Hare krishna,
i am sharing the story of my life.
THE THANKU
Being online on gtalk always pokes back a lot of buried thoughts and dead dreams in my mind.
I was using my mobile application for net surfing, looking at very pretty profile picture of her on facebook. i went deep inside my memory bank... "Aren't you going to be a volunteer in job fest...?" These were the first words i spoke to her.
"No...i don't think this is going to be useful for us" She replied in a very relaxed way as if we were good friends. This attitude of her made me dare to sit beside her and talk further.
Evan today i remember the topics we discussed, those were career, politics, lok paritran- the political party. We talk about her family, her future goals her philosophy of life. In short i asked ever thing about her in our discussion of approx two and a half hours in college library Next day, it was the job fest in the college; I was one of the volunteer. I saw her coming towards me with a cute smile on her face. She was wearing a formal red kurti with white salwar which she used to wear in any placement drive in college days. i liked her the most in that dress only. When I was a bit free I went to her and sat beside her.
"Is this your mobile...? Tell me your number." I said to her indicating on a small phone in her hand.
"Yes...923658****.......give me a miss call" She said without any hesitation. I did the same and happily save her number in my mobile.
Those were the days when I started to like her...started to like her simplicity, her smile, her way of talking, her way of walking...what to say...i started to like everything about her. But in fear of losing my concentration from studies, I did never talk to her again throughout my college days neither on phone nor face to face. Though we went together on many tours like Lucknow, Mathura for various placement activities where i had plenty good time to spend with her. But I always avoided making contact to her.
When our engineering was over I was posted in himachal pradeshwhile she shifted to Bangalore. Around one year after college I dialed her number. being busy she didn't pick my call but called me at night.
"Am i talking to Mr. Girdhar Gopal Mishra" listening her sweet voice on phone gave me a new life in emptiness of Himalayas. We were talking after approx four years and I was feeling like being on seventh heaven. After fifteen minutes I ended the conversation saying these words.
"it feels really good when you talk with one of your old friend" .
I couldn't sleep that night till 3:00am even I tried hard.
I couldn't contact her next few months due to overload of work in our project. After around eight months i caught her online on gtalk. Being very glad i started chatting with her. i praised about her beauty and her simplicity. Believe me; it is much easier to convey your feelings on chat than on phone. Next day she was again online, I didn't miss the chance to chat with her just after a few formal talks I came straight on the point. Me- "I have to say something to u"
She- "bolo."
Me - "I think I'm crazy about you"
She- "hahaha..."
I hate the way girls laugh on your emotions even though they know that you are serious.
Me- "I'm serious"
She- "my priorities are a bit different...I need space and privacy in my life"
This was the answer she gave to my proposal. i kept on convincing her how i would be a suitable partner for her. But she left the conversation in between saying that, "v will talk on this topic later."
I felt that i made hurry in proposing her. I would have wait for sometime till comfort level between us has been increased.
She was not seen online to me next six months. And one day when I saw her on gtalk. I started chatting with her. i assured her that i didn't want to lose a friend like her only due to our last conversation. She said that we were friends first and always will be the friends. From that day we started to chat almost every day. And we became good online friends.
It was her birthday when i wished her online and tried again.
Me- "I love you from the bottom of my heart...will you please marry me?" She- "what?"
She- "this is not in my hand."
Me- "what problems do you have in marrying me? Tell me the list I will try to work on that."
She- "talk to my parents...I can't say anything about this"
Me- "means...if your parents agreed then you have no problem in marrying me?
She- "I can't say anything about my marriage."
This was almost a positive answer for me. I was happy that her answer was not negative. We kept on chatting day by day, and our comfort level was also increasing day by day.
Then one day I asked her new phone number and talked her around half an hour. I was feeling very different. From that day I used to call her every day in the evening at same time. When i felt that she is also interested in marrying me if her parents agree I became very excited. And in this excitement i told to my mom too that I have seen a nice daughter in law for her though there is nothing like an affair between us.
I don't know what made me not to call her one evening and to expect a call from her side. But she gave only a miss call first day and no response from the next day. I was surprised seeing that she didn't even bother to check why i was not calling her for such a long time. I became angry to her. I went home on Diwali, My mom asked me asked me about her. I replied in angriness,"that topic is closed mom; she is not worthy to be your daughter in law."
Then mom told me that she was also not interested in a working daughter in law. Truth always finds its own way to come out. True feelings of my mom came out by this way.
I came back on work and caught her online. i asked her the reason why didn't she call me. She answered that i had also done the same.
From then comfort level of previous days never came back. Though we carry on chatting after a regular interval of time and I also kept on reminding her about my interest to marry her but those days never came back. Almost two more years were passed like this only. Now we hardly did chat in span of three to four months. I
t was 2010 winter. As usual I was waiting for 7:40pm in my plant. Wind flow of High Mountain was trying to flow me away with them. It was the time when she used to comeback from her office. Her office bus used to left her on Gandhi chowk and from there her room was at a walk able distance of 25 minutes.
And i used to share this time with her on phone. I used to felt as if I were walking with her. Though I was not able to hold my mobile in my hand as my whole body was shivering due to cold. But I was holding it tight in my hand and was giving hot air with my mouth to my hand.
My phone rang and I came down to some plainer area from the mountain slope with a smile on my face. It was her missed call indicating that she was on road to her room. I dialed her number.
"hare krishna". Fog came out from my mouth, when I wished her in shivering voice.
"hare krishna" She replied, with making her eyes wide as she used to do from college days.
"you know how did i refuse my parents to marry that boy i told you about?"She chuckled on phone.
"Tell me?" I asked eagerly.
Actually her parents have seen a boy for her who was project manager in Wipro software. From the day she wrote me about this i was worried a lot.
"i told my guru ji that i don't like the boy as he is too strict. And my parents will not take any decision without consulting Guru ji...bus kaam ho gaya." She explained me like a little child.
I took a long breath, wished thanks to God and asked her hiding my happiness, "oh...you never told me about your guru ji. Who is he?" "Actually he lives in Himalayas and comes down to plain rarely" She told me the mystery of guru ji thinking that the name of Himalaya will surprise me.
"haan to thik hai na, mai bhi to Himalaya mai he rehta hun... ab to bus pair pakad lene hain guru ji ke, vahi beda paar karenge." I reminded her that i also lived in Himachal Pradesh.
"haan...bolna pair chhodenge nahi, ab to...ya to shadi he kara do nahi to apne paas sanyasi he bana lo."She laughed a lot saying these words.
Who did know that her words said in a joke will prove to be a sad true for me...
...
...
And today when I saw a latest picture of her on facebook. After one year I became desperate to talk to her, a river of old memories ran in my heart. I kept on looking on her picture with same cute smile on her face that I saw very first time in college library. I couldn't stop myself to instantly type her a message.
Me- "ye photo kya hum ashiko ki jaan lene ke liye lagayi hai?"
No reply from her. I tried to lit again almost wet fire.
Me- "i love u...will u marry me? "
Again no reply.
ME- "jawab do de do...shadi vadi to fix nahi ho gayi?"
And this time the reply what i received gave me a lifetime chest pain. She- "almost fix he samjho"
I was not in in a condition to believe on her words though i knew she will never joke on this. i was feeling like i a m losing the biggest wealth of my life. I did never thought she will go away this way from me. I felt like, "jaise koi train chhoot rahi ho"
I asked her again...praying to God, what she said.. Be a joke only
Me- "r u serious?? ladka kaun hai?,,,shadi kab tak karne ka irada haighar valo ka??"
She, "ladka TCS me hai...shadi most probly beb me hogi." ------------------------------
Me- "congartes..Radhe Radhe"
She- "thanku, Harekrishna...!"
I did never welcome such a painful thanku in my life...
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