Every breakup is different, but breaking up with a cheater is something I never thought I would have to experience. So, I want to share how ending toxic relationships can be harmful to your mental health.
First things first, when I found out he had cheated on me, I was disgusted and angry. Obviously, that's a natural way to feel - it couldn't have been real love if I hadn't reacted the way I did. So, there I was, crying and begging him for answers, and somehow even begging HIM not to break up with me. This showed how weak I was, how much I had lost my self-respect. At that time, he was my world, my everything. The hardest part was letting go. But how could I let go of someone who knew me the best, who was my dearest friend?
Because I didn't know how to continue my life without him, I thought it was better to try to work things out. At that time, I was graduating gymnasium, and with exams approaching, I needed stability. In my mind, it made sense to fix things and be happy rather than be sad over losing my best friend. I couldn't have been more wrong.
The constant worrying voice in my head said, "Will he cheat again? Is he really trying to change for us?" I couldn't focus on school; all I focused on was trying to fix my relationship. Stupid, I know - and I knew it then too - but I believed he could change. I wanted to help him become better for us when, in reality, I should have been selfish and put myself first. The rollercoaster of being "on a break" and then back in a relationship went on for nine months.
When I realized he wouldn't change, I started distracting myself with social media and talking to other guys. It did no good. It got my mind off of him for a while, but my grades were still slipping. Of course, I tried distracting myself by studying and spending time with friends, but I was too depressed and had zero motivation. I lost my appetite and cried multiple times a day. I even broke down in class when my teachers tried to help me.
At that time, my family's support was crucial. They understood what I was going through and tried to guide me. Everyone told me things I already knew. In theory, what you should do when breaking up seems simple, but going through it yourself is completely different. It wasn't easy at all. I knew what I should have done, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I also didn't care enough because, to me, life had no point without him in it.
Suddenly, it was summer. I had graduated, and one burden was lifted. I stopped caring about him. I didn't need to block him to lose contact - it just happened naturally. I began to focus on bettering myself. I spent more time outdoors and connected with nature. I spent more time with my family, and I started thinking about what to do after summer.
I decided to take a gap year and move to a different city. An environmental change was exactly what I needed to start fresh. Now, I’m free and enjoying my life again.