My grey suitcase was carelessly thrown from the luggage ramp onto a small baggage tub. It zipped away and out of sight in a matter of seconds. The workers here seemed very careless and aggressive and I couldn’t help but notice that they talk slower if you have an accent. I didn’t think mine was that noticeable having learned english in Japan. It may be my second language but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid. It was irritating but I was trying to dwell on the fact that I made it through the painful 16 hour flight. There was nothing more satisfying than getting to walk on solid ground.
“Hinata, kotchi ni kite” my mom called out. I raced to grab her hand, trying not to get lost in the mass of people. Everyone scattered out the bridge, like little mice running from a predator. I pictured mouse ears on all the businessmen in their coal black pressed suits. It made me laugh out loud. I tried to hide the fact it was directed towards other people and looked at my mother. I think she assumed I was just excited, though it was the contrary.
We took our time through the airport. Our ride wasn’t getting here for a while. When we finally reached costumes I showed them my passport, giving with two hands as I was taught. That doesn’t seem to be a thing here in America. I hope I didn’t look weird now that I think about it.
“Daijōbudesuka?” asked my mom.
“ Hai, tada tsukarete iru dakedesu.” I replied. Part of me wanted my mom to stop talking in Japanese, people could tell we weren’t from here enough as it is. But the other half of me wanted her to keep going. It was one of the only familiar things in this foreign land.
We walked around the airport for what seemed like hours. My mother refused to ask for help. I guess she was as scared as I was. Eventually we went up to a desk. The lady was pretty. Thin, round face, she had eyes the color of the sky, and her hair was in an elegant updo. I kinda wished I looked like her. Although her beauty isn’t the norm in Japan. I helped my mom translate and we got directions to our pick up door.
We arrived to find my Papa talking to a blond haired man. He was dressed in a raggy blue shirt and jeans. Nothing very impressive. When my dad saw us her ran to us with arms open.
“My Hana!” my dad picked me up and flung me around. “ How are you my flower?”
“Papa put me down.” I said mockingly.
“Oh, sorry love.” he said as he put me down.
As my mom greeted my mother I watched the blond haired man. He was already tucking our luggage in the back of a car. Was he the one my father mentioned meeting? We exchanged looks, his eyes were a deep blue. It felt like I was being sucked into a void.
“Hinta come, meet Luke.” My dad said while putting his hand on my lower back.
“Nice…to meet you.” my mom replied shyly. I smiled, it had been a phrase we practiced on the plane.
“Likewise Mrs. Mori.” he said with a smile.
“And this is my daughter Hinta” my dad said as Luke knelt down to my height.
“ I’ve heard a lot about you, Hinta. Your dad doesn’t shut up about you.” He smiled again and rose. “ I hope I can make you guys feel at home.”
I smiled though I fully doubted what was happening. It had only been three hours of being in America and I already wanted to go back home.
The ride to our apartment was weird. Looking out the car window was just a reminder that I wasn’t home. I’m glad I fell asleep halfway through. I woke up when I heard a car door slam. I looked out the window to see blue small buildings. All of them looked the same, how were you supposed to tell the difference?
Luke grabbed our luggages from the trunk while my dad showed us around. He left a pair of slippers for my mom and me inside the door. I slipped my sneakers off and put my feet into the soft foam slippers. It felt so nice after the long past couple days. I looked around leaving my parents behind. The kitchen was small, but had everything. Dark brown cabinets with silver handles covered half the wall and family portraits covered the others. And a white round table with four chairs sat in the middle. My parent’s bedroom was right across the hall from mine. The walls were matte beiges, the ceiling was charcoal grey. There was a fan above their bed. The sheets were a light blue with deep ocean blue pillows. Their closet and bathroom were to the right of their nightstand which had a window above it. It scaled out to the trees behind the apartment complex. I saw a family playing just at the tree line. I stood and watched the little boy play for a second and got back to exploring. Since I didn’t have a personal bathroom, I would have to use the one at the end of the hallway. It was tiny but had all the essentials. I noticed that the toilets here were weird. It only had a flushing lever, and the seats weren’t heated. The showers were even weirder. It was almost as if they just attached a big bowl on the floor. The living room was as big as my room and had a back door leading to a small balcony. Even though it was tiny it was big enough to fit a nice white couch in the center of the room. There was a tiny TV across from the couch on a long dark oak table.
“What do you think Hana?” My dad spooked me from behind. I turned to face him. What did I think of it? It was small, nothing like any of our previous houses.
“It’s…nice.” I respond while fidgeting with my hands.
“Oh Hana. It’s not that bad. It’s something to get used to.” My dad smiled and patted my head. Would it really be okay?
We didn’t do much unpacking at all. We put our stuff in the house and said goodbye to Luke. My dad went to get some food and drinks. We ate together and my mom and I explained all our bizarre encounters on the way here. Though it was a new house, dinner still felt the same. It was comforting, maybe this won’t be so bad after all.
I woke to the sound of a car horn outside my window. I groaned at the thought of having to approach my new school today. I knew I didn’t have to stay the whole day, but that didn’t mean I wanted to do it any less. I brushed my teeth and combed the knots out of my hair. I ripped open the box with my clothes in it and found my favorite striped shirt. I threw a pair of jeans on and slowly made my way downstairs.
“ Hinata-san, ohayōgozaimasu.” My mom said from the kitchen.
“Good Morning Ma.” I replied. I sat down at the table waiting for something to happen. My mom handed me a cup of water and a bowl of rice. She set an egg beside my chopsticks. I stirred my rice and cracked the egg into the bowl. I took my time eating, as if it would slow time itself down. My dad came running down the stairs.
“Are you ready Hinata?” my dad shouted while rummaging around.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I signed and tried to contain my groan.
“Kanojo ni hanī o tabe sasete kudasai” my mom added.
I tried to continue eating my rice slowly but my dad only let me finish for so long. Eventually he dragged me to the car. I looked out the window the whole way to the school. The sky was grey and the air was cool. Small raindrops fell like pebbles onto the windshield. I knew we lived far from the city, but the drive felt like the plane ride. I have never ridden in a car for that long. I thought of how much I’m gonna miss the trains in Japan. When I got out of the car I felt my legs give out. I studied myself against the car door. I looked up to a big chestnut building in front of me. It was five times my previous school. I could feel my stomach churn. I felt my breakfast coming back up. I swallowed and held it down. I grabbed my bag in the backseat and followed my father down a wide sidewalk. As we approached the building I could see Luke standing next to a smaller man.
“What is Luke doing here?” I asked my father.
“You’ll see Hana.” he replied. That didn’t make me feel better at all. The sooner you get it done the sooner it's over. I thought to myself.
“Hey Luke! Thanks for doing this friend!” he said once we reached them. He shook Luke's hand, and I waved awkwardly.
‘Good to see you again Hinata. Meet my boy Samuel.” He gestured to the boy next to him. He waved unenthusiastically.
“Hello.” I responded with a bow. He rolled his eyes. I started to fidget with my sleeve. I had forgotten bowing wasn’t a thing here. I stood there hoping the whole day wasn’t gonna be filled with introductions like this.
“ Go on Hana.” That grabbed me out of my thoughts. I hadn’t been paying attention but the boy and his father were walking away.
“Okay…love you Papa.” I said while adjusting my bag. It had been pulling on my shoulders for a while but it felt awkward trying to fix it. My dad kissed my head and rushed to his car. I hope I didn’t keep him longer than he could stay.
“Ya coming Hinata.” Luke yelled out. I swiveled toward them and jogged towards them. I walked awkwardly behind them till we reached a big arched doorway.
“Well, I gotta leave now. But Samuel here will show you around okay?”
“Oh, okay, thank you Mr. Johnson.”
“Please call me Luke,” he smiled.
“Yes sir.”
“Take care of her Samuel.” he looked at his son and waved goodbye.
I turned to face Samuel but he had already started walking. I ran to catch up. I followed quietly behind him. He suddenly paused. I tried to stop but I hit him from behind. My momentum almost threw me backwards but I caught myself. He jolted around to face me.
“Listen, I’m sorry for acting like a jerk back there.” he paused. “Let's just say me and my dad don’t get along. I wasn't trying to be rude. I’m really sorry.”
I didn’t really know what to say but managed to get “It's okay” out.
“By the way, you can call me Sam. I prefer it over Samuel.” He said as we started walking.
“Okay.” I said quietly.
Samuel kindly showed me around. He walked me through the schedule I had and how the lunch room worked. I got to meet all my teachers as well. Everything was really loud here that's for sure. I always heard that Americans were loud. I believe it now. Some people were dressed bazarly. Girls wore shirts that showed way too much skin and had eyelashes that looked like they could survive a nuclear bomb. The boys wore weird shoes and their pants hung so low it showed their underwear. I would’ve been killed wearing something like that at my previous school.
He showed me the way to the principal office. It was a round room with royal green walls. Long vertical windows covered that back of the room. The dark oak and gold desk gave me the sense I was in a palace of somesort. Sam waved goodbye and I thanked him. I talked to the principal for a while and got all my identification and textbooks. She suggested that I read over them tonight, and get “caught up”. From what I could tell I probably covered all of this stuff back in Japan.
“Would you like to go to some of your classes? Since your dad won’t be here for a while yet.”
I hesitated “ If it’s too much trouble.”
“It’s not any trouble whatsoever dear.” She smiled.
She walked me down the hall to a door reading 134 and opened the door.
“Hi Mr. Shoeman, hope I’m not interrupting too much.” she said putting her hand on her chest.
“Not at all Mrs. Fleeman.” He smiled and waved us in.
“This is our new student, Hinata.” She gestured towards me.
“Hello.” I said with a bow.
He smiled “Pleased to meet you Hinata, take a seat wherever you’d like.”
“Thank you” I said looking around the room. Mrs. Fleeman walked out of the room and I stood there awkwardly for maybe a couple seconds too long. The kids stared at me as I looked at the desk towards the back of the room. As I walked towards the desk girls turned towards each other and the room slowly erupted into whispers. I took my seat and looked down at my desk. I noticed drawings carved into the wood. I traced my hand over the ridges. I couldn’t tell what most of the drawings were but it distracted me from the fierce glances directed towards me.
I spent my time glancing around the room. Posters covered the walls and students chattered and whispered. It definitely wasn’t the same atmosphere as schools in Japan. I turned to face the window and drifted off into a world of my own. I kept thinking about the chill Chino mornings, riding my bike to school, the wind tussling my hair. Restaurants just now opened, the smell of tempura and curry filled the air. I would ride my bike saying “Ohayō” to the locals I would encounter. After school I would ride my bike on green trails up to Lake Suwa. I would skip rocks and chase my friends around. I wished I could go back to Japan more than ever.
Just then the bell rang and startled me out of my thoughts. I flinched so hard I almost launched myself out of my desk. The kids turned and laughed. They weren’t kind about it either. I stood and brushed myself off and chuckled along, hoping it would make me look less stupid. Students pulled out of the room quicker then I could grab my stuff.
“Thank you Sir.” I said and left before he had time to reply. I tried not to dwell on the fact that I just embarrassed myself in front of the whole class. As much as I tried it just kept replaying in my head.
“Hey Hinata!” Sam popped out of nowhere and blocked the path in front of me. I jumped backwards. “Whoops, sorry didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It's…It's okay.” I said, trying to catch up with my heart.
“Where ya headed?” He asked enthusiastically.
“Uh..”
“Here let's see.” He said as pulled up next to me. “Oh, it’s your off period! It’s mine too!”
“Off period?” I asked.
“It’s like a lunch period.”
“Oh.”
“What would you like to do?”
“Uh, I might just walk around. I’m still trying to figure out this building.” I said nervously.
“I’ll come with.” He smiled. I smiled back. It was comforting to have a friend. I didn’t even know if we were that. But I knew I had someone who would help me.
We roamed the charming deep aqua halls. Silver grey lockers covered almost every wall. That was something to get used to as well. We never had lockers back in Japan. It was like trying to find your way through a maze. Sam explained that you just have to look for the gaps and look for where people are going. He made me try and I almost got lost in the crowd. We talked about school, friends, and why my family moved. I’m glad I didn’t have to say much though. Sam was quite a talker. As we walked there was this smell of smoke and asked. Sam explained that it was kids doing certain drugs. I clenched onto my books and held my breath till we were clear of the hallway.
I saw so many things in such a short amount of time. From kids younger than me smoking cigars to kids kissing in the most uncomfortable way. I wanted to puke and scratch my skin off. I was trying to stay composed but I started to fidget with my figures. A nervous habit. I prayed I didn’t embarrass myself in front of Sam, being that he is the only one I’ve met yet.
When the bell rang I hugged the wall knowing the chaos about to come. Sam did the same.
“What’s your next class?” He asked.
“Actually I think I’m going to head to the Principal's office. I think I’ve had enough for one day.” I said looking at the ground.
“Understandable, would you like me to walk you?” He smiled. This boy was so nice. Helpful. His smile could light up a dark room. “I have time before my next period.”
“No, thanks. I’m okay.” I said, waving my hand back and forth.
“Okay, see you later!” He replied.
“Yes. Thanks for everything.” I said with a smile.
“Anytime Hinata.” He smiled and with a wave turned and disappeared into the void of people.
I took my time trying to find the principal's office, hoping to calm down before I got there. When I reached the door reading Fleeman I knocked and waited. Nothing. I knocked again, a little harder this time. After a couple second a women, not Mrs. Fleeman answered.
“Hello-, oh darling! You don’t have to knock sweetheart, just come in.” She said,
“Oh sorry.” I said melting in my own skin.
I had a wait a while before seeing Mrs. Fleeman but when I did we were able to call my dad. It would be a while yet but he was gonna pick me up. Thank the heavens. I had never been so excited to leave somewhere before. I sat on a coach outside her office while I waited. I tilted my head back onto the emerald green walls and closed my eyes. Today was nothing like I expected, but I was happy it was over. I sighed and decided to open the textbooks I was given. I looked through the bland pages till my father arrived.
My dad practically bursted through the door when he arrived. Frantically looking around the room.
“Hey my flower.” He said when he finally saw me. I stood up to run and hug him. “Are you ready to go home?”
“Yes please Papa.” I said somberly.
The ride home was quiet. I think my dad knew not to push it. I had gone through a long, not to mention weird day. I bet my father did as well when he first got here. I wondered how he felt about everything. Did he want to move to America, or was it just because. I wonder how Mama’s doing. Was she adapting okay? Is she as stressed and scared as I am?
We got home and I waited for my dad to get out. I had forgotten which apartment was ours. They really did look all that same. I followed behind my dad to our grey front door. I felt a wave of relief run over me as I stepped through. I pictured coming back from school in Japan, sliding on my slippers and dashing towards the fridge for my daily homemade Taiyaki. My mom was the best at making those. I took my bag off and left it near the door. I don't wanna think about that school for another month. Sadly, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I smelt a familiar smell coming from the kitchen and went to investigate. When I turned the corner I saw my mom mixing dough. I looked down to the countertop next to her and there sat a place of freshly made Taiyaki.
“Okaerinasai, hinata!” My mom said as she turned around. My eyes were filling up with tears and I felt my stomach churn. I missed Japan so much. I didn’t want anything else but to go back there.
The flood gates opened and my vision went blurry. I sunk to the flood and curled myself into a ball.
“Hinata? Nani ga machigatte iru no ai?” My mom said putting the mixing bow down. She sat in front of me and started stroking my hair.
“I can’t do this Mama! Ie ni kaeritai!” I belted. My Dad came running in but my mom put up a hand in defense. I don’t know whether he turned to leave or just stood there.
“Hinata-san, I know this is hard. Watashitachiha Nishikigoidesu.” My mom said she took a hand to my face. She slowly tilted my head up towards her. She whipped my wet cheeks and smiled.
“We are Koi’s my flower.” My dad said as he walked up and sat down beside me.
“Sore ga nani o imi suru ka oboete imasu ka, hinata.” My mom said.
“We-, we are strong. We persevere through adversity. And we are resilient.” I replied. My mother had said all these things to me as a child. I always took them for granted till this moment.
“We are the Nishikigoi family Hinata. That is who we are.” My dad added.
I know it was supposed to make me feel better but I couldn’t help but cry more. My mom and dad hugged me and we just sat there. I could feel my mom start to cry though she was trying to hide it. And I could feel my dad’s guilt. He probably thought he was the one doing this to us. I hope he knows that’s not the case. If anything I would do this for him. To prove that this wasn’t a mistake.
That night we all slept in the same room which hasn’t happened since I was 8. It was uncomfortable in the most comforting way. All I wanted was to be around them right now. They were the most familiar thing here.
The next morning I woke up to the smell of pancakes, which was not something we would make often in Japan. I quickly got ready and ran downstairs. At the table was my dad and Sam. I practically jumped backwards out of surprise.
“Morning Hinata!” My dad exclaimed, smiling widely.
“Morning Papa and Mama! Morning Sam!” I didn’t know why I was so happy to be able to spend more time with Sam but I was. Maybe it’s because our friendship was the first chapter of my life here. I can’t wait to see what else America has in store for me.