It’s relatively good weather out. Wind blowing as if the heavens are attempting to lightly brush upon one’s hair, the sun’s warm embrace tightly hugging the earth, and the sky’s presence to the world a deep shade of blue, which has become a real rarity to enjoy these days. Anyone would love this kind of day. At least that’s what the notion would be.
As the birds are chirping outside, Rolph comes through the door of his home and is met by an audible emptiness to which he has long become accustomed.
As he stands in the corridor, a shadowy translucent figure phases into reality, coming out of Rolph.
“Hey, look, it's empty again, that'll bring it up to the past every single day for the last three months now,” The Figure says.
Attempting to ignore the figure, Rolph begins verbally coming up with ideas, “ I can see John’s doing anything. Wait, he's out of town, so he’s more than likely busy doing whatever you can do with your parents during a week on a cruise,” He exclaims. He starts to make his way to his room as the figure follows close behind. His bedroom is one of the few places in this world Rolph feels like he belongs; there’s no one there, no one he can annoy… no one he can ruin. He goes to take a seat on his bed, then rifles through the drawer. After a little bit of rummaging, he pulls out a small bottle with the words “happy” on it.
“ Uh oh, there go the pills again; it must’ve been one of those days.” The Figure states as he thunderously chuckles. “ You know that’s not gonna make you feel better. You might not be very useful, but you’re smart enough to realize that; there’s nothing that’ll possibly make you feel like you’re worth anything. I'm just gonna go ahead and rip that band-aid off now.”
As he listens to the continuous rant of the figure, Rolph’s breath begins to become heavy. It is as if a deep smoke is covering every inch of the room, absorbing the very air itself, leaving nothing but a strong sense of agony in its place.
Rolph holds his hands up to his head, grasping it tighter and tighter. “ I just need some quiet right now. Not enough quiet,”
“You already took one this morning; this is what leads to problems. Oh my bad it already is one, who knows maybe if you reach in there and take a few more I might go away,” announces The Figure. “At least it makes you stop bothering people when you’re not home… they hate that, you know, you really are an idiot, you know that, I’ll never go away like that, and you know it, I’m here forever.” Rolph continues to sit with his head down as The Figure berates him. He knows it is going to take, before it goes away, it always does.
“It’s never going to be okay, you’re never going to be okay, YOU’RE BROKEN,” The Figure preached right before he disappeared. Rolph looks up he might not like the way he is when he takes the pills, but they’re the only thing that can bring him a sense of peace. He gets up and goes to the kitchen, he’s a bit hungry now. He wants to make a sandwich, so he grabs all the things he needs: bread, ham, cheese, mayonnaise, and a knife to spread it.
When he picks up the knife, though, a feeling comes over him, a feeling he gets quite often. It’s the feeling of the pressure in his chest pressing against the surface to be let out. He stands there idly as he peers at the sharp edge of the knife. While doing so, a voice crawls from the dark depths of his heart all the way to the opening of his mind.
It states, “ There’s only one way to get rid of this feeling. Do it, let it all out.” Rolph shakes his head and puts the knife down.
The feeling of this being flashing in and out of Rolph’s mind, consuming almost every thought besides the part that the figure is taking refuge in.
“ Come on, you’ll feel so much better. You won’t even need those pills anymore, you can be whole again,” It claims. As Rolph leers at the knife, a malevolent shadow crawls out from inside him, straight from his soul, the figure has returned.
“ Now you’re thinking about slicing a hole in yourself, you might actually be sick. You’re hopeless, change is out of the question for you,” The Figure states.
“ The hatred can go away, let all that pressure out. DO IT,” the being declares from the back of Rolph’s mind.
“ You might as well go right through the vein. It’ll be better for everyone,” The Figure encourages Rolph. When it gets to this point, there’s nothing that can be done to end it. It continues nonstop, the voices go back and forth, growing louder and louder with every second. The uneasy silence is now a deafening blast of noise, overwhelming and crushing Rolph. He puts his hands on his head and falls to his knees. The voices are like a booming earthquake, destroying the very essence of his soul. The intensity, the pain, it becomes so much for him. It’s too much, he can’t take it. As if he’s trapped in a black void, slowly swallowing him into an empty abyss. He can’t escape it. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. He’s alone, he’s scared, he’s in pain, and there’s nothing that he can do about it. He folds into a ball, an attempt to break through this chamber of misery. It isn’t very effective. He is plunging into a deep, bottomless hole that engulfs the spirit. Despite the air around him being empty, it feels as if there’s an anvil sitting on his chest. Rolph is suffocating, deaf to the world around him, blind to the space in front of him. All that can be seen is a blank pit that echoes how much of a disgrace to the world he is. Through the noise, he hears the sound of keys jingling in the doors, and he stands up. His dad comes in and greets him.
“What’s up, man? What went on today?” He asked.
“Oh uh, not much, just finished up school work. Nothing ever happens out here,” Rolph claims while still holding his head.
“Hey, you alright? You got a headache or something?” He queried worryingly.
“Yeah, I just got a headache. I was gonna take a nap and take some medicine. See if I feel better,” Rolph stated as he began walking to his room.
“Okay, just let me know if it gets any worse. Might gotta check it out if it’s hurting you that much,” his Dad commented.
Rolph yells,” Alright, I will,” as he makes it into his room. He takes a seat on his bed as he pours more pills into his hands.
“I’m not gonna make him worry,” he sighs to himself. Today was a good day; there were only two of them this time.
