Once, a few years ago, I found myself wandering the desert on a nameless horse. I was just traveling at a leisurely pace from dune to dune in search of enlightenment. Well, as luck would have it, my horse stepped on a Horned Viper. Of course, the snake bit nameless right on the leg. Nameless staggered around for a little bit, then succumbed to the deadly venom within half an hour. Now I was really getting worried; there I was, hundreds of miles from any town, without any transportation. I had food and water in the saddlebags, but not enough for the weeklong walk back to civilization. Feeling overwhelmed and helpless, all I could do was to let out a loud, angry yell!
Out of nowhere, the sand on a nearby dune started rising into the air. Next, I heard a deep rumble, and the sand started spinning in a tornado-type column. Then, just as soon as it started, it stopped. The 40-foot funnel of spinning sand fell to the desert floor, throwing up a large cloud of dust that quickly spread in all directions, making my eyes all but useless.
As the dust settled and my cloudy vision started to return to normal, I could make out a giant, almost human figure standing where the sand tornado had been only a few moments earlier. To say that I was in shock, would be an understatement of epic proportions. To my amazement, there stood a towering and terrifying humanoid! My mind then went back in time, to a long-forgotten memory, of a small, poorly lit classroom in the basement of my childhood church. I remembered Ms. Pittculler's twangy voice as she read a bible story to my class of 3rd graders about the giant race called the Anakims. Those Anakims once struck fear into the hearts of the ancient desert dwelling tribes. I realized that looming in front of me was a real, living Anakim! Right then, a lump grew in my throat. I knew that I was in grave danger.
It stood there towering above me, glaring at me with red fiery eyes. A strange gurgling noise could be heard coming from the creature's torso. Then, abruptly, it let out a very loud and putrid smelling burp as it reached out with one of its massive, leathery hands for me!
But I had wrestled almost a year in Jr. High, and I quickly evaded the beast's grasp! As the behemoth turned towards me again, I took it down with a single leg drag, and it stumbled face first into the scorching sand. Seeing my opportunity, I latched onto its neck and squeezed as hard as I could for dear life! The Anakim put up a fierce fight! And just as it was starting to take its last breath, a second Anakim appeared and grabbed me by the head with one giant hand! It held me high above the sandy earth, stared into my eyes and opened its gaping mouth.
I thought that was the end of me. But, instead of biting me, it spoke in some ancient language. The only thing I understood was the word chromosome. With superhuman strength, it threw me high into the air towards a distant sand dune!
As my trajectory started its downward arc towards a shivering sand dune, I saw what could only be described as a black hole appear in the side of that dune! The closer I got to the black hole, the more it seemed that my body had become elastic in some freakish way. I was becoming thinner but much longer. As my head and neck entered the black hole, I could tell that I was about as thin as a pencil and at least as long as a city bus! It was just at that moment that I lost consciousness, and everything went black.
Well, I woke up what seemed like two days later, lying beside my moonshine still that I keep hidden by my mushroom patch. Except for missing my boots, everything seemed okay. I think that one of them Anakims may have stolen my boots as a souvenir. True story.