Bright early mornings in a small town called Brownsville bring a soothing sense of relaxation. Red, orange, and yellow leaves gently cascade to the ground, painting a picturesque scene. The trees tower up to the 4th floor, offering a serene view from my vantage point on the 2nd floor.
"Tsubaki, what is the correct answer?" Ms. Domercant's voice pierced through my wandering thoughts.
"Huh? What was that?" I replied, my eyes widening like a startled cat.
"I see you weren't paying attention. Looks like there will be a quiz on Thursday now. Thank your classmate, Ms. Tsubaki," Ms. Domercant declared, slamming the homework onto her desk and settling into her chair with a smirk. "The quiz will be on 'A Handmaid's Tale', so be sure to study."
DINGGGGG- The school bell rang, signaling the end of class. "Alright, juniors, don't forget about tonight's homework. No excuses. I better see it on my desk tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock sharp."
Ah, finally, time to eat! I thought to myself, rubbing my belly and smiling as I struggled to keep my heavy purse on my shoulder.
"Tsubaki," Ms. Domercant's tone grew serious, halting my departure.
I turned slowly, a tinge of worry creeping onto my face. "Yes, ma'am..."
"How come all of a sudden you're not paying attention in class today?" Ms. Domercant inquired, her concern evident.
I stood there, staring at my feet, fidgeting with my fingers. Ms. Domercant regarded me with a compassionate look. Ah, crap.
"I-I was just thinking about how I could cheer up my mom after her mother's passing," I confessed softly, my gaze drifting towards the classroom door. "Oh... I'm so sorry, honey. I had forgotten. I understand. It takes time to heal, and I hope you and your family are well," she responded, passing me my homework. I took it gratefully and headed towards the door. Before closing it, I paused and turned back. "Thank you," I murmured with a faint smile before shutting the door.
I mean, I wasn't lying. It's true. My mama (my grandma/MA-MA) from my mom's side passed away a few weeks ago, and her funeral just happened yesterday, on Sunday, October 22nd... Mama was the best; she knew how to have a good time. I mean, Dominicans love to have an amazing time at family parties, drinking and dancing. She was the life of the party. I don't like sharing my personal affairs with just anyone; I prefer to keep things to myself, or else things will get messy. Unless you're my best friend. Unlike one secret I haven't told him yet...
*
I entered the cafeteria and snagged my usual lunch, carefully stashed away by the lunch mother-green apple, popcorn chicken, and a Dr. Pepper-from the vending machine that seemed to mysteriously run out of stock all too often. Exiting the cafeteria, I spotted Ronnie and his rowdy crew, as loud as ever. Ronnie waved me over, calling out, "Hey Baki, come join us!" Taking a seat next to Ronnie at the end of the table, right by the magnificent cherry blossom tree, I found him waiting for me.
"Here, I got you your favorite. Gotta keep up your energy for practice," he said with a grin, wrapping his arms around me. I needed this RedBull since I have to work on my makeup work from all my classes.
Ronnie, an 18-year-old varsity basketball player and senior, was the epitome of popularity at Brown's high school. And guess what?
*TSUBAKI'S MEMORY*
Valentine's Day Last Year:
BOOM-BOOM.
Confetti rained down as I looked around, catching sight of Ronnie holding a massive Hello Kitty teddy bear and chocolate roses. Some of his friends recorded the scene, while others held up a sign that read, "Forget a Valentine's date, will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes, yes," I exclaimed, tears welling up as I ran towards him to embrace him tightly. He hugged me back, promising, "I'll treat you like the princess you are."
*END OF MEMORY*
Now, you might be thinking, "Baki, why date the most popular kid? Aren't you worried about other girls hating you, or him cheating with a cheerleader?" But Ronnie was kind-hearted, laid-back, and genuinely cared for me. Jokes on you; I'm actually a cheerleader too. HAHA. While I wasn't as popular as Ronnie, people adored me for my positivity and diminutive stature. I was a literal lovebug, as they say.
"Hey, what's on your mind, gorgeous?" Ronnie asked, turning to face me.
"Not much. Just feeling extra spicy today!" I replied, leaning in for a kiss, only for him to dodge it at the last second to laugh at a teammate's joke. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment, but I brushed it off, resting my head on his shoulder and soaking in his presence.
After finishing our lunch, Ronnie and I bid farewell to his friends. He walked me to my chemistry class, stealing a quick kiss before darting off down the hallway to avoid being late for class-or missing this week's basketball game against West Bridge. As I watched him go, a smile spread across my face. Turning back to enter the silent classroom, the heavy door slammed shut behind me, drawing everyone's attention to my arrival.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Dixon," I greeted cheerfully.
"Good afternoon, Tsubaki. Take a seat so we can get started," Mr. Dixon replied, offering a small smile. Having missed school for a week, I found myself uncertain about where to sit. Scanning the classroom, I spotted an empty seat where a student was rummaging through their bag, their back turned towards me. I settled into the seat and began organizing my supplies for class.
"Hey, I was out last week. Do you think you can help me catch up with the work?" I asked, flipping through my textbook.
"Yeah, sounds smooth," the student replied, turning to face me. It was then that I recognized her. It was Ronnie's sister, Jay. "Whoa! When did you switch classes?" I exclaimed, surprised and slightly thrilled.
"I switched last week, since there were too many girls trying to hit on me," Jay joked. I laughed along, although with a hint of artificiality.
Turning towards me, Jay suggested, "After school, I'll come over to yours to study?"
"Yeah, sure. Sounds great-I mean, good," I responded with a nervous smile, accompanied by a chuckle. Jeez, keep it together, Baki, I reminded myself inwardly.
*
It is finally the end of the day. I looked around the hallways for Ronnie to walk me home, but I couldn't find him, so I waited at the side door where we always meet. As I waited, I plugged in my AirPods and sat down on the stairs. "The Crying Game" by Nicki Minaj started playing, enveloping me in its cinematic vibe. Glancing around, I admired the fairy garden I had created in the garden club. The whimsical garden always reminded me of Ronnie; it felt like something out of a fairy tale. He made sure I never felt worthless when I struggled with my nail and lash business, he made sure I ate, and he accepted me for who I was. I was labeled a "troubled child" by my parents, but in his arms, I felt like a princess rescued from hardship. Caught in a moment of happiness, I realized it had been over five minutes. He probably got held up by his coach. Needing to use the bathroom, I decided to head inside anyway.
After an extra five minutes of stalling in the bathroom, I pulled out my phone and opened the green SMS app.
"Hey babe. Where are you?" "Did you get stopped by Coach Dasilva?"
BA-BANG. A door slammed, shattering the silence. I jumped up and looked around. "Hmm. That's odd. He usually responds quickly."
Deciding I couldn't wait any longer, I set out to find Ronnie myself. I checked the gym. NOPE. I checked his homeroom. NOPE. I checked his advisory room, his last "class" of the day. As I approached the door, I heard whispering. Dropping to all fours, I crawled to the front of the door and pressed my ears against it.
"What if we get caught?" a girl student giggled softly. "Well, not that I care."
Yuck. Kids these days have no decency.
I decided to text Ronnie once more, letting him know that I'm leaving and heading to my house to study with Jay.
Buzz-Buzz.
What a coincidence! I had just texted Ronnie, and one of the students' phones buzzed. I heard keys jingling from the corner. I stood up abruptly and turned in the opposite direction, hurrying towards the side door stairway to catch my breath. Buzz-Buzz. Retrieving my phone, I saw Ronnie's response: "Ok." As I descended the stairs to the actual door, I couldn't shake the feeling that Ronnie was taking way too long.
Thump-tha-thump-tha-thump. Beep. My heart dropped. It's a flatline...
I couldn't believe my eyes. Ronnie and Ari were aggressively kissing each other right by the door. I ran right into them. Ronnie tried to grab me, saying, "Wait, Baki-" I ran out the door to my car, parked down the street from the school, and drove home with a heavy heart.
"Hold it together, Baki! You can't go home like this," I muttered to myself.
I pulled into the driveway and gave myself a minute to collect my thoughts and wipe away the tears. Walking inside, I called out to my mom, "I'm home. I'm going straight up to my room to study," before retreating to the safety of my room. Locking the door behind me, I collapsed onto my bed, facing the ceiling, and cried. Just because his family is wealthy doesn't give him the right to hurt me. I should have listened to Samantha (Ari's friend) the first time. He would never love someone like me, someone from a humble background. Grabbing the pillow beside me, I cried myself to sleep, ensuring that my parents couldn't hear my heartbreak echoing through the house.
Halloween is just around the corner, and I still haven't bought a costume. I mean, why bother if I'm not invited to Samantha's Halloween party anymore? Frankly, I wouldn't want to go to that snobby little witch's house anyway.
"Baki? Are you even listening to me?" Jerry's voice broke through my thoughts.
"Sorry, I was zoned out," I admitted, offering him a small smile. Jerry is my best friend, a lively junior who happens to be gay. He's quite popular because of his flamboyant nature, but everyone adores him for his authenticity. Including me. We've been inseparable since infancy, practically siblings at this point. Jerry runs with the "cool" crowd and always seems to have invitations to places. Thankfully, the whole school doesn't hold it against me for being Ronnie's ex-girlfriend, or else I'd be facing a mob of senior girls.
Jerry leapt in front of me, blocking my path. "Please don't tell me you're still hung up on Ronnie."
"Ronnie and his plaything can go straight to hell," I grumbled, pushing past Jerry as we headed towards math class.
"Well, guess what?" Jerry exclaimed.
"What now?" I sighed, rolling my eyes.
"There's a Halloween party happening tomorrow at you-know-who's house," Jerry announced. I stopped in my tracks, meeting his gaze with a deadpan expression. "I'm not going."
"Oh, yes, you are, honey," Jerry insisted. "I don't care about Ronnie and Ari, and neither should you. You need to live a little; you hardly ever do."
"Uh, yes, I do," I protested, feigning shock.
"You're not fooling anyone. Bye, Felicia. You're going. End of discussion," Jerry declared firmly.
"No!" I protested, attempting to tug at his heartstrings with puppy eyes.
"That's not working on me, sister," Jerry retorted with a snap of his fingers. "Even if I want to, I don't have a costume," I countered, but before I could finish my sentence, Jerry interrupted with a mischievous smirk.
"That's okay, we can go buy one right now."
"But what about school?" I fretted.
Jerry grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the school building. "You are chile" he said, giggling.
"But who's driving?" I asked, feeling a mix of excitement and apprehension.
"You are, darling," Jerry replied, flashing a grin.
Saturday, Oct. 28th
Jerry and I decided to get dressed up at his house to avoid my mom's incessant chatter about it being my first high school party and all the usual parental worries. I couldn't handle that right now, especially with the looming presence of Ronnie and Jay on my mind.
As Jerry finished doing my makeup, a heavy pit settled in my stomach.
"Do you..." I hesitated for a moment. "Do you think Ronnie's sister will be there?" I asked, meeting Jerry's eyes through the mirror as he styled my hair.
"Who? Jay? Well, my friend who's close to Jay mentioned she might show up," Jerry replied, focused on his task.
"Why do you ask? Got a little crush on her?" he teased, poking my side repeatedly. I tried to swat his hands away, not in the mood for his playful antics. Avoiding his gaze, I admitted, "Actually... I do. I have for a really long time."
"Even before Ronnie?" he questioned.
"Yup. Long before Ronnie. And I'm not ashamed of it. It's just... you know, your friend likes her," I explained, still avoiding eye contact, anticipating Jerry's response.
"Girl, you know I couldn't care less about that. You know me. GO GET WHAT YOU WANT, BOOKIEE," Jerry encouraged, grinning. "Now spill it from the beginning."
*
We arrived at Samantha's Halloween party, and I'm hardly taken aback by the scene unfolding. Little do they know, I'm no stranger to a tipple or a puff of weed. As Jerry and I approach the grand, extravagantly lit mansion, we witness a few kids retching on one side and some overly amorous teens on the other.
"Ughh. I'm already regretting this. Is that a bad sign?" I quipped. Jerry rolled his eyes and simply took my hand. Stepping through the door, we were greeted by a potent mix of weed and beer fumes. Some of Jerry's pals greeted us, already brandishing drinks.
"Just what the doctor ordered, huh?" I exclaimed with mock enthusiasm.
"We're going to get lit with the Migos tonight, no damn beer for us," Jerry's friend Eric chimed in with a laugh. We dove into dancing and drinking, fully immersing ourselves in the moment, blissfully ignoring any concerns.
I spent the evening dodging a certain someone who seemed to be eyeing me like a lost puppy. I can't stand him.
Needing a breather from the relentless dancing, I felt the urge for a smoke. Liquor isn't really my thing; I'm more of a joint person. I leaned in and shouted in Jerry's ear, letting him know I'd be back. As I turned away, Jerry playfully smacked my ass, urging me on.
"GO GET HER, TIGER. ROAR!" he exclaimed. I turned back, feigning confusion at his words. In truth, I knew exactly what he meant, and whether it was the alcohol or something else, I found myself looking forward to making my move tonight.
As I wandered in search of a spot to light up outside, I bumped into Ronnie. Of all people, it just had to be Ronnie, the notorious cheater.
"Hey..." Ronnie muttered, glancing around as if on alert.
"Yeah... Let's not do this. We're not friends, so there's no need for chit-chat," I stated firmly, catching Ronnie off guard. "I'm heading out for a smoke. So... yeah." With that, I brushed past him, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. I saw a narrow staircase leading upstairs, with each step gently illuminated by soft light. At the top of the stairs, a wooden door stands ajar, inviting curiosity. Beyond the door lies a balcony, partially bathed in moonlight, offering a serene view of the surroundings.
Standing on the balcony is a figure, Jay, engaged in conversation with another person, presumably Jerry's friend. Jay's silhouette is framed against the night sky, and the faint glow of the moon highlights their features. The atmosphere is one of quiet intrigue, with the balcony providing a secluded space for conversation and contemplation.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you all. I'll just go," I muttered, avoiding eye contact.
"Nah, you're good. You can join us out here," Jay replied.
"Okay," I said softly, closing the door behind me and moving to the corner of the balcony. With one hand, I retrieved my lighter, while the other pulled out the blunt tucked behind my ear. I doubted she noticed me; she seemed captivated by Jerry's attractive friend. I envied her confidence - she didn't hesitate or shy away from conversation.
As I sparked my blunt, Jay leaned against the railing, arms crossed. "So, what happened last week? Why didn't you come over to study?"
Was she seriously asking that dumb question? I chose to ignore it, focusing instead on Jerry's advice about handling Jay professionally.
Glancing at Jay, I noticed a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. "Do you ever feel like everything's just out of reach?"
Jay sighed, her fingers tracing invisible patterns on the railing. "All the time. It's like we're running towards something, but it keeps slipping through our fingers."
"Yeah," I murmured, a wistful smile playing on my lips. "It's like chasing after stars in broad daylight."
Jay chuckled softly. "Dreamers in a harsh reality, huh?"
"Maybe that's our curse," I mused, my gaze drifting to the distant horizon. "But maybe it's also our blessing."
Jay met my gaze, understanding passing between us. "Perhaps we're meant to find our own constellations in the chaos."
I smiled wider, a spark of hope igniting in my eyes. "Then let's keep searching. Together."
Jay leaned closer, her voice softening with vulnerability. "Together. I like the sound of that."
My heart skipped a beat, warmth flooding my cheeks. "Me too."
As we shared a moment of quiet connection, a sudden commotion erupted nearby. Startled, we turned to see a figure approaching - Jay's ex-girlfriend, Mia.
Mia's voice sliced through the air, filled with anger and bitterness. "Jay, we need to talk. Now."
My stomach churned with unease as I watched the tense exchange. Glancing at Jay, I silently offered support.
Jay's jaw tightened, but she nodded, steeling herself. "Fine, let's talk."
As Jay walked away with Mia, uncertainty gripped me. I couldn't shake the feeling that our newfound bond was about to be tested in ways I couldn't imagine.
But amidst the chaos and doubt, a determination stirred within me. I wouldn't let anything or anyone come between us - not even Jay's past or mine.
With resolve in my heart, I followed them, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead. However, the dense crowd at the Halloween party seemed to swallow me, hindering my progress. Yet, I pressed on, determined not to lose sight of Jay and the trials ahead.
Finally, I emerged from the crowd and spotted Jay in the kitchen. As I approached, my heart sank as I witnessed Jay and Mia locked in a kiss. A sense of dread washed over me, realizing that their connection might be slipping away, unraveling right before my eyes.
Unable to bear the sight any longer, I turned and fled, my footsteps echoing in the deserted street. Tears blurred my vision as I grappled with the painful realization that I might have misjudged our relationship, misinterpreting the depth of our bond.
Lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice the approaching figure until a hand gently touched my shoulder. Startled, I turned to find Jay standing before me, a conflicted expression on her face.
"Tsubaki, I..." Jay's words trailed off as she struggled to find the right thing to say.
But before she could continue, I shook my head, my voice choked with emotion. "I saw."
Understanding flickered in Jay's eyes, her shoulders sagging with regret. "Tsubaki, I..."
Unable to bear another word, I turned away, my heart heavy with sorrow, and began to walk, leaving behind the shattered remnants of what could have been.
As I disappeared into the night, I made a silent vow to mend my broken heart and forge a new path, far from the echoes of a love that was never meant to be.
