Reading isn't one of my hobbies. I don't find it amusing like some claim. It is very good, no doubt, but tedious. A wise man once said, "There is no end to the writing of books, and too much study will wear you out". His words make good sense. I don't stress myself by reading unnecessarily. I read when I have to, to pass a course test or for something important. Something prompts me to pick up this magazine this Saturday evening. This must be because of that advice from my social studies teacher. I take his words too seriously, perhaps. By pick up, I mean pick up, not buy. There are better things to do with money. There are even better ways of wasting money.
I flip through the pages of the magazine. The headlines are too regular; obituary, wedding, road accidents, unknown gunmen attack, ritual killings, politics, nothing catches my fancy. I am not disappointed. I am almost impossible to please in this way. I am just about to place the magazine where it was before I took it when, "keep flipping till the end", the virtual me says. I call him virtual because I cannot really see or touch him. Do I say him, or her, or even it? I guess he should be him because I'm a male. Maybe he's even the real me. He seems smarter.
I continue flipping. There should be a sports section. Maybe I can get some updates on football. I can manage that. I prefer watching it on television, or playing football physically as a sport, or even the video game, to reading about football, by far.
ROAD SAFETY GUIDELINES, a headline reads. It is also regular in my opinion, except for the less bold or lighter print words just under it, enclosed in parentheses, (FOR MY FATHERLAND ONLY). Are there some road safety guidelines that are valid only in particular countries? What road safety guidelines are those? Which country? I read on:
ROAD SAFETY GUIDELINES
(FOR MY FATHERLAND ONLY)
By Benedict O. Osawere. October 14, 2022
Looks like the magazine was recent last year. I continue reading anyway:
On reading the heading of this text, you may be surprised if there are road safety guidelines that are peculiar to some states. Do not be too surprised. Discoveries are made everyday as researches are always on going.
Yeah. I am a bit surprised, though not very surprised because I know I don't know everything. Whether I read or not, I cannot know everything. If only I could know enough. There is no end to the writing of books. I continue reading:
Generally, pedestrians should use walkways or at least walk by the roadsides, left or right as the case may be, to be against oncoming vehicles in order to see them well as they approach. However, a recent research has shown that this is not always the case. This is not so everywhere. There are a few places with exceptions. One of those places is my fatherland.
Fatherland. Why does this guy keep using the word? Is his fatherland without a name?
In my fatherland, it is sometimes safer to walk in the middle of the road rather than using the walkways or walking by the roadsides. This is so because:
Walkways are not provided on many highways in my fatherland. So, pedestrians often do not have the option of using walkways.
What? That's… nonsense.
Due to existing government regulations, the major sites for refuse and even sewage disposal are the roadsides. This makes it practically impossible for the many pedestrians treading those roads to walk on any of the two sides of the roads.
Which country? What government would make regulations that would result in the dumping, the legal dumping of dirt by roadsides? What am I reading?
Traffic jams are common and regular on roads in my fatherland. Consequently, drivers drive their vehicles by the roadsides or on walkways where they are provided. In such a case, it may be safer for pedestrians to walk in the middle of the road as they might get hit by a vehicle if they continue walking by the roadsides. This is so because vehicles are usually stuck for hours on a spot due to the traffic jam. So, pedestrians may safely walk in the middle of the road instead of by the roadsides where they might get hit by impatient drivers trying to avoid being stuck in the traffic jam.
I smile. I get it. I get it now. This guy is just being silly in a rather rational way. He is implying things with logic. I read on.
Most of the roads of my fatherland are particularly not level enough for vehicles. The major part of the roads are not the safest for vehicles to ply. So, vehicles are driven by the roadsides. Also, drivers in the middle of the road sometimes suddenly and swiftly swerve their vehicles to the sides of the road in order to avoid major potholes at the middle of the road and as a result, might knock down someone walking by the side of the road who may have been safer, walking in the middle of the road.
I chuckle. This must have been a thorough scientific research.
Having known these, it is also worthy of note that it is not always safer to walk in the middle of the road than by the roadsides even in my fatherland. There are times when it is safer, and also, times when it is suicidal, based on prevailing circumstances.
Hahaha…! Is this guy contradicting himself?
As a pedestrian in my fatherland, you are to walk by the left side of the road or on walkways where available as stated in the Highway Code. Nevertheless, if you are walking by the roadside or using the walkway and you begin to hear drivers behind you hooting at you, please, you do not want to stand for your right. On the contrary, you might want to run for dear life. Carefully observe the road. You may find it safer to leave the walkway or roadside for the drivers to walk instead in the middle of the road. Potholes do not really affect pedestrians, but they affect drivers seriously. Even as you do this, beware! There are angry truck drivers on our roads, angry because their vehicles are too large to be driven on the only manageable parts of the road, the roadsides. The problem surrounds everywhere and everyone here.
May God help us to live long, and to enjoy our long lives.
Amen. I smile. I read the author's name once more. I smile some more. I think I know the meaning of his… surname, I suppose. I am not a linguist and I have traveled only few times to few places. I think we share the same dear fatherland. The description is very similar, and this doesn't look like a foreign magazine.
In my fatherland however, I do not know of any government regulation that approves the dumping of waste by the roadsides, though it is common to find heaps of waste by the roadsides, with the horrible stink. Perhaps the "existing government regulations" implies the opposite, non existent. Maybe it actually means their grave negligence and indifference in enforcing their regulations as written in the books. They seem to only exist in the books. Fatherland, fatherland. Is this how they now avoid being accused of sedition and hate speech? I smile again.
Wait. Have I just read, and enjoyed a magazine? Looks like reading can sometimes be fun, that is, if you fall into the hands of an interesting writer, or if an interesting write-up falls into your hands. I've always loved jokes anyway.