The Nightmare in Dormitory

By: Cris Ofril, at Stamford International University, Huahin Campus-Visitor's Lodge May 17-June 14, 2017

Re-edited 07 January 2025

I've wondered how force from the right knee destroyed an entire glass door at my dormitory? Each and every one at their own rooms perceived a flawless breaking of jagged shards spray out onto the ground. It was alarming! It sent out a silent commotion that evening dragging an inquisitive jolt inside the room to come out curiously.

What a horror night seeing the faces of the students terrified and shocked on me. Not a ghost though, but they felt crying in pain from what they saw. Shivering with anxiety on what to do, whether to help or to run away from the scene feeling scared seeing their teacher helplessly bleeding on the ground awfully. Other students are brave enough to get a medical supply while few of them were just taking photos and going. It was really a bad night spoiling a nasty moment in the evening, where everyone was enjoying their games, having dinner with their classmates, and having a pep talk in the corridor of the campus. Life at night seemed sweet and calm. The silence of the night has screamed of fear travelled fast in panic at the campus. Whilst it seems not all wanted to come for help but scared. Somewhat a non-English speaking school driver who came first, so brave, and asked for some medical bandage. It looks silly seeing a number of lacerated wounds on my feet, all over the body, where a team of medical students of the university carefully brought some gauze pads to wipe the blood. Eventually, a man came out from the other adjacent dormitory whom he thought that the crunching sound of glass was a joke as he heard from his room. He thought that maybe a student jumped off from the window due to the prevalence of illegal drugs such as cocaine that are being used by students. When he saw that someone was surrounded by a few students cramming, panic and terrified. He immediately moved quickly closer-look to the hallway. He screamed, shocked knowing that it was Cris who was bleeding seriously. He's murmuring of anger as he couldn't believe what happened to Cris. He said, oh holy shit! Approaching Cris and said what's wrong, man? That's outrageous! He couldn't believe seeing his feet had a deep cut and some other wounds around his body. However, Cell was informed that one of the observers from a medical team was already called up to the hospital for an ambulance. Cris could still manage talking to Cell while narrating the incident even though he felt shivering and numbness due to some bleeding. It's my bad night, Cell. I walked onto the glass door in my dormitory which I thought was open. Just it happened, and smashed! Cracking! Breaking down the entire glass shattered. How did it happen? Cell asked, I just went out taking with me an empty two bottles of 6.6 liters to fetch drinking water. When I came back holding on the two gallons I just walked freely as if nothing bothers in me. Upon reaching the doorway, I took a glance straight right at the door. I have seen the naked of my eyes that a dull glass door was truly opened where a dim light outside just gave animated. Then, I lift my right foot while holding the gallons of water. I don't feel anything. I don't feel that my knee hit the glass door. I don't hear the breaking of glass. It was completely strange as my senses at the time of my fate were very unconscious. Deaf as to death. What I could feel then was seeing the broken glass fall on my body where both hands were covered on my head. I have seen myself bending inside the framing broken glass door. I was bleeding seriously from a deep skin cut particular on my feet as it showered my own blood.

What a consoling night accident that Cell was a former US soldier back in Iraq, and currently a professor at Stamford International University teaching psychology. He's my colleague professor while I am at the Laureate English Program (LEP) teaching Reading and Writing. My accident is something a surprised for me that life is full of surprises. I never know that I will encounter an accident that night. I never know that Cell has come back to stay at the teacher's dormitory because what I knew that he lived outside the campus rented a house. He comforted me shivering and trying to listen his own story being in a warzone country that some of his fellow American soldiers wounded seriously hit by cannons and bullets. He used to carry them wounded. Others were in critical situations, losing hands, or legs etc. He lifted my right foot to neutralize blood streams from the vein. He kept on talking about his military life. But my condition seems to be falling asleep, shivering, yet, I have a muffled voice at the same time.

I've tried to grip my hands as hard as I can, close and open. But then I was yawning so often that means I feel so sleepy due to severe bleeding. I began trembling, thus I managed myself to be all right firmly. Not long after an ambulance arrived, then a male two nurses lifted me up onto the stretcher gently, clamped the entire body. Immediately infused an IV dextrose in my left arm. Just 20 minutes later, the ambulance arrived at San Paolo Hospital.

It was 11 o'clock and a nurse at the ER had put on a green gown. My body couldn't resist falling asleep as I kept on yawning. I was told by a nurse not to sleep. I kept on gripping my hands over and over. I was left alone where the nurses just in and out at the Hospital's lobby. Hospital's lobby was a bit occupied by visitors, in particular that my colleagues came over to give moral support and empathy. When a circulating male technician of the hospital took me out from the ER to the Operating Room. I met Pierre, the vice president of the University. He's a director of Huahin Campus. Together with Hans who is also the head of my department at Laureate English Program. Others were all present at the lobby cheering at me. When I passed by the area, they were all saying, cheer up, Cris! We're here to support your odds. Don't worry! Then, I heard from Pierre saying, cheer up, Cris. I will make a call to your wife in the Philippines. All I could do was raise my right thumb sluggishly. Nonetheless to all their hail of appreciation, I'm glad from their unending support. I received immense lauds and compliments from my colleagues to do my best in fighting for the operation.

Then the hospital's Lift was closed. Operating room, I entered an operating room that looked intimidating with strange doctors as you don't know them but trust them all. The quietness and somber inside welcomes you for submission. One surgeon attendant has instructed me about the use of an oxygen that is in place on my face. She said, just take it easy, in a few minutes the operation will start shortly. I just nod, then I felt a syringe struck on my right shoulder, and slowly I passed out.

Gained the consciousness. I've gained my consciousness waking up from the dark with an obscure vision. But I can't open my eyes widely but just a silhouette appearing enough from a glimmering light into my eyeballs. I just heard a hush conversation as I moved my head in the nonchalant way, thinking where those soft conversation from. I felt so much weight of my body. Both legs were wrapped of bandage as hardly to move my right foot. Behind my back has also a bandage as far as my head. My left hand got an IV dextrose for antibiotic and other medicines to be infused every four hours. I heard from a nurse saying, Ajarn (Sir), you're now in your private room. Argh! Deep words fell on my soul was some kind of regrets that no one to blame but myself. I was a loser man of my game that I don't play to win. But a game of my accident that I'd never know nor expect. The silhouette from a window was simply sent a message that it's already 5 o'clock in the morning. A rooster crowed where the tick of the clock on the wall entertained my eyes. And the door clanged shut by a nurse who came in and out monitoring my condition. I began to feel some aches in my entire body rested in bed alone. I was conscious from what happened to me as I can't go back to a normal way without wounds. Then, I said sorry to myself as my mind and heart knelt in Christ Jesus on the Cross. I bowed to God's mercy and compassion walking and bearing all the wounds and pain on to the Calvary.

Regrets. Regrets cannot be taken back but accept the failure of mine. I was supposed to go home prior to settling down to live in my country where my family is also waiting for me. Life as an OFW teacher in Thailand is not as well paid lucratively, though it's much better than earning in the Philippines. Money can never be valued to a family specially if you're having a child who grew up away from his biological father. But because living as a family man there are chances to give better luck. Though sometimes an opportunity knocks on its door. It will come once out of the blue. That's why I grabbed the opportunity working in a prestigious International University. At 7 o'clock, my boss, Pierre, arrived in my room and stayed for an hour. Our indifference to culture and race have brought us solidarity specially on the tragic accident. He's a nice man, easy to mingle and approachable. We had a conventional meeting like brothers. Then, he asked me, so how are you, Cris? Is it painful? Yeah, so bad. It was really a bad nightmare for me. So, anything you want just let me know or tell Hans, ok. Thanks a lot, Pierre. It's hard for me at this moment. Well, just take it easy, take time to recover, and don't worry, focus on your recovery. Since I was newly hired just last 2 months ago on March 16, we don't have such a conversation as man-to-man dialogue at the campus exchanging thoughts of our working career and family. He said that he spoke with my wife last night regarding my accident. I was a bit in tears as to hold on my ego not to show him that I am affecting. He consoled my predicaments. Then, he left at the door bringing with me memories.

Hans hospitality. An hour later, Hans arrived bringing some of my stuff from my dormitory. Two frame photos of my wife and Son. He also brought some snacks for me to bite; very hospitable, putting all of his care with me. He has a good sense of humour but most of the time he sends me an SMS; hi Cris what an awful event, you must be in shock, take a deep breath knowing you will recover, best wishes. Hans was one who contacted me after at the recruitment precedence of the university. Hans arranged my accommodation at the campus dormitory of teachers. And a day before the kick-off of my new job post, he sent a car to load all my things out from Bangkok City to Huahin province. It's about three hours away from travel. It was a great opportunity that I was lucky to grab this prestigious International institution.

FaceTime Moment. My wife (Aimee) and son (Jasper) called using the Facetime social media. Our Facetime moment has an interlink with surprises seeing all my body having some kind bandage on it. The innocent child asked his mother what happened to his papa. My child expressed to his mom, what a pity moment with papa, he's alone there. The empathetic distance call shared its feeling on the air consoling my tragedy. My wife shared her sentiment of sadness that she can't come over due to her work. However, her loving support is truly more than ever a fountain of water flowing endlessly. Although, she wished for me to come home permanently. This is another baggage of my burden weighing the other side of the coin: to make a decision is quite difficult, which is which condition to choose. These are just legitimate matters to gamble and play a right decision - that's definitely perplexing. The passion of Christ was just commemorated two weeks before my accident. What did I do? How did I celebrate during the Lenten Season? Is this just a punishment for disobeying my desire to come home instead? These are just a reflection in my thoughts asking why God has abandoned me. I was hospitalized for 22 days recuperating from some severe gash wounds. Day and night only doctors and nurses who were in and out in my room for every four hours to infuse antibiotics, changing dextrose once it runs out and ration of food. So, it's hard for me being alone in the room once I need to reach out for something or do the washing myself. Despite my adversity, I'm trying to manage using my right hand and left foot to move in bed until the latter I could manage going to the bathroom. Sometimes I rang the bell at the nurse station.

Dormitory Recovery May 23. I was discharged from San Paolo Hospital and continue my recovery in the campus dormitory. I brought with me my wheelchair and crutches. First time in my life that I used crutches ever. And four days before my discharge, my doctor was recommended to the orthopedic department for my training on how to use crutches and walker. So, a circulating technician again took me out from my room going downstairs. I was trained on how to take a proper step on stairs and humpy level. At the dormitory I was temporarily stayed at the visitors' lodge of the campus occupied a room at the basement. That's another creepy thing on this building, thus in my old dormitory no one lives in the basement as murky stockroom. Although Stamford International University-Huahin campus has made a special arrangement of taking care of me to the hospital for doctor's appointment and dressing of my wounds every day. So, every morning a driver came over to fetch me and assisted me walking up to the service car. However, another dilemma has putted me into a complex situation due to a food consumption where there's only one concessionaire in the university between 8-3pm. Always it bothers me because once I'm out of time to the school canteen, I need to travel to downtown via the school shuttle bus. Again, I should be on time to catch-up the school service along with other teachers, staffs and students. The bad thing is that if you missed out the bus, you need to take a taxi or hired motorcycle (that cost 300baht, something 500pesos). And yet, on a weekend the canteen is also closed, so I forced to cook on my own food or save food supply in the fridge. Because the school campus is so remote area and near at the foot of the mountain at least 5 kilometer away from the highway. Therefore, sometimes I instructed a school driver during my doctor's appointment to take me to the supermarket to shop for small items, particularly my favorite baguette, drinks, coffee, and all kinds of fruits in Thailand. But I love eating dragon fruit and mangosteen.

Strange Atmosphere. For a month of recovery in the dormitory I was visited by the CEO together with the relation officer of the Asia Pacific of Stamford International University in my room; paying respect and honor as part of the Stamford family. Likewise, their business meeting with me along with Pierre didn't stay long. Even though I am at the recovery stage, Hans gave me a thick book of ESL authored by Jim Scrivener, and instructed me to do an ESL research work, submit an outcome module. Despite my predicaments I did it. This is a strange task that I do because I felt like I was in a sandwich. I underwent a lot of pressure in the course of my recovery and traumatic pain. Therefore, I could ask myself if I can reject his favor and say no of the certain task? Hans knows that my condition is quite difficult to move around even to take a sit is so discomforting. Behind our conversation, my mind is very anxious analyzing the right point because he played a game with me which is unreasonable too amidst a battle of my circumstance. Yes, he is my immediate direct boss in my department. Psychologically, I could sense from him that he has a hidden odd feeling against me as he pressures my work. But why is he making such unusual contact with me at this stage of my recovery? He was supposed to show me a better relationship because I am in the strenuous painful recovery. First two months he was very empathetic by asking me how things are going, yet he even said ask me if there's something you need, don't hesitate, just ask, I'm very much fine. Almost a week then, we do individual consultation at the pond whilst taking coffee from the canteen. Not the latter time, he admitted that he is gay. I took it positively and said, that's not sound new to me, Hans, and in fact, I have a number of gay friends. I'm a flexible person. I don't either choose a friend. Then, he said, that's what I'd really like you, Cris.

Force by evil. The school setting of classes is trimesters, I'm very enthusiast, energetic and supportive to my colleagues at the LEP office. Besides, I'm friendly. I've been showing my support in my team even others have a strange civil relation being westerners. Every other day Hans visited me in my room for a pep talk, at the same time, he asked me how far my reading had developed. I assumed that he set a deadline from the book of Scrivener that I've been working on. What he said just read about it. But what a strange thing though why not telling me the truth that he wanted me to submit a designed output result as possible from the ESL book. Doesn't he think that I am partially disabled of my situation? Besides, channeling back to my wife and son seemed affected already. That's why I am easily upset without any reason to my wife. The pressure seems uncontrollable in my world. Seemed I put to the test with this kind of tribulation in my recovery. The agony isn't like a healing process but seems I have had a new wounds fighting for psychologically. My wife was also confused why I am at the sudden change of mood. Every time my wife called on for our regular Facetime, I could feel the distance from them specially there's a detachment of feeling away from my son's (Jasper) contact. He seems to show a sense of rejection nor not to talk to me or instead of giving gratify of my emotion. That's quite strange feeling that my son is turning 5 years old he felt of tearing apart of my absence, thus my wife has a quandary emotion. Day in day out only my rosary is a weapon of my consolation spiritually. I pray against forces of evil around me, but seemed my strength has been weakened to fight those adversities. When I was at the hospital, I was visited by Reverend Father John Tamayo an SVD religious mission priest congregation. Father John is a Filipino and has been assigned in Thailand for over 40 years. In fact, he has spoken fluently in Thai language. He also takes care of the Filipino migrant workers as spiritual chaplain. The community of Filipinos have known him well. He also actively involved an organization of lay-people particularly the COUPLES FOR CHRIST THAILAND (CFC-Thailand) A local Parish wherein he's also a spiritual director and adviser. I used to attend Sunday Masses celebrations. The mere fact that I am also working as my boss is given in the midst of recuperation. Obviously the pressure on me is really tough considering mental, physical, and spiritual problems have been disturbed by evil advocates. I thought that I could take all my recovery without doing any task at work. Therefore, this kind of aggression of an evil force has softened my Christian beliefs. Father Tamayo is also worrying about my stability. He screened my situation using his pastoral care advocacy and the powerful prayer. I confessed to him how I really struggled with living away from my own family. He said, just weighing the best solution of your choice from your heart. Just pray, and pray. Listen to your God of host because in the end you are still the one to decide through grace and mercy from heaven enlightens your decision that hid in your heart. Ask the Lord a blessing that you really want to perceive and pray for the grace that your decision is the right one as what's in your heart - which is your family.

State of depression. In the fourth month of my journey at Stamford International University as an ESL lecturer at the LEP department. One day, Hans invited me for a coffee down stairs where we used to hang out at the pond talking about our conventional bureaucratic job. So, Cris. How are things going for you? Are the wounds at the healing process? Are they still painful? I said, a lot of things bothered me, not just all the pain navigating on my recovery. It seems that I feel like quitting my job here and going home. A lot of pressure seems to have pulled me down. I presumed that my accident was just an outbreak paralyzing my credibility. I don't know if those things you have been assigned come up with greater satisfaction or not. The state of consciousness has been distracted by so many factors such as my family, my son, my wife, etc. I'm completely insane. I'd remember a few days ago you were joking on the phone saying, how's your mental state capacity? To be honest, I could imagine that I was at the point of depression. My wife, as a guidance counselor and a psychometrician, has seemed right about her assessment of me that I am suffering from a mild state of depression due to my accident and the longingness of family back home.

Apparently, he told me to visit the HR's office tomorrow at 9 o'clock a.m. Presumably I have a contention that it's about my situation. Then, he said that today we have a lunch break together with all the LEP team. So, we went to an exclusive Thai restaurant as we ordered an individual menu. Weather is hot but windy as everyone had fun talking about past and present things at work and other events in life. We took a picture showing some kind of fun. After that, others have invited me if I would like to watch a movie, however, I refused because my legs bothered so much. They helped me back into the car and brought me back home.

The next day I received a phone call from the HR. I went to the HR's office as I was entertained by Miss Khun Uo, the human resource personnel of Huahin campus. She welcomes me as she said, sorry for what really happened to you. She apologetically explained that due to my contract the management has decided to terminate my contract due to an incapacity performance. She said that you are compensated for one month of your salary. I was perplexed, yet also consoled that I was forced to leave and go home. Indeed, it was a school break as the first term ended. I told Khun Uo, thank you for giving me a wonderful moment being part of the institution and the opportunity being extended to practice my teaching profession even in a short-term period, yet the memories seemed really left from the unforgettable times here at Stamford University.

The next day I went back to the City of Bangkok where I'm still staying in my old apartment. While preparing my trip back home I told my wife that I'm finally going home very soon. Eventually, I arrived home last July 11, 2017 flight PR 761.