Tears fell from my eyes creating pools of sadness on the deep brown carpet of the funeral home. I looked up from the carpet lifting my head slowly trying to hide the tomato redness of my eyes. Though we had such a faint relationship I couldn’t help but cry. Not even a week earlier I felt as if his death was my fault. Could I have helped him?
I looked over my shoulder and saw my aunt in a flower dress as she sat sobbing in the sad little velvet chair. My aunt demanded that nobody wear black to the funeral, everyone did nothing but abide by that rule. I thought about asking my aunt if she was okay, but I know it would’ve made everything ten times worse. “He was only four” the funeral director spoke into the microphone. My eyes wandered around the room, I looked at my mom holding her head in her hands as her brackish tears dripped down from the crevices of her palms. My uncle was crying, I had never seen him cry before. My eyes had wandered to the window while the sun blinded me, I managed to see the trees sway in the wind. Rainbows began filling the room flooding in like children to a playground. “Such a nice day for such a sad moment.” I thought to myself while looking at my cousin's preschool teachers walking in the funeral home.
I will never forget the day I received the news of my youngest cousin’s death; it was 6:00 on a Saturday night. I watched as my uncle went up to the altar, he wiped off his tears and spoke into the microphone “During Trevor's life he always thought he was spiderman.” my uncle took a long pause and then said, “All of us, well we of course though he was playing because that’s what kids do, they play.” my uncle stopped talking as tears streamed down his face like a waterfall. “Who knew that our core memory of him would be spiderman” My uncle hid his face while walking off the altar. My aunt walked up onto the altar next, her cries broke everyone’s heart. “I know that I wasn’t the best mother in the world, I wish I could’ve given him the life he deserved. He misbehaved like any child would because he was curious and all I did was scold him. I wish I could’ve been” her words stopped, and her face was shooting out tears like a pistol.
The funeral director finished the funeral with a video of my cousin, and after that everyone began to leave. My cousins' former teachers handed out candy and my siblings and I stocked up on peppermints. Everyone wanted the rest of the day to be happy.
After the funeral, my family went to Trevor's favorite restaurant, Olive Garden. As we arrived and walked into the restaurant the sweet aroma of freshly baked breadsticks filled my nostrils. We got a table and sat in the hard wooden chairs. Waiting for the waiter to come. I laughed “I remember when he would dress up as a power ranger to try and battle me.” All of us laughed, my mom states “I remember how he refused to make any other face than a silly face in photos.” “And I remember how he would get scared at night and try to sneak his way into my bed.” My auntie chuckled, for I could still hear the sadness in her voice. All we have left are memories, and we will cherish them forever. And after all this time if I learned at least one thing from his funeral, it is to spend as much time with my family because I will miss them more while they are gone.
