High school felt pretty normal at first. I had crushes - on boys, of course - and that was considered normal. When my parents found out I liked a boy, they were amused and excited. They teased me gently, saying I was starting to become a lady. And I believed it. That was the path I thought I was meant to follow.
Everything changed in Grade 8.
I had a close friend, a girl who later told me she was in a relationship - with another girl. I was shocked. That wasn't what I was taught. That wasn't what I knew. A girl should be with a man, right? That's how it's always been, or at least that's what I believed. But I kept my thoughts to myself. I didn't question her, didn't judge her - I just observed.
And slowly, something began to stir in me.
I watched them - how they laughed, how they cared for each other, how natural it all seemed. I wondered: Could being with a woman really be that fulfilling? That joyful? The thought made me uneasy, not because it felt wrong, but because it felt unfamiliar. And then, before I could stop myself, I began to notice something in me shift. I found myself drawn to women - not just admiring them, but feeling something more. Something deeper.
But I pushed it away.
It didn't fit into the version of myself I had always known. I still liked boys… but now I was also attracted to a girl. A tomboy, as people casually called her. I didn't know what to make of it. Was it just a phase? A fluke? Was I broken?
I went home one day and told my mom, hesitantly, "I'm confused. I think I have a crush on a girl."
She looked at me calmly and said, "You're just going through a gender crisis."
And I nodded, because maybe that was easier to believe. Maybe confusion was just part of growing up.
But time passed… and the feelings didn't go away.
They lingered. Quiet but persistent. The confusion only grew stronger. I started to believe that something was wrong with me. That maybe I was sick in the head, not normal, not right. I couldn't shake the shame that began to wrap around me like a second skin.
But then, I'd see my friend again - with her girlfriend - and they looked happy. Genuinely happy.
And a part of me wondered, If love brings happiness… then how can it be wrong?