After that breakup, I finally made a decision: I needed to choose myself first. I stopped entertaining the idea of love, stopped letting people into my heart. I focused on learning how to stand on my own, without needing anyone's affection to feel whole. I ignored the part of me that liked girls. I hid it - pushed it down - and pretended it didn't exist. To everyone I met, I was just a regular, straight girl. And I didn't correct them.
Then college came, and with it, a new kind of freedom. I was no longer the broken girl craving love. I had grown tired of the pain love brought, so I buried that part of myself and chose to live differently. I no longer dreamed of a relationship - I was too busy falling in love with myself.
College became my whole world. I found comfort in academics, in solitude, in knowing I was slowly becoming the person my younger self needed. I remembered what my mom once told me:
"Finish your studies. Show them you can live on your own. And when that time comes, you won't need to explain yourself to anyone."
I took those words to heart. I worked hard, I focused, I kept going.
Five years passed. I didn't fall in love again. I didn't even look. I became so consumed with learning, growing, and building my own life that the idea of needing love from others just… faded. And in the quiet, I found peace.
I also found courage - bit by bit. I started opening up to my college friends about my past. I told them about the girl I loved, the heartbreak, the hiding. And they didn't flinch. They didn't look at me any differently. They listened, they supported, and most importantly - they never judged me.
That's when I realized: the world is changing.
It's not perfect. But slowly, people are becoming more open, more accepting. Relationships once seen as abnormal are now seen with more understanding, more compassion. I started to believe that maybe - just maybe - what I had once hidden out of fear was actually something I never needed to be ashamed of.
And though I still kept parts of myself tucked away from the world, I was no longer running from who I was. I was learning to stand alone - not because I had no one, but because I finally understood I was enough.