It was getting late enough to be worried. I once again stepped into the balcony and looked down. Except for a drenched street dog that was lying down miserably near the gate, there was not a soul to be seen anywhere. Rain water had puddled under the lamp post. A breeze ruffled the mango tree in the courtyard and a few twigs fell down and broke. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Did I hear a soft knock at the door? I turned back....
It was Arjun.
"Mama, i couldn't sleep. Aditi says no light and i feel frightened when that thing sounds in the sky".
"Come, i will sleep with you today". His eyes sparkled with happiness. He hugged me and we both went to his room. Aditi gave an amused look as i adjusted the blanket and they both sandwiched me with their hugs. Varun hasn't come home still. I looked at my phone, no messages and it was half past twelve.
"He rang up and told he got the prestigious contract that everyone was running for. He will be late because of the celebration and some meetings", i remembered how my mother in-law beamed with joy at the dinner table. "My Varun is the best son a dad could ask", my father in-law's pride could be seen in his eyes.
"He didn't even tell you", my inner self poked me. I stared at the darkness. Arjun put his arm around me while i patted him. When will Varun realize he is also a husband. It's almost 12 years that they have been married. Initially it was fun.. good, but after he took the reigns of his father's company he became busy.
I think it is the right time for you to tell him your decision, my inner self observed. I glanced at the innocent faces on either side of me in the dimly lit bed light. I need to tell him.
****
"What.. have you gone mad?"
He glared at me. He was angry and gave me a disgusting look.
I stood there unnerved.
"What is that you want. You enjoy everything that a woman likes money, a good house, kids".
"Self respect"
"Oh! so who's not treating you well here?"
"I don't want to live here in this house like a piece of furniture you value. But as a friend who you want to speak, respect or at the least realize that she is your wife."
He was trying to understand what i said which i knew he will never ever understand. If he knew how to manage between a wife and his parents, i wouldn't be here looking for the reason for my existence.
"So you want a divorce ?."
"No,i contemplated on it,but i know how your parents value their fame and name in the society and I don't want my kids to get unwanted attention from the society because of our divorce. So i think i am going to live here as a guest."
"What?"
"I am not going to be a wife or a daughter in-law in this house. I am just going to be myself. I am planning to work and will pay you the monthly maintenance of my food and other things. I will stay here as just the mother of my kids."
"You really have become insane. What about?."
I interrupted him, "I have taken this decision Varun. I will see how it works". I shut the door leaving him to introspect.
It was around eleven. I went down to the kitchen. I could hear Varun's parent's voices. They were talking about me in some disrespectful tone and using words that are not speakable. I used to love and have respect for them initially but my mother-in-law's antics made me lose the love, then gradually respect. Now i just live in this house as a robot listening to their commands and doing my household work.
****
"Are you sure about what you are doing Naina", I could see the concern in her voice.
"Yes Rhea, I have been thinking about it for some time."
There was silence. We both were engrossed in our own thoughts. Rhea is my best friend from my growing up days. We were used to share everything from food and dresses to secrets.
"Rhea they won't miss me. I am always an outsider in the house. They don't discuss with me any family matters nor allow me to eat together. It's always the whole family sitting and me serving them and eating alone afterwards. I almost feel like a servant rather than a family member. Married right out of college, i have devoted my full time to them, but it turned out to be in vain" i tried to justify.
"I spoke to Rohan about you and he told me he can try a trainee job for you in his company. You know as you don't have any experience and you are planning to work now after almost 12 years of completing your graduation."
"Yes i know, i just want to get out of the house. Salary and all is not an issue as i have already told you."
"Good and i have asked Rohan to give you time to adjust this new life."
"Thank you so much Rhea. I owe you one"
"Can u come down to my place this weekend. I will formally introduce you to Rohan". listening to Rheas comforting words,I felt reassured.
It's almost a month after my conversation with Rhea. I started working as a trainee proof reader and content writer for a media house run by Rohan. It was a fun job. I am into the fashion section and give updates of the new fashion styles and as a critic write about the style statements of celebrities for the magazine and online content.
I am back to the house by 7PM when Arjun would be waiting for me anxiously. Aditi has taken my new found enthusiasm with flair but Arjun being a bit younger, still tries to cope up. I have neither seen nor spoken to Varun the past month, he might be busy with the new contract and my In-laws didn't want to even see me.
But i was happy with my new found freedom. I took out my jeans and some clothes i was comfortable with and which Varun's parents have banned me from wearing in the house. Being a woman of thirty plus, i knew how to dress with dignity. My office wear mostly included only leggings, trousers or jeans with kurtis and full sleeved tops. I didn't want any unwanted attention and i tried to keep my family away from me. I am Naina Agarwal here rather than the wife of Varun Saxena.
My routine included getting ready with kids, having breakfast with them, saying goodbye to each other while they board their school bus and i my cab. I get home to kids waiting for me and i help them with studies, homework, eat dinner and sleep getting sandwiched between them.
I found the kids enjoying my time with them. They have improved in their studies and are more lively. They talk with their grandparents and behave normal with them.
"Mama, i scored first in my pre mids", Aditi was all beaming when i came home.
"Great ! That needs a celebration."
"Are you going to make gulab jamun", she kept a scornful expression.
Celebration of kids achievements always involved of eating gulab jamuns in the house.
"No we will have pizza. We will go out tomorrow."
"Yay" both of them jumped on me.
Both kids were discussing everything from their school friends to teachers and fights.
I listened to them enthusiastically. It was weekend and i had spare time. We hit out to a movie and are having our lunch now. It was fun. Varun never had the time in the world to take us out and i had to take permissions from his parents who would in turn discuss with Varun when he goes to the office.
Varun could never ever take his own decisions. It had to be with his parents even for petty issues like whether we both could go for a lunch or even to a friend's wedding. He was a Mama's boy.
I transferred around 10,000 rupees to Varun on getting my first salary. I waited for any response or message which was never to come. Actually my salary is a meagre 8000 but i still get allowance from my parents firm where i am a shareholder. Money was never a problem. I haven't told my parents about my decision nor my new found life. Varun's parents were never enthusiastic with my family and so my parents are just cordial with them. It was a Sunday. Kids were playing in the swimming pool and i was keeping an eye on them going through the latest fashion magazine from us. My article about the trends of introducing handloom into the new generation clothing came out good and i got appreciation from all my colleagues. I experienced the same happiness of how Aditi felt when she came first in school.
I sensed a set of eyes on me and turned back. It was Varun. He was watching from our bedroom window on the first floor. I stared at him. There was no anger in his eyes nor the disgusted look etched in my memory of our last encounter. He turned his eyes from me to the kids.
They were enjoying. Sunday's usually had me in the kitchen all day and kids watching TV or playing video games. With the time i am spending on them they began to enjoy the small things in life.
I glanced back to the window. It was closed. My heart felt heavy. I pitied him.
"Naina.. your article on the fashion faux of the leading heroine has got the fashion industry running for cover. It was mind blowing and you have already got a ten thousand likes for the article". Rohan's excitement can be heard from the phone.
I opened the website and really could see the appreciation by the number of likes and comments. One person even congratulated me on my keen observation of the minute details of the dress.
"You are doing great Naina. All the best."
"Thank you Rohan". It was a genuine thank you. Rohan was very supportive in my journey and he guided me in teaching the art of blogging.
"You have hit bullseye with your latest article. It needs celebration". Rohan led my team for a dinner outing.
It was around half past nine that Rohan dropped me at my house. I had already rung up Aditi informing her that i would be late and to finish off their dinner. I was thanking Rohan and waved a goodnight when i saw Varun's car passing by me.
I could read his eyes. It was a mix of surprise, concern and jealousy. I was frightened a bit but don't know why, i liked the jealousy part.
I waited while the security opened the gate and walked along the path. Varun was driving parallel to me . I was afraid of looking at him. I opened the door with my key and went to the empty kids room which i have been using as mine. Kids were watching tv downstairs, i turned back to close the door and saw him passing by my room. The eye contact lasted a second.
"You are promoted to a permanent designation Naina". Rohan was briefing me in his cabin. "We are happy with your work and how you have carved a name for yourself in the fashion blogs. Your article supporting the dressing of a former model at the international show in Paris was appreciated Nation wide. You will be working with the team under Madhav from now on. You will have an added responsibility of writing the page 3 stuff as well. All the best."
I felt great. It was just 8 months of me joining the company. I rang up Rhea, she shared the same enthusiasm as me and called up to her house the following Sunday.
The kids and I were going down the stairs when i saw Varun coming up. Kids were frightened of him. He was never friendly to them, as Varun's father always maintained that a father should be strict and kids should show respect and Varun being a diligent son would act the same. He was dressed as usual in formals even on a Sunday. I wore a long skirt with a full sleeved top and a stole, slight makeup and my silky hair was neatly done with just a clutch at the back.
I could see the appreciation in his eyes. The new life has made me lively. I began looking young and a lot of color and glow came back to my face.
The four of us exchanged glances. Aditi was wearing a white printed summer frock and Arjun in his shorts and a tee. I knew he wanted to know where we were heading to. But he wouldn't ask. I spoke to the kids so that it's audible to him." Come, let's go, Rhea aunty will be waiting for us". I have always wanted the four of us to spend a day, but in the last 10 years I couldn't manage.
"These are the snaps of the weekend event." The official photographer Manoj gave me an SD card. Kavya pushed her chair to my desk. "Open it, i want to see Siddharth. Oh! How handsome he looks".
To say frankly i didn't even knew who Siddharth was. This is my third week as a page 3 editor but I couldn't even fathom any of their names. I had to take Kavya's help. Those were the pictures of an engagement party of an elite family. Kavya and I started going through them.
"This is Mr. Malhotra he always looks good. Oh yes, this is his son Sameer, i love his attitude."
"This is the Verma family, always beaming for photos."
I was memorizing the names.
"Hmm, this is the boring Varun Saxena. Always in a formal blue Suit whether it's a marriage or inaugural functions or even parties."
I stared open-mouthed at the screen. Varun as usual was in a formal light blue shirt and dark black trousers. Even i never remembered seeing him in jeans, let alone shorts.
"I don't understand why he comes to functions and that too always alone. He never brings his wife or kids. May be his wife is one angel, he doesn't like public to glare."
I couldn't hear any more. I closed the screen and told Kavya to prepare a draft with all the names as i couldn't memorize them.
I felt awful hearing about Varun. Varun was 36, he is handsome, tall, has broad shoulders and maintains his physique well. It's just that he's embroiled in being a good boy to his parents he never cares to look fashionable.
****
"Hey! You know who i have clicked yesterday. This is going to be the picture of the year."
I and Kavya almost snatched the SD card and put it on my PC. I couldn't believe what i saw. Kavya was equally staring in disbelief. It was Varun. He was at the launch of a new pub and he was wearing a jeans and a V neck T shirt. He was looking uber cool, young and sexy. I almost felt like kissing the screen.
"Oh God !.He's looking damn cool. What has gotten into him". Kavya almost screamed.
"Donno" I whispered, I was unable to control my excitement.
"I think he read you criticizing his attire last month. It almost looked like you were asking him to introspect". Manoj stated as if it was a confirmed news.
He read my article! . He followed my advice !. I was on cloud nine. My inner self was jumping and clapping.
"Manoj, thanks for the pic". I almost hugged him. The two were looking at me as if i was from another planet.
I wrote my appreciation of his look and suggestions of how he can improve on my blog. I poured my heart out of how i always imagined him.
"It's almost as if you are drooling over him". Kavya gave me a what's going on kind of look after reading the draft. I reread it. Yes it was more of a love letter and less of an article. I tried not to blush.
It's just a draft.
It was a warm Sunday. Kids were playing in the pool. Sitting in the garden with my laptop, I heard sudden screams and shouts. I rushed to the pool. Varun was playing with the kids in the water. He was lifting Arjun and smashing him into the the water and Arjun was screaming with laughter. Tears rolled down my cheeks. He turned around.
I gave him a warm smile. We have been talking through my blog for the past few months. I have tried my best to convey him the difference of being a machine to a man. I could see the happiness and joy in his face. Love was never the problem. We both loved each other but his lack of respect for me was the drawback.
"Mama , you too join us", Aditi's voice broke our eye contact. I wanted to, but with in-laws around I didn't feel like jumping on him.
"No beta you play with daddy."
I wanted them to spend the time together. The kids should love their father then the respect for him will automatically grow.
I gave my hand to Arjun to help him get out of the pool. Aditi went in the house to shower. I saw Varun coming out of the pool from the corner of my eye. He was in his shorts. His muscled body and water dripping from his broad shoulders was inviting. My mind was trying to control the nerves that were buzzing. My heart almost was racing to him. He came to me and took the towel i had in my hand.
Arjun had gone after his sister. I found my cheeks turning red. I don't even remember the last time I blushed. He smiled at me and planted a small kiss on my cheek. The sudden show of affection made me giddy and i caught his hand for support. His left hand supported my waist.
"Mama, didi is not opening the door ", Arjun screamed from the balcony.
"I am coming ", i turned back to Varun, hugged him hard and ran back to the house.
It was a sleepless night. The image of water dripping from his shoulders was making me thirsty. I felt like going to his room. But something was pulling me back
****
"Naina, you have been invited for the India's most desirable and fashion icon event being conducted this weekend ", Madhav showed me the invitation card.
What?. Did i hear it right.
"Well, i have received a mail on behalf of the organizers of the event. Rohan as the head of this media house, i as the head of the fashion magazine and you as the best writer of our magazine have received the invitation."
It was a dream come true. I never thought i would sit amid the who's who of the indian elite circle. There were celebrities from all the fields....movies, sports, business.
I sat with Madhav, Rohan and three others from another media house at a table designated to us. The celebrities were given the front rows. Owing to my knowledge i could identify just a couple of Bollywood and sports persons. The introduction and formal speeches were going on.
After about an hour the announcement for the best fashion icons and the most desirable top 10 men from all the fraternities started. Starting from 10 the announcer began . I could identify the person. I wrote a blog about him . They were showing an AV of his snaps. He gave a thank you speech.
"At number two this year ,there is a surprise person we all could not ignore. He had been in the business circle for almost a decade ,but the last year, we have seen a sudden change in him and he beat all previous list contenders to take the second place. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the elegant Mr. Varun Saxena".
I choked to the juice i was having. Yes its him. An AV of Varun's snapshots began in the background. He looked like a model. I couldn't take my eyes off as Varun dressed to the tee in a simple yet exquisitely cut black suit, walked on to the stage and Shaked hands with the dignitaries. He even changed his hairstyle.
"Thank you, thank you all the jury, the members on the stage and to all the icons gathered here. I myself am surprised to having receiving this tag of the most desirable guy. I am 36 years old, with a beautiful wife and two adorable kids. "There were some silent surprised whispers. He smiled at the audience.
"I was never into this fashion lifestyle. My mantra was to get up ,work till late midnight and sleep. Life was going on until my angel tried to teach me the small things of life. The happiness in being with my family, playing with kids and living a life. I only knew to be a perfect gentleman but my wife showed me that a man has to first try to be human."
My eyes turned moist. I could hear my heartbeat seeing him getting off the stage amid the thunderous applause.
"Congratulations", i almost squeaked behind him.
"Thank ?.. "he was surprised.
"Congratulations Mr. Saxena", Rohan gave his hand.
Varun shook his hand and turned to me.
"I am Naina Agarwal, a fashion blogger", i gave my hand. He almost squeezed me. I choked, gave a slight cough.
Rohan gave an amused look, "What happened".
"I am thirsty". I could see Varun halting a second in his conversation with Madhav.
"Rohan, i am leaving, it's kids bed time".
"How will you go?, Have you booked any cab." Rohan enquired as i took a step to leave.
I turned back, " Yes, i have." I glanced at Varun looking at me from the back of Rohan, "i will wait at the exit."
A moment later from the corner of my eyes i saw Varun waving a goodbye to his friends. My happiness knew no bounds.
