As the moonless, English night gave breathe to a long preceding betrayal, a broken man quietly lamented and cursed the impending arrival of a first born son sitting in the corridor running alongside his wife`s chambers. For hours, her screams and the scurrying of midwives back and forth were the most frequent yet, slight indicators of the severity of the situation.
Finally, the sounds of a new life echoed in the gloomy corridor, prompted the British Infantry Captain Jonathan Ridley to curse multiple times under his breath, while clenching his fists in frustration and anger. His wife had finally given birth to her first child. He struggled to recall a more loathsome occasion outside of his experiences on the battlefield.
He could not.
Captain Ridley remained stationary in the corridor for quite some time before the relatively young physician assisting his wife finally emerged from her chambers covered in a substantially larger amount of blood than Ridley had anticipated.
"What has happened with my wife?" the Captain calmly inquired as he rose from his position.
The doctor took a deep breath as he placed his eyes on the floor at Ridley`s feet. After a momentary pause, the doctor cast his gaze into his acquaintances eyes. "Captain Ridley," he started slowly, "there have been several severe complications with the delivery of your son. The boy is healthy and seems to be in more than satisfactory condition, but I`m extremely sorry to inform you, Captain, that the boy`s mother has not fared as adequately as you or I would have hoped."
"How so?" asked Ridley in the same tone as before.
Puzzled by the captain`s lack of urgency, the doctor again paused for a breath while breaking eye contact with Ridley.
"How so, sir?" pressed Captain Ridley.
The doctor replied with a resigned sigh before elaborating.
"She has lost a substantial amount of blood during the delivery, Jonathan. I believe that there is a dangerously high probability that she is also bleeding internally. I have attempted everything within my power and expertise to prevent such an occurrence, but to be brutally frank with you, if my diagnosis is correct..."
He didn`t wish to continue, hoping Captain Ridley would deduce the situation without further detail and interrupt him, but he finished his explanation once it became clear that Ridley would be granting no such favor.
"There is not much that can be done for Mrs. Ridley. I`m terribly sorry to be required to inform you of this, Jonathan, but your wife`s prospects of survival at this stage are bleak at best. I am profoundly sorry. I have requested that a midwife remain and I will gladly do the same, but I fear that there is nothing else that I, or anyone, can do to help Elizabeth at this critical juncture? The outcome of her fate now depends solely upon our Lord above and His divine wisdom. "
Both men stood quietly and still for several moments. Finally, Captain Ridley broke the silence. "Has my wife been informed of the severity of her current condition?", he asked, his voice still devoid of any perceivable dismay.
"She has, Jonathan." was the answer.
"How long does she have if the situation is as dire as you expect?" asked Ridley.
"Not long?" the doctor paused to consider his answer. "Two days, maybe. Possibly less?"
"Is my, wi-" Captain Ridley finally revealed a hint of emotion, but instantly restrained himself and continued. "...is Elizabeth still conscious at this moment?"
"Yes," replied the doctor, his eyes full of sorrow for the man standing before him . "She was a moment ago when I left her."
"Thank you, doctor. With your blessing I would like to see her now. Is this permissible?"
"Certainly!" exclaimed the doctor as he placed a firm hand on Ridley`s left shoulder. "You should spend as much time with her now as the Lord will allow, Jonathan."
"Again, thank you doctor," said Jonathan as he removed his acquaintance`s hand from his shoulder. "If you feel you have reached the limits of your abilities then I see no other reason to contain you on the premises, despite your kind offer to remain. Given the situation, the midwife`s presence should suffice. My servant has been instructed to provide you with your pay as you exit."
Captain Ridley began moving towards his wife`s chambers, his back already turned to the doctor as he gave his farewell, " Good day, sir?"
The doctor remained alone in the corridor for a moment longer, his head down, eyes clenched shut as he attempted to regain control of his breathing and suddenly shaky hands. His youth still continued to deny him the experience and ability to conquer the emotion of the harsher realities of childbirth. After allowing himself this time to regain his composure, he exited the Ridley household, refusing to accept his payment as he passed through the home`s primary doorway.
****
Mrs. Elizabeth Ridley had only closed her eyes for the briefest of moments before hearing the creaking of her chamber door. She opened them to find her husband in uniform, standing at the foot of her bed, hands behind him, back straight, as if he were reporting to a superior officer. His face showed no emotion as he stared intently at his ailing wife.
Despite the demeanor of her spouse, a long, tired smile stretched across Elizabeth`s face as she slowly attempted to raise herself to a sitting position, cradling her infant son all the while. "Come and meet your first child and eldest son, my love."
Jonathan remained as still as before.
"I have a satisfactory view of the boy from this vantage," replied the Captain. "He appears... to be a fine child."
Elizabeth`s joyful demeanor quickly changed to one of confusion. "Do you not wish to hold your child, Jonathan?" she inquired.
Ridley`s jaw clenched tightly and his eyes narrowed. "I do. Unfortunately, I am not yet sufficiently convinced that it will be my child that I am holding, Elizabeth."
The pain was immediately evident on Mrs. Ridley`s face as a solitary tear immediately dropped to her blankets below. "This IS your child, Jonathan..."
"You should rest, wife. You are unwell," responded her husband as he turned to exit her chambers, his face as emotionless and cold as ever before. "I will return tomorrow to assess your condition. Servants will be posted at the door of your chamber should an emergency arise during the darkness.. Do not hesitate to call on them to retrieve your midwife. Goodnight. "
"Jonathan, stop!!!" She was sure he heard her demand, but the door latched shut behind him and she heard the sound of his footsteps fade down the corridor.
****
Sleep had been challenging for Captain Ridley since he had removed himself from his wife`s bed and commandeered a servant's chamber months ago, but on this night, it proved to be impossible.
Less than one year ago, Mr. and Mrs. Ridley lived a more than satisfying life, completely content with the love shared between them. Now, on this cold, moonless night, the knowledge of a new life under his roof, one that all but promised to rob the life of the woman who spawned it, overwhelmed his thoughts, leading to hours of unrelenting frustration for the captain as he continuously rehashed the reasons for his callous behavior.
Due to the knowledge that his beautiful, now fading angel had temporarily forsaken the love she claimed for him by succumbing to the touch of temptation roughly nine months before, the man that Captain Jonathan Ridley pictured himself as being had wilted away A bitter man, openly contemptful of his bride, had taken residence in his once unburdened soul. Even now this man could not help but to angrily adore the woman, but a wound had been inflicted, one that was allowed to fester and grow, eventually overshadowing any compassion and tenderness Jonathan still retained for his wife. Love remained within him for her, this was true, but its healing properties were now unreachable. The only current indication of Captain Ridley`s love for Elizabeth was the contempt and quiet hatred, both of which are inevitable products of intimacy, that resided on the surface of his now perpetually unforgiving demeanor, serving as a monument to their past together.
Ridley`s current emotions, however, as justified as he considered to be, were not based on entirely sound foundations, as the series of choices leading to his wife`s betrayal were not altogether devious on her part. Infidelity had occurred, but the act originated not in the mind of a unfaithful wife, but rather in the schemings of a lustful would-be usurper.
Upon personally revealing her sins to her lover, a distressed and truly remorseful Elizabeth had insisted that her betrayal was the result of her own naivety and foolishness. Believing gossip that Captain Ridley was widely known to frequent brothels and hedonistically entertain the company of loose, low bred women while outside of her view, Elizabeth had fallen into the arms of a false messenger who had coveted her affections for quite some time.
Plotting and eventually seeking to portray the Captain`s life away from home as unworthy of the standards of fidelity and Christian behavior, an acquaintance of the couple had manufactured a reason to visit the Ridley household during a time that Jonathan had been required to take leave of his wife and oversee the transportation of a large amount of precious metals, arms, and other various supplies scheduled to depart from the London Docks before arriving at multiple trading outposts and garrisons across the Empire.
The Ridley`s being stationed in York resulted in keeping Ridley from his wife for a week`s time, as it was a three day trip by horse or carriage to London, and even longer when dealing with uncooperative travel conditions and an unmounted Company of infantrymen serving as escorts. These orders provided sufficient opportunity for anyone with a desire to undermine Captain Ridley`s honor while he was not present to rebuke the charges.
Her seducer sought to achieve this goal by posing as a voice of empathy that could no longer hide the truth from such an undeserving victim, before slyly proclaiming his love in a manner that portrayed himself as a protector of honor and womanly virtue rather than the covetenting agitator he was.
The deceit had its desired effect and sent Elizabeth spiralling into a spurned wife`s rage that quickly began to seek out retribution in kind. Disoriented by the lies of a trusted peer, Elizabeth was easy prey for the unscrupulous aristocrat and soon found herself brashly accepting of his adequately disguised advances.
It wasn`t until a day before Jonathan`s scheduled return that a true friend rushed to Elizabeth to inform her that her seducer had become overly intoxicated at a tavern while in conversation with what proved to be a mutual acquaintance of his and the Ridley`s, the same acquaintance who now found it necessary to seek out Mrs. Ridley upon the conversation`s conclusion. In his drunkenness, the perpetrator had abandoned his discretion and to the sheer shock of his listener, began to describe his previous scheme and the pleasure he had derived from its unquestionable success, along with intentions to see his plan played out to the ultimate objective of destroying the Ridley`s union and claiming Elizabeth`s affection permanently.
Horrified by the deeds she had been manipulated into committing, Elizabeth castigated herself before her husband at the first opportunity, revealing every detail of how she had been reckless and foolish enough to believe the lies of a jealous man, meant to convince her of the deeds her husband was falsely accused of. She vehemently proclaimed her love for Jonathan and attempted to sufficiently describe the regret and shame she was enduring after allowing her body and spirit to be soiled by an act adultery.
While enraged by his wife`s infidelity and inability to believe in his dedication to her, it did initially appear to Jonathan that his Elizabeth was indeed the victim of an ungodly plot to take advantage of her body in his absence, even despite her willingness to believe the baseless accusations being made against her husband`s honor before giving herself to another man.
He was secure in his knowledge that he had remained faithful to Elizabeth, but he also conceded that the life of a soldier often leads to regions and countries far from a wife`s touch, enticing men to betray their vows of matrimony in favor of satisfying natural urges, thus leaving a simple template for the false accusations levelled against him.
Recognizing that he himself had indeed committed the sin of fornication in a manner lending itself to many forms of gossip and rumor before first meeting Elizabeth, Jonathan speculated that the tales told to his wife were likely more akin to misrepresentation than outright slander. Since he had deemed it necessary to hide these facts from his wife, he privately declared her anger and subsequent behavior as justified and forgivable. He insisted to himself that believing these tales -false, misrepresented, or otherwise- was a reasonable conclusion for Elizabeth to subscribe to, especially after being reduced to such a state of emotional upheaval by an acquaintance whose intentions she had no cause to doubt.
The blow delivered to Captain Ridley was real and lasting, but his love of Elizabeth had survived. In the days after her revelation, Jonathan made peace with his wife`s misdeeds and swore to allow only love and forgiveness to dictate their coming future together.
Further word of this infidelity was prevented from escaping to other branches of aristocratic society and the honor of his family was seemingly restored after the perpetrator of the seduction of his young wife, a fellow officer, was defeated in a duel, resulting in the death of this brazen antagonist at the hands of the Captain himself. Elizabeth pleaded with him not to risk his own well-being for her sins, but Jonathan could not allow his former colleague to go unpunished for dishonoring his name and family. He would`ve gladly chosen death over allowing his adversary the opportunity to spread the details of his actions any further. Therefore it was a well-placed musket ball fired on a foggy morning in the English countryside just outside of York that Captain Ridley initially believed had put a definitive end to the matter.
Weeks later, however, the revelation that a child was to be born, one whose paternal lineage would forever remain in question, inflicted a kind of insult that simply cannot be washed away, even by the musket. The news of a possible bastard growing in Mrs. Ridley`s womb could not be so easily overlooked.
Now the memories of the blow could not be completely overcome as it had before by the love that still remained and Jonathan began to consider Elizabeth to be nearly as guilty as the man he had slain. She had not sought out his affections, but she had allowed the interloper and all of his devious intentions to wrongfully corrupt her faith in her husband and she had willingly insulted her husband further by granting access to her chambers to such a despicable bedswerver.
The affront could have been endured when it could be relegated to the past and forgotten, but now? This insult would not be possible to enslave in the past. This insult would outlive even Captain Jonathan Ridley himself. It would be constructed of flesh and bone and would have to carry the name of Ridley, lest the world become aware of his possible lineage.
Now this insult had taken its first living breathes, each more dishonoring than the last. Even with the knowledge that he may be witnessing the waning hours and moments of his wife`s life before she succumbs to the hardship of childbirth, his thoughts were being dominated by the tiny inhales and exhales of an infant that he abhorred.
"This child...this curse?" he thought as he lie alone staring at darkness. "This child...this curse? My legacy will be that of a cuckold raising the bastard son of an unfaithful wife, never knowing if her paramour has invaded the sanctity of my bloodline."
How could he ever support and raise such a child? How could he ever begin to scratch out a method of enduring his existence, let alone love the boy?
"But with thoughts such as these, how can I find any pride in myself?" he pondered. "How can I claim to be a worthy subject of the King and a divine child of the almighty when I cannot help but forsake the woman I have taken vows before the lord to love till death, and deny her child, my possible son, of my affection and assistance in this world?"
These thoughts and ones similar to them had begun harboring a hatred towards himself, as well. It had grown along with his ill will towards his current situation over the months and stemmed from his recognition that he lacked the strength to overcome and forgive Elizabeth`s indiscretion and accept her son as his own despite his own flaws and hesitation.
His heart still longed for her, but even while his wife lie mere feet away, losing her life`s essence with every passing second, he could not bring himself to show her any form of kindness.
He chastised himself mercilessly, but he simply could not circumnavigate her betrayal.
He could not rationalize his hatred for an innocent child, either, but it was there all the same. He questioned how this infant was to blame for his inability to replace his trust in his wife, a woman whose love he never doubted, even after being informed of her misdeeds with the now defeated officer. But he remained divided from any revelations that could ease his suffering. Even the real possibility that the child was of his own creation provided no consolation.
He could only continue to lie alone, staring at darkness.
****
Despite his complete and utter lack of slumber during the prior evening, Captain Ridley was prepared for his duties shortly after dawn. Taking the back stairs out in an attempt to avoid even passing by his wife`s chambers, he was stopped by a servant taking the same staircase in an attempt to seek the Captain out.
"Sir, I have a letter for you." she stated politely.
"From whom?" asked her employer.
"Your wife, sir" she replied as she extended a folded piece of paper to him with her right hand.
An exhausted Captain Ridley couldn`t help to reveal his annoyance at the attempted delivery.
"Please inform Mrs. Ridley that letters are unnecessary." he retorted irritably. "I will come to her chambers after the day`s duties are completed."
The servant became insistant, however, something Captain Ridley was not accustomed to.
"Yes sir, but I feel you may wish to accept it anyway." she pressed. "Mrs. Ridley has been declining this morning and she fears that she may not be capable of...waiting until this afternoon. She hardly had the strength for it, sir..."
"Fine...Give it to me" relented the Captain.
"There you are, sir." She handed Ridley the letter and continued back up the staircase.
Ridley called out to her before she could go. "Abigail, wait."
Abigail turned and replied "Yes, sir?`"
"How is the child faring?" Despite his position in the household, Ridley couldn`t bring himself to make eye contact while making the inquiry.
A soft smile crossed Abigail`s face at the query. "He`s doing splendidly, sir. The wet nurse is making sure of that. At the request of Mrs. Ridley, of course. He`s a beautiful child. He`ll make a fine Ridley man one day, sir."
Captain Ridley released a slight sigh and replied "Thank you, Abigail. That will be all."
ABigail curtsied and went on her way. Ridley watched her walk up the stairs, through the doorway and out of sight. He lingered a moment longer considering Abigail`s statement of "He`ll make a fine Ridley man?" before placing Elizabeth`s letter inside his uniform jacket and descending the staircase.
Upon exiting the household, Captain Ridley walked at a rapid pace until he reached roughly halfway between his home and the barracks in which his men resided. He removed his wife`s correspondence from his front jacket pocket and proceeded to inspect the contents while continuing to make his way to the barracks. He had taken a mere three steps before stopping cold on the cobblestones as he read the words of his wife:
My beloved Jonathan,
By what name will this child, one who will exist in this world as your own, be known as to those who will remain after I have placed my only son into the wisdom of your care? What words will you speak to him of me, his lost and soon forgotten mother who currently weeps at the knowledge of her imminent, dreadful departure? Will the protector of my child, the man whom I love as plentiful in the present as I have in any time that has passed, find himself capable of believing that I leave him in sincere repentance and utter acceptance of the penance I have faced in this life, and likely the next, for those transgressions committed against him by this wilting vessel of God which now suffers and dies before his own eyes? I ask only to be made aware before our lord calls an end to the time he has allotted for me here with you and our child.
Your beloved wife,
Mrs. Elizabeth Ridley
After reading the letter over three times, Captain Ridley simply stood motionless and silent for several minutes. Finally, he returned the letter to his jacket pocket and proceeded to the barracks to complete the day`s duties.
****
As Captain Ridley slowly approached the chambers of his wife, he stopped in front of her door. He had been informed only moments ago that Elizabeth declined rapidly between dawn and evening. He could not help but wonder if this would be the final time he would see his wife take a breath, or hear her speak a word. Forcing such thoughts from his consciousness, he calmly opened the chamber door and entered.
As he crossed the threshold it became clear to him that his wife`s decline from their meeting the night before had not been exaggerated. The ever so slight lift and descent of her breath assured him that she still had life, but she had yet to open her eyes and realize his presence in the room. He moved to the side of the bed and whispered her name.
"Elizabeth...Elizabeth...can you hear me?"
As her eyes opened, she tried to smile, but could only achieve a slight curve of her lips. Consuming much of her last remaining strength, she reached for her husband`s embrace, pulling his reluctant hand closer to her breast and the newborn child still resting upon it. Slowly, she began to whisper.
"The day we married and became one, you promised your heart to me to do with as I wish and I now wish it to be his. Just as you allowed it to belong to me, allow it to belong to my son. Our son, from this night on, yours forever once I am gone?.," said the struggling mother before permitting her voice to trail.
Ridley`s love for her flowed from the fresh wounds of his heart, but it also managed to stoke the blazing hatred that she could instinctively feel still burning within him. Silently forcing her feeble grip from his wrist, an incredulous, angry glare was momentarily the only response the man could muster for this woman whom he could not help but to love and to condemn in this moment.
"Yes, my wife, I did indeed promise you my heart to do with as you pleased." "However," he abruptly snapped, " I do hereby make my oath to the Good Lord, that despite being afflicted with a seemingly insurmountable affection for you, my dear wife, my life shall never be restricted by a child whose very existence is a reminder of all that I have been unfairly forced to suffer and endure. The living product of your betrayal shall never hold sway over my heart or soul regardless of my love and affection for you. You take advantage of my love for even asking such a thing of me."
His voice began to crack as he proclaimed, "If only I had denied my heart`s desire and avoided contact with the likes of a Jezebel deviant such as yourself, as advised by many close companions, I would have surely spared myself the misery you have cast upon me. Your actions have transformed the love I feel for you into shackles of insult and dishonor that I shall never find myself capable of escaping."
"I am ruined in both personal reputation and my own personal esteem," said the Captain as he lowered himself sullenly into an armchair adjacent of his bedridden wife. "The curse of loving you still holds sway over my foolish heart?and now?.you are leaving me?leaving me with a child that you insist is ours, a statement that I have but meager faith in?but even if the child were my own flesh and blood, he is a son that I can never love because he is taking you, my dear wife, my beautiful Elizabeth, whom I love above all else, even now?He is taking you away from me?"
Though his words carried with them the stinging cut of the lash, the Captain`s wife was able to find solace in the knowledge that such pure abhorrence and unrelenting pain may only spring forth when the presence of perpetual love and endless dedication has been jeopardized, but still endures. She once again embraced his trembling, but now relenting hand within her own as tears began to cascade down her now colorless cheeks upon escaping from her round, beseeching eyes.
"Jonathan, do not deny this child the love, care, and affection that all children well deserve," she stated as sternly as her condition allowed. "Upon my departure from this realm, my son will have only you for which to look to for assistance and wisdom. Please husband, I beg of you, protect this boy, my last remaining gift to this world. Guide and raise him properly, to honor my memory and also to honor yourself, my love. He will love and obey you, as any proper son should, and if you allow yourself, Jonathan, you will love him, as well."
Jonathan tried to pull away at the assertion, but Elizabeth somehow found the strength to hold tight.
"If you truly hold the affection and love for this dying soul that you make claim to, then you will do as your wife asks of you. Despite my transgressions before you and the Lord, it is my right as a mother to know that my beautiful son, your beautiful son, will be properly attended to after the time of my demise. Make this promise to a dying mother and wife, my dear husband. Do not permit your wife to meet her judgment before the lord without first ensuring the safety and happiness of her only child."
Penetrated by the sincerity of his wife`s request, Captain Ridley`s eyes remained locked in her stare, only now it was not hatred or confusion that was emitting profusely from his gaze, but unabated love and admiration. His iron features softened as he allowed her to tighten her grip even more upon his hand as he moved closer, brushing her dark, disheveled, locks behind her ears and wiping her tear stained eyes before removing the same from his own face.
After some time of this, Elizabeth gathered the strength to speak once again.
"Did you receive my letter?" she asked meekly.
“I did, my dear.” replied Jonathan.
“Answer it for me…” she whispered.
Pausing only briefly to wipe away more tears, Jonathan leaned forward to whisper into his wife’s ear.
“Our son’s name is Jonathan, like his father and his grandfather. People will know him as a Ridley and he will be remembered as your son…When I speak of you to our beautiful boy, I will tell him that you are not forgotten and that you watch over him every day. I love you as plentiful now as I have at any time in the past. We leave each other with no transgressions to be forgiven. You need not fear the next life’s penance for the lord will welcome you with open arms. And now, my dear, beautiful Elizabeth, you and I will sit with our child until the almighty sees fit to let us part.”