Is life worth living? - It seems so pointless. My existence hasn't had any important impact on the world, its future, nor changed anything for the better for anyone.
I'm a failure. I'm annoying, a burden. I'm a disappointment, through and through.
My parents didn't want me, always said that I ruined their lives and that they wish I was never born to begin with. I too think that it would've been for the better if I was just never brought into this world in the first place.
It's crazy to think about the fact that with just a few simple steps my life could be over. Just like that. All my worries, all my concerns and all my pain could be gone, forever.
But then it would be the end. I wouldn't be able to go back, to correct or change my decision. It would be final. And I mean, I only have this life.
But this life is difficult. It would be so much easier to just?let go, right?
There's nothing that makes my life livable. I don't have friends. My job earns me barely enough money to afford a 'standard' living situation. My apartment is shabby and all kinds of animals crawl around there. I'm also tired all the time no matter how much I sleep or rest. I'm miserable.
Some have it worse. I should be grateful for whatever I can get. So many people die every day and so many of them didn't even have a chance to change their fate. Would I be proud to be someone who didn't even try to find joy in anything that life has to offer? Someone who didn't try to change things somehow, not even a little bit??
??..
It's really quiet around here. The only sound disturbing this silence are my shoes pressing down on the little stones, causing soft crunching noises.
I also can't really see much because of the dense fog clouding the air. My eyes can only hardly make out where the gravel path is leading me.
How long have I been out here for anyway?
I just wanted to go for a quick walk to clear my head - but that didn't really work. Shucks.
I really should stop thinking so much. It only adds more strain on my body and mind.
I just wish there would be a way out of this, out of this life,
without it being the ultimate end of my story.
But that's not possible.
It's either continuing with this skimpy life full of sorrow or not living at all.
Sadly.
I just feel like? Like, I just don't want to live my life.
It feels like everyone around me knows what they're doing - and I'm hanging in the air.
Not knowing what the hell to do.
??
I stop in my tracks, letting out a soft sigh and closing my eyes before lifting my head up and tilting it back. I take a moment to breathe in this fresh, cool and damp air, savoring the feeling of it filling my lungs. A sense of peace washes over me? something I haven't felt in a long time. I slowly open my eyes again, looking up into the clouded sky for another second. Then I drop my head back forward, followed by another soft sigh.
But then something catches my attention, something in the distance, causing me to straighten up kind of automatically.
What is that?
Down the gravel pathway - something is glowing, sparkling, quietly shining. The fog keeps this unfamiliar light source low, but I can for certain say that something's there. I take a careful step forward but soon freeze in my stance. The light starts to brighten. The glow becomes more intense, and it seems like the fog clears in just that area where the strange light is coming from. Or maybe the light is coming closer? No, that can't be right.
Am I hallucinating again? I once imagined that someone was in my room, but that happened because I was lacking so much sleep.
I should turn around. What if it's something bad?
That light looks so beautiful though.
Despite it not being very near, I can feel its warmth.
It feels comforting, peaceful.
It feels like I'm getting pulled towards it, like a moth towards a flame.
??
Without actively realizing, my foot makes a step forward. Followed by another step and then another. Small, tiny steps towards this golden source.
My heart yearns for its warmth. All my worries and concerns are forgotten when I look at that majestic light. It feels so real, so near.
The light has gotten so bright and large now that it seems like it has pushed away all the fog and erased all the sadness and pain from my soul. I feel whole. With a slightly trembling hand, I reach out towards it. But before I was able to touch it, I'm pulled out of my trance and was greeted by - another person?
The sudden reveal startled me, and I quickly take a step back to create some distance. But after further inspection? This person doesn't really look like a normal human. Well, they look like a human, but they have that vibe to them, making them seem angel like. Besides, I can't clearly tell if it's a man or a woman. Furthermore, they're standing right in the middle of this gorgeous light but don't create a shadow. Is the light emerging from them?
Who is that?!
"Good evening." A soft voice rings in my ears, strong yet soothing at the same time. I was looking at their face the entire time? So how could they say something without moving their mouth?
"Don't be afraid. Everything is alright now." Their words echo in my mind. The sensation is a little weird but with every syllable they speak my body relaxes more and more.
Who the heck is that?
Should I trust them?
They have a strange vibe.
"Who I am isn't important. What is of importance, is what I can do for you." Their comforting voice rings in my head once again.
Can you hear my thoughts?
Not good.
"I know what you're going through. I understand your misery." Their tone became even gentler, and I could hear their sympathy. I eye this strange person up once more. Their face seems soft, and their long blonde hair falls over their shoulders. A white shirt hangs loosely over their body? and their lower body is hidden by the bright light which also surrounds them entirely.
Though the light isn't so bright that I can't look at them at all, which confuses me a bit.
You don't know anything.
Why should I trust you?
"I came here to give you a chance." Their words surprised me, but at least they seemed sincere, genuine. "Just take my hand and come with me. I promise you, this suffering will end, and your life will be full of hope, joy and fulfilment again." Their proposal echoes in my mind while they're stretching their hand out towards me and gift me a reassuring smile.
This offer is tempting, very tempting.
But how can I be certain that you're not lying?
It's a very generous offer, - But why me?
Why did you choose me out of all people?
They acknowledge my doubts with a short nod. "I understand your concerns about my proposal. But I want you to know that I have no bad intentions and solely want the best for you." They pause for a moment before continuing. "You will find out soon enough why you were chosen." Despite the questionable situation, those words reassure me and even give me some sense of hope.
My eyes slide from their face down to their outstretched hand. I take a second to contemplate about what I should do next.
They seem sincere and I feel hope like never before.
They could be lying.
This could be a trap and I'm walking right into it.
There are two possible outcomes if I believe their words and decide to go with them.
Firstly, it could've all been a lie and this person will lead me to my death.
Or secondly, they're telling the truth, and my life could turn around for the better.
Only one thing is certain: If I don't accept this offer, then I will continue on
with my miserable life.
Am I willing to take this risk?
Then, I made up my mind. I made my final decision. The debate in my mind quiets down. I lift my head and look up at them once again. A gentle smile forming on my lips when my hand slips into theirs. I accept their offer.
Their skin is soft. Once we came in contact, all my worries faded away and utter peace filled my veins. It feels like nothing could go wrong.
A pleased smile lines their lips and their fingers close around mine. They turn around and we start walking, deeper and deeper into the fog.
No matter what happens. No matter where this person leads me -
- I refuse to regret my decision.
I'm certain everything will turn out just fine.
.....
Oh, how wrong I was.
