"Stay." My request fell on deaf ears. He had already made up his mind and loving me had provided no motivation for soothing my fears. I hugged the cotton blanket tighter around myself. Not sure if it was to keep myself warm or to contain the pain that yanked at my chest. In that moment I watched him disappear out the door and I was left alone in the silence with bitter thoughts. Why couldn't I just be honest with myself? I needed him. Sitting upright, I finally managed to move again. My bones ached. Muscles tightened as I dragged the sheets along with me, wearing it almost like a wedding dress. Watching the groom escape into his black car and peel out of the driveway.
I'm Riley, I'm not anything to be admired or desired. My job is intimidating to some men, usually the ones that are super fishy. The man that just left my house is my childhood best friend Trevor. The guy I've been undoubtedly in love with since I could walk and talk and communicate that I wanted juice and not milk. I never could have imagined that we would become secret lovers. I didn't mind. I told myself that. Another lie I managed to conjure up to secure my emotions.
The phone rang, buzzing erratically. Begging to be answered as quickly as possible. Which I did after the fourth ring. A strong, broken voice rang out over the speaker. "There's been an accident. I'm so sorry." I knew. My gaze flickered regrettably towards the balcony glass doors. Hot pain torn through me, vengeful and angry. Trevor had been drunk when he left here. The cold rain providing the perfect hydroplane and his car ended up wrapped around a tree. He died on impact.
Time was so blurry, the funeral left me surrounded by strangers. Coming back to Honey Oak Baye was for Trevor. It was the only reason I returned. He was my only reason for being here and now that had imploded and exploded. People offered their sorrows, but I felt numb as if it was some sick nightmare. Begging to wake up. After the funeral, I stopped into the local bar. Mac Johnson had taken over for his dad. His expression dropped as soon as I stumbled through the double doors.
The once loud and boisterous Mac was quiet for once, sympathetic and boy could he read my mind like an open book. He didn't ask, just poured me a whiskey with cherry cream soda. He knew. More whiskey than soda though. "I'm sorry about Trev." I raised my glass and quickly downed the drink. Sliding it to him. He refilled without complaint.
As my gaze lingered, it hadn't changed. As kids, Trevor and I would meet Mac and Vanessa here every Saturday for the dinner specials and the best cream soda in town. Mac and Vanessa were now married with twin girls and a little boy on the way.
"Your dad would be proud. You kept his memory and his dream for this place intact. Thank you for what you said. I'm still baffled." This place had brought back wonderful memories along with the broken, depressing ones. Here I sat, downing one drink after another. Until my own thoughts and feelings became inadequate. I just smiled, running my fingers along the shape of the cross necklace he gave me as a fifteen-year-old.
Tomorrow I'll return home on a train, and I'll dive back into work with no regards to my emotions or feelings. Pushing through another rough patch in my unstable and uneven life.
"Thanks for the drinks, Mac, I'll catch you later." With that, I paid and left. Even though he tried refusing my money. I didn't want the sympathy or the pity. Regardless of how hurt I felt. My world had fallen apart. Returning to my hotel room, I let my knees buckle and my body kneel at the bed. Whaling and falling part. Sheets and carpet forever stained by the tears that fell rapidly from my chin. I'd survive this, just like when my heart had been first broken by Scott Rogers. I'll pull myself through this.
The return home seemed endless. Coworkers welcomed me home; my mother was glad to have me back under such unfortunate circumstances. In a way, I was happy to be home too. I just leaned fully into her and that familiar vanilla sugar perfume brought me the comfort I never knew I needed. "Thanks..." My words were limited, but she understood how grateful I was. She didn't push forward or interrogate me. Her fingers combed through my auburn hair, her lips humming my childhood song through my ear.
I could fall asleep, but I didn't. I just listened. It was the soft screech of the door opening that woke me from the trance and I quickly leaned away. My eyes locked onto the creaking door, and it was the figure that stood there, which stopped my breath. Jeremy, Trevor's older brother. My voice caught in my throat and my expression went from pale to tomato red in under a minute. Oh...My...How you have grown...I didn't let those words escape me.
It was then that I realized, I think I'll be alright.
