All because of him.
He makes me unbelievably happy, he makes my world spin, just that bit faster when we’re together.
Even the simple words he mutters makes my heart melt, the pure innocence that radiates from his being.
He is pure.I love his purity.
5 simple letters, one word.
Atlas.
Atlas- stemming from the Greek God, a Titan, condemned to carry the heavens upon his shoulders, using his vast superhuman strength.
My Atlas, truly resembling a Greek God.
His smooth, golden skin glistening in the beaming sunshine. His eyes so icy, I feel they could freeze me from the inside out. Icy, like a glacier belonging to the Arctic, Yet his ever so icy eyes shine with kindness and empathy.
Atlas has smooth, mocha brown hair, with soft tangled waves that fall gently above his icy eyes.
As we sit side by side in class, I breathe strongly through my nostrils, taking in his scent, such a strong breathe that my lungs may burst from that very breath but is is entirely worth it, to smell the sweet vanilla trail he so proudly wears.
Just two months ago, I realized how much he loves vanilla, everything is vanilla: shampoo, body lotion, deodorant and that special aftershave he brazenly tells everyone about which, without a doubt, leaves an unmissable smile etched into my face, even with the slightest mention to his beloved scent.
I wish upon the stars that you were mine, all mine.
That, with all the magical dreams of us deeply in love, the copious detailed love letters stuffed away, hidden from reality. I lay awake at night, my mind running wild because you are brightly etched into my mind, even with all my love, do you love me?
I wish upon the stars that you love me.
But you don’t.
Even with my praying to the gods above, you don’t, and never will.
You, Atlas, will never dream about us madly in love like the silly teenagers we are and the idea of a family together is forever forgotten.
But why should I blame you?
I was the naïve, immature boy who had stupid unrealistic fantasies about a boy who I was unknown to.
My corrupt mind made me believe that I was complete, and utterly in love with you, that we were soulmates, that we had true consummate love, we were each others twin flame.
I first saw you 15 months ago and I just knew I loved you.
Some would call that love at first sight.
15 long months Atlas, you were my first thought every morning and my last thought every night for 456 days.
Yet even with this endless pain, I don’t regret loving you.
I quickly sign off the letter, folding my entry kindly into the envelope before leaving towards Atlas’s townhouse home.
Upon arrival to his desirable home, I delicately slither my note through his letterbox and hurry away, approaching our local bridge.
I stand tall and bitterly on the edge of the bridges railings, thinking once more about my decision.
With one more breath, I prepare myself and lamely step off the edge, toward my cold and watery end.
I wish upon the stars that you loved me Atlas.
Atlas POV
I wish upon the stars that you truly knew how much I loved you, Simon.
I sigh, folding the letter between my now clammy hands, shaking as a single tear rolls down my cheek.
A single tear, followed by a dozen more.
It’s been two aching weeks since he left us, since he abandoned me with an eternity of agony.
I hate him.
I hate you, Simon.
I hate you because you left me when I needed you most, when my love for you became overwhelming.
I hate you because I loved you.
His kind laugh that could brighten any room, his short caramel hair that cupped his face sweetly.
His soft, downturned, juniper green eyes which forever shone with happiness, his juniper green eyes that blended perfectly with his mellow bisque skin.
His freckles, freckles so prominent you could connect them into a beautiful display, that stretched from each eye.
Simon was angelic.
He deserved the best.
I wanted to give him the world, my world, where we lived happily forever in some alternative fairytale.
But I was too late, I was scared he wouldn’t love me back so I hid inside myself instead of saving him.
It’s my fault Simon is no longer here and I will forever hold that guilt.
Simon, you were a beautiful human with pure and genuine kindness that no one will ever be able to compete with.
A true angel in human form, now forever a true angel.
For the past 14 days, you’ve been my every thought, morning and night I think of you.
I quickly dress in my smartest suit, I finally get to visit you, my love.
I leave my quaint townhouse home in a hurry, eager to see you.
Today the sun is bright and powerful.
Simon would say my skin is glistening.
I finally arrive at your burial ground, your new home.
It’s beautiful Simon, decorated with your favourite red roses and white gardenias in a classy arch covering the top of your fresh gravestone.
I lay my entry, gingerly on top of your grave, hopefully you can read it in the heavens above.
Because I loved you.
I wish upon the stars that you truly knew I loved you.
I lay next to you and sob, uncontrollable tears of pain.
All because of him.
