When he came to the office for the first time, it felt like a scene from a dream, as if the universe had orchestrated a moment of pure fascination. I remember being captivated by his image. But I thought, who am I, and who is he? He would never even look at me. I saw so much pride in that image... We all have an image that we imagine in our minds, and I wished I had met someone like that. So, the picture I had imagined, I found that day. It was like a dream to me. I really liked those eyes, that story, that look. But even then, I had a relationship of my own. So, even then, I fell in love with someone else.
One day I told him about a problem in the office. I am leaving. But that day he explained all the problems to me and said,
"Don't go darling..., give me some time and I will fix everything."
Because it was the first days of his arrival. That day he talked a lot with me, we talked for a long time. So that was the first time I realized that he was thinking and looking for me more than others. But I was not interested in finding out who he was in those days. What can I say... I am just an employee but he is a manager in that office for me.
So both of us started talking continuously. He called me at the office when he felt bored even when he was just sitting around. I often asked him about himself. But instead of answering me, he always avoided it. Or he gave a useless answer. However, I always thought that. Why am I looking for him when I don't have the right to do so? So I thought about those things and forgot them.
There was one thing he said for a long time... it was about love. In his words,
love is just something that we need when we feel wanted, when we see that others are there, when we feel lonely, and when we want to talk about our problems.
Therefore, he said that he is not a person who believes in love. That's why he told me never to love him. So that's how I saw him only as a certain person who is lost in love.
So while that was going on, I slowly understood that there was something between him and me that was not a relationship but something beyond a desire. I realized that I was trying to go the wrong way. During those days, my friend told me one day... Even a flower is beautiful only when it is on the tree, so don't pluck the flower, open it to stay on the tree. Then you will always be able to see its beauty. That's when I thought that I would never love him because I simply wanted to admire his beauty all the time. I was afraid of losing it, as I was so addicted to that image.
In the office, many people started talking to me one by one. They told me different things like he likes me and we have a relationship. But at that time, my heart was so strong that I avoided those things with one smile. He didn't know about any of that. I also didn't tell him those things because even then he was working under a too much pressure. When he called me every day, he told me that,
"I will not be able to do this darling... because I am under a lot of stress because of this works." So I made up his mind as best I could.
Meanwhile, one day, someone told me that they were married or had other relationships. I didn't believe any of it until I saw or heard it myself. Despite not believing, it hurt my heart because they didn't tell me. However, I have no right to be sad because I also have my personal life. It's the same for them and it's up to them to decide whether or not to share it according to their own will. So I wanted him so much, he didn't want me that much. Because I realized before long that he is a different character. I used to always watch the way he talks to the calls he receives, the way he interacts with others. Do you know how can I say that I was sitting in front of his eyes all the time. So how can I have a world without that image....
One day I heard from him that he is married. I felt like I collapsed. But why should I be sad? I don't even have the right to that... because in front of everyone and even in front of him, I'm just a person. Of course I loved him. But he never had such a thing in his mind. I approached him knowing that.
So, one day when I didn't expect it, he left me a message and said.
"Hey darling, I am leaving the company and this is my last day..."
I couldn't put the feeling into words when my favorite person gave me such a message right in front of my eyes. Because even at that time, he has become indispensable to me. I cried That's what stopped me when I was about to leave the company... Now he is about to leave... So when I realized that these would be the last days I would see him, I felt very greedy to spend even that minute.
So even if I don't pluck that flower, I will never see that flower again. Because in mind that flower is mine but in front of everyone it belongs to someone else. Even at the last moment I couldn't tell him what was on my mind. Yes it was, it was a casual casual love...
So... love... someone who can say their rights even in front of everyone. If you can't do that, don't ever think about it...
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