Why did I do that? Was life so horrible that to jump off the top of the roof will make it better? Will it hurt? Oh God please don’t let it hurt! Praying. Fine time for that. Why didn’t I do that before? What’s the use? It’s done and can’t be changed. But God! I’ve changed my mind! Please put a lake in the middle of the road. Please give me the gift of flight like You did with sparrows. Am I not as worthy as Your smallest creations? Please. Now!
Spinning. What makes a body spin when there is no wind? Oh, I AM the wind. Upside down. I don’t want to land on my head. Now That would hurt. Where are those wings? Turned around. That’s better. If I start running before I land maybe just maybe I can run from the hurt and the pain and get back to life. That’s it. Run!
There I go again, thinking only about myself. Isn’t that what got you here? She will always remember me as the man that ran away from trouble, ran away from her, ran because he was afraid of living. With her. With anyone. But no. It’s not what you think. But that will be my legacy, won’t it? Some are kept alive in history books, some in movies, some in records and many in print. But me? My life will end with a short blurb on the eleven o’clock news or a memo in a newspaper that nobody reads. Again, thinking about me me me. Stop it!
Why is it taking so long? The theory, for what it’s worth, is that a person dies before they hit the ground. Not! Has anyone ever lived to tell? Now there’s an oxymoron for you. A dead man living to tell. Living only to disprove a theory. That could be my legacy! The newscaster will read ” Dead man says he didn’t die before hitting Main Street from the top of a sixty story building. And now for the weather”. Was it so bad? A lot of people make good out of bad situations. Money. It’s all about money. You’re happy when you have it and you jump off the roof when you don’t. Money money money. I had it so what’s the problem? Her? Him? Jobs? Home? Oh God, it wasn’t so bad. Where the hell are those wings? What is taking so long to hit the bottom?
Closer now. I see the people staring, spreading. Getting out of the way of the splatter. My gut, heart and brains will be forever dyed into the asphalt. My legacy “That’s where he hit. See that stain? That was his head.” Me me me. It was always and will always be about me. Oh God! Here I come!
The six o’clock news:
“And now to our roving reporter on the scene of the tragedy. Jim? What are you seeing?“
” As you see, that spot on the road was where he hit head first. Not that it mattered. A fall that far would kill anyone no matter what part of the body hit first. Ugly and terribly sad. I suppose the good news for him is that he would have died long before hitting the hot asphalt.”
“Thank you Jim. And now for the weather. Sally?”