Why am I here? I see others that go. A few come back but not many. There are two ways that they leave, one that goes out the front and one out the back. The front is good. You can hear people laughing sometimes, and everyone gets excited. Pups almost always go out that way. My best friend left days ago and I don't have any idea where or why. Maybe the little girl has him. I remember her. She was the only person who ever looked at me with that soft look in her eyes. When she came and got me I was so happy and thought, I finally have a job - to go with this little girl!
I knew what to do. They took me to a real house, and I claimed the area so everyone else would know this was ours. I never knew how to act, but I was learning. There were a few things that didn't fit in, so I moved them. At first it was a little funny because the big ones laughed and moved things back, but little by little, they stopped laughing. It was ok, because the little girl would make up for it. I didn't let anything happen to her, and when we went outside; I even told the neighborhood not to mess around over here. The big ones started arguing, then yelling. What was it they wanted? I tried harder and moved more stuff around and chewed up a shoe that had a bad smell on it. One day they were yelling at the little girl and I wanted them to stop, and growled a little. They put me in the car and left me there. I didn't hurt anyone, but they didn't see me. They just saw the things on that bright noise-box that they always look at. I could hear the little girl crying in her room.
The next day the big ones took me back. It was awful, and it smelled worse than I remembered. They didn't even put me in my spot, but in another one. Where is Petey? This was his spot. Maybe the little girl has him now. I hope so. Why don't they ever come back to visit?
A new batch of puppies came in today and already two of them went out the front. People are looking at them, even the little sick one.
The back way out is a mystery, but it can't be good. They never come back, and when they leave the big ones here are stone-faced and quiet. There are some strange noises out there, and a truck. You always know the truck when the truck is coming, because Ivan goes crazy. He barks and barks and won't stop. Maybe that's where the elders go. They don't seem to stay here as long, and they almost always go out the back way. Even Daisy and Lulu who were saints and never said boo to anyone went out there. I wonder where they are. It's getting harder to watch some of us fade away, so maybe I just won't pay attention to the comings and goings anymore. Maybe it's better to not be seen and just pretend I'm not here.
Ginger and Bear left today, and they went out the back. Ivan barked and barked, and they looked like they knew something but I don't know...
A woman came in and looked at me today like I was good, but I kind of ignored her just in case. She smelled like outside and sunshine! If she comes back maybe I will wag my tail.
The woman came back today and brought me a toy! I wagged my tail a little, but I didn't look at her too much. I hope she comes back.
She's back again, and the people here are all acting happy! I'm getting a bath, and it's not too bad. I hope I am getting out, but not sure. I do know one thing: if I get out I am never coming back.
We are going out the front. I want to say goodbye to the others, but I can't look in their eyes. Ivan is not barking.
Where are we going? It is so noisy around here. I love all the smells, but I'm not sure how to act this time. I will play it by ear. The woman is patting me and talking to me like the little girl used to, but I don't know if I want to go in. Where is everyone? There are other dog smells here. Are we going into another cement house like I just left? I miss my friends. I think I just heard the little girl across the street!
It's so loud here I can't think straight, and then there are long stretches that get so quiet I wish it was noisy again. The woman is nice, but I wonder what she wants? I need a job. I'll have to see if that was the little girl across the street.
I'm outside! There is a yard and a fence and all kinds of things to check out. Cars, cars, and more cars are whizzing by just outside the fence.
We're going for a walk, and it's a little weird, but ok. She tells me to "stop pulling", but I want to see if the little girl is where I heard her earlier.
A car rear-ends another, and I'm off like a shot. She's yelling something and it sounds just like the big ones with the little girl. Where is that little girl? Through two yards and into a patch of woods. No little girl, and here comes the woman yelling something. I don't know what I should do. Does she want me to come back, or is she mad? Better keep some space and find the little girl, or my friends.
It’s getting dark, and I'm tired. I haven't done much walking lately. I'll look for a place to hide, but it is very weird out here. Hungry. My leash is caught in some kind of stinky bush, but it doesn't take too long to chew it.
I have heard big ones calling a name, but it's not mine. Better keep looking. I cut my paw on some glass today and it hurts. I can smell food, maybe I can get some.
No little girl, but I am confused. Where am I supposed to be? Sometimes a big one will see me and stop and try to call me, but they might want to take me somewhere, so I run. A man holding some kind of stick wanted to feed me, but it didn't seem right, so I took off again. I have seen a cage with food in it, but it smells like fear and wild animals, and I don't want to be in a cage again. My paw is sore.
The town scares me with all the noise, and the woods scare me with the animals and the quiet. I control my fears now only by changing my location as needed, eating and drinking along the way. I can't trust anyone.
A few weeks, and I am getting used to it. I see fewer big ones, and I am getting better at finding food. It's easier moving at night and safer to sleep during the day. Really getting big one-shy now that I can feed myself. There is a man, though, that leaves me food behind a building. I don't trust him even though his voice is always calm. There is a blanket and water there too.
The food and blanket keep moving a little closer to the building every few days, but I eat at night and don't see him except when he comes out in the morning as I leave.
The stuff is on the porch now, but it is ok, I still leave at dawn. The man doesn't seem to mind me being there, and doesn't yell like the others. It is getting colder at night, and there is a bed that doesn't smell on the porch. I hear faint noises in the house before I leave mornings and feel like he's watching, but at a distance. The noises change and some sound familiar.
One morning I hear a little girl's voice! It can't be her, but I wonder and look around a bit before I leave. I hear her voice again the next day and can't stop the little bark getting out. Her voice is there again the next day and again the next. I am staying longer and getting there earlier just to hear it.
This morning the little girl is there. She is different, but has that look in her eyes that I remember. I lie down against her legs and just melt. I know now what I've been looking for, and although I'm still leery, I feel like I am finally home.