It was mutual attraction. We both attended the same high school for two years. Actually, she had occupied the classroom next to mine for both years. We must have passed each other on the corridors over a hundred times, unbeknownst to me. I finally noticed her in our third year of high school. We both chose biology as an elective. At the start of our first class together, she sauntered over to where I was sitting and asked me if the stool next to me was taken. I offered her both the seat next to me and a place in my heart. She seemed so angelic with her delicate voice and tall slim built. And her smile; H.C. Kim says it best in `A Song`:
Thinking about the one who has captured my heart
As I think about her radiant smile
Which fills the whole room
A cliche certainly true in this case
Tunes capture her loveliness
And I hear my own melodies
During the following months we grew close; really close; inseparable. We shared all three natural science classes together – Biology, Chemistry and Physics. If I got to the lab first, I would reserve her a seat next to me; if she got there first she did the same for me. We ate lunch together. Roamed the school talking about life – school, family, future plans. Soon, the entire student body thought of us as an item. Even the teachers teased us. Though I had not yet gathered the boldness to confess my sentiments to her, I knew without a doubt that there was a mutual attraction. We were so good for each other, like milk and cereal.
So, I finally decided to confess my feelings to my angel. It was the day of our final end of year exams. School was closing for summer vacation soon. We weren`t going to see each other so frequently anymore. I had to tell her how I felt before the hands of time blurred our relationship.
There we were, after school, the only ones in the open air corridors of the upstairs art and computer lab block. We could see dark green mountains rising to a picturesque reddish orange hued evening sky. I must have commented on the greatness of God as the master painter of the sky. She looked me in the eye and asked me if I seriously believed in the Christian faith. I was a recent convert at the time. I impressed on her my testimony of being taken from depression into bliss upon accepting Jesus as my personal saviour.
On the other hand, she related how she also had recently been a regular attendee at converts` classes at her church. How she tried reaching out for God but it didn`t feel like he was listening. She continued to say that a certain group approached her and made her question the Christian faith. In the end she could not accept a God that would allow such rampant evil in the world. Her reasoning led her to believe that maybe he did not exist, or if he did, he was a tyrant. How my angel had fallen.
I tried to tell her of his love. I tried to tell her of the entering of death and corruption into the world through man`s disobedience to God. I tried to tell her of Christ, the Lamb of God, slain for our redemption. She had heard it all before and was hardened to the message. Our world views were darkness and light.
We were unequally yoked. Thus, I knew – I can`t confess to her. Never. H.C Kim`s `A Song` speaks for me:
Why can`t this passion in tune
Convey itself in my conversation with her
At that moment
My joyous shout of love
Embraces in tune
Feeling of pain
In already missing her
And in desiring her warmth
