Hello my friends,

Our world has been turned upside down in the last few years. Are these happenings natural? Coincidence? Just bad luck? Or could this all be part of some nefarious plan as some believe? Strange and mysterious occurrences have swept the land. UFO sightings have exploded, mysterious fog, impossible weather events and the most disturbing of all, cat videos. Yes, things we never believed were possible. I’ve tried to convince myself it’s all normal everyday clutter bleeding through the matrix but now I know there’s way more to it. I wondered at first, is it all real or my imagination? I know for sure now, there’s no question. I mean seriously, where are these cat videos coming from, come on!

Sometimes you hear rumors on the wind. Whispers in the night. Tales of someone or something lurking in the shadows. But what you ask? Late one night while I was doing research, attempting to find stories that are even dumber than the ones I write. I stumbled across what can only be unimpeachable proof. The answer is madness but It’s the only thing that explains all of it. I couldn't believe it at first but as I pondered, as I contemplated, I began to see the truth for what it is. Now I understand. What is it you ask? Well, the strange and unmistakable truth is… it’s zombie hookers.

Now I know it sounds far-fetched but I can’t change the truth. What else explains any of it except zombie hookers. What can cause extreme weather, strange fog and draw UFOs like a moth to a candle? Yes! Of course! Zombie hookers. Why didn’t we see this before? We’ve been asleep at the wheel and now our very lives are in peril. All because of zombie hookers. Think about it. Cat videos… thousands of them. There’s not a sick bastard on the planet that could have thought that up. Only zombie hookers!

I don’t know the answer to our problem.

I don’t know how to put a stop to all this madness.

All I do know is the cause is nothing less than, zombie hookers

I’m trying to get this information out to everyone as fast as I possibly can. It’s up to you, the last rational people on earth to save us. I hope, with your experience and expertise, you can stop this zombie menace before it’s too late. Now that you know the true cause of all this lunacy in our land, I pray you can devise a solution. I must concede, I’ve tried, but my feeble intelligence is no match when confronted with zombie hookers. The government may be in on it. If anybody knows about zombie hookers it’s the current administration but they’ve remained silent. You, my friends, are our world's only hope.

May god be with you.

And please do something about those damn cat videos while you’re at it. I mean really.

The End

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