His name always makes my heart leap with joy and pleasure. I don’t know what he thinks about me, but I know I feel like I am in heaven when I am with him. I dream about him, and it breaks my heart to know that he will never be mine. I just want to rip my dress and scream out his name. In my mind I am hooked up on his lips, his fingers pass through mine. I feel his face, his body. He is a paradise and also a paradox. I know that this may never happen in real life but I long for his touch. Is it true that there are no such things as bad thoughts? In truth there is no relationship between us. Am I guilty for loving him in my mind? I imagine myself in a black sparkling prom dress and I see him coming to me in a black tux. We dance in the dark night under the moon. I want to break the locks that seal my feelings. I just want forget time and life and just slip into the misty haze of my love with him. His handsome body lifts my up in joy whenever I see him. I picture his face sparkling in the sunlight. I wonder whether he feels about me same way I do him. I keep thinking about him, day and night, so much so that I can’t pay attention to my tasks, which is very unlikely of me. I long to hear him utter my name in his deep, baritone voice and hold me in his arms. I wish I can just fall into my bed with him and never let him go. But I know that I can’t do any of these things, and it kills me. Will he never be mine? It is unbearable to think about him anymore, but I can’t stop myself. I have tattooed his name on my body, and I look at it for solace whenever my heart races to see him. I would rather die than spend my lifetime without him. Will I ever be able to forget him, or will I thrive in a long suffering?
