'Feeling lost at sea' a term I didn't think I would relate to so, you know that feeling when you're sure that something is wrong but damn it all because it feels so good and you decide to let yourself drown deeper and deeper and you tell yourself you just don't care about the repercussions, but it piles up, oh how it piles up, mountain load upon mountain load of repercussions and it comes slamming into you like a freight train that has no brakes, leaving you tossing and tumbling in the air, limbs askew, neck broken, eyes upwards watching as the light dims and dims into nothingness, wondering "where did it all go wrong".

My name is Amanda, I'm a Nigerian girl. Being a Nigerian has it's perks and it's downside, but for me I have one of the rarest 'diseases' one can have as a Nigerian, I'm gay or rather confused, which is not easily tolerated here, this confusion though has led me to be more reserved, especially when it comes to matters of love, I find myself shrinking away from the topic.

This is not a story of how I find my one true love but rather a stroll down memory lane.