It thrills me more often than not when you meet someone unexpectedly and they mean to change a part of you, and from there on, that person remains a special reminder. That's supposed to make you better or even worse, but then it's always a gamble whenever we take that chance to be happy. Some would say they read it in a magazine or saw it in films, but basically, it's always been a subjective experience. I bet on the idea that we all have a fair share of that unusual spark when we see that person for the first time, just like I did when I met Paul. I'm obsessed with the idea that I will soon fall in love with that elusive guy. For once, I must say it definitely cost me a long period of time; nevertheless, all I can say is that the worth offsets everything that I gave up just to be with him.
Whenever I take a glance at him from his bed, I always remind myself how lucky I am despite the tough time we've had since we've been together. It's not always that you meet people like I met Paul. In a way, I ask myself if it weren't him; I can't imagine my life being with other men. But now, I'm certain that God made this special for the both of us. I could never imagine being this way with other men whom I loved before him. I'm such a dope after having had three failed relationships. I now realize the reasons why I'm here with him. I don't blame life or God for such a situation; I just often figured it out myself, and luckily, whenever I did, I always got the right answers.
Paul was way too good for someone like me. Often I turn him down for whatever reason; it's always Paul who turns to me whenever I want, once or even twice. I have already lost count of those times. My time would have been a waste for the past three years if it wasn't for Paul. He stood by me all through, even after I went on rehab due to drug abuse. I really hated him when he said he still loved me even if I lost all the respect of the people around me. He saw the bones in my closet but the beauty that's left of my youth. I remember pushing him away since I heard many women admire him for his gentleness and good heart. He doesn't fit in my world, like I always believe. When I lost home, he was the one who sheltered me, and even then, I hated myself more than anything else. I never deserved him at all.
You know what I mean when I say he's an angel from up above. Indeed, that's exactly how I always describe him. But right now, I miss his laugh and how he makes me smile. Perhaps this is how I make up with him after all the things he has done for me. I promise myself that if he needs me, I will be here for him no matter what. I can't leave him now, not at all. I wholeheartedly embrace the idea that if I ever get a chance to change and be with the one I love, I will never let go, just like now.
I move closer to his side and watch him for a longer time. I don't know when he will wake up, but all I know is that I will be here to see him open his eyes. After all this time and for whatever reason, still I trust him for whatever he does. We've been together for a year now, and we've been planning many things for our future. I'm a changed person, by the way. Since I moved into his abode, I have resolved not to disappoint him in any way I can. He reminded me to be the woman I was meant to be before I ran into my awful vices. And with that, I never wasted my time regaining the old self that I was meant to be. He showed me that I never lost anything, not even the woman I was supposed to be. I started my life again as I held him tightly as we walked towards the hallway of the building. He recommended me for a social and community workshop, which he personally started for many people who've been victims of violence and drug abuse. It was a tough time to start my life again, but it didn't bother me since I knew Paul was there for me. I never take advantage of his kindness.
He's still as good as he was the last time I saw him say goodbye. I regret that day. I almost lost him, and I'm not sure what I would do if I did. That morning, he woke up early, and I saw him sitting on the balcony with a cup of coffee. I saw the weary eyes on his face. I never saw him like this.
"Paul, are you alright? You look so sad since you left the bed this morning." He gazed at me and never spoke of anything. I didn't let it interfere as I prepared his breakfast. I just heard what he was saying. "Reese, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me." I began to worry as I heard him from behind. I don't understand him at all. I paused for a moment, and in silence, I studied him as he was looking down on the floor, not even gazing into my eyes. "Paul, what happened? What's wrong?" I ask as I walk close to him. "I should have told you right from the start."
Seven years ago, my parents died in an accident. The police told me that they were avoiding a crazy car running so fast, and that has caused their lives on the highway as they came back from a long week of vacation. No one was found to be the suspect, and it turned out to be an accident alone. I didn't know how to take it all; I was left so troubled by losing them. It took me a while to try to move after the accident. I went into depression and drug abuse.
Paul knew about it, and he told me everything. He was the man driving that crazy car that night, and my parents died. I began to panic once again, and the wounds began to open once more. It suddenly changed everything that I knew about him. I didn't know how to react as the tears began to pool over my eyes. I ran out of the apartment and ran as far as I could. No, he didn't. I almost lost myself for a moment. With heavy breaths, my tears flooded my face. I have loved the man who killed my parents. I almost thought about how perfect it was for the both of us. That day, he had an accident while driving his car. He was looking for me that day since I ran away from our apartment.
He's heavily breathing through a tube in his mouth, and I could hear the machine as it helped him take his breath every now and then. I reach for his hand and feel the warmth in his palm. He's been sleeping for the past two weeks, and I always hope that soon he'll wake up. This wasn't easy to take since he had the accident. It's hard to be here when he's all my source of strength, and I don't want to give up on him. I never asked for anything before he came, and I never believed in anything at all. I spend almost my whole day with him, and I never fail to take care of his needs whenever I can. Every day, flowers and cards flood his bedside; they are from people who witness how good he is. It really touches me to see that many people love him as much as I did. Who would have thought that Paul would be the man he was? Since I met him, he has never really talked about himself for some reason, and even now I don't even bother to ask. He was a troubleman, as far as I know; he was an orphan himself since he lost his parents when he was eight. He never saw his sibling since they were separated in the children's home. I often ask him why he didn't bother to find them, but all he replies is a smile on his face. And with that, it reminds me of how I met Paul in the city.
It was raining hard that night. I thought it was supposed to be a blind date. I just broke up two weeks ago with Brent. We broke up after I caught him cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. I got all my reason not to entertain anyone for as long as I could remember how Brent fooled me. I began acting so crazy. I like drinking and partying all night - a life I bet nobody would care about. Rubie called me one day and told me about moving on and letting go, which I never really considered whenever I broke up with any guy. For me, moving on is just an option; I just basically let time take its place and wait for the next big thing. I was sober back then, and whenever I look back at my old self, I just thank God that Paul walked into my life.
That night, I never answered any of Rubie's calls since I hated the idea of a blind date. I don't know what prompted me to dress up so girlish and go out of my apartment that night. I even forgot to bring an umbrella; I just trusted my coat would save me from the rain. There's been a traffic jam as expected in this rush hour moment in the city, which really upsets me often. I hate waiting most of all. I even argued about it with Rubie; even a minute late will never be forgiven. I don't know why, but everything else came out as perfect as it is. I came to the meeting place fifteen minutes before seven. I'm expecting the guy to be earlier, so as I walked inside the restaurant, which seemed crowded during that night, I made my way across the hall and looked for the table reserved for us. There's no one at the table. I began to be irate, like I was expecting too much from this stupid idea of Rubie. I try to call back, but she doesn't seem to hear her phone. I looked around the hall; most of them were crowding every table, and I was alone. I sighed and put on an old fashioned smile.
I watched every guy who walked down the entrance hall, figuring out the man. She never told me anything about the guy, and that makes it so annoying. I have no idea who I was expecting that night. Ten minutes before seven, and I'm starting to flare up. My patience is at stake, and Rubie knows it. Then, as seven came, I stood up from my seat and walked fumingly outside. As I strided out, I bumped into a guy who looked in a hurry getting inside the restaurant.
"Oh, I'm really sorry about that." He held my arm even before I fell to the ground. "Are you even looking your way, you arrogant blind man?" I said heatedly. I lost my balance, and everything went wrong. "Please, please don't hold me." "I'm really sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm just in a hurry; I have this date, and I think she's waiting." Now that makes me even more furious about his explanation. "Oh, really, you're such a disappointment, you know. You make a girl wait for minutes; how dare you?" I muffled. I can see how fumbled the guy was, and I'm not even sure if I said it right. "I'm sorry, but I have no time for this." The guy just went on his way into the hall, looking for the table where his date was waiting. I gazed back at him and figured that he's dazzling, and I didn't realize that when he was talking to me a while ago. I let go of what happened and just walked on the side road, trying to evade the hard rain. I feel so messed up that night; my coat is already soaked. It was a mistake to take this kind of misfortune with blind dates, and I promised myself I was never going to take any chance on this again. I felt the cold air moving around as the rain poured. There were few people around, and some were in the same shed with me. It's hard to look for a cab since traffic has begun to settle around again.
I've been waiting for an hour when I notice a man running under the rain towards the shed. He's almost soaked as he shrugs off the drops of rain in his wet dinner jacket. I look at him, studying that he's the man that I met back in the restaurant. I looked away when I saw him look back at me as if I had never gazed at him for the past few minutes. I wrapped my arms around myself and felt the cold linger underneath my skin. I couldn't take it since I've been here. I watched from the corner of my eye, and I didn't know if he really smiled when he remembered me. I try not to care, but since it's just the both of us that were left in the shed, there's no reason for me not to feel intimidated by his presence. He's quiet, and it just made me feel stroppier.
"Here's my jacket; you can use it while you're waiting. The weather is not really good tonight." I looked at him as he offered me his jacket. I don't even know this guy, and I need to be cautious since no one's around. I doubt everything about him. But I couldn't take the freezing rain anymore. "Please, I insist," he said again. I slowly grab his jacket without any hesitation.
I smile as I recall them too well. I feel his palms and get a good grip on them. I knew right then that he wasn't what I thought he was. And since that night, everything seems to change as we get connected, and as time takes its place, I find myself closer to a better day than ever imagined. He gave meaning to my life, and I was never the same anymore. He may not tell me every day how much he loves me, but he makes sure that I will feel how much he does. I still love him, and if he wakes up, I know I will forgive him.
END