I sat quietly on my steel chair. A small single light illuminating my spot making it look like I have my own spotlight. Caressing my bloody hands handcuffed on the table. I glanced at the glassed window knowing they’re on the other side even if I can’t see them. I can sense their judging eyes on me. They think I’m some psycho at my state. I could be but they don’t know me. They don’t know my story.
The door opened and entered Officer Jacobs. He had a poker face on but his eyes didn’t hide his true emotions. In his eyes, I’m a troublemaker; a criminal. That’s how everybody in this town portrayed me. That’s the way he wanted.
He sat across of me and sighed deeply. “Hi, Laurel.”
I didn’t respond. My eyes remained on my bloody hands. For me, we’re beyond pleasantries given with my situation.
“Alright... do you know why you’re here, Laurel?” he asked.
I raised my eyes towards him. My face void with emotions. I can’t believe he’s really asking me that. Regardless, I nodded at him.
“I did something bad.” I murmured.
“Laurel, the word bad doesn’t define what you did. This isn’t like stealing a piece of candy and just get a slap on the hand. You did a serious crime here. I hope you understand the gravity of your actions.”
I remained silent. If I answer him, I know he wouldn’t like my answer. He’ll never understand. Nobody does.
“You even traumatized Mrs. Johnson.” he continued on. “You’ve scarred that poor old woman. She’s gonna need therapy now after what you did. What happened to you, Laurel? You weren’t like this. You used—”
“Were you there?” I cut him off.
“What?” he looks at me confusedly.
“Were you there when I was born? Were you there when I was growing up? Were you there at my house?”
“No, but—”
“Then, you don’t know what I was like. So, don’t act like you know me.”
“Don’t you sass me. I’m being serious.”
“So am I.”
Officer Jacobs pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why, Laurel? Why did you kill your dad?”
“He’s not my dad!” I snapped angrily. “My real dad is six feet under the ground!”
“Okay, let me rephrase it. You killed your stepdad; the chief of police. You killed a good man!”
“He’s not a good man! You don’t know the horrible things he’s done to me.” I sobbed at the end. Memories began to flash in my mind. Every single thing he did to me played in my brain like a broken record. My hands trembled in fear. “You don’t know. No matter how much I try... you... I’ve no choice.” Harsh tears ran down my face. All the emotions that I’ve sealed shut, broke out. I’ve shown this man in front of me my vulnerability.
“What do you mean?” his eyes softened when he saw me broke down. “What did he do, Laurel?”
I laughed humorlessly. “I think the better question is officer, ‘What hasn’t he done?’”
“Tell me everything ‘til the last detail.”
I wiped my tears with my shoulder and calmed myself. I set my eyes on him and told him everything.
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It all started when my dad died. Cancer killed him. I remember mom crying at his funeral while I was hugging the teddy bear my dad gave to me for my fifth birthday. The last birthday I celebrated with him. Mom was devastated she lost her husband and best friend. They were those lucky high school sweethearts who ended up getting married.
Mom became depressed and locked herself in their room. She would repeatedly call my dad’s phone just to hear his voicemail. Mom forgot about me. She forgot I was grieving too. Every night I would call out to her from my bed but she never came. I was left to deal with my emotions on my own.
My aunt came to visit and saw my mom’s state. She wasn’t happy seeing her sister that way so she stayed with us for a the time being until mom was okay. My aunt took really good care of us especially me. I felt that she was more of a mom to me than my own.
Soon, mom recovered and was back on her feet but she became different. She acted like I don’t exist. Mom was no longer loving and warm towards me. She saw me like I was a boarder. My aunt didn’t like how mom turned out and would occasionally reprimand her but she doesn’t listen.
I was lonely went my aunt left. She would call every night just to ask how my day was or if I already ate dinner. I honestly wish she took me with her.
When I turned thirteen, I was doing my homework in the living room. Mom came home and brought someone with her. It was John. She hugged me and introduced us. My first impression of John was he looked nice and also cool since he’s the chief of police. He acted nice too. John was a charmer and he knew that. Mom was smitten and I was happy for a moment. I thought John would change Mom and he could be my stepdad. So, he did. They got married and he moved in with us. Everything was going great until he showed us his true colors.
John was a good actor. He showed everybody in the station and in town how much of a nice guy he is. When he comes home, that’s where he takes off his mask. He’s a very angry man and abusive. Every night he would beat up mom for talking back at him or if she did something wrong in his eyes. I also get a beating from him even though I didn’t do anything wrong. For him, Mom’s fault is also my fault. John would beat us up in the basement so that no one could hear us. He changed our home phone number to stop my aunt from calling. It was hell whenever his home.
School was my small escape. I get to breathe for a moment. I get to be away from him just for a little while.
Then, one morning I woke up by someone grabbing me by the hair. John barged into my room and slapped my face. He asked me where my mom went and I told him I don’t know. It angered him even more and started to beat me up.
I later found out mom ran away. She drugged his drink and was knocked out. Her closet was empty and she took all his money from his wallet. I cried in front of her closet. She was gone. Mom left me behind with him. She didn’t take me with her. How can a mother leave her child with a monster?
I received all the beatings. It was a pain going to school. John made sure not to touch my face so that no one will know and he made me wear a jacket or a sweater to hide the scars and bruises.
I couldn’t take it anymore. So, while he was fast asleep on the couch, I got out of the house and went to the police station. I reported him and hoped they could help me. Officer Monroe listened and told me to come with him. He led me to his police car and we rode back to the house. I thought he was going to arrest John and locked him up forever but I was wrong.
John opened the door and thanked him for bringing me home. Officer Monroe turned to me and spoke. “Laurel, I know that you’re a good kid but just because chief raised his voice at you doesn’t mean he’s bad.”
I was breathing heavily and didn’t understand what he was saying. He continued on. “He was just worried about you. You keep on getting in trouble and you’re only hurting yourself. I know it’s been hard since your mom left but—”
I began to cry and clutched onto his arm. I begged him to believe me and repeatedly said he was a horrible guy. He didn’t listen. John pulled me off him and said goodbye. He made sure he left before he could hurt me. When he left, John dragged me by the hair and went down the basement. He beat me up ‘til I black out.
At the age of fifteen, John did the most horrible thing to me. I was lying on my bed when he came to my room. My body shook in fear when I saw him standing by the door, drunk. He groggily walked up to my bed and sat down. John grazed my arm and I moved away from him. He didn’t like it so he pulled me by the arm towards him. Then, he started complimenting me how pretty I was and how much I’ve grown into a woman. I felt uncomfortable of how close we were.
John suddenly kissed my cheek and slowly went down to my neck. I tried to push him away but he was too strong. He started to touch me and I cried for help. He covered my mouth and pushed me down the bed. I kept on screaming and begging him to stop but he didn’t. At that moment, I wished he would beat me up like he used to. John took my virginity.
The beatings continued on and he would rape me right after. I tried to report him again but no one believed me. I also tried to run away but he would always catch me with the help of his police buddies. Because of that, we stay in the basement until morning came. He would go to work afterwards while I was left on the ground; naked. My body was tired from being used so I skipped school.
I hugged my knees and cried. He broke me and I couldn’t live like that anymore. I slowly stood up and walked up the basement stairs. I made my way to the bathroom and saw my reflection on the mirror. My face was bruised, my bottom lip was cut and my shirt was ripped. Mixed emotions stirred inside of me. I didn’t hold back and punched the mirror. It broke and I hurt my hand but it doesn’t compare with the pain I’ve went through. I took a shard glass and decided to end my life. The glass touched my skin and my hands shook but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have the guts. I threw the glass at the wall and cried on the floor.
I stood up from the floor and walked mindlessly down the stairs towards the kitchen. I needed to make John’s dinner. A few minutes later, John came home. He came into the kitchen while I was chopping some vegetables. He grabbed a can of beer and went to the living room but not before giving me a smack on the butt. I clutched the knife tighter and continued on chopping the vegetable while he was watching a game on the TV.
Furiously, I chopped the vegetable and accidentally cut myself. I hissed in pain and washed it off. My eyes trained on the knife and something clicked in my brain. I turned to see John sitting on dad’s recliner; he’s back facing me. I stared down the knife once more and grabbed it. Slowly, I crept quietly towards John. He didn’t realize I was already behind him. He was too busy cussing the TV.
I quickly sliced his neck from behind. Blood spurted out and he began to make choking sounds. He fell down the floor and crawled away from the chair. He faced me and for the first time I saw fear in his eyes. John frantically waved his hand at me while his other hand was trying to stop his bleeding neck. I took the opportunity of his weak state and stabbed him. Over and over again. I poured all my hurt, pain and anger. I wanted him to feel my pain. The pain he inflicted on me.
I continued on stabbing him and didn’t know John left the front door unlock. I heard a loud scream behind me. Turning my head, I saw Mrs. Johnson’s horrified face. I stood up and she ran out of the door calling help from our neighbors. Glancing back at John, he had his eyes wide open and no longer breathing. For the first time in my life, I smiled.
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Officer Jacobs was silent after I finished my story. I stared back at him and waited. He sighed deeply and spoke. “I find it hard to believe.”
“That’s what they all say.” I nodded.
A knock interrupted our interrogation. Officer Monroe came in and he had a folder in his hand. He gave it to him and opened the file. The two of them read it and stared back at me. Both officers had guilt and sorrow on their faces. Well, it’s too late for that.
“I have a question,” I began. I glanced at the glassed window and set my eyes on the officers again. “In my story, who’s the criminal?”
