her. she.

it was always about her.

well, she was a nice person, and i really quite liked her, but how everyone and everything seemed to be focused on her made me sad. i wasn't mad that she was the centre of attention. it wasn't even her fault. but when i did something, people always compared me to her. then she would do it, and more people would like and support it. then those same people would call mine trash, or downgrade me, while she rose up and up in their eyes. all because she looked cute and innocent, and because she spoke softly.

"aw, you're so cute!" people would always say that about her. i agreed. she was a very cute person. but sometimes i think she made it kind of her personality. she wasn't that kind of person though. its more like society put that expectation around her, and now she's becoming what they want to see. sometimes i couldn't stand it. she would purposely speak in a baby's voice, and do those stupid hand signs, and oh man it pissed me off so much. well, at first i was just a little weirded out, but then when people commented and said "you're so cute. she's literally so cute. aw you're the cutest." (on and on), i was getting kind of annoyed.

plus the fact is, they didn't even notice her or include her in anything. it was just when she was cute or did something cute, they would comment, would praise, would worship her, then they left. in normal activities, i was the one being friends with her. i was her pair in every activity in school. no one really really liked her as friends, they saw her as a puppy. cute, but you wouldn't pay much attention to a puppy, and the only prominent thing you would remember is that its cute. i did feel bad for her, and i became closer friends with her. we watched movies, ate meals together. she was a really nice friend to me.

but then people started comparing us. i liked this teacher for awhile. i really did, and people thought it was funny. i didnt mind though, because it was kinda weird. but then when she said she liked the teacher too, they started saying things like "oh, i think the teacher would like her more." "the teacher likes the cute one" then everyone would point to her. she tried to avoid it, but i think she really liked the attention. when she copied me, even if it was something weird, people would flower her and adore her and love her. when i did it, they hated me, made fun of me and mocked me. i was called ugly standing beside her. once they were all gathered together and when i went towards them they said "we all agree that we choose her over you" well i knew that in my heart already, but hearing them say it out loud made it a thousand times worse. sure they meant it as a joke, but it did cut deep. i made a joke as a reply and they left it at that. even she didnt care for me after awhile. yes, she did try to say "no, i choose her (referring to me)" but then people would be like "aw, you're so nice" and i would be more mad. she purposely acted like a sweet fucking angel and people kept saying what a nice person she was. what the fuck. she acted like she liked me, but she left me behind after she started receiving the attention. i was left out, and she was the center of attention.

and when we would have to pair up for activities, no one would go to her. she would look around, waiting for someone to come up to her, but none of our friends did. they chose their other friends. so i would always be her pair in the end. she only cared to look for me when she had no one else.

fuck she's my friend but i hate her.

i dont hate her

i hate what she makes me.

in order to even get someone to notice, to be friendly to me, i would have to make insane jokes. i was the funny one. it was the only way anyone would laugh, would think im great. i even made myself the joke and i really hated it because they would make fun of me, but what other choice do i have if i want friends? i became known as the weird one in the duo, and she was the sweet, pretty, cute one.

fuck i hate them.