Some days, I feel amazing. I feel like the world is mine, and mine alone. Anything is possible. Some days, I feel like I could shoot a smile in the direction of any oncoming person passing by me in the street and that my very smile has the power to replicate itself on another’s face. I feel like my ears are open to anyone and everyone, ready to combat those intrusive thoughts of others that eat away at the light in their eyes. I feel needed, and wanted, and purposeful. Some days, I feel that I can make a difference for not only myself in this world but for so many more people. Those are beautiful days.
Today is not one of those days. It’s simply just one of the majority. A day where the sun may be shining but it’s just a little too bright. The sun is shining so bright that nobody needs a replicated smile, nobody is searching for a ready-to-listen ear, and nobody wants my purpose. So what is it?
Why am I only kept around for a purpose? Why do I not receive these gestures in return? But mostly, why is my form of therapy to sit alone at the bottom of the shower surrounded by candles that I secretly wish would catch onto the shower curtain and take me dancing up in flames with them? A beautiful dance it would be. Hot, lustrous, and full of desire. Every inch of my body lathered in a warmth that would eventually consume me. But somehow that is what sounds ultimately peaceful.
But maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will be a some day.