The truth journey as end stage kidney patient Part 1
Having a life as a Civil Engineer is like living in the sharp edge of the blade, you never know which project will give you good team to row the boat together or the team that make you row alone to take all of them towards the end of the project. For me at first beginning of my career i started as junior engineer in which i have so many to learn from my subordinate and senior colleague. Working on project basis tend to jump from one project to another and to deal with one team to another which i earned a lot from them Bully is a must for the fresh junior and i don't mind at all. i am lucky from the 2nd project until my 5th project i was given a good and very supportive team. Also the management acknowledge my hard working through out my working experience. Until my last project, i started to fall sick because of pressure and stress with the management, team and surrounding environment. it started with World cup 2022. The pressure to complete the impossible turn over makes the working environment more stressful. No proper coordinate, double work and no proper communication. The works become more complicated to rush for the date line.
i started experience mix emotion, late night due to night supervision, cramps on fingers, less appetite and i thought its is just normal for work pressure, and i need to take pain killer for every sickness i experience, starting for headache, nose bleed, flu, allergic and hypertension until one day my body showing signal for the worst.
Early 2023 on Feb 10, i was brought to health center due to inconsistent high blood pressure, they took my blood test for overall checkup. i missed the follow up due to tight schedule again. Another 2 months later, i was down with high fever, they refer back to the health center and yes, from the results of previous blood test, my kidney GFR reading showing sign of Renal Failure. That was big alarm for me. due to that, i experienced shortness of breath, lack of sleep and nervous breakdown. My health become more weak and weak. i was admitted 3 weeks in hospital due to loss of sodium and ion in body. i am lucky to have someone very close to heart who patiently company me in hospital. she is love of my life who never leave me behind and always stood by me aside from my family. she experience all the signs encountered and alert every medicine intake. To be honest, i have bad habit on monitoring medicine intake but she acts ore than a nurse to me, i could not pay the kindness for what she has done to me through my difficult time.
Back to the follow up, blood test was taken every alternate day to monitor the GFR to check the blood count. Well another problem, i have nervous breakdown when comes to needles, the nurse have to convince me to calm down otherwise the blood very hard to flow out and it took many angle just to get half of small bottle blood sample . sometimes it goes up to 3 different spot. True enough, after 3 months monitoring the blood count, the reading keep going down Doctor suggested to perform biopsy to take the tissue sample from the kidney. big hole penetrate my back and so painful. i could not move for 5 days due to the pain.
From the biopsy, the result shows my kidney filter is not functioning well and i was given steroids to repair the kidney. the reading still not improving and the effects of the steroids make me more proactive and more thinking at night. i can stay up to 3am because my brain wants to work but my body too tired to stay up. The steroid intake extended another 2 months, end up total 6 months living with steroids. my body surrender, i fall sick again and admitted 2nd time. The creatinine reading from 340 going up and up and still inconsistence after discharge. i have been referred to kidney specialist for therapy. Due to high reading of creatinine, Doctor suggest to start dialysis. its like a big bomb landed in my head. i started to feel down, denial and lost confident. it took awhile to accept the reality that i have chronic kidney decease aka CKD in medical terms. I took vacation back to my country to look for second opinion. My partner take emergency leave to company me back during the trip. We took our flight together. i was so happy that we be able to have the vacation together. During my flight, i got nervous attack and notice swollen feet and easily get cold sweat on plane. Finally flight landed safely. I am happy mix with sad feeling to see my family and that time i don't think of any pain at that time. during our dinner together i open up to my family about my sickness and some suggest to go for traditional treatment.
My vacation packed with out of town activity, she invited her mother all the way from Philippine to stay with us during the holiday. however, the vacation not really enjoy for me because i started having lost appetite and always tired after the long trip. The feet started swollen, lack of sleep and shortness of breath attack almost every night. After our vacation, i went to one of the best Chinese professor, he is known as one of the best master for internal organ treatment, he prepared for me full set of Chinese herbs to drink as per descripted. True enough i gained more energy and strength. i was able to eat and gain my confident back. Follow up again and he reduces the intake due to strong mixtures.
After 2 weeks vacation, i took my flight back to Qatar to continue working. During the flight, i have swollen feet again and i have to remove my shoes because too tight. All my friends suggested to start dialysis as doctor instruction. i cannot take it and to make the decision with heavy heart but yes, i agreed and decide with to undergo surgery. For that, they inserted 2 points of the dialysis catheter, one on my chest and another one on my left arm. Right after discharge from the surgery, i felt so much pain in my arm, i got high fever and swollen arm. this continue until one week and i could not get proper sleep due to pain, after one week, the pain gradually less and i started my first experience of dialysis. i was so nervous to see all the preparation from the in charge nurse. The dialysis machine was placed next to me. the connecting tube from the machine connected to my dialysis catheter point onto my chest.. oh my, i cannot express the feeling. its reminds me of aunty puteh, she is the closest friend of my mom, she is my God Mother who died due to kidney failure. Seeing her journey during her dialysis session make me more pity on her. i remember discussing with my mom if ever her condition getting worst, im willing to donate one of my kidney to her. Unfortunately, she passed away after they try to make new connection point at the neck. She suffered pain and passed away at home after dialysis failed. she always in my thoughts especially with my condition now, May her soul rest in peace.
Back to the story, who will thought that i will get this decease while no one in my family has this kind of sickness. except for high blood pressure. My father stroke because of high blood pressure and pass away early 2022 due to cardiac arrest. He suffered almost 3 years and condition getting worst when my step mother has to work and my father left alone at home. He moves around with wheel-chaired. My father divorce with my mom when i was 12. He is good father at the beginning but started stay outside when my mom caught him having affair with another women. the married last for 12 years and they went separate ways. me and my brother stay with our mother and my father married again. he started seeing us less and less. when we get the call from my uncle who is brother of my father, we get shock and rush to meet him. Every time we visited him, he cried. regretting his past towards us. so yes, i got the high blood pressure from my father. so do my brother.
To be continue in part 2
