It was a chilly, cloud covered, damp and sprinkling windy day in east TN yesterday, but I did notice trees with pink blossoms all over the place. Spring is fighting hard to break the death grip of winter.
I went to my favorite Chinese restaurant. The Chinese lady who owns the place I've spoken to for at least 10 years but she doesn't remember me. Her English is still so bad she has a serious hard time making conversation, but she still always tries with me and other customers.
I saw the man seated behind me when I came in. I immediately knew he didn't fit in around here and he looked like he had a beef to pick. The Chinese lady was talking to him and all I could make out was he would be back more often, and he was an attorney.
Suddenly my Wasabi on my sushi went straight up my nose and I was stomping my foot trying not to make a scene. That was some of the hottest Wasabi I've ever had. I had 6 rounds with that Wasabi up my nose but didn't stop and kept stomping my foot with tears rolling down my face.
The man looked very much like someone I used to know that i never liked. He looked like my xs boyfriend who was a mean entitled alcoholic who faked empathy and thought he was above everyone because he worked at Northrop Grumman at Ft Meade and often said he knew what was happening before the president.
I used to rib him so hard he never knew if I liked him or hated him. But when he was drunk, he hated everyone. One time he jumped in my face all drunk insulting me. We were not at his house but every night he polished off an entire fifth of scotch no matter where he was. He was one of those...the worst kind of drunk. A scotch drunk.
He was a foot shorter than me and about half my weight. Lean, but skinny. He was sitting next to me on the couch and when he turned all red in the face and started screaming at me, I jumped up. Leaning over him I screamed back, You mfer! I will pick you up off this couch and throw you across the room and kick your teeth out! Someone grabbed me and pulled me off of him. I left the house and that was the last time I ever saw him. I'm sure he thought since he could abuse my sister like that and make her cry, he could do it to me. I told him he picked on the wrong sister but ultimately it was the catalyst that ended my sister's 7-year abusive relationship with him. Of course, he made me out to be the bitch but I was like,
Here! Drink some more scotch! Stay that way, please!
So, all this is going thru my head because I got the exact same whiff of entitlement off this guy behind me. His accent was thick, and it was unmistakably Russian. He was complaining so I was going to have a field day with him.
I turned around and very nicely said, are you new to this area? He said yes. I'll be here 2 months. I'm an attorney and they sent ME here. I was locked in on his eyes, and that was lie #1.
I said so you don't like it here? He said no. This area is ridiculous. It's pretty and all, and the people are nice, but there's nothing here for me. I went to the Italian restaurant across the street and asked for spaghetti and I got a bowl of wet noodles and some sauce. Ridiculous.
Well, where are you from? I asked. He said he was from Boston but lived in Miami. I said Boston had some really bad weather yesterday and he said yeah, but I'm used to that. I said well, spring is almost here and many people here ride bikes because this is a great area to ride. Then he said he had a Harley and showed me a picture. I showed him a picture of my bike and he said well, I can't really see the bike. I said yeah well that's because I'm always in my pics with my bike, and I laughed.
He continued to complain about this area not being enough for him. Then I said well, I'm sorry that you're here and laughed. He looked at me sideways. Then I told him I lived in the FL keys for 20 yrs and said I understand what he means about Miami.
He was one of those. Hypervigilant. Hustle and bustle. Liked the agitation of irritable people, and probably also the smorgasbord of women scantily clothed everywhere. Eye candy.
He said he has an x wife and two sons, and he called his sons and told them not to come. He also said he was 44 and spent 8 yrs in the Marines. He was giving me so much information I felt like a damn therapist.
I said well, it's too bad you don't have your bike here. I'm actually much older than you. Been riding a long time. I'm 64. He looked up and said you don't look it. I said yeah well appearances can be deceiving. I spent 20 yrs underwater away from people, so maybe that's why. Oh, he wanted to laugh at that, but didn't. I didn't say it, but quickly realized I was riding before he was born.
He jumped up and put on his jacket that was a weird silk checkboard pattern. I thanked him for his service and he fist bumped me, but didn't thank me for mine, even though he heard me say I served too.
He wasn't an attorney. I know what he was. He was an insurance adjuster sent here to process claims because of the storm. He's the kind of rider that does 110 on open roads and can't be bothered with trees and rivers and stuff.
Checking out, I told the Chinese lady how great the buffet was today. She then asked me what is an attorney? I explained and she said oh so he's rich! I laughed along with 2 other ladies checking out. I said no. Attorneys might make you think they're rich but they always spend more than they've got. She looked at me puzzled and didn't understand. I whispered to her that I was certain she made more money than the man she was just talking to. You should've seen the smile on her face. It was priceless.
What I wanted to say to that guy, but didn't because I knew it wouldn't do any good was, happiness isn't a place or a destination. It's your journey. You'll never be happy until you realize this Chinese buffet for nine bucks is very good. And, the lady who was talking to you, she never got a whiff of satisfaction or gratefulness from you.
You might think you're American or Russian, or from Boston and a Miami, but to her you're a big fat zero.
I do sometimes congratulate myself for not going full tilt but damn is it ever hard.
Now I had to go to the grocery store. Oh my, what fresh hell would await me there.
The sun was done and in the mistiness of twilight, the light faded into a purple haze. I sat in my car at the grocery store. Sometimes I just sit and watch how many people are in the death grip of hurry. I looked at the clock and it was 4:44.
In front of me I saw a woman walking towards me in a full length, all black, puffy down coat. It was not nearly cold enough for that coat, but she wore it. She was tall and slender, and her darkened skinned face was framed with straight long brown hair. She had piercing bright blue eyes, and I was certain it was the face of an angel gracefully walking towards me. She was breathtakingly beautiful.
When she got close, she had a sign written in English someone had written for her. It said: I have 2 kids and Im alone and I need help. Is there any money that you could please give to me? I pray for you.
I smiled at her, and she smiled back. She had the most unique beautiful teeth as up top, they were all evenly spaced slightly apart from each other. I said to her, of course I can give you some money. Even though I have little give, I would never refuse an angel right in front of me. There was an energy around her that was so innocent and alluring it was impossible to not see.
She graciously said thank you in a very thick foreign accent and said I would be in her prayers. As she turned to leave I said, Wait! Where are you from? She said "I comes from Europa". I said ok, but where? She said I'm Finnish. I asked her how long she's been here and she said 3 months.
I was so shocked. She was from Finland? In East TN? I don't know but her accent to me sounded more Romanian, possibly Polish or Ukrainian. Maybe she didn't want to say for a reason but I didn't mind.
I immediately asked her if she had a safe place to stay and she said yes. As she turned to leave, two times she repeated that I'd be in her prayers, and I responded with the same.
I watched her in my rear-view mirror. She walked past people in their cars stopping at their window, but they refused to look at her. Others getting in their cars refused to make eye contact. Over and over for the next 10 minutes, I watched one after the other not able to see an angel in their path.
As I walked towards the grocery store, I wondered if I had given her enough or if I should've given her more. I looked around the parking lot, but she was gone. I felt bad that I didn't give her more. Above my head, a crow landed on the edge of the store's roof. He had a french frie he stole from Burger King across the street and was oblivious to the world eagerly pecking at it.
I walked down the bread isle and there was one older lady of demure stature trying to make a decision on the bread she wanted. She first excused herself if she was in my way. I said, Oh no! Not at all! She confessed she couldn't read the date on the loaf of bread, so I tried to help. We both agreed the bread didn't look that fresh and we looked for another brand.
She said she lives out in the country and didn't want a bigger loaf because she ends up feeding half of a big loaf to the birds. Then we started talking about birds and bird feeders and I told her about the 350-year-old oak tree that came down in the storm - and how people were being welcomed to come get pieces of it to make things in remembrance of the tree. I told her about the bird feeders I was making and how by doing this, the tree could live on helping the birds even though the tree is gone.
She said I think that's so important. I like to help all the little critters around where I live too. I do things year-round to help them out best I can.
Then, I shared a recipe for left over bread that's eggs, butter, cheese, and ham and baked like a casserole. I said it once, but she stopped me to repeat it again- because she really did want to know how she could use that stale bread. And, bread pudding isn't really a thing around here but anything with ham in it, is.
We wished each other a nice day and parted. I turned the corner and a man pushing his cart was coming at me quickly, smiling an unusually large smile. Hi! He said really loud and as cheerful as possible. I smiled back but he passed too quickly to say hi back.
As I was leaving the store, I paused at the entrance looking at what was left of the twilight purple haze. I froze and felt like I'd been hit by a bolt of lightning, but there were no storms in the sky.
What is going on here? The Russian man, the Chinese lady, the Finnish Angel, the old lady who loves birds, then a man who whips by me like he'd just won the lottery.
What do they all have in common? I don't know. Maybe, it's just me. Driving home for the next 45 minutes, I could not get the image of that Finnish lady's face and her eyes out of my head. Will I ever see her again?
