Saturday June 14

I met Harrington when my cousin introduced us on a glorious sunny Friday afternoon whilst visiting her. It had been raining all week and as she introduced her friend to me, I had been sitting with my back turned to the sun, smiling as sunlight warmed my cold back. Bernadine told me that I would get "the set up" and that she had someone in particular in mind.

"No thank you," I replied and she simply laughed. "Oh come on Nadine. You have been alone just too darn long."

Looking back, I realise now how was naive and impulsive I were. How dangerous it was not to have checked him out first.

Sunday September 17 2009



After dating Harry for two years I finally saw right through him. The curly locks that needed relaxer and dyed a light colour. The constant bickering and shouting. The strangeness of his comings and goings, wheeling and dealing. But still... I loved him. And eventually she found out about his addict-tion and the girls, and enough was enough.

I should have counted it a blessing, crying my eyes out every night. Feeling that indescribable never ending pain and sleeping only a few hours at night. The self-loathing and loneliness, my own happiness took a back seat.

He moved back to his own part of town in the Western Cape and I stayed put in the Free State. That long distance relationship was never going to work, I comforted myself. I should have looked at the whole encounter as something as fleeting and as a long distance friendship, and not as enduring as an engagement.

But whatever it was finally abated, I met Brian and fell quite hard. So hard in fact that I decided to move to the Cape with him after he proposed.

Monday January 2 2011

Standing in front of the glass door whist drinking something for a migraine, Brian asleep, I was staring out on the green spread of grass overlooking our home. Children were playing in the park opposite and we, as happy as clams, decided to have a late morning nursing our headaches.

I was checking my face book updates. Sporadic and interesting news flashed before my sore eyes before I decided to head on back to bed. Brian was snoring so that I just crashed on the couch. I couldn't sleep so I went through my pictures from last night and found a beautiful photo of him getting on one knee and proposing. My friend took it for us, I remembered. And being in on Brian's plans for that night took it.

I smiled my sore-eyes-smile as I realised that my days of crying over love is over, that I have finally reached my destination. And getting up to go lie next to him, I edited the photo to look dreamily and posted it.

Brian had to go to work the next day so whilst standing in the kitchen and fixing his sandwiches, I walked over to the coffee pot to pour us some must needed strength.

This was his reason for coming here, he's company transferred him Parow, so that he may head the operations in the Western Cape. And nervous as he was I was too. For I had a job interview on Thurs-day and after having no success in the Free State I was starting to give up.

Walking into the kitchen and kissing me he asked how I was doing, and asked if I was nervous at all.

"I'm so nervous I could puke," I joked. "And you?" He looked at me and smiled dashingly and convincingly. He looked so sure of himself that he convinced me too. Managing operations would be a singe for him, I knew it. "Steady as a rock."

Brian was an only child.

His parents died in a car accident when he was still a baby and he grew up at his grandma's house, until she also died whilst he was in high school. Telling no one and having a small burial he pretended for a long time that she in fact was still living. He withdrew his children's government money-stipend and living on peanut butter and bread stayed quite happily at his grams.

For four days he stayed there. Buying electricity and only keeping the bare essentials on and living by candlelight once the electricity was finally switched off.

He could have stayed forever like that, he once told me. They found out about his circumstances once a letter regarding his inheritance was sent. The bank sent someone out to liquidate the assets and found him there, sitting on the sofa eating a peanut butter sandwich and doing homework.

"What are you doing son?" the man asked and scoffed at Brian as he was sitting in total serenity. The television was off; he gave his last twenty rand for nothing. Dust was already starting to settle on the furniture.

Brian told her that when he decided not to answer, the man then looked incredulously at him and repeated his question.

"I... my granny just stepped out, sir."

"And why am I here then, sonny?"

"I don't know, but... but I'll let her know... sir..."

He still remembered how the man smiled his still and knowing smile as he brought his cell phone to his ear and contacted child services. A few hours later he was escorted out of his beloved grandma's house just as she was a week earlier by the coroner.

"Where you afraid at night?" she asked him that first time he told her the story. He shook his head when he clicked in the puzzle piece. They had to through away all those half-built puzzles before they moved here.

"I had the candle. I was just buying time and coming to terms with my reality." Another one clicked in as she poured the red wine in 'n flowery-patterned glass. "And what was that reality?"

He did look up at her when he took his glass. The look of defeat etched on his face. He did not like to feel defeated and her heart broke for his sake.

"That I had to go to the orphanage."

It was ten when she looked at the watch on the wall. Her soaps were about to start and she, sitting with her feet perched high, flicked to channel one.

"Dumisani is going to get his today!" she exclaimed as Sessions and legions came up. Things ended on a cliff hanger before new-years and Dumisani was caught in the act scheming with the doctor. Who also practiced in the dark-arts. Everyone wanted to find out if he was the angel he pretended to be and now... now that Cindy saw him accepting the charm he was sure to be caught... right?

She now settled down and licked the ice cream from the spoon as the music ended.

Cindy watched with bated breath as Dumisani's hand reached out and then to her surprise smacked the thing out of the doctor's hand. He then further surprised the audience by admitting that he was adopted and his father is rich and staying in Holland.

"Boring," she sighed and brought the ice-cream laden spoon to her lips. Just then her cell phone beeped and the screen flicked announcing a message.

She looked again to the clock and saw that twenty minutes has gone by. It was probably Brian asking her to make something nice that night. To get him a few beers since everyone was still in a party mood.

"Face book, darn," she sighed, looking at the screen.

Friend request.

"Darn. And here I thought that it is something important," she told herself as she clicked on the button. Her eyes opened in shock as she recognized the face. Short lighter brown coloured hair and masking his face with dark rimmed glasses. He even spouted a chin beard.

Her stomach lurched as she read the message.

A slick nauseousness enveloped her mouth before a shudder ripped through her. Her eyes trained on the words she read;

"Still think you're all that. Even after all our schemes. Remember your place Naddie."

She pulled her knees right to her chest and sat in that position whilst holding herself tight. Oh how she wished Brian was there. Or not- when she read about the schemes-she had not told him about that.

She remembered him. How she loved him. How his love would seem so perfect even though it was flawed on many accounts. How she foolishly followed him to unsuspecting places and how she found out about his 'wheeling's and dealings' and how she hated him about that. Enough even to walk out of the relationships using the girls as the main reason.

How even seeing this detestable face in front of her caused her to bring her fist to her mouth and bite at it.

All those poor old people who lost their hard-earned savings!

She chose to ignore the message, and dragging herself through the day met Brian that night for a celebratory cocktail at the lounge-bar nearest to their apartment.

Brian, whist looking at Nadine wondered by himself why the always cheery girl suddenly grew still. And at this, their best time...

He sipped his beer while she sipped her mojito and pondered at what possibly could have hap-pened today.

"I slid on ice today," he tried her and she continued her far away stare.

"Hmm..." was her answer.

"And talked to a grizzly South African bear..."

"That's nice," she said and excused herself to go to the ladies.

A few people walked past her when she came back and she withdrew her chair and sat down. Brian were staring at her puzzled and she decided to smile at him.

"How was your bathroom-break?"

"I needed to go, thanks."

"Did you hear what I told you before you went?"

She blinked at him and shook her head. He handed her cell phone and she placed it in her handbag. "Another one for the road?" he asked and she nodded her head whilst finishing her drink.

Something was definitely off, Brian decided that Wednesday morning whilst knotting his tie. Nadine was distant and didn't talk but only when talked to. And when they did have a conversation she smiled an odd smile, like talking to a stranger.

He decided to find out that night.

Nadine couldn't wait to close the door after Brian finally left.

She had not been to the interview that previous morning as she was a total mess.

Harry had decided to send another message just before she went to bed and it shook her. It took everything inside of her to muster the strength to just not tell Brian...

She went to unpack the rest of the ornaments and whilst putting a little ballerina-figurine her late aunt gave her when she turned eleven, her phone suddenly rang. She shook so bad she almost dropped little Katerina, she named it.

Dread poured slowly into her as she looked at the lit up screen. She swallowed and decided to peek.

It could be Brian, saying he forgot something or to wish her luck on her interview?

With lead-trodden feet she walked to the wooden table. Everything was unpacked now and she could look proudly around at everything she accumulated over her five years of freedom. Mom and Dad was staying in an old age home in Bloemfontein and the plan was to move them nearer.

Reaching out for her cell phone she saw a name she last saw after the breakup- Bernadine, her cousin.

Putting it to her ear she hoarsely answered, "Huh... hullo?"

"Hey there, good morning little bird!" Bernadine said cheerfully. Nadine could see her standing in her farm-kitchen as clear as day. Rolling tummy tucked into a spandex bodysuit eating homemade rusks.

"Hey cuz," she answered.

"You will never guess who called me hun..." and before Nadine could open her mouth she said, "That rascal Harrington. You know- the one you used to date before you moved to the mother city."

Nadine's mouth turned dry.

"Well... he asked to get your number and I, unknowingly gave it to him. But there was a mix up cuzzie, I'm sorry..." she could hear her cousin chewing on something. Nadine furrowed her eyebrows as she asked what mix up.

"I.... I gave him the number you gave me when you're cell broke."

Brian's number... she could feel the blood dropping from her scalp to her toes and leaving her body ice cold. "Did you try the number Bernadine?"

"Why yes. And Brian told me he's at work- at least travelling to work." Nadine stared out at the window. When Bernadine finally hung up she opened her facebook app and stared at the old message, a new one also underneath.

A photo of a forged document with her name and signature upon it.

The new message saying, "I need one more job or I'll let the police in on the Free States' infamous old-persons cash machine."

It was two o' clock when Nadine, standing at the window and looking at birds at play, racked her brain wondering what to do in this instance. Everything outside looked so peaceful and she thoroughly enjoyed looking at nature. The Free State was so different from Cape Town. There were no ruggedness of any sort. No singing birds. But she could at least look at them fly.

She could, of course tell Brian the truth.

She could show him the messages; explain to him that she thought that Harry was legit.

But he would contact Harrington and cause him to send the info to the SAPS. It was all over the news back then... Chewing on her nail she looked at the new message.

"You have until morning to answer otherwise dear old Brian would have to visit you in jail.

The taxi that drove past the man wearing the blue Adidas tracksuits' window said, "Welcome to CT now give me your money!"

Harry was on his way to change into his formal dress code when he hopped into it. Mrs Woodrow was waiting for his expertise and advice on how to transfer her money directly into his bank account. With a smile he tossed his half smoked cigarette on the pavement of this well- established Durban-ville estate-neighbourhood.

Climbing out he looked around and smiled. How different this place were from Bellville. Not even a speck of dirt, nor did he see any sweets-packets. So off he went lighting his cigarette and looking at his dirtied sneakers. He didn't need that Nadine. But he did hate her. He hated her for that photo she posted, they looked so smug together it was sickening.

And he did give up everything for her.

What exactly... well... he racked his brain or whatever brain cells were still going on in there and decided that he, whilst with her, could not move around whenever he wanted. Could not freely see whomever he wanted.

Unlocking his door he went into the rental room, took a shower and brushed his teeth. At R850 a week he could scarcely afford to stay another and decided to make a run for it when he returned from Woodrow. He then made sure everything was packed safely inside his briefcase and just before three- his appointment was at four. Sitting down he smoked his last cigarette.

Walking to the taxi rank was a pain but he could not take an Uber. The change rattling in his pants pocket was far too little for that.

He whistled while he was walking, just to seem friendlier. His alligator boots clicked on the pave-ment as he went. Hear the driveways were sloped, he noticed as he himself had to walk on a slanted pace.

"Uber when I come back with the money!" he laughed hoarsely at his joke and thought about his ole friend Naddie sweating things out at this very moment. Sure he was going to send this pic on over to SAPS when he was done. Then back to Gauteng.

A ways along Harry's path a teenager was playing with his dads new Jeep. His arms flailing round as he imagined himself speed- racing towards a highway. In Dad's new toy- he had ten- the child laughingly turned the wheel this side and then that. Until he decided to turn the key in the ignition.

"What?" he asked himself in the overhead mirror as he challenged himself.

"I'm the boss when the boss ain't around see..." Only one week to go and he would have his own anyways. The DMV were calling his name and freedom was his gain.

So he started "his" car and immediately rolled backwards in the slanted driveway.

He heard and felt a bump before he had his foot trained on the brakes.

Too late, he rolled backwards a little before the motor came to a halt. Incredulously he looked at the pitiful sight in front of him. He could see an arm clad in a white formal shirt and the hand sticking out from the car's front. His head started to shake as his hand went to his face.

He's dead... the poor child thought looking straight ahead. He's dead... he's dead...

He's mouth opened and he screamed for his dad.

The maid ran out and went straight to him. Two cars were trapped as they could not pass. The body were laying sprawled in front of the car, the boy staring at it looking distraught. She first had to telephone the police as well as the ambulance when she finally got David inside.

He was nursing a glass filled with sugar water when his father emerged.

The ambulance arrived fifteen minutes after the accident. Thandi, the maid fainted when she saw the "body" sitting upright.

Dave, David's heart surgeon- dad ran straight to the man and concluded that with a few bruises, internal bleeding and a concussion, he would be okay as soon as he reached the hospital- and fast. And with immediate relief for his son who vowed to never drive again for the rest of his live, stood with his arm draped over David's shoulders as the ambulance drove away. Relief over the man surviving the ordeal overcame both son and father.

Inside the ambulance Harrington felt weaker and weaker as he felt himself falling asleep.

"Don't fall asleep sir?" the man next to him spoke urgently. "Don't? Open your eyes sir?"

But his eyes fell heavy. He sighed as he nodded his head. "I? won't?" he whispered.

The pain meds kicked in and soon he dropped into a sleep from which he would never again awoke.

"Time of death," the paramedic next to him, holding his stilled pulse whispered, "four o five?"

Nadine waited and waited at the designated waiting spot. Waiting for Harry to show up. Wanting to tell him to his face that she did not care anymore. That if she went down, he would surely follow.

But it was starting to grow later and the past- six wind was starting to blow coldly. So cold in fact that she started back home.

Brian would surely be waiting for her.

Tomorrow she could try to contact Harry again?

When she entered the door, Brian were sitting looking puzzled. He had his cell phone in his hands.

"Hello, hon," she greeted him regardless. Walking over to him she went to give him a kiss.

"I want to talk to you, Nadine."

She took her cardigan off and asked with a turned back, "What about."

"About your behavior as of late. But first, about this message." He handed her the phone and she, took it hesitantly. She squinted at it, even though she could see well.

Looking for relatives of a gentleman who last contacted you. Six foot, light colored hair, ID Harrington?

She took a second to compose herself, look at him and smiled an odd kind of smile.

"And?" Brian asked and she shrugged.

"Let me take a shower, order us something to eat and a bottle of wine and we shall discuss everything?"