Carson Bradfield stared into the stained mirror. Hazel eyes filled with waterfalls plummeting to the surface. Blonde hair a mess with no shirt on he stares, almost numb.
"Today is the day" he says to himself. "I can't keep hiding."
A text rings in as loud as a siren in the empty home. He looks down at his phone. "Do you want me to come over and help you? I can do this with you, it's really not a problem, I've been through it."
Texting back. "No, this has to happen alone."
Carson pours a glass of wine for his 21st birthday and gathers every fiber of his being to make himself courageous. He goes to sit at the table and agonizingly wait for his parents to pull up after their wonderful picnic. They have been together for 30 years and Carson has an older sister. He was so afraid he would disappoint them but he needed for this to happen.
The car pulled up and a man with salt and pepper hair about middle aged, a bit defined but not to muscular with a bit a scruff, and a woman with beautiful red locks, a dashing smile, and wonderful blue eyes, get out of the car and walk up to the front door.
As they walk is Carson could feel his heart beating and his anxiety getting worse by the second, he opens his mouth to say hello but he can't muster it up because of the intensity.
"Hey Carson, what are you doing here? I thought you were at school?" His mother says energetically.
"I was... am, but I wanted to come here to visit you and dad. I... I have something very I portent to tell you guys and I honestly don't know how you're going to take it!" He says trying to hold back tears.
"Whatever it is, Carson, you know you can tell us." His dad looks up from his coffee mug as he says this smiling.
He gestured them to sit down and he stares blankly into his own mind for what felt like an eternity. He didn't think he could do it and certainly didn't think he had the courage, but it was all building up and he was afraid it was going to come out like word vomit, he couldn't hold it back any longer.
"I'm gay." Carson says finally catching his breath after blurting it out.
After giving him the lost horrified look, his mother and father never said a word, they got up from the table and walked into their room to get ready for the evening, and shut the door. Carson just sat there, confused, scared, crying, and lonely. What has he done?
The next morning, he went out into the dining room to find a note on the island saying his parents were out at the grocery store. "Hey Carson, ran out to get some brunch and to get a few things from the grocery store, when we get back we expect you to be gone. You're not welcome at our house any longer. We wish you well."
Carson starts bawling his eyes out and runs to get his phone and pack up his belongings. He called his boyfriend and leaves a message telling him they disowned him and he decides to go see him. He feels even more alone than he used to before.
He gets to his boyfriend Owen's place and sees a car that he is unfamiliar with, he doesn't think anything of it, and then goes inside to find Owen. As he walks through the dead silent apartment he gets closer to the bedroom and he hears moaning and grunts from two men. "Oh baby, that's it, come on, faster". Carson hears this and springs the door open faster than he can blink and on the bed, Owen is plowing some random Grindr hookup that they both have had issues with before.
Carson stands in horror just staring trying to wrap his mind around it. Mortified he runs out of the room, Owen in tow. Owen tries to explain but Carson already having the worst day of his life isn't having it. He leaves. Sets out to go back to school, and never sees Owen again.
On his dorm bed trying to gather his thoughts, Carson runs through the events of the last couple of months. He falls in love with a man he thought was perfect after realizing he liked the same sex, they were perfect together read Owen pushed for him to come out, after Carson fell in love he thought he had the courage. Carson didn't have the courage like he first thought and Owen broke up with him, a couple months and they got back together, and he apologized because he knew that it was going to be hard because Carson's parents are conservative. Carson finally gisndd the courage, obsessed about if to weeks and finally told his parents, they kicked him out, disowned him, and he only wanted Owen. When all that time Owen was cheating after he pushed him to come out. He was lost for words and had no idea where he was going to go.
A few days went by and there were empty wine bottles all over the dorm, crumpled up pierces of paper on the floor, clothes sprawled out in ever corner, and Carson just laying in the bed. With nowhere to go he finally wrote a note, "To Whom it may concern." Is what the top of the paper read. "This is Carson, I am writing this because I am alone, I came out to my parents and they don't want me anymore, the man I loved cheated on me, and I literally have no friends at all, I can't do this anymore and I am sorry if this hurts anyone. Goodbye."
Carson put the note on his desk and went into the bathroom, took some pills he was prescribed for his back injury a couple years ago, and went to lay in the bed. Thought rolled in of a beautiful field of sunflowers, he was running through it smiling, sprinting to the people that were important to him. Finally at peace for the first time in years. All his worries disapated, and he didn't have to hurt anymore. As he faded away he saw a light and the fantasy was interrupted by sounds of someone screaming his name over and over.
"Carson, you're okay, stay with me. Stay with me Carson, we're gonna get you to the hospital." Faint flashing lights were all Carson could see as he pbaeely opened his tear filled eyes. He knew he was about to be in an ambulance and drifted off back into a deep sleep.
A few days later, Carson awoke to his sister and Owen sitting at his bedside. Not saying a word he just looked at them feeling nothing but betrayal. They pleaded and he just told them to go away.
A few weeks later, Carson now out of the hospital, finally finishes school. Graduating with an honors degree in business, his teacher wrote recommendations for jobs he wanted.
Carson received a job at an advertising agency and moved to New York City, where he met his husband Vance Clayborn, with whom he adopted three kids with and had been married to until Vance died when they were in their fifties.
Carson never spoke with his family all those years, it was like he never had one, he had his own little family and he liked that, he even had grandkids he was proud of.
After becoming CEO of his company he decided to retire and travel the world, knowing he set out to do everything he put his mind to doing. It's never too late and it's never too early and the important thing is you're not alone and you don't have to rush, chips will fall where they ma your just have to pick yourself up and keep moving.
And that's just what Carson did, he loved the life he had dreamed of and the life he wished he had is still there, but through the hardships he picked himself up and did what he set out to go. He died at the rip old age of 88 just in his sleep. He took good care of himself and left a legacy behind him with his company. His son and daughter now own the company and changed its name to Carson and Co. They know he's looking down smiling knowing he achieved his dream, even though people didn't accept it, he did. And that's all that matters.
