It's been two years since Mart�n and I got married, and every day I found myself loving him even more. He was a devoted and patient husband who never missed an opportunity to surprise me with gifts. I also cherished his meticulous attention to every detail of mine. I was his priority, and in the years we've been together, he had become my confidant. I've always wondered what my life would've been without him. We connected and understood one another.

However, our marriage hasn't always been smooth sailing within these years. We encountered marital problems like any other couple, but resolved them amicably. Aside from these, I've been dealing with something which has affected me emotionally and it has left me asking myself questions. Yet, the only answer I could come up with was, "It's my first time. There's no need to rush, Victoria."

But did it ever work? No. I kept telling myself, "It was going be okay. I'm not the first woman to go through this, and I have forever to make this happen." Yet, I wasn't okay. I had to live every day of my life masking the pain I felt with a smile on my face. Despite it all, Mart�n never left my side.

However, this situation has caused me to have strange thoughts lately. It has kept me on the edge for quite some time now and I feel that, my marriage would be at stake if I sat back and let another year go by without doing anything about it.

So, the issue was that, Martin and I have been trying to have a baby for two years now, and yet we couldn't. I kept wondering why it was impossible for us to have one. Onetime, Martin insisted that we took a break from trying to have a baby and focus on our marriage and jobs. He was right, but I didn't want that. I just wanted to be pregnant. My job was the least of my concerns and our marriage was fine. I also insisted that we tried for the last time, and if it came out negative, we'd have to consult a doctor about it. Thankfully, he agreed.

So, here I was again, in the washroom testing myself with a pregnancy kit while Mart�n stood on the other side of the door waiting for me. Today happened to be the third time I was doing this in two years. I tend to get anxious whenever I have to use a pregnancy kit and this time around, it was no different. However, Martin's presence and reassuring words made me feel a bit relaxed.

I stepped out of the washroom with the pregnancy test kit in my hand. I placed it on the marble counter and turned to Mart�n. I told him to check the pregnancy test kit when the time was up since I couldn't do it. I have had two negative results and I wanted this to be the last. My heart was thumping loudly against my chest. The only thing I could do now was to take deep breaths while I wished for a positive result. Mart�n closed the distance between us, planting a lingering kiss on my head.

"It's going to be fine," he said.

"Okay," I murmured.

I stepped away from his embrace, creating a distance between us. I didn't want to see the pregnancy test kit when it read, 'Pregnant' or 'Not Pregnant'. We have to wait for about five minutes before Mart�n checked it. I couldn't even stand still. I was pacing back-and-forth while Mart�n stood there watching me. He knew he couldn't do anything at this moment to keep me calm.

I've been desperate for two years. Suddenly, I came to a halt when the timer chimed. It's time. My eyes met Mart�n's and he gave me that reassuring smile whenever it was time to check the pregnancy test kit. As he turned away from me, I could easily make out his facial expression through the mirror. He picked the pregnancy test kit and stared at it. Mart�n had a neutral expression on his face. He lifted his eyes to meet mine and we stared at each other through the mirror.

"Say something, Mart�n." His silence was killing me.

He placed it on the counter. "I can't do it."

"Why?"

"Because I need you to see it. I don't think I can do this without you."

"No." I didn't want to see it. I just wanted him to say it.

"Babe, please. Let's do this together."

"But you've already seen it, Mart�n. Just say it."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because it's ...it's --"

"It's what, Mart�n?!"

He picked the pregnancy test kit, walked to me, and said softly, "Take it."

I stared at the pregnancy test kit in his hand, but I couldn't see the result. I wished he had turned it on the other side making it easier for me to get over with this. My hand slowly reached out to take it and when I had it in my grasp, I couldn't wait any longer. It was either now or never. As I gently turned it on the other side, it almost felt as if the world had come to a standstill.

A soft gasp erupted from my lips as tears welled up in my eyes. I simply couldn't take my eyes off the words on the pregnancy test kit. I felt Mart�n's warm hands on my face, but his touch did nothing to soothe the pain that was burning in my heart. My teary eyes averted from the pregnancy test kit to Mart�n's grey orbs which reflected the pain I felt. When he drew me into his arms, I cried. Two years of trying and we still ended up with the same result.

"We can still try again if you want, " Mart�n said.

I pulled away from him. "I don't want to try again, Mart�n! I'm tired of trying when we don't even know why we can't have a baby. It's been two years, Mart�n! Two years of trying to have a baby, yet nothing seems to change. I'm tired. I'm tired." my voice cracked as the tears kept rolling down my face.

I turned and walked towards the counter, dropping the pregnancy test kit in the trash can. There goes another. This was the third pregnancy test kit I've discarded within two years, but I have already made a mental note that, this will be the last.

"We will figure things out." Mart�n's strong arms snaked around my waist, his chin resting on my shoulder.

I turned in his arms and looked at him in the eye. I didn't want to do this anymore. I needed answers. I wiped my tears and said, "We need to go to the hospital, Mart�n. We've been trying, but nothing seems to work. I can't wait for another month or two before we do this again. At least, we need some answers as to why this is happening before we take the next step."

Mart�n stepped away from me and said, "Why do we need to go to the hospital? Yes, I understand that we've been trying to have a baby for two years, but there's no need for us to rush into anything. What if it's not our time to have a baby?"

My brows furrowed. Why would he even say that?

"What're you saying? I thought you had agreed to go the hospital with me when it came out negative again."

He nodded. "Yes, I did, but--"

"But what, Mart�n? Are you trying to tell me you're okay with what's going on?" I questioned.

He ran his fingers through his dark hair which looked messy since I had woken him up, so that I could test myself again. For the past few weeks, I've been feeling nauseous and tired, so I took that as my cue to take a pregnancy test.

"I'm not okay. I just think we need to take a break from all this. It's taking a toll on you, and I don't want it to affect our marriage."

"Why would this affect our marriage? Our marriage is fine," I told him.

That was the truth. Martin and I rarely argued about anything. Our relationship only grew stronger every time and I wondered why he would think to say that.

"I don't think so, Victoria."

I frowned. Mart�n has never addressed me by my first name unless it has to deal with a delicate matter, and to be honest, I didn't like the sound of that. I decided to lean against the counter since this conversation was about to get way more serious than I had thought it would be.

"Is there something I need to know?" I questioned.

He hummed a response.

"What's it, Mart�n?" I stared at him intently, crossing my arms over my chest.

He looked me in the eye and said, "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I also feel this might come out rudely."

"Can you just go straight to the point?"

His gaze lowered. "It has changed, Victoria." his eyes lifted to meet mine. "Sex with you has changed. It feels like a chore now and it's...it's getting boring."

What? Did he just say that? Or I heard something else? I chose to keep silent and listen to the words that followed afterwards.

"I'm sorry, but that's the truth. Ever since you discarded the second pregnancy test kit, you've changed. We only had sex when you felt like it. You cared about me pleasuring you and not the other way round. We no longer enjoyed our intimate time because your goal was just to get pregnant. But that is not what I want, Victoria. Why should we always have sex with the thought of having a baby?

"After our honeymoon, we've not even had a break to travel and relax. I'm constantly stressing my ass off at work and when I come home, my wife only wants to have sex with me because she wants to get pregnant!" he sighed. "I know how much you want to be a Mom, Victoria, but what about me? Have you ever considered my feelings for once? When you cried, I was there for you. I've always been there for you, Victoria, but I guess you want to do this alone. If this marriage is solely about you desperately sleeping with me to have a baby, then, I'm sorry. I can't do it anymore."

I haven't seen this side of Mart�n before and I felt terrible. I didn't think about my husband's feelings and it made me realize how wrong I've been all this while. My desire to have a baby almost caused my marriage to hit rock bottom without my knowledge. As a wife, I have only one job to do in this marriage and I failed. Mart�n never complained about anything I did since he wanted to see me happy. Yet, I took his feelings for granted and I regret it.

"I'm sorry," I said. I was sorry for neglecting his feelings. I was sorry for not being the wife I had to be to him. I was sorry for not appreciating him enough, and lastly, I was sorry for being a bitch.

"It's alright."

"No, Mart�n." I walked over to him. "You endured all these for the sake of my happiness while I forgot about what this marriage stood for. I... I thought it took a baby to keep a marriage."

"Why would you even assume that?" a puzzled look marred his face.

"Because that's what people are getting married for, and if they aren't able to have them, the society frowns upon such family and I didn't want that. I didn't want that from my mom, my sister or from anyone who knew us. I had wanted to have a baby so badly to the point that, I neglected your feelings and I'm sorry." Tears welled up in my eyes. "I-I was scared. I was scared you'd pack your things and leave me." my voice cracked.

Mart�n drew me into his arms. "I'm never going to leave you, Victoria and that's a promise. You know what?" he pulled away and cupped my cheeks. "I wouldn't care if you can't have a child. I married you because I love you. I love the beautiful, pure heart you have and every day, I'm grateful I met you. You're the best thing to have happened to me and I wouldn't want to lose this. I'm happier with you and nothing will ever change that."

My heart soared at his words. Mart�n was just everything I wanted in a man. He was the best gift the universe gave to me and I'm so glad he's all mine.

"I love you, Mart�n."

A beautiful smile graced his lips as he stared at me with so much love. " I love you too." he kissed my head.

"How about we start this all over again?" I murmured, my voice low and sultry. I trailed kisses along his jawline as my hand caressed his perfectly toned body. I let my hand travel south, bit my lower lip as I felt my palm touch his growing bulge. Damn. He's so responsive to my touch.

Mart�n gently leaned in and whispered into my ear. "Let's not waste any more time then."

His deep husky voice almost left me breathless. When he pulled back to look at me, his beautiful eyes swirled with nothing, but mischief and desire. This man will be the death of me. Without wasting a second, his mouth captured mine hungrily.

I don't think I can ever get enough of his touch, his kisses, and the way he pleased me till I came. After that day, our sex life got better. It almost felt as if we've been sex deprived for years. We lived our lives like we should as a married couple.

We loved and enjoyed every intimate moment without the thought of doing it to have a baby. The most important thing was that, we loved and trusted each other and we get to decide when or what to do without neglecting the feelings of the other or caring about what others thought about us. This was our marriage and it was always going to be us against the world.