A new day full of hope. "The birds are singing their own rhythm, and the rice plants from the fields and the trees are dancing to the tune of the breeze from the morning dew. The clouds are passing by where they flow in the sky, and the kites are flying so high." As life goes on in our province, we enjoy every moment that we have with our family.
A few months later...
My father has been deported back to the Philippines as he was hooked up to Gambling, which is illegal in Saudi Arabia. Instead of getting in touch with his family, he chose to go to my aunty's house in Makati, Manila, Philippines, where his mistress stayed. She is pregnant with their baby. They enjoyed each day they were together, even if he knew he had a family in the province. And his relatives knew about this.
One morning, when my mom went to the market to buy her products. She saw one of our relatives from my father's side and told her something. Dely (my mom's nickname), did you know that your husband is in the Philippines? My mom replied, No. Why? Yes, he is here in the Philippines. Our relatives told her. He has been here for 1 month long now with his mistress, and she is pregnant with their baby. He stayed in his sister's house in Makati, Manila Philippines.
My mom felt horrible, because of what she had heard. She didn't know what to say to our relatives, she was shocked. And she asked herself, is it real? But my husband is in Saudi, and the contract is 2 years, so how is that possible? As she comes home, she feels very weak because of what she hears. My grandmother asked her, what happened? What's wrong? Tell me everything, I am listening.
They sat down at our dining table in the kitchen while my grandmother was carrying me. I tried to get closer to her, but she refused. My mom started to cry and told her mother what she had heard and our relatives on my father's side. My father is in the Philippines, and he had a mistress. Even my grandmother was shocked, and disappointed for what my father did.
A few hours later, Grandfatherher came to get something and wondered what had happened. Asked them what was going on?
As my mom could not hold back her tears, she burst into tears at his father for what my father had done to her. She showed her disappointment towards my father and decided to go to Makati, Manila. My grandparents showed their sympathy towards my mom and supported her for whatever actions she was going to do to my father.
My mom packed her bag and waited for the bus to come for the afternoon trip going to Manila. While on the bus, my mom could not control her emotions and continued to cry because of her disappointment. She trusts my father that he will do his best for our family and for our future. But instead, he gave her disappointment, pain, and betrayal. I was 2 years old during that time. She felt like her world collapsed because of all the pain that my father had caused him.
When she arrived in Makati, Manila. On her way to my aunty's house, one of our relatives saw my mom coming. So, she rushed back to my aunt's house and warned my father and her mistress, Nida, that my mom was coming. So, they hid, they hid in one of my aunty's rooms, a storage room. My mom arrived at my aunt's house and asked her about my father? My aunty responded that she didn't know.
Out of dismay, my mom burst out her anger, and disappointment towards my aunty for tolerating my father's behavior. While hiding, my father and her mistress hear everything that she says, and my uncle (my aunty's husband). My uncle, and the other relatives tried to make my mom calm down. But she insisted that she was disappointed in all of them. Because they all knew that he had children in the province waiting for him, our family, and me.
Why did you do this to me and my children?Aren't we a family? While her tears fell. That my father's action wouldn't have been possible if only they hadn't tolerated him. My aunty's face and uncle felt ashamed of what my mom told them. My mom told them that I knew that they were here; you are here now, Qu(my father's nickname) and Nida(his mistress); come out, stop hiding!
I want you to know that I know everything, that you don't have to hide anymore. Just come out, and let's talk. We need to talk and stop hiding; it won't resolve anything. I won't hurt you, I just need you to answer my question, Qu!? With her voice loud, and shaking, you will feel that she is in pain but trying to be strong. My father came out, with Nida.
You will see from their faces that they are sweating because of the place they stayed to hide.
My mom said, wow, how sweet, and you still have the guts to show me you're holding her hands? But since Nida is pregnant and my mom is not a bad person. She makes them sit down because of Nida's condition. And she tried to control her emotions, at least to show that she could handle it, even if it was hard. She still shows her kindness to the people who betrayed her.
My mom drank water to ease her throat and sat down to talk to them. My mom asked my father, do you love me? My father answered her, Yes. Do you love her? And he answered her again, Yes. Wow, you love us both? Does It possible? How about our kids, Do you love them? He said yes. Nida asked for an apology from my mom, but she said that they could not be separated.
Nida told my mom if you like half, & half, like M, W, F, or T, TH, S, one day rest for my father. My mom was shocked by Nida's words and guts to decide for her. My mom looked at Nida as if she was about to eat her alive, but she contained herself because she was pregnant.
Nida said I cannot leave your husband because I am pregnant. I could not go back to our house without him; my parents were going to kill me if I didn't bring the father of my child. My mom responded it's not my problem anymore! It is your fault; you should know that he is married and has a family in the province; you should know that it is not right.
She responded, I love him that's why. How could you love someone who is already taken and has a family? How cruel are you for hurting my kids and me for both of your actions! And my father told my mom, to understand her, she is pregnant. My mom said, No! You have to choose between me, and her? And our kids. My father chose Nida over us, and my mom didn't expect that my father would choose Nida over her, our family.
My mom paused and was shocked at what my father said. And even my aunty's and uncle and other relatives there were shocked too. And my mom said, Okay! From now on, we are no longer family, you chose her over me and your kids. So be it!!! My mom walked away from my aunt's house with her stuff, and the tears from her eyes kept falling out. She sat down in one corner, and she went to her younger brother Romeo (he was working there as a dishwasher at Cafe Via Mare, Landmark).
My mother told him everything, and she decided to go back to our province immediately. She left and arrived in our province the next day. Her eyes are swelling because she cries throughout her trip going home. She can't believe the betrayal of my father to her and to us, their children.
My grandparents are so worried about our mother.
When my mom arrived, my grandparents tried their best to comfort her. Even if they know how hard it is. My grandfather is so angry about what my father did to my mom. If only he didn't rape my mom, they would never get married. Because she is the most beloved daughter of my grandparents, my mom is an obedient child, and at a young age, she worked in the rice fields, helping them with their crops. She worked at stores downtown and even worked as a helper just to help my grandparents.
My siblings, on the other hand, thought that when my mom came home. They will be able to see our father. They are so excited and cannot contain how eager they are to see our father, as they missed him so much and have longed for him for a long time. But when they find out that he is not, they are very sad, and disappointed. As if they are asking why he didn't come home to see us? Did we do something wrong? He dont like us? So many why in their head, as a kids who haven't seen their beloved father, full of dismayed in their faces. That even if my mom wants to make her children happy, she cannot do anything because that is beyond her control.
My mom just stayed inside the house and cried. Some of her close friends come to our house to visit her and cheer her up. While my grandmother is carrying me, I can see the tears in their eyes, and the sadness that surrounds us. From that very moment, the good vibes from my grandparent's house changed into sadness and darkness. When she arrived, I tried to go to her and carry me. But she refused to do so.
I felt like she was mad at me, too, and she didn't want to get closer to me. So my grandmother didn't let me get closer to her even if I cried. My mom hugged and felt sorry for my siblings, while to me, she was cold as hard ice as if I didn't belong or she didn't know me. But my grandparents didn't make me feel that way. And they tried hard to make me get closer to my mom, but she always turned her back to me.
Instead, she just went out, went to her friends house, and stayed there until evening. She cared for my Ate Anadel - Del (1st born), my kuya Armen - Nono (2nd born), and I ate Janet -Bingdako (meaning big baby - 3rd born). While, she ignored me and easily got mad at me, especially when I cried. My grandparents always make me laugh, carry me, and take good care of me. My mom hated me, because of what happened to our family, she thofriend's was all my fault.
She thinks that from the moment that she had me, their suffering started. She thinks that maybe if I didn't come into their life, my father would still be there for them. They will not be separated from each other; they are still complete. If I didn't exist, maybe they are still together. It is all my fault that she doesn't have a husband, and my siblings dokissedwaitingfather. It is all my fault why they have to go through suffering and this betrayal. I heard that she said that when she was drunk.
At a young age, I experienced being neglected by my own mother, I haven't meet my father since the day I had my memories. I didn't have much memories with ny siblings because we got separated. As a baby, I tried my best to comfort my mom, and showed her my love and care. Even if she pushes me over and over again.
My mom frequently stayed with her friends house and my siblings went to school or did their own errands. I stayed with my grandmother, and when my grandfather was home, he would surely get me and play with me on our terrace, and sleep together in the afternoon. He makes me feel loved and well taken care of, and he always protects me from anyone who tries to pinch me or giggle with me.
One day, one of my mom's friends came from Japan and told my mom that if she wanted to work in Japan, she can help her. She can give her children a good future, if she work in Japan. My mom talked to my grandparents, about it. At first, my grandfather didn't allow her because he was worried that she might get hurt again, that Japan was too far from the Philippines, and many more reasons why her father didn't like her plan.
But each day passby and whenever my grandfather looked at my mom's attitude every day, he could not restain the fact that she was hurt by the man she loved the most, that she just want to try to move on. So, my grandfather made a decision. He told my mom that if it will help her change her attitude towards life.
Okay I will let you, but make sure that you are safe and you take care of yourself. I don't want you to get hurt again. And my mom with a smile says yes po, right away.
Even if my mom is thinking that she will be far again with my siblings. She decided to do what is best, not just for her kids but for her. To be able to ,cope up with ,those pain she had with our father. She talked to my siblings about her plan and they felt sad, specially my Ate. But they don't have a choice but to let it be. A few days later my mom, pack her stuff.
But before she left, she went to my grandmother, and other relatives in my father's side in the downtown Sta. Magdalena to tell them her plan. And she entrusted us to them. She told my grandmother there that she have to do this for the sake of her children. My grandmother couldn't say anything anymore but she feel so sorry for my mom, for what my father does to her. And they promised to her that they will watch us, and take care of us the best that they could.
My mom left, and prepared everything she needs before she leave going to Manila. The next day is the day she is leaving, while wating on the bus to arrive, my mom kissed and hugged my siblings, while me she ignored me. When the bus came, they kissed and hugged again and again my siblings but to me. She just get in the bus and wave her hand to my siblings and her parents. My grandparents felt sorry for me...