The story starts with a 21-year-old Afghani woman, having nightmares in her sleep one morning. These nightmares were common to her and it comprised of the dreadful wounds she had still left in her, after a tragic warlike situation in Afghanistan, compelled her father to hand her over to her relatives who were fleeing from Afghanistan to take refuge in a refugee community in Mumbai. Her father promised her to meet her after some days along with her mother, but that day never came in two years. Her relatives also hoped to hear from her father, but to their disappointment they did not. The initial days were extremely tough for them to the point of starving till four days in a row, completely out of money and dejected. Saira (the afghani girl), was 17 at that time ,and was feeling dejected by her family and everyday hoped for her father to come and take her away. All the things that used to lit her up like reading books, writing poems, seeing the dream of owning her own restaurant, all got lost with her childhood. In the initial days she cried a lot silently but nobody was there to calm her down because her uncle and aunt were already in distress and cared least about her. Her uncle and aunt also had a 10 year old son. Soon her uncle managed to overcome their dire situation a little bit, set up his own small business and they rented an apartment. All this while Saira helped in all the household chores, took care of her nephew and became a completely different person than she was earlier. Her uncle and aunt, though did not express it directly but they soon started seeing her as a burden, their only relief was that Saira did not make any demands on them and silently endured all the pain. She understood the fact that it was getting difficult for her uncle and aunt to manage all the expenses and they started being very indifferent to her presence to the point of forgetting to ask her for lunch or dinner. She started looking for a job outside and found job at a premiere restaurant as a waitress. When she informed her aunt and Uncle about this, thinking that they will be happy, they did not utter a word and ignored her completely. Her Aunt murmured something about her and took her brother away to another room. Again, Saira faced an emotional dejection. Dejections had till now become her everyday companion and she made peace with them. She had nobody to talk to and she stayed silent most of the time. She had become numb from inside and even tears dejected her to the point that she could not cry at all. After working for few days ,Saira regained a little confidence in herself. She used to celebrate the little joys of life like having an ice-cream while standing in front of the beach alone, buying her own phone with her savings, buying a t shirt for her brother etc. A part of her wanted to buy novels for herself but she remembered that she had buried that part of her long time ago. She made some acquaintances at the restaurant she was working in but nobody knew about her past. One day at the restaurant she was working in, she accidentally spilled water on a woman in her fifties who was sitting there waiting for somebody .Immediately her restaurant manager came and derided her for the mistake in front of everyone and was giving special treatment to the woman .The woman was not at all angry at Saira’s mistake and repetitively assured the manager of the same. Saira was visibly upset at her manager’s behavior and the woman noticed that .While leaving, the woman called Saira to pay her bill and left a tissue for her with her contact number written on it. Under her contact no, it was written ‘don’t take your manager’s words to your heart. Keep doing good work .Call me if you ever need any help .From Afghanistan with love’. The last words made her shiver a little .Later one of her colleagues told her that the woman was a renowned author who had stopped writing recently. She told her the author’s name but Saira eventually forgot. Saira felt a strange connection to that women but the thought of Afghanistan made her feel overwhelmed. She put aside the tissue in her purse and got engaged in her work again. As days passed ,Saira’s relation with her uncle and aunty had gotten a little better. On one Sunday afternoon , her aunt told her to have lunch together with them. As she sat for lunch, her uncle after some minutes started by saying there is a very good man wanting to marry her. He has his own business and her uncle has known him through that. He is 32 years old man living alone in Mumbai and wants to meet Saira. Saira immediately denied the proposal to which her uncle reminded her that she can’t live in that house forever and if she settles with somebody ,the rest of her life will be secured. Saira didn’t say anything .Just when she was finding a family in them, they came up with this. Saira’s uncle told her that the man is coming to meet her next week at their place. Saira got into an utterly low mood by hearing this and for the next one week she was lost in her thoughts. She had saved 65000 rupees in her account by then and she started looking for pg. s .Just while she was busy planning so many things in her head, she fell in love with the man, her uncle introduced her to. It was not love at first sight but some text exchanges and frequent meetings, for three months. Saira felt different .There were butterflies in her stomach and she even lost interest in her work. She shared every detail of her life with this new person starting from her past, her present, to her aspirations for the future and received a sympathetic ear as well, soon she was occupied with the thoughts of this new man in her life and finally she thought she found happiness in her life after a long time. The new person who apparently wanted to marry her ,did not want her to continue with the job of a waitress. Saira left that job for a better future with him. Saira became a different person and unlikely to her true self who always was looking for ways to grow. Saira got married to that man. On the wedding night, much to her shock and disbelief, the man of her dreams came drunk and started mocking her and calling her a waitress. In his drunk state, he told her that her uncle had requested him to marry her but he was not at all ready to marry her after knowing she worked as a waitress. He further abused her by saying that her own parents also did not bother to meet her so how can she expect him to stay with her forever ,and also ridiculed her for having not studied much, to which a shocked Saira slapped him which left him unconscious. Saira took her luggage and left the hotel. It was 2am in the night and she had nowhere to go except for a nearby bus top. Inspite of the dire circumstances she was in, not a single tear came out of her eyes. In her sleep induced state ,the images of her childhood came flashing before her eyes, she heard the conversations which she used to have with her family, she could hear the laughter she shared with her friends, could see the last afternoon that she spent with her mother on their terrace with her mother making her hair and she reading Page 130 of The Kite Runner ,by Khaled Hosseini. With all these thoughts, Saira fell asleep and, in the morning, found herself in that bustop with some people looking strangely at her. Saira for once forgot about all that which happened to her but it was not for long. She again got back to reality and went to have chai in a nearby chai stall. The people at the chai stall stared at her as she was still in her wedding dress. She felt uncomfortable, while not realizing and remembering all that has happened to her last night and even before that. It was as if for a moment, she forgot about all those the distress of her life, and felt like alive again. But soon she remembered about her troublesome life where every day she hoped that things will get better. However, that day did not come but at least now she was free from the shackles that binded her, be it momentarily. Neither she had to go to her job as she had left it nor she had to be answerable to anyone. But the question now was where she should go at that moment and spend her entire day ?. For a second, she thought of going to the beach and drowning. The beach was 2kms from the chai stall. She boarded an auto with whatever money she had, took the luggage and went towards the beach. On her way towards the waters on the beach, she saw a middle-aged woman with her little son smiling and eating candy floss and the warm sea winds blowing over them. They seemed so happy and contented with life. Saira stared at them and felt their happiness. She remembered the last time she felt so happy was when her mother used to cook her favourite breakfast on Sundays. Those few seconds changed her mind and she decided not to take her life. She went towards the beach and flashed water on her face. Tears started rolling down her eyes. She never thought her beautiful little world will take a turn for the worse and she will be left all alone, without her family and with no direction. She had dreams of becoming educated, going to college and studying literature. However, all her dreams shattered when the war like situation broke out in Afghanistan and she got separated from her family. After staying at her relative’s place for some time, on one hand she felt independent to be able to earn some money on her own, however on the other hand she felt, her dream of studying literature was slowly dying and she had no will in her to study that anymore as she was so busy trying to prove herself to her relatives and live with them happily. Gradually, her habit of reading books, magazines faded away and she was now only looking forward to living a peaceful life, with hopes that her family will meet her again and she will smile like that kid one day holding her mother’s hand in front of the beach. She did not even know whether her parents were dead or alive at that time. Her relatives and her restaurant friends were her family back then and she did not want to loose that. There was a deep pain inside her and numbness of being separated from her family and not getting the means to fulfill her dreams. However she accepted life as it came and when her relatives wanted her to get married, she did not object, rather thought maybe her life will get better.
That night changed her life altogether and while she felt free for some moments, the feeling of not having any direction and place to go, made her wanting to end her life. Life is not easy as it seems as the saying goes. When we think we are free, the freedom sometimes chains us and makes us feel helpless and frustrated, until and unless we gather the courage to carry on in life and find a solution. Sometimes we find the solution on our own, while at other times, God sends people in our lives who show us a way, The same thing happened with Saira that day, while she was leaving, she discovered a half torned wet small piece of paper near the beach. She took it in her hands and was about to throw it away. Her mind was calmer by that moment due to the cool winds of the sea with the sun above and the sight of the happy mother-son duo whose silent laughs rhymed with the sound of the chirping birds, which gave her hope that life is indeed precious. Suddenly she discovered a phone number written on the back of the small piece of paper with the letters HA written above. At that moment she remembered, that it was the contact number of the mysterious woman whom she had met in the restaurant that day, on whom she spilt a glass of water and got scolded by her manager because of that. The woman had dreamy eyes which looked half teary, as if so much was hidden behind those eyes. Although she did not remember her face clearly, she remembered her eyes. She was just like any other customer to her, until and unless she saw the last words ‘With love from Afghanistan’, which got removed from the paper because of the sea water, only the contact number was visible. For a moment she thought of calling her but then remembered how intimidated she felt about her that day. She thought of throwing the paper away but then something striked her and with teary eyes, she kept it in her bag. She now boarded another auto and went to the restaurant where she worked, with the hope that they will allow her to work there again, however when she reached there, the same friends who used to share a laugh with her, stared strangely at her and her manager seemed to be disappointed at her. He asked her why did she harboured the desire to get married when she is not financially independent and that she cannot work there anymore and he is sorry for that. At that moment, she felt dejected and fear slowly grippled her - the fear of facing life all alone with no support, no employment and a disturbed mind. Her dreams of becoming established in life either on her own or with her husband and then reuniting with her family, came to an end. Now she had to face life. Her manager told her that he wished she was little bit more educated, then she could have got a job and sustained herself. Her manager however offered her water and some food and told her ‘I wish I could help you. But I cannot. Sorry. But one of my friend can help you. He is living in Dubai and needs someone to look after his children.’ At that moment she felt elated, firstly because she got a sense of support from her manager and secondly because she thought she can now be financially independent and look after herself, as she did not want to seek help from any NGO. Just when she was about to smile, her manager told ‘You have to help him as well the other way.’ She did not know what other way meant, and before she was about to ask anything, her manager told her ‘I will get you your visa and staying place for these days, you dont have to worry about that. Just prepare yourself from before going there.’ She understood something was wrong and without saying anything went away from there crying. It was a big shock for her to hear such things from her manager, whom she saw as a source of support in her life. No friend from the restaurant came to talk to her, they looked at her in a way as if she has done some crime. In her desparation she sat on the road side, crying bitterly with people around staring at her with surprised eyes and picked out that paper. With much courage she dialed that number. However nobody picked up. She started shivering and saw the cars passing by her. If the hope of things getting better did not get plant inside her at the first place, then maybe she could have dealt with the situation better. It was because she started earning some money, got the false idea of getting married and all her dreams of meeting her family getting fulfilled that she felt dejected that day and she went back to that day when her father handed her over to her relatives. With great courage, she dialed that number again. This time a voice answered. She said in a crying and shivering voice that she is Saira, she met her at the restaurant. The phone hung up and the call got disconnected. She thought the woman got angry on her, was busy, and thats why disconnected the call. With great courage, that day she thought she will end her life. She had two thousand rupees with her and the rest she remembered was at her relatives’ place which she would have taken later. However, suddenly she received a message with an address. She found out that the message came from the number of that woman she had met at the restaurant. For a moment she felt happy, but again went back to her previous state, when she thought something must be wrong and maybe that woman is trying to deceive her just like her manager did. She could not trust the turns her life was taking, where one moment she could see a ray of hope, while on the other moment, that hope disappeared at the face of reality. However, she gathered the courage and boarded an auto to reach the address that was sent to her. While sitting on the auto, her eyes were teary when she remembered what happened to her last night and how her life took a turn for the worst, where she thought she would be living happily ever after with the new found love of her life. She got shocked to face such a side of the man who seemed to be a saviour for her and remembered how she has been betrayed by her relatives as well, where in times of distress, she does not feel like calling them or seeking their support, because they created such a wall in front of them and she could not communicate with them freely. She also remembered her comfortable, happy days with her family and little did she know that those days will pass quicker than she could even imagine. She felt helpless, dejected and disturbed and started sobbing bitterly in the auto to which the person driving the auto and the co-passengers expressed surprise and asked her to calm down. Soon she reached the landmark bus stop that was mentioned in the address sent to her. After wiping her tears, she checked the address again and followed the directions. For the first few moments she got lost but then eventually found out the place.
As usual Saira thought that this must be another disappointing chapter or experience of her life and rang the door bell. At the first instance, nobody answered, then she rang the doorbell again and this time a woman with a broom opened the door. The woman gave her a strange look, after observing her face and asked her ‘Who are you?’, she answered fumbling ‘I called at 11:30AM and received a message.’ The woman who seemed to be the maid could not decipher what she was saying out of the blue and asked her again what she wants. She then showed the message she received to her. The woman then told her to wait and went back to ask whether she was called there or not. After waiting for nearly 6 minutes, when the woman did not come back, she decided to leave and just when she turned back, the woman called her and told to come inside. Suddenly she felt surprised and little happy at the same time with the thought that the disappointing chapters of her life sometimes give her a ray of hope as well. She went inside and could see a large dining room with wooden floors and lots of paintings and a space with more than three trophies. She was asked to sit on the sofa. After waiting for 15 minutes, and observing the room, she saw that woman whom she met at the restaurant where she worked. To her surprise, the woman greeted her warmly and did not show any shock or surprise at her attire or condition. The woman in her 50’s seemed very graceful and composed. Her name was Hema Afsal.
She said “You are the one who spilt water on me that day?”
Saira answered, still not believing her fortune of meeting someone with such warmth. “Yes”
The woman said “Your good name Dear?”
Saira told her name and was about to tell her thanks, when the woman asked her “Do you know how to cook?”
Saira, thought did not know much cooking, out of desperation said “Yes I know”
The woman said “Fantastic, so will you be able to work for me as a cook six days a week?”
Saira without giving it a thought said “Yes”
The woman then asked “Where do you stay?”
Saira said again fumbling “Actually I have no place to stay and looking for some place !”
Saira was surprised that the woman did not ask her much about her whereabouts and showed no judgement on her face after looking at her in a wedding attire. It was as if she knew about her from before.
The woman after a pause replied “You can stay here and do other household chores. Your salary will be 15k per month.
Saira was elated and felt the way she once felt when she was offered the job of a waitress at that restaurant whose manager though disappointed her in the end.
Saira nodded her head and said ‘Yes, I can to everything. She did not want to let this opportunity go and was scared to face life with no support.”
She was offered tea and biscuits. And at last with great courage she asked “Can I stay here from today only ?”
The woman answered “Yes you can!”
Saira could not believe her destiny and harboured her faith in God once again. The only thing that was bothering her was the woman’s mysterious composure, which gave out the impression as if she knows everything about Saira and the struggles she is facing right now. She thought how kind the woman is and said ‘Thanks’ a couple of times.
She was showed the guest room and suddenly it strike a chord with her that she actually dont know how to cook well and have to experiment and learn, in order to make that job permanent.
She freshened up and again could not believe that few hours back she was thinking to take her life and now she is under a shade of a generous woman with a job. The only thing that was left was learning to cook well. She felt her new found freedom again and the whole night she researched in Google and Youtube how to cook different dishes. The next morning she was called by the woman for having breakfast and was offered a seat. Saira was nervous and badly wanted that the woman should not catch the fact that she has no experience in cooking. The woman asked “ Did you sleep well Saira?”. Saira answered “Yes Madam”, while feeling shy to eat food by sitting on a chair besides her. She has never received such gesture in her life after coming from Afghanistan. Like all Afghan refugees, her dreams were also shattered but she found happiness in whatever life had to offer. Saira thought maybe the woman will ask her now about where she is coming from, however to her surprise, the woman asked nothing and told her ‘Iam going for a meeting, I hope you will hone your cooking skills by then and start from tomorrow onwards.’ Saira did not understand fully what she meant, ‘Was it a sarcastic statement and she knew about Saira not knowing cooking ?’ or a genuine nudge from her to start honing her cooking skills. Whatever that might be, Saira at first sought help from the cook who was already working there and was about to discontinue working from the next day, about the dishes that are generally cooked in that house, what the woman likes and does not like, where the ingredients, spices are generally kept in the kitchen and had a chat with her about her life, where Saira did not disclose the fact that she was an Afghan refugee. The cook disclosed how she was moving to a new city as her husband has got a job transfer. After a long time, Saira truly felt accepted and felt the warmth of human connection. The girl who did not want to live a day ago, now found a new faith in life and people.
For the next one month onwards, Saira learned how to cook on her own and to her surprise, she found out that she cooks well beyond her imagination. That gave a sense of empowerment and confidence to her. During this time, she had minimal interactions with the woman who lived alone and only saw her going outside 3 days a week and on the rest of the days, she was in her library room which had more than 1000 books. One day Saira stepped inside that room out of curiosity and found that book of Khaled Hosseini ‘The Kite Runner’, it brought back the memories of her home where she spent such good days with her family. For a moment, she tried to ignore those nostalgic feelings. Saira could not stop herself from taking the book secretly as she badly wanted to read it and bring back memories of her sweet, simple days in her home. Of all the things that Saira loved about the place was the library room, the maid and ofcourse the woman whom Saira thought to be little lonely. Till then Saira’s perception about that woman was that of a little snobbish woman in her fifties who does not like to talk or mix with people of the lower strata but is otherwise kind from inside. That’s why Saira too did not make much initiative to talk with her on her own. She was overwhelmed by her new found financial freedom as well as discovery of the fact that she could cook well as she thought otherwise. Though sometimes, it used to get monotonous and she thought of returning back to the restaurant where she worked even, but then suddenly remembered what her manager had told her and how she felt after that.
One evening while Saira was taking rest in the sofa, she saw the woman coming on what seemed like a hospital bed lying unconscious as if with a dosage of medicine and one doctor and two nurses taking her to her room. Saira was shocked for a moment and thought what might have happened to the lady. She asked the doctor, being scared. The doctor told its still not detected but she needs enough care and rest to get well again. Saira questioned herself in the mind several times about what might have happened to the woman. That day she found those two nurses taking care of the woman and made up a story in her mind that the woman was angry at her and that’s why kept the two nurses to take care for her. Saira could not sleep the whole night. For the first time, she realised how much the woman meant to her and how important role she played in her life. Saira had teary eyes and everynow and then went towards the room of the woman to find out whether she was ok or not. She wanted to be friends with the nurses and talk to them, but found them asleep. The next morning, Saira found the doctor visiting again and asked the doctor about how the woman was doing. The doctor told her that she is doing better than before, however she needs rest and a couple of other tests have to be done on her to find out what has happened to her. The doctor said to her: “Please take care of her, she has been taking your name many a times from yesterday.” Saira for a moment was startled as she always thought herself not to be much close to the woman and the woman to be a little aloof towards her but then she remembered the little gestures for that woman such as giving her two extra biscuits which she liked to have with tea in the morning, switching on the fan when she came in the dining room to have tea, though she preferred to keep the fan off as she felt cold, telling her bye by taking her name when she left the house and making it a rule for her to not cook on Sundays. Saira suddenly felt that she only had that woman in her life and no one else and started feeling happy and helpless at the same time. Suddenly she felt that her subconscious desire to reunite with her family, maybe that was a far fetched dream and maybe that woman and the home she was living in at that time were her actual reality. She felt even more responsible towards her life and the woman and made up her mind to help in recovering the health of the woman. From that day onwards, Saira used to take care of the woman so much that even the Doctor got impressed by her and shared a chit chat with her one day. Slowly the woman was recovering. Her condition had became so bad that she could not even walk properly, now she used to go on evening walks with Saira’s help, her diet routine got changed and Doctors suspected her to be having a kidney problem and accordingly medicines were given to her. Saira could not stand to see the woman in a helpless state and wanted her to be like before, no matter how aloof she was. Slowly she used to see some helpless tears in the woman’s eyes when they used to go in the park together in the evening and one day while they were sitting together, the woman took her hand and said looking at her with teary eyes, ‘You miss Afghanistan ?, Saira could not understand whether it was a question or a statement and asked again, the woman just nodded her head as if there is some mystery in her eyes and said nothing. Then again she asked her “Saira jaan I will live right ?”, Saira said : “Ofcourse you will, nothing has happened to you.” Then the woman suddenly said: “Saira please remove your headcloth, I want to see your hair. Saira though was hesitant, she removed it and showed the woman her beautiful hair. There was a smile on the woman’s face and she said : “That’s so pretty, please keep your hair open without the headcloth, it looks best on you.” Saira felt happy after a long time and never wanted to stop being with the woman. That night she thought what is her life without that woman. She thought that an abandoned girl like her who has nobody and has not got the opportunity to study much, is getting so much love and warmth from a woman of her stature. Saira was thankful to God that she got her in her life and never wanted to leave her side.
The next morning, Saira saw a middle aged man in the room of the woman. Saira thought it must be the Doctor. She however saw the person with some papers where the woman had to sign and the woman called Saira and asked her to help her to sit down on the bed. Saira found out it was not the Doctor, but somebody else. As soon as Saira’s work was done, the person gestured as if waiting for her to go, however the woman did not say anything. As she was about to leave, the woman grabbed her hand and told “Wait Saira, you will not go.” The woman told: “Kevin I finish what I start and I don’t wish to sign these papers declaring my end of contract with you all. My daughter Saira will finish my book and she is going to sign for that and take accountability.” The person named Kevin got shocked and said “ But ma’am you had no daughter, as far as I know she is your househelp.” The woman answered “So what she is like my daughter and she has a passion for books, if given the right guidance, she can write too and one day become an author.” All this while Saira was surprised, a little excited and got overwhelmed so much that her head started to spin a little. However to her disappointment, Kevin said: “Sorry ma’am but we cant do this, its unethical and beyond our rules. If you don’t want to sign the papers its fine but we cannot replace the writer altogether no matter what the reason is.” The woman was about to argue, however Kevin stopped her and said: “Ma’am you have been associated with us for such a long time and have contributed immensely to the literary world, we cant let somebody who has no experience in that take the fruits of your efforts.” Then he turned to Saira and said : “Saira don’t feel bad but I hope you understand what Iam trying to say.” Saira said looking at the woman “Yes madam, I don’t think I am the right fit for this. If you don’t mind, I will help you finish the book but how can I write, Iam not even so educated.” Kevin said: “See! And then turned towards the woman with her hand on his, Ma’am I know you are little emotional right now, but trust me you will get better and recover very soon. And then who knows a better project maybe waiting for us all. As far as Saira is concerned she needs to complete her education first. Saira felt a little embarrassed and went away from the room, telling ‘There is something boiling in the kitchen. Please excuse me.” Again Saira’s little dream broke and she did not like Kevin and thought him to be rude. However she told to herself, her only objective in life right now is to care for the woman who gave her a life.
Everything was going as usual, Saira gave the woman her dinner and medicine and went towards her own room. She felt tired and was about to sleep. Suddenly she receives a call from an unknown number and hears that same voice that she heard in the morning. He told “Hello Saira, please be there at ZXYH Towers, second floor tomorrow at 2pm. Thank you.” Saira did not understand and asked again in Whatsapp, the person told its some official work, she needs to be there. Saira felt scared and overwhelmed. She did not know what to do. Being a Afghan refugee, the trauma factor was still there in her and she had become accustomed to living in that home for so long that could not think about going out to an unknown place in the midst of unknown people, in what seemed like a office. It was not another 23 year old being called in an office, it was Saira, an Afghan refugee. The next morning Saira conveys this to the woman and the woman says “Saira jaan please go, its for my official work purposes”, Saira felt relieved that it was not for some other reason such as her having to write that book. Saira took an auto and went there. For the first time, she entered an office. In the reception, she told the name of the concerned person and was told to wait. She saw people staring at her with strange eyes. Saira was then called to the second floor, where that same person escorted her to another room where a woman was sitting. The woman seemed to be busy in some work. She had rimless glasses and she seemed to be the senior to Kevin. She told Saira to sit and asked her ‘Would you take tea, coffee?’, Saira told “No”. She started saying “So Saira we have come to know that Ms Hema Afsal is ill and cannot write that book that she was about to write. And she has requested us to let you do that. So will you able to do that. Before she could answer, the woman started asking being irritated ‘Lets keep it aside, have you every written anything in your life ? , Saira said: “No”, the woman then smiled at Kevin and asked her with a louder voice “So am again asking how will you keep Ms Hema’s promise?” Saira for the first time felt utmost insult ironically not through the words but more through the gestures and body language of the people surrounding her. She wanted to break free and go back to her home, in her mother’s safe zone, playing with her sisters in the terrace. She understood that the modern world does not suit her and she needs to find a way out of it. Saira had some tears in her eyes and told: “ Excuse me”. When she was coming from the washroom, she saw Kevin making fun of her with his colleagues saying ‘Unpar gawar log’. Something happened to Saira and she went towards the woman’s room and told “Hello Ma’am, I may not know much English, but I surely know about books and I think I can certainly make this happen.” The woman said: “I like your confidence. So how will you start?”. Saira felt uncomfortable at the questions of the woman and she was told to submit her credentials, her educational info, work experience and was told to submit a ‘Resume’. Saira did not know what a resume was. She went outside, while leaving asked Kevin about what is a resume, Kevin told ‘Its your marksheet’. Saira thought she has marksheet only till class 10 and asked Kevin if she can submit that. Kevin told ‘ Ofcourse, why not” and gave a sigh of relief as if. Saira that day was sitting in the room of the woman while she was asleep and was crying and started saying, they are asking for my credentials, but they don’t know my history. I want to show them that I can too write something, write your book, but they are making such demands on me. She started sobbing and said: “Wish I had never met you, then I would not have to feel so small.” As she was going to leave, she saw the woman turning towards her and saying “You are never too small my child, you have a heart of gold and that’s what you have to bring to your words.” She gestured towards Saira to come near her and Saira was in tears, for the first time she opened her heart out and started telling the woman how she feels when she is exposed to real life situations like that day. The woman kept her hand on her head and said: “I was like you too dear”, please don’t feel bad. Saira met a different version of herself that day and found herself to be weak, vulnerable, scared as well as strong. The following morning Saira receives a call. It was her Aunt. She says that her husband has realised his fault of saying abusive things to her and wants her back in his life. Her Aunt then says she should come back as she has no proper education, how will she get a job in a city like that, who will look after her, now that the woman is also ill? . Her tone undermined and underestimated her and Saira then tells that certainly she will be happy to reunite with her husband and then makes an excuse that she is getting another call, and disconnects the call. The following days Saira was shared all the information about the book that the woman was writing and she was told to send a 500 word synopsis of what she had understood from the story. Till then Saira did not know much about spellings, grammar, sentence construction and taught herself the same nights after nights by consulting various apps and Youtube videos. She bought a grammar book and started learning grammar. She was given a deadline of 10 days to write the same. Saira then read half story that was written by that woman, it was about an orphan afghan girl and Saira could relate to it more and connected with it. She wrote her 500 word synopsis and sent to that same woman who tried to grill her. She was again called in the office and that day some more people came who smiled at her, as if jokingly, made remarks and Kevin told her ‘To break your bubble dear, you are not going to get any credits, nor any money for this. So are you ready still ?”. Saira felt strange again and told ‘Yes Iam ready’. One female laughed and again Saira felt being made fun of. Saira came back and was filled with enthusiasm and inspiration to make things happen. She was given a deadline of 2 months to write the 40k words for that book that the woman was writing. She thought how happy the woman willl be to see her book being finished and published with Saira’s help. She badly wanted to make the woman happy and put a smile on her face. Saira only had one question “Was the woman from Afghanisthan? And who was she? Why she felt so connected to her?” . In the following days, the woman used to ask her everyday how much she has written and everyday she used to give a smile to Saira. Saira had a subconscious belief that once the book is finished, the woman will get well again. With that hope, she tried harder everyday to write.Sometimes she felt like leaving it all and could not write a single word. However after much research, reading and practise writing, she slowly got into the process, all by herself. By that time she got an info by Kevin that they are already regarding that book as cancelled and ending the contract with the woman. Saira tried to convince him that she can make it happen, however Kevin says she needs to find the right motivation for doing such things and did not understand what he meant. Something happened to Saira and she did not give up. She wanted to make the woman happy who had so much hope from her and used to give her a reassuring smile that her book is being taken care of by Saira. Saira then mailed that woman who was in charge of this and received a mail back ‘Ok’, which she thought to be a Yes to go ahead. The following days Saira worked day and night to get ideas and match the writing style of the woman to finish the book. Many a times she gave up and did not want to continue. One day she sent 10k words document to the publishing house and received a message from Kevin ‘Saira, we really appreciate your hard work, but as I told you you are not going to get any credits for this. So think twice !. Thank you.’ However Saira was determined to make the woman’s dream come true and discover her passion for writing, no matter how bad English she writes. One day she was called to the office again. She saw Kevin to be really disturbed and that woman in her usual tone asking her about the update. Before leaving she sees Kevin asking her ‘Hi Saira, do you know how your landlady is doing?’, Saira was so much engrossed in the book that she forgot to take a notice of the woman who gave her a life, the woman who grills her told ‘But we know, her condition is gettting worse. I think you should concentrate more on her and not her book which is not going to get you anywhere.’ Saira then conveys to them how much the woman is looking forward to the book and how her condition can improve after the book is published. They did not pay much attention to her words and were visible upset thinking about the woman’s condition. Saira came back and decided she will not write that book, she felt really scared for the very first time and went to the woman’s room and noticed that she has really gotten ill and was coughing. Saira felt extremely guilty and went towards the woman. Saira noticed the woman was not able to speak properly. Saira blamed herself for her condition and thought if she had paid a little attention towards her, then her condition would not have gotten worse. The book took a backseat by then and Saira stayed in the woman’s room that night. All through the night, Saira remembered how she has seen the woman first time in the restaurant – beautiful brown eyes and brown curly hair and how she was seeming now and badly wanted her to get well. The following day the woman was little better and said to her ‘Saira jaan, done with the book?’, Saira again felt crippling fear down her spine as she knew that if she concentrated now wholly on her book, the woman’s condition could get worse. Saira nodded her head. As Saira was not so well versed in English, it was more difficult for her to write in tough English so she resorted to easy English. Saira thought she cannot ruin the image of the woman because of her inability to write good English and good story, so she even thought of resorting to unethical means and get it written by a freelance ghostwriter she found on the internet. However she was caught and the senior woman and Kevin started insulting her and told none of her submissions will be accepted and the project stands cancelled. However Saira convinces them and explained that she has written 15k words on her own and as time was short and she had to take care of the woman too, she had to take that means. She requested them that she will herself write 25k more words and submit to them. They got convinced when they heard from Saira that how frequently the woman asks the progress of the book and how she wants to see her happy. They did not say anything and Saira takes their silence as a Yes to go forward.
The following days Saira used to write sitting in the room of the woman, the woman used to have a smile on her face seeeing her to write. Her condition recovered a bit and she could now walk herself to the washroom, to the dining room and used to go out every evening with Saira like before. One day, she started sobbing and said: “You know Saira, I too miss my parents like you. You know why this story is important to me, its because it has my childhood’s story in the form of the orphan girl’s story and I wanted to live my life all over again through this story, but God had other plans. I became ill. But I know you will do justice to it and put me as me in front of the world without them knowing, with all my flaws, struggles, insecurities as every other Afghan girl feels the same way. Saira listened to her intently and now she understood why she felt such a connection to her as she was from Afghanistan too. Saira felt goosebumps and wanted to know more about that woman. However the woman stopped talking and was silent again. That night, Saira had many questions in mind, ‘Will she do justice to the woman’s story?’, ‘If yes, how?’, ‘Should she give up and tell the woman that its not possible by her?’, then a question came in her mind ‘Will not the woman become even more ill then or get unhappy hearing that.’ Saira felt confused and did not work on the story for 5 days after that. Then one day she received a message from Kevin saying ‘Hey Saira we need you to come with the remaining portion of the story tomorrow. Please be present.’ Saira did not know what to say and with great courage went there without the story. Both Kevin and that woman were utterly disappointed at her and Kevin made a remark, ‘Its your last day here’. The woman said: “Honestly Saira we thought you have taken the job seriously, but we forgot ultimately where you come from, but you should atleast have a sense of responsbility. Anyway it was good working with you. We wish you all the best for your life." Saira then remembered the days when they have discouraged her from writing the book. However she only remembered the face of the woman whom she thought of as her own family member and convinced them that she can write the remaining part and will giver her best to it. Somehow they got convinced and then began the journey of Saira to do something that she never thought she could do. Till then she always thought that she is far behindpeople of her age and given her background of facing war like situations, a troubled time with her relatives and living in poverty and insults more often, to be able to do something like this was like a far fetched dream for her. There were sometimes butterflies in her stomach thinking about this, at the same time, she was increasingly worried about the health condition of the woman. Her idea was that she will write that book, the woman will be happy, will get well and they will live like before and perhaps, the woman will offer her some other writing job, Who knows ?. Hope kept her alive. Hope of seeing the woman healthy and hope of making her identity in the real world. She never knew that her fascination for reading books and stories will one day demand this kind of a thing in her life. Thus started her journey, where she felt a strong drive to write the incomplete story, make the woman smile and feel accomplished. Being a naïve girl, she did not had the question in mind that ‘If she is not getting any credits for it, why should she write that?’. The only goal she had now was to do justice to the book and make the woman happy. She expected nothing out of it as she knew how it felt to live like a homeless person and having a shade above her head was a big deal for her. She made up scenarios in the mind, how people she knew – Hema Afsal, Kevin and the Senior Editor at the publishing house will congratulate her, will be happy about her and feel proud. That wish kept her alive. For the first time, she felt that her existence is having some kind of value in the real world and she can be recognised for her contributions and thoughts. She did not understand how the real world operated. Her faith was strong enough to drive her to start writing the remaining 25k words with utmost devotion and sincerity. But before that she did her homework and read two books surrounding Afghan refugees to make herself familiar with the topic. For the next 2 months, she took utmost care of that woman, at the same time worked hard day and night to write a suitable ending for the story, in the process she became so much attached with the main character that it was difficult for her to detach herself from the character and for some moments, she started thinking herself as an orphan, though she had parents. Living away from her loved ones, left a scar on her heart and she could not help but sob whenever she used to remember about her days with her mother, her siblings, where her father never left any stone unturned to make them feel comfortable and at ease. Her life suddenly took a turn for the worst and she had no other option but to reminisce about the old times and wished she could go back to the past and perhaps delete that horrifying day from her life, which gives her chills even then.
Heartbreaks were common to her and she again faced a major heartbreak when she caught the maid who used to work in the house and who became like a good friend to Saira, smiling from the corner of the lips when she heard Saira will be writing the remaining portion of the book, as if making fun of her. At that moment, Saira felt she had nobody in her life and was all alone. Her only motivation now was the book which will make that woman happy and she will gain acceptance from the publishing house. Days passed and after writing and deleting again and again, getting rejected for her drafts, Saira managed to write another 10k words and this time felt a sense of rush as if it will not be possible by her at all to write another 15k words within 20 days. Saira sought the help of the people assigned to her in the publishing house, who instead of helping her, told her ‘Its your call completely.’ Saira understood how much not having a degree with yourself can deprive you of basic human assistance. One night many thoughts came in Saira’s mind that how will she survive in the world without having any proper educational background, without any skills and interest for the same, does her writing the remaining portion of the book with no credits or money, take care of her future. Saira then asked herself ‘Whats next after this ? Then she remembered how to finish ‘This’ in the first place ?. Something happened to Saira and she did not sleep for 3 days and wrote continuously as if there’s no force stopping her. However to her disappointment, when she went to the publishing house office, they informed her that the book’s publishing date has been postponed to next year and that she did not need to hurry so much or leave it altogether as the woman will get alright by then. However God had other plans and the woman got ill and had to be admitted to the hospital again. This time the doctors told that her chances of living are low, but they will try their best. Saira’s dream of seeing the woman happy and smiling at her with the book being completed, broke all in a moment and she had no other motivation left to write anything towards completion of the book. Till then the habit of writing everyday had got instilled in her so much that she automatically resorted to write the book and created a new character like that of the old age of the woman and portrayed her to be gotten ill and surviving that, coming out of it victorious. That’s what stories do. They give us hope of happy endings. To her surprise Saira found herself writing everyday and got engrossed in it to a great extent. One day she was called to the office where that woman said to her: “As you know Ms Hema Afsal is in the hospital, so I have a question in mind.” Kevin interrupted her and said: “Saira would you like to have some water or tea?. Saira said: “No”. Kevin then said to her: “As you know Saira, Ms Hema has no family as such and you were kept as a cook in her home, so now that she is not there, according to us you should leave the place too. If you need help, we will help you find an accomodation.’ Saira felt bad hearing this, as if they were pointing a finger at her and doubting her honesty towards the woman. Again her dreams broke, her small little world in the head where she thought these two people to be a part of her life and in that moment felt detached again from them, as if she were meeting them for the first time. Moreover she had also caught the maid making fun of her. Saira became alone again. The only person who she could call family was ill and lying in the hospital bed. However she had high hopes that once the woman recovers and comes back to her home again, fit and healthy, all that is troubling her will end too. By that time, the story had become an integral part of her life and it was as if she was living her life through that story.
5th November, 2003
The day when she was supposed to submit the story had arrived, but wait has Saira completed it ?. She is not in the home of the woman, the woman is not at the hospital. Saira is not at her relatives place. Where was she ? Saira looked here and there, running cluelessly on the road, searching for her own self. It reminded her of the days when she had the headband over her head but still searched for it here and there, helplessly. Saira went to the beach, but could not find herself. Suddenly she heard her name being called ‘Saira, Saira, Saira’, a woman’s voice echoing. It seemed like the voice of her mother. For a moment Saira felt so happy and at ease. It was as if she is at her home again, within close proximity to her mother, there were no troubles in her life, only peace and warmth of being surrounded by loved ones and friends. However suddenly her foot slipped and Saira felt a startle and wake up from her sleep and within seconds, reality engulfed her and that sinking feeling creeped in. It was a dream, Saira realised. She thought ‘How happy she was in her dream and wished her reality reflected that, afterall we all want to be accepted and loved by people around us, specially our loved ones. But where was Saira then ? She was at the woman’s room, for some reason she wanted to spend her last night in that house in that room and cherish her memories with her. That same house where she once felt at ease, now felt like an empty place for her, sometimes scaring her to her core. Saira did not know what kept her going as her only option now was to either educate herself by enrolling in a school or take the job of a maid, cook or anything else, killing her dreams to be in the literary world. But then Saira remembered that she is not just another girl, she is a Afghan refugee. Saira did not know where she should go the next day and consequently the next day, she packed her luggage and for once thought to go back to her relatives house. She then became so helpless by the scorching sun, that she called Kevin and asked ‘Please help me find an accomodation. I have no place to go.’ However to her disappointment, the call was disconnected. Saira then went towards the beach and just sat there for 1 hour watching the sunset and she remembered that day when she first went to the woman’s house, she thought how within six months, she is back again at the point she started her lone journey from, but this time there was no mother-son duo having candyfloss and laughing together with cool breeze of the sea blowing. This time she was all alone. Saira then remembered that she can go to the hospital to see the woman and consequently went there. However she was not allowed to see her as the visiting hours were over. After much struggle Saira found a place for herself in a low budget hotel. She had the laptop given to her by the publishing house with her, where she was writing the remaining part of the book. She did not eat anything that day, though she was hungry and with strong conviction started writing again and did not sleep the whole night. The next morning, Saira received a call from the publishing house where the Senior Editor told her that they feel sorry that she had to put so much effort on that book, however they are no longer handling that project and she should altogether forget about it too. Kevin was not there that day. Just when Saira was about to say something, the woman said: “Look Saira, there are many girls like you who come with high hopes in the city. But that does not mean that their dreams get fulfilled and moreover we encouraged you as much as we can to finish writing the book, but if you were really interested, you would have given it to us a long time back. Iam sure you will find your real dream too, but don’t use a dying woman for your own benefit. That’s not done!”. Saira replied helplessly ‘Madam, she is not dying, she will recover soon. I know.” The woman replied again ‘Do you have any idea about the cost so far that has been incurred for Ms Hema’s treatment? Even if you are born twice, you can never earn that for your own self !.’. Hearing this Saira felt nothing but her illusion of being close to that woman who was the Senior Editor at the publishing house to be broken and she said nothing.
Before leaving Saira said: “Madam, I will give you my writing. Don’t worry. I keep my promises.’
The woman did not look at her and pretended to be busy on her phone and before she was totally out of the room, the woman said: “Only if you genuinely feel for it. It’s a sensitive story Girl. Mind it!.”
For the next few days Saira took a risk and stayed in that hotel for 7 days, somedays without eating anything and ultimately ran out of most of her funds. In the process she made many calls to Kevin as she saw him as a good friend or guide, but got no response. One day Saira felt so restless that she deleted the file from the laptop, crying helplessly and after deleting it, she wanted to only die. However she soon recovered it from the recycle bin. For three days, Saira had nothing except water and tea and she thought just as she is carving a character who recovers from a hard disease, the woman will recover too and be with her like before, giving her that sense of security and warmth. The final day arrived and Saira ultimately finished writing 25k words with much effort and felt good after a long time. She mailed it to the team. However received no message from them. She then waited for five more days and still got no response. Saira felt dejected and did not know the reason why that was happening. The following days, Saira locked herself in the room, where she felt used, exploited and dejected alltogether and did not go out of the room for seven days. By then she only had 10k rupees left in her bank account and had to leave the hotel soon. Saira again did not know where to go and once again she found herself in an uncomfortable situation. However with a friend’s help, she found herself the job of a cook as well as that of a maid in a house of five members consisting of a middle aged woman, man, their son, daughter and the old lady who used to ask Saira to do ‘malish’ on her feet till late night. This was the new life of Saira and she accepted it as her destiny wholeheartedly.
5th September, 2003
Two years have passed. Saira still recalls that day with dread in her eyes, when after submitting her book, when she went at the hospital to see the woman, she came to know that the woman has passed away and within fraction of seconds, her dream of seeing the book published and the woman happy, was destroyed. She did not know how to react. Tears have stopped coming out of her eyes and she blamed herself for the death of the woman. All day she thought that the lure of making a mark in the world blinded her so much that she did not pay much attention to the woman who gave her a new life. Again Saira was alone and this time found herself in the midst of people, who treated her just like a ‘maid’ and a ‘cook’. She missed the warmth of the woman. Her voice used to echo in her ears all day. She could hear the woman giving her advice about life, she could see her smile, see her cry and that kept her alive. Maybe her death traumatised her so much that she developed a mental condition. But she did not bother to get it treated, because in her lonely life, the voice of the woman echoing in her ears were her only friend and she built her own little world in that way. She had no expectations or hopes from life now, whatever life was offering, wherever it was taking her, she went there and had no questions in her mind regarding the same. However her life was going like that, when one day, some guests visited her employers’ home and she accidentally spilled tea on a guest. The guest was so furious that he started shouting at her and her boss, the lady started shouting at her too. They made such a great scene out of it and Saira started sobbing bitterly as if she had done a big crime. She could see the employers’ son who was still in his school, making fun at her and calling her blind. No matter how much Saira tried to bridge the gap between herself and her employers’, the distance kept on growing and came to the point of grave insults. However that day she understood her real position in that home and recalled those days when that woman used to make her feel as a part of her own family and her own mother who used to pamper her so much. She was surprised too when the guest on whom she spilled tea, before leaving handed a 500 rupees note to her and told ‘Sorry for shouting at you,’ take this as a token of gift from me. Saira’s mood changed again and she thought how generous of that man to give her money for spilling tea on him. Saira remembered and got a feeling of déjà vu, of how similar kind of a situation had arisen two years back when she spilled water on Ms Hema Afsal, what apparently she thought changed her life but ended on a tragic note. By that time, Saira was again away from books, or any other reading material and was just doing her duty to the best of her ability. She remembered how much secretly she liked going to that office of the publishing house and felt different, now matter how much insulted she felt there.
One day she heard the son of her employer saying to his friends, ‘You know what my father calls her, - Dirty maid’. Saira was shocked again to find out that the person she thought must have been empathetic towards her, actually called her names. This is how life surprises us and unexpectedly breaks all our myths about our own self.
17th December, 2004
Saira was mopping the floor, while the family was getting dressed for a wedding invitation. She caught herself staring at the lady with her gold necklace and for a moment admired its beauty so much that she could not take away her eyes from it. However to her disgust and surprise, the man of the house caught her staring at it and started shouting at her hysterically saying ‘What are you staring at ? Why are you not concentrating on your own work? Your salary for this month will be cut’ and went away banging the door. The man loved his wife very much. So Saira did not understand was he angry for her to stare at the necklace or because of staring at the woman like that. And she caught the children laughing at her. Saira wanted to leave that job and find something new but she was so much traumatised by her past experiences that she did not have the courage to go and find something new. Moreover her present job paid her more than before, with which she could manage her expenses.
As Saira turned 28, she understood how in life, the lower our expectations are, the lower are the level of disappointment that we face. It was as if by then, her memories of her sweet childhood, her surreal days at the woman’s house, her conversations with the woman, her days at the publishing house, her interactions there, all those memories were wiped away and what was left was her new identity as a cook and maid at a house which does not value her much and treated her according to the position she held there.
25th January, 2005
It was just another day for Saira when she saw the man of the house telling stories to his daughter while having tea and waited for her to finish mopping so that he could continue with the story. Saira could hear him saying ‘Let maid aunty go, Mummy will tell the remaining story.’ When Saira heard the word ‘Story’, she got a flashback of her days when she tried writing that story, but what happened to that story, where is it ? Did the editor has ever taken a look at it ?. Saira reminisced about those times and thought how her efforts got wasted and she remembered that proverb which says that ‘Foresters are beautiful in the forest and children on their mother’s lap.’
Suddenly at 10:45 AM, she received a message from an unknown number saying ‘Thank you for fulfilling my best friend’s dream.’ Saira did not know who that person was and after two hours, heard the door bell ringing and as she opened the door, she heard the courier person, taking her name. For a moment, Saira thought she is mistaking the name but then she could hear her name loud and clear and was told to sign on a paper. She was handed a courier and though she thought it was not hers, she had the curiosity to open it and as she was about to open, she could hear a loud shouting by the man at her saying ‘Keep it away, you rascal. How dare you open our couriers.’ Saira said sorry handing over the half torned courier to the man. The man shouted at her again saying ‘Go!.’ However she could hear him reading out loud ‘Sunshine in the Laughter’, a book by Hema Afsal and Saira Afsal… Saira was shocked to hear her name and remembered that it was that book for which she was about to get no credits for. She was elated and told the man ‘ This is a book written by me’ to which the man smirked and was about to say something, when he received a call. Saira looked at the book cover again and thought how generous of them to keep her name inspite of telling her that her name will not be kept. She then called that Editor and told her thank you. The editor however told ‘Wait a second Saira, I have left the organisation just three months after Ms Hema died. I have not done this.’ Saira then thought who must have been so generous to keep her name and how did they come to know about it. She called Kevin but his call was unreachable. While Saira was really happy, and felt a sense of empowerment, she was curious to know how did this happen and how her title has been changed to Afsal. With a heavy heart, Saira had tears in her eyes and se did not know how to react. Now the question for Saira was how to find out how that book got discovered and by whom and how has her name with her title changed, got credits for it and why?. As she was about to give a big smile, she could see her boss angrily coming towards her and snatching the book away from her saying ‘Uneducated, illeterate. Its just a name similar to yours. It does not mean, its by you. Have you ever gone to school ?. Now how will Saira make people believe that it was she who has helped writing the book and the story behind it ?. And another big question was on the one hand where she was supposed to get no credits for her work, how did it happen and who made it happen? How do they know Saira?.....
To be continued….
