I have always been one of those people who are a bit, well... dopey. I`m the kind of person who is late in work one day because somehow my shoelace has been lost and I had to spend ages looking for it, only to discover that it has been stolen by the cat. Why? I have no idea, because no man could ever fathom the mind of a cat (I honestly don`t even know why I got a cat in the first place). So, momentarily distracted, I rush to the nearest shop to get a shoelace, tripping up on my loose shoe on the way there. I then have a dilemma- the shop only sells shoelaces in packs of four. Somehow all their packs of two shoelaces have been sold out and that is not the kind of thing you would think would be sold out. Anyway, a set of four shoelaces is rather an investment for me. You see, I have to balance any purchase of an item I shall need over a long term with how far into that long term I shall lose the item and inevitably replace it. Even with the cat`s new appetite, I doubt I shall get the full use of four shoelaces before I put them in a silly place and have to buy new, new shoelaces.
So it was that I found myself running to catch the last viable bus to get to work in an awkward manner so as to not trip. This leads to me being slower than usual and, just as I get to the doors, they close. I looked pleadingly at the bus driver, and I swear he moved his head like he was laughing as the bus pulled away without me. Asshole! Now the next available bus is in 25 minutes. Not enough time to go home and do anything, but an annoying amount of time to have to wait. I did not get enough sleep last night either, because I ended up dropping a plate on the ground then obsessing over cleaning the area- I have a slight fear of sharp objects and I spent nearly half an hour massaging that urge. Then there was extra work to do which took longer than expected and ugh! It was just one of those days/nights/incredibly early mornings where everything seems far too complex.
I did not even feel my eyes getting heavier as I sat there with my earphones in, but somehow, just as one of my favourite songs came on, I fell asleep. Waking up, I shook myself, terrified that I had missed the bus and berating myself. Even I was not normally this bad. Looking, the little electronic sign told me the bus was DUE. This could mean anything. I might have just woken up at exactly the right time, or (scarily) I could have been lying here for an hour and the bus might just be incredibly late. Still, I got ready to go, bus card in hand. As I waited, my mind went on one of its characteristic drifts through the most irrelevant parts of my memory. I kept thinking about the news reports and all the hype there had been in the last few days about `The Rapture`, the great religious event where all sinners would perish and all of the Christian gods faithful followers would be taken to heaven. I had treated the whole event with casual interest but I had no real belief the world was going to end today like everyone said. There had been lots of loud shouty men with bibles in their hand wandering around the main road all week. To tell the truth they were much more interesting than the usual Big Issue sellers and charity collectors. In fact, they had not even been around. Maybe they realized they could never compete with these preachers in annoyingness or interestingness. I was not a member of any church however and believed little of what was being said.
The bus really was taking a long time to arrive, but this service was notoriously bad. The driver had once used the excuse of a `tree on the line`. How does that even happen when you are on roads? Surely there was some way around it. One day, the bus had been 30 minutes late and he had heard the driver on his phone outside laughing to a friend about how he had just slept in. At least that man was honest with himself. The longer I had to wait here, the more I kept thinking about this whole rapture thing. If it was going to happen, it was an incredibly unfair premise. For starters, I was going to hell to be eternally tormented because I did not believe in some stories which were largely proven to have been made up by some 10th century monks. That wasn`t really very fair I thought. Although I was a clumsy person, I always tried to be a good person in my own way. It was at this point I looked at the bus times board again. The bus was still listed as DUE, but this time I noticed something different- the clock on the board stated it was 14:50. Thinking there must have been an issue with it, I checked my own phone and no, it confirmed the time. The time was 14:50. Somehow I had slept for 5 hours at this bus stop. I must have been more tired than I thought. Then I wondered why this bus was still due. It would surely have been cancelled by now. And on top of that, where were the other busses? And why hadn`t I received an angry call from work? This was the start of the strangest period of my life.
All day I tried to find out what was going on. I phoned my work, ready with an apologetic tone, and a fake couch, but there was no answer. I phoned up my workmates to see if something was wrong. Still no answers. I eventually decided I would have to walk home and deal with work tomorrow. My mind fancied as I started on the walk that the rapture really had happened. However... It would explain the streets being entirely empty of people, and the shops being desolate. I was just about to leave one of these shops when I started to panic. What was going on? And, if the rapture was what was going on, where was everyone? Had they all been taken? And, thinking of that, why had I not been dragged to hell? Not that I was missing it, but it seemed odd I had been passed over. Then I remembered something even more panicking. The rapture was supposed to come at midday today. That was the time I had been asleep. Later on, from some texts I had on my phone from roughly 12 from relatives and friends who were upset, thrilled, terrified, wanting to check up on me (I never replied to his texts) and asking me to come to heaven, I pieced it together. The rapture had come while I had been sleeping and listening to loud music. I had slept through the rapture.
Well... This was awkward...