, has been watching me for hours as I stare at the emptiness of our ceiling with weeping eyes.
“You still love him, don’t you?” said the cold voice not far from me. I can feel her eyes hovering over me, but it has not made me move a bit. Nothing ever makes sense to me right now. And I am not going to pretend that I am fine when, truth be told, I am not.
“Look, Yen. You cannot always be like this. You have been isolating yourself in your room for the freaking entire week. Please, your world would not stop revolving just because he dumped you.” I felt her stop talking as she softly whispered her last statement. I am fully aware that no one would really understand how I feel inside. What have I been expecting differently from her?
I blinked once and shifted my gaze to Celestine, who was standing at the far end of my room’s window. The light spectrum’s reflection on her body is so strong that it’s almost making my eyes hurt. For the nth time today, I tried to wipe a tear from my left eye.
“You don’t understand anything, Celestine,” I trailed off and equaled the coolness of her poise.
Her dark aura did not remain, and her features softened. “No, sister. I understand you. That is why I am here, trying to help you move forward.”
“Well, I am telling you right now that you are no help.”
I rolled my eyes.
“See? You are now distracted,” she hissed.
I still saw an empty stare.”I am serious.”
“You know what, Yen? If you really want to forget about Sav, go meet another man—”
“Celestine!”
I glared at her, and she laughed.
“I am not yet done, Yen. Stop cutting me off. Come on. Dress yourself up. We will go somewhere,” said she, while I raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t trust you.”
“I know. You never did. However, you have no choice but to trust me this time.”
“Where are we going?” I inquired as she hung her coat on my bed and walked to the door.
“Magic well.” She winked before opening the door and leaving the room. “I’ll be waiting outside!” I heard her shout from the outside.
I heaved a deep sigh and took a shower even though I was not in the mood to do anything like this.
It took me not quite thirty minutes to prepare before we left the house.
“Have I already told you that most of your ideas are stupid, and deciding to go in this kind of filthy place is one of them?” I said to my sister without hesitation. She just replied with a mocking smile as we struggled on in this muddy and bumpy way toward the magic well she was talking about.
We walked for another ten minutes before arriving at our destination.
“Is this the magic well you are talking about? Celestine, we are not kids anymore to believe that throwing a coin into a well would grant our wishes,” I complained.
She gracefully cleaned the dirt from her shoes and met my eyes.
“Didn’t I tell you to trust me? There is a myth that says that through this magic well, you are able to see your future.”
“I want to move on, Tine. Not see my future,” I reminded her, but it only made her eyes roll.
“Did you not get my point, dummy? Through this magic well, you will see who your future will be, and it will help you move on from what happened between you and Sav, because at least you will know that Sav is not the only man in the sea. There is someone out there who is meant for you. We are just going to advance it a little.”
I sighed.
We stared at each other for a long moment. Until I felt her warm skin meet my cold, stoned face. Her touch was like fire on my flesh. I could perused nothing but longing sadness in my eyes, and I didn’t want to show it.
My face reflected hers, and when I say reflected, I mean it. We almost have the same small face with jade-green eyes. She has all the features I have. And people frequently mistake us for twins.
“Is there adequate evidence that this is effective?” I blinked my eyes twice and shrugged. When I saw the darkness inside the well that can be reached via the stairs from here down there, I became a little hesitant. I had to think for a second again.
“There is no supporting evidence at all. It is, as I previously stated, a myth. But it won’t hurt trying, right?” She gave me an eye.
I thought again.
“Yen,” she called me for the nth time. I sighed and nodded.
After a while, we started following the stairs down the well.
It is dark inside. The only light that lit up the small space inside the well was the reflection of the sun from outside. I admit I was scared of how everything would turn out, but I am not going to deny that a part of me is hopeful as well.
After walking a few steps after the stairs, we stopped.
I was dazzled when I saw a portal near the jamb of a door. The portal was made of transparent, clear water that showed infinity. I felt as if I could not believe my own eyes, so I tried to touch it with the tip of my finger and shivered when I felt the ice-cold water.
Amazed, I drifted my gaze toward my sister.
“Celestine?” My eyes were speaking in confusion and approval. And she knew so damn well what my eyes were asking, and she nodded.
I sighed heavily and moved a step closer to entering the portal. It was cold. It was ice-cold to be exact, but the coldness did not bother to wet my clothes or my skin. It was like air, except that it felt like a liquid.
I closed my eyes. Different feelings are building up inside me, and I can’t understand them. I have no idea if I am moving forward or not, because these are all so foreign and phenomenal to me. Whether I escape or not, I know it will still feel the same—dark and chaotic.
I tried to open my eyes gradually as I finally found myself confronted with the opposite half of the gateway.
Everything around me seemed to come to a halt in familiar recognition. I had to look around for a few seconds to notice the changes in the familiar room I was standing in at this incredible moment. It feels superficial.
Outside of me and my stuff, my room hasn’t altered much. Seems like everything is where it should be. Everything in my room has a suitable home: my clothing are neatly hanging in my walk-in closet, my books are neatly shelved, my bed is in perfect working order, and the floor is so clean that I can walk through it barefoot.
It is not a different world, but it felt like I had entered a different dimension. I had the urge to turn around and return to where I had entered, but when I shifted my eyes back to the portal, I noticed that it was gone.
My heart thumped so hard as I tried to crawl through my mind for any rationality. I bit my tongue to calm my inner self.
Some time passed before I mustered the nerve to move my feet and approach the door frame. With some trepidation, I grasped the doorknob and twisted it to unlock the door and allow me to escape. I am acutely aware of the quickening of my heart rate right now.
I saw no one when I tried to walk within the hallways of our house. And, just like my room, it was empty. Nothing lingered here other than the pair of bunches of white flowers I saw while I was making my way outside.
No one seems to exist in this place, which prompted me to go to our neighborhood.
It all felt weird, but I still continued wandering anyway. It was as if I was floating while I walked towards the end of this void.
I tried to look for people in our neighborhood, but it was just like the rest of what I saw—empty.
I want to cry. All of the conflicting emotions that are building up inside of me overwhelm me. I cannot even begin to name how tremendous my situation is right now—how frustrated, confused, and scared I am—but I am still trying to seek answers that are all too clearly written in my head.
My heart wanted to explode, but my mind was not letting it. In order to comfort myself with the thought that everything is fine, I made my way towards my friend’s house, but to my surprise, no one else was there.
No one is around.
When I awoke, I realized this was all a delusory, unreal nightmare. I have to freaking wake up. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I felt a cold panic grip my body. For some reason, I’ve been feeling both angry and nervous. I made an attempt to flee into infinity and the abyss.
I pinched myself repeatedly in an effort to snap out of this dreamlike existence, and I ran and raced to find any sign of help I could find.
I sobbed.
I am scared. What am I doing?
Time goes by. Even though it seems hopeless at the time. Even when the second hand’s ticks hurt like the throb of blood behind a bruise. It goes by in odd leaps and sluggish lulls, but it goes by anyway. In my case, too.
I shot a panicked glance when my eyes spotted a bunch of people as I walked through the filthy, vast ground of a cemetery. My heart instantly reacted, and it was as if it were in a race and running for its life.
My jade-green eyes stopped releasing an ocean of water, but my rationality did not stop wondering about the situation I just put myself in.
I moved a few steps closer to where the people were and noticed the familiar faces of the people that I loved, the people I was close to, and the people that were important to me. And it felt like a void had penetrated my heart.
It was difficult for me to take it all in.
What I was feeling did not change. I still had the impression that my world came to a halt in an instant.
I walked swiftly from where I was nailed. I waited to hear something from the people present here right now, but I heard nothing. I could hear the chirping of birds, and I marveled again at how quiet it is here.
—until I heard a sob.
“We are here today to commemorate the life of Eya Magdayon. She has made the most of her life. I know that we all agonize over her death; however, this is the end of her chapter in our lives.”
What the freak?
I d-don’t understand.
For a split second after hearing the voice, my surroundings were hazy. Just like my head had emerged from a deep pool. I couldn’t see, hear, feel, or smell a thing; I didn’t even feel the cold wind that was blowing so fiercely against my face.
I tried to search for my sanity. However, it felt like it had lost me, and I was some distance from being sober.
I slumped against the ground and buried my face in my hands.
In what way had I messed up the situation?
If I had done anything differently, what would it have been?
There wasn’t a better way, a more ideal plan of action that I could have imagined, even in retrospect.
“Eya has matured into a crucial member of the household. She is highly respected as a daughter, sister, friend, and family member.” I started to tear up a little more when I heard Celestine talk.
My eyes remained fixed on her as she continued talking.
“We are all aware of how deeply she cared about Sav and how she would give anything to have him back. When they broke up, she retreated to her room for an entire week, and we were all worried. Her need to abandon her current situation was overwhelming. And to this day, I still hold myself responsible for her untimely passing.”
Everybody was silent, and only their cries were loud to my ears.
Celestine looked over at my mom and gave her an awful, contrite expression. As much as I wanted to reach out and embrace her, I knew it was out of the question.
“M-Mom, I’m sorry I failed to save her when she jumped off the building and killed herself,” she trailed off, her voice cracking and pleading.
My lips hung open.
I could not see the revulsion in her eyes. I wanted to explain what I really felt like to defend against the claim that I committed suicide, but I could not do that because no one hears me.
A river of tears followed another tear minutes later, and I resigned as the pain finally made its appearance.
I felt as though someone had punched a huge hole in my chest, ripping out my vital organs and leaving behind ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges, which continued to throb and bleed long after the initial injury had healed. Although my thoughts were racing and I was struggling to catch my breath, my sober mind told me my lungs couldn’t be fine. Without a doubt, my heart was skipping a beat. My fingers looked like they were made of ice, and I couldn’t feel its rhythm because my ears were numb from the cold.
Celestine was lying.
I did not commit suicide.
I did not jump off a building.
What the hell was she talking about?
“All of this transpired rapidly, and we unexpectedly had to say goodbye to her after only a week. I had no idea she was going to leave us so quickly,” she cried.
I knew she was lying. I know her a lot because she is my sister.
A tear escapes my eye.
“She’s lying!” I’m consumed by rages I’m not sure I can handle. Everything is perplexing. I am mad at everyone.
I know no one is going to hear me, but why did she lie?
When I saw a man I knew in the picture, I felt pain all over my body. His image is still as clear in my head as my memory of him. He still feels the same, and it is not helping that his eyes lingered differently on Celestine.
Soon enough, he made his way over to cover her body and hug her.
It tore a part of me away that I couldn’t identify.
I felt that the people I loved the most had betrayed me.
Is this the future she was talking about?
I let out a bitter chuckle.
She is a falsifier.
How could I have been so blind as to not realize that she still had feelings for my ex-boyfriend before she used me to get rid of the problem by laying claim to Sav?
She made the call about my future.
Everything just successfully went her way.
I hate her with all my being for what she did; it was a horrible thing, and now my damned soul will spend all of eternity trying to escape the retribution for her murder.
THE END.
