Radha came from a big family into a big family. Daughter to daughter-in-law ,an overnight sea change. Her goal of appearing for the civil services exam was lost in the dream state of a new bride. New settings, new relatives, new friends the newness of young love. Life moved on like a whirlpool and abysmal expectations. Her natural ethics came to be construed as rebellion. She was taught to speak her heart but whom to speak to? Parents? When she saw the contentment of getting their daughter married into a good stable family, she kept quiet. in-laws –ooops never open your mouth, why do you even have independent thoughts? Husband- hmm as young as me in his own house, a male who wouldn’t see the female side ever, a workaholic who demanded nothing. What was to be spoken of anyway, have a ‘good’ life, travel, shop, serve everyone well , turn deaf to unspoken undercurrents– thats it.
What happened to her own standards towards her ownself. Was love enough?
Forgive yourself first before forgiving anyone else for each has a either a lesson or learning – too heavy to realise in this lifetime for her.
A physical injury to the extent of being suggested a major surgery : mental upheavals leading to behavioural stress :2 daughters – almost a social stigma of those times. Injured body dragging a disturbed soul. Until her own wishes, desires, greed and innumerable invading thoughts finally got to her. Once the mind decides to path trajectories for the body, physical actions follow.
She decided to be assertive & affirmative, what more harm could come to already sour relations. Probably only riddance, because compromise was not on her mind anymore.
Radha was the one for hard work, she stepped out without realising who would take her so many years of her so many responsibilities. Nevertheless there was grit within her.
One by one she fixed herself – Yoga became her anchor, surgery wasn’t needed. No more limping, pains were to be managed.
What was out of her hand , she removed cautiously from her mind- pleasing everyone was not a possibility.
Her daughters saw their mother as a recluse, different, moody, rebel , wild yet fun. She was an open book which only they saw.
Her work , considered noble by many became her purpose.
Her love for horses returned and the stables became her safe space.
Her meditation cushion became her break from social situations.
Her return to the leisure of reading found her relaxing again.
Stepping out she did feel guilty of not being around to serve meals or do the as expected normal routines. Yet , she did.
She found friends that were her own, travels to places that spoke to her, fitness regimes that encouraged her to overcome the injury, social groups that allowed speech without judgements , a pool of her own tribe.
I give a dam attitude transformed into humility. She experienced gratitude begets happiness.
This metamorphis was her own , it changed the way people looked at her. But now their yardstick was not her measure. Her No was not defiance, her Yes was not subservience.
Most of the time the world isn’t as we want it but we can surely make ourselves worthwhile.
She still experiences physical pain but has learnt to cry not subdue.
She still experiences daily routine problems but has learnt that time does pass.
She still experiences silent stiffness from others but has learnt to laugh.
What she has decided however to go on a vacation with herself and happily forgotten to come back.