Bickford County Fair 2017...Evan Goodjohn
Has it been twenty years since Mabel Frost Walker won the watermelon seed spitting contest at the Bickford County Fair?
"Johnny, our son, Jeremy has entered the seed spitting contest this year, Mabel Walker said."
"I sure hope he has your saliva genes and plenty of wind."
"He`ll do just fine. He is tall, and he`s been practising all week."
The aroma of fried dough and sweet onion rings wafted through the air tantalizing the noses of the fair-goers. There`s something about the aroma and excitement of the midway that turns an old man`s heart into fancy. However, it is the seed spitting contest that draws the crowds. Over the years, it has become one of the main attractions at the fair.
This year Billy Brewer and Tommy Watson former seed spitters, have entered their kids in the contest. Billy has an eighteen-year-old son, and Tommy, a nineteen-year-old daughter.
"I don`t know about you, Tommy, but my son has the old Brewer intestinal fortitude to bring home the blue ribbon."
"Well, Billy, my daughter`s no slouch. She captained the basketball team in high school and goalie for the field hockey team. And, on top of all that, she was on the honour roll all four years."
"Good luck with that, Tommy. What we have to worry about is Walker`s son, Jeremy. If he`s anything like his mother. We don`t stand a chance."
"What we need to do, Billy finds a way to stop him. I can make a suggestion."
"Go ahead. What is it?"
"Put alum in the drinking water, that should do it."
"Good idea, but how will I do it? He`ll be drinking bottled water."
"Leave it to me."
It`s Tuesday, seed spitting contest day. The grass in the midway was ankle deep, and bumpy. Mel Moody, the selected maintenance man for the annual event failed to mow the grass before the fair, and many attendees complained. However, something as small as tall grass couldn`t put a damper on this annual exhibition.
In the past, people have dodged hail, rain, and wind to come out for this tournament of skill and practical amusement. Today was no exception.
"Tommy, the Walker kid is over there at the bingo table. He`s drinking a bottle of grape soda."
"So? Alum will mix just as well with soda as it will with water. Don`t panic. Let`s go over and see him. You get his attention, and I`ll put this alum in his drink.
"You brought alum in a napkin?"
"What difference does it make what I brought it in as long as I bought? it?"
"I suppose." The two men went over to the bingo table.
"Hi, Mabel, Jeremy. How are you? Ready for the big contest, Jeremy?" Tommy asked.
"Yessir, Mr Watson. I`m ready. Mom and I have been practising all week. Haven`t we, Mom?"
"Hello, Billy, Tommy. Yes, he has been practising. You`ll find him tough competition, Fellas. Good luck."
"We`re ready too. Right, Billy?" Tommy said.
"Yes. We`re ready for sure. My daughter`s been practising too."
"My son has muscles in his kisser. He doesn`t even know he has. He`ll show all of you what a seed spitter should look like," Billy said.
"Another hour and we`ll find out who the new champion is, and don`t be surprised if it`s my daughter," Tommy said. "She`s a whiz at whatever she does."
The horse racing has started on the track inside the stadium. Johnny and Mabel, before the fair started, decided on six-dollars as the top amount they would wager on the horses. Tommy liked to read the program, see who the favourite was, and how the horses had finished in their last race. Mabel, on the other hand, picked her horses by the jockey`s colours. Red is her favourite colour picked a horse named, `Dorsey`s Choice.`
After considerable perusal of the program, Johnny chose his horse, `Middle Maggie.`
"The name of your horse alone should tell you she isn`t going to win," Mabel teased.
"We`ll see. It takes scrutiny, knowing your horse`s past record, and Maggie has excellent documentation. She`s won the last four times out. She`s your winner, Mabel."
"We will see."
In the end, Dorsey`s Choice won by two lengths over the rest of the field, and ten lengths ahead of Middle Maggie.
"Maggie had a bum leg. I could tell the minute she left the starting gate," Johnny said.
"There`s nothing wrong with her leg. She was out-ranked by the other six horses, and that`s all." Mabel left the stands eight-dollars richer, while her husband was down two bucks.
Over at the bingo table, the two competitors of Jeremy Walker conspired to stop their competition from stealing their victory. Tommy winked at Billy and cast his eyes toward Jeremy Walker`s grape soda bottle. His gesture said, `Now, Tommy. Now.`
While Jeremy was talking with Billy, Tommy put the alum in his drink.
"Did you do it, Tommy?" Billy asked.
"Yes. It was as easy as 1, 2, 3."
`Twenty minutes to the seed spitting contest` the man behind the PA system announced.
"How about a hot dog, Billy? I`m hungry."
"Yeah, good idea, Tommy." The two sat and ate their hot dogs, and drank coffee. The coffee at the fairs is terrible. `tastes like contaminated bilge water,` Billy said. `I`ve had better at the All-Nite-Mart."
The two wandered over to the arena to watch the yoked oxen perform the pulling of heavy cement blocks.
Jane Watson, Tommy`s daughter came by the arena to talk to her dad. "Daddy, you`ll cheer me on, won`t you? I need to know you`ll be there."
"I`ll be there, Honey. Daddy won`t let you down. And remember, it was twenty years ago I was a contestant in this race. I`d have won too if Mabel Walker hadn`t shown up." Tommy said.
Billy`s son tagged along behind Jane Watson, a big grin on his acne-covered face. "Hi, Pop."
Billy said, "Hi, Son. In just a few minutes, you will be in the great seed spitting contest, a trial of your life. Take your time at the split-line, and work up some saliva, aim, and let `er rip. I have faith in you, Son. I know you`ll win."
Tommy stood thinking. How had I missed winning that contest twenty-years ago? That day filled his memories, and he was transported back to another time.
"Hey, Billy, you know Mabel has won this contest so many times. It is time to defeat her, take away her ribbon, don`t you think?"
"Yep." He stepped up to the spit-line. It was all coming back to him now.
Spiiiiiiittt, zing, Johnny`s seed sailed for a nine-foot shot. Spiiiiiiiittt, zing, Tommy Watson`s seed fell two inches short of nine feet. Spiiiiiiittt, zing, Billy Brewer`s seed sailed three inches beyond Johnny Walker`s seed to gain first place. Next, it was Mabel Frost`s turn.
Closing one eye, and aiming carefully, taking a deep breath and working up a good amount of saliva, she spits her seed. It sailed high and fast passing Tommy`s seed, then Johnny`s pip, and then it started to descend, getting closer and closer to Billy`s seed... neck and neck as the seed spiralled downward landing a hair`s breadth in front of Billy`s seed, but close enough to win the contest. Mabel was once again, Bickford`s seed spitting winner.
The loudspeaker woke Billy from his reverie. "All seed spitting contestants, please come to the field to compete in the 2017 annual watermelon seed spitting contest. The event will commence in ten minutes." The midway was cleared as the people began to assemble at the contest site. They lined both sides of the field in anticipation of this great event.
"Come on, Tommy, and Jane," Billy said. "And, you too, Son." They walked past the ring-toss game where two small children were tossing rings. One shrieked, `I won. I won.` The barker handed him a small, fluffy troll with pink hair, which, no doubt, cost a dime.
The women of the local Grange were setting a piece of mincemeat pie in front of a large, portly man in denim overalls. He smiled showing a toothless jaw.
The field where the contest was being held was on the side next to Route 4`s Deadman`s Curve.
"Okay, line up, folks," Mark Emery shouted. Mark Emery has been the judge of the contest for the last twenty-five years and seeing him brought back memories for the three retired contestants.
Billy`s son was the first to step to the line. Emery told him to step back. He was over the line by an inch and a half. "You must stand behind this line, son. Are you ready?"
"Yessir," Billy`s son declared.
"Then, go." The boy threw back his shoulders, looked at his dad, turned his head, and spits the seed. It sailed through the air at supersonic speed, landing at the nine-foot line, beating his father`s record of eight-feet-eleven inches.
Jane Watson was up next.
"Go for it, Sweetie," Tommy hollered as she prepared herself; straightening up, throwing back her shoulders, she let the seed fly. Six feet. Seven feet. Eight feet. The seed began its descent. Eight feet-six-inches. Eight-feet-nine-inches, finally settling on the nine-foot-two-inch line. Tommy shouted, with pride, "Hooray, Janey, Dear. You`re the winner."
"Not yet, Mr Watson," Mark Emery said. "We`ve got one more contestant."
The blue ribbon is in the bag, Tommy thought. I put that alum in the Walker kid`s drink. He chuckled to himself for coming up with such a brilliant idea.
"Okay, Jeremy, step up," Emery said. "Stand right here, behind the line." Jeremy`s mouth was dry, his lips felt like they were in a vise, and his tongue was thick. What was the matter? The watermelon seed was settled on a dry tongue.
Mabel shouted to her son. "Jeremy, remember what I told you. Take your time, aim and shoot." The boy stood shaking his head. The dryness made it impossible to feel where the seed was in his mouth. He swished the saliva around, hoping the pip would end up on his tongue.
"Hurry up, Son," Mabel shouted. Go ahead, aim." The boy`s face now red, he looked to his mother. His expression, what`s happening to me, was evident in his appearance?
Jeremy, the puckering subsiding somewhat, pursed his lips and sent the pip sailing over the field. Nine feet. Ten feet. It came to rest ten-feet-four-inches, fourteen inches ahead of Jane`s mark.
The crowd, that had gathered, cheered loudly, `Hooray Jeremy.` `Way to go, Jeremy.` The only people among the crowd who didn`t cheer were Tommy and Billy. Even their children cheered and congratulated the winner.
However, the proudest one of all was Mabel. She kissed her son and held up his hand to show he had won the prize. In addition, Mabel was proud her son kept the championship in the family.
The two culprits that decided to remove the Walker boy from the competition by tainting his soda with alum would get the biggest surprise of their lives.
Today lessons were learned. What-so-ever a man...in this case two men, sows, that shall he also reap.